Clean Jokes

[caffeinated.joy]

CHRISTMAS CAROLS (in the Psych Ward)

 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me ...
 
5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and...Trees
 
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

 7. Borderline Personality Disorder ---Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

 8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

[Theraven]

Nice one, Joy!

9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

[Stelio Kontos]

I log onto InSim (HA, I'm logged in forever on this laptop!), and the activity is so mind-boggling, I can't handle it all.....wrong audience.

I'll try again. So, two men walk into a bar.....wait, that joke belongs on ISA, which is probably blocked by my grocery store's free Wi-Fi.

Take three.
For the pro wrestling fans: WWE's Divas and Tag Team divisions.
For the non-fans: Yesterday I had a very productive day of writing my first novel. Halfway done, should finish any day now.

*crickets*


OK, I don't have any good clean joke material. The mic's available for the next person.

[jamesabrown1]

Know why Santa has such a great garden?
 
Because he likes to ho ho ho.

[Stelio Kontos]

Know why Santa has such a great garden?
 
Because he likes to ho ho ho.

*rimshot*

Good one.

[jamesabrown1]

Ya think? Well, know how to catch a polar bear?
 
Go out on the ice and cut a circular hole, take a can of peas and put the peas all around the hole. Then, when the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
 
You may groan now.

[DaSpecial1]

Ya think? Well, know how to catch a polar bear?
 
Go out on the ice and cut a circular hole, take a can of peas and put the peas all around the hole. Then, when the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
 
You may groan now.

Oh my. 

[caffeinated.joy]

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.

The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So...what'll it be?"

The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. And I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable.

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know - one that's considerate and fun, handsome and strong and smart, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is great in bed, gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is completely faithful in thought and deed. That is what I wish for... a man just like that."

The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see the friggin' map again."

[Nonni]

 
I am going to steal this one!

Do you think cats have a sense of humor?