Confessions of Ashlee: Part One FINISHED
SenkoTwiik:
Thanks, the pictures are usually such a pain in the butt for me to do. I usually take like 10 of the same scene and pick the best one out of each.
Katie:
that's usually what I do. may I suggest something senko? check out the cool finds for contests thread, somewhere in it they have a hack where there are no red lines while paused. :D
SenkoTwiik:
I really should get that. Sometimes the red frame is gone when I pause, and sometimes it shows up. Weirds-ville.
Chapter 8:
New Year’s Eve came, and of course Mom made a fool out of herself. She had been hanging out with friends most of the night and she got the designated driver to drop her off at 2:00am. She was drunk and acting like a stupid college kid, being loud and stumbling around.
“Ash-e, you…shood’ve came wiv me. So muck funnn! WOOOO!” She slurred.
“Mom, do you have any idea what time it is? Everyone is already asleep. Now shut it and go to bed.” I said, pointing toward her room without knowing it.
“But ashee… I wanna PARRTY!” she shouted, slumping down on the couch.
“I think you’ve done plenty of that for one night, Mom. Wonderful example you’re setting for Aubrey, by the way.” I said bitterly, helping Mom take off her old, ratty pumps that she has owned since way back when she was known as “Cinnamon”.
“Don’t dake det tonn wiv me. Gimme anoth..(hiccup) beer.” She said, trying to act tough.
“No mom, and if you don’t shut up and go to bed right now, I’m going to lock you in the basement for the night.” I said, tired of her crap.
“…I’ll be good.” She said, letting me help her to bed.
Winter break had seemed like it was a good time for Aubrey to clear her head, without a bunch of outside influence. I figured that was why she wanted to be alone so much. She really wanted to be able to make her own decision as her own person. I guess if she knew what she really wanted, instead of having someone else tell her what they wanted her to want, she wouldn’t feel guilt in the future. That’s how this came to happen.
It was the last day of break, and I was just cleaning up after dinner when she came into the kitchen.
“Ash, can we talk?” she asked. I jumped a little, she was so quiet that I didn’t even know she was there until I heard the question.
“Yeah, sure.” I said, sitting the dish I was cleaning back into the sink and turning to face her. “What’s up?”
“Well, I already told Mom, and I wanted to tell you too. I wouldn’t feel right unless I let you know.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, not sure at all what she was getting at.
“I can’t give her up.” Aubrey said quickly.
“What, the baby?” I asked, making sure we were both on the same page. I had a tendency to get lost when she spoke for a long period of time. Aubrey was far more intelligent than me.
“Yeah, my daughter. I can’t put her up for adoption. I just…can’t and I’m not going to. Yes, okay? I know that life is going to be very hard on me. I know this. And I know I may never be the perfect mom for her, but I love her more than anyone can. Mrs. Sellman doesn’t know what she’s talking about, Mom is right. She says that if I give the baby up, she will be loved and cared for better than what I can give her, but that’s wrong. Because I am her mom, and I love her to death, and I want to do this.”
“Aubrey, have you really thought this through?”
“Yes! Yes I have thought it through, every waking second for the past two weeks I have thought it through and it felt so good to be able to think by myself. But that moment on Christmas, where she kicked, I had my mind made up. I just prayed and asked for some type of sign. I know it sounds silly, me praying, but I did. And that kick was the sign I needed. It was on Christmas, and it was like she was saying, “I want you to be my mom!” She wants to be with me, and I want to be with her. I don’t think I can live my life without her.”
“This is going to be impossible for you to have a life that is anywhere close to normal.” I said, trying not to offend her. I just wanted her to know the truth that Mom didn’t tell her.
“Look at me. I already don’t have a normal life. I know that because she is mentally challenged it is going to be even harder. I know for some moms, that’s more of a reason to give her away. But it’s not for me! It makes me want to keep her more, because if I give her away, I will never know what happens to her. I’ll never know if she really will receive all the love she deserves. With me she will. Because none of it matters to me. I see her as a perfect little girl, my little girl. She’s not going to ruin my life, she’s going to give me life. She’s special, not disabled.I know I’m making the right decision.”
I just stood there. After that speech, what could I say to her? Her mind was made up and she was going to be that baby’s mama. For some reason, and I have no idea why, I saw my little sister in a new light from that time on. Oddly, I had an insane wave of respect for her. I realized something about her. She never was a normal girl, not even for a minute. When she was little, she never played with Barbie dolls like the other little girls did. She was always asking me, “Sissy, read me a story! The one where the dragon wins!”
And now, she was nothing like other middle school girls. She gave less of a crap what celebrities did than even I did. She didn’t care about new music, and she never tried to go to school in practically underwear. No, she was always wanting to learn. She wanted to be naïve and free, always in a world of make-believe with one of her books. She was always full of imagination and determination to finish anything she started. She stuffed her brain with ideas of the future and it kept her excelling in school. That’s just how she was. She’s never failed at anything in her life. She was like a realistic, 13 year old version of Lisa Simpson, book-smart but sometimes lacked common sense. This simple weakness is what got her into this situation.
After a couple weeks of school being back on track, she stopped having her weekly visits with the school counselor, and once Mom gave the okay that she didn’t need to do what they said, there was nothing the school could do. She said that Mrs. Sellman had become a negative influence in her life. I know that all the woman did was care, but that was not how Aubrey saw it. Her mind was fully made up, and she didn’t want anyone raining on her parade, which was what Mrs. Sellman was doing.
She went on to the point of doing the best she could, in the only way that she knew how, reading and experience. She took some of her Christmas money and went down to the book store to buy a couple of books that would help her along the way down her path.
-What to Expect When You’re Expecting
-What to Expect the First Year
-Surviving Teen Pregnancy
-Special Children, Challenged Parents
And she read, any time that she wasn’t at school or doing her homework, she was reading or practicing her learning with Andrew. Sometimes she would even mix both at once, and read out loud to the baby from one of her books, show him pictures and comment to him about her baby and what development she was doing this week.
And she seemed like a whole new, bright and excited girl again...
Katie:
aww~! another brill chapter~! I am so glad she is keeping the baby~! 3heart I wish her luck~!
Bookfreak:
Simply brilliant :D Cant wait for the next chapter
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