Red De'Vill-update JAN 6th
Rock Chick:
'You know, I think that tiny little baby saved me...lord knows she kept me up all that night...I had a note from Jess...she'd lied of course..."going to the hospital ...feel a bit unwell..see you later...big kisses for you and Elliexxx"
Yeah......well...it took me a while to realise what had really happened...Later the next day...I'd phoned the hospital after Eliie FINALLY settled....no suprise to find Jess had not checked in.....a call to her office had sent me back into harsh reality...apparently she was on a plane to St Lucia with that Johnson guy......yeah well you can imagine my reaction to that......
I just cried ...bloody h*ll I never thought the tears would stop....she'd left us....how could she...cold hearted self centred nympho physcho.........I stood by Ellie's cot and broke down into a pathetic wreck.....but Ellie needed me....if it weren't for her....well I doubt I would be here to tell the tale...know what I mean?
So yeah what choice did I have? I got on with it....Ellie looked so much like her Mum...sometimes the pain that seered through me was almost too much to bear...I tried and tried to call Jess but there was never an answer...'
'I never had to take care of a baby before but you know what? It's suprising how fast you can learn when you have no-one else to help you..I'm pretty proud of myself you know..I got the midwife to pop round and show me the basics..she was awesome actually..she couldn't believe what Jess had done either...I got a nice hamper of baby stuff from her and her colleagues to help me out...and she came round to give advice in the first couple weeks...what a star! I dunno what I would have done without her.
I wondered if mum and Dad could see Ellie...I wasn't religious particluarly , but I kind of felt they saw her..and were watching us from somewhere in the afterlife.I held my baby I wished they were there to play with her and be around her too....poor kid didn't have much of a family'
'Still we were doing pretty good...I was the total doting daddy ...I never thought back when I was in the band...that I would get so domestic man!!! haha...but I was thriving on it...it helped ease the pain of Jess leaving...whenever I started to feel unhinged I would only have to look at that little face...and my heart would just burst with love again....
'So my celibate years began ! I didn't actually notice much...I know that sounds hard to believe but it's true...Ellie gave me a purpose and kept me busy..
besides..I didn't feel like getting involved with anyone ever again...after Jess had done her best to rip out my heart and smash it into a million tiny pieces..um...anyway....
we made a good little team..Ellie and I.
First thing I did was get my agent to chase up the writing job..I quit the politics..(thank goodness) and started working from home , the dust settled and we got ourselves a pretty good routine going ;)
'Time went by quick once we'd sorted ourselves out....if anyone ever says taking care of a baby is hard..wait til you get to the toddler stage!!! crikey!!! I had a little firecracker on my hands when Ellie got mobile!
'Just before Ellie's 2nd birthday I called Jess....here's how that went...
Me --- " finally...why didn't you call me back..."
Her--- "I'm sorry Red...we just got back from Tokyo....anything up?"
Me --- "It's Ellie's birthday soon...are you gonna make an appearance this year or what?"
...Pause....
Me --- *whispered* "Jess ...she's your only daughter.........right??? come and see her for ***** sake..........
Her --- * I...I can't this time...I'll send money.....get her something nice.........*click*"
At that time I could not comprehend why she was so indifferent...
'Blimey did that kid have a pair of lungs on her.....she had to be a singer when she was older!!! part of me was proud..the other wished I had industrial strength ear defenders!!!
'So yet again we celebrated alone...but it was for the best....I can see that now...at the time I was seething inside....
'On the whole , my Ellie was a good kid....I missed the days when she was a bit younger sometimes...but only when I was busy with work and the little terror was up to her armpits in toilet water or pulling everything out of the fridge!!
But she was a sweetheart...I couldn't love her more'
'Beautiful and a little genius...I realised how lucky I was...and even though I was tired out most of the time...I was really happy....time sped by as it always does...we never got a visit from Jess though...lucky for Ellie she didn't know any different...at the back of my mind there was the growing worry of what to say when she asked about her mum....Jess sent money every birthday and Christmas..it was for Ellie...so I didn't turn it down...sometimes she would cry on the phone...I never knew how genuine those tears were...she said it would be better for Ellie if she stayed away..I guess we both agreed on that in the end..
she set up a trust fund for Ellie....Jess had quit work a long time ago...Johnson was loaded anyway...they always seemed to be jetting off somewhere new....I sent a photo of Ellie every now and then...and she called to say thank you each time...choking with sobs...maybe she did love her kid...she had a funny way of showing it though...still ...time marched on and Ellie grew '
'Ok excuse the doting Dad moment ..but did you ever see such a beautiful kid?? I couldn't believe how awesome she was at times...but you know I got to say I think I did OK *pats self on the back* She was more amazing every day..and as smart as anything !
'We continued to be a great team..she inherited a lot from Jess...but it was all the good stuff...looks and plenty of pep...she was intelligent and independent..and she fussed over her old Dad....she would look at me all thoughtful sometimes...and ask how I was...was I happy? lonely?...she would watch me play guitar and just hang out with me really...I was blessed...and I was grateful for that'
Rock Chick:
'Another birthday was looming for Ellie....that meant the usual phone call to Jess to try and persuade her to pay us a visit...Ellie had been asking questions...ones that hurt my heart to hear.....like..."why doesn't mum like me" ..yeah well....how the heck do you field that one year after year......
anyway, I braced myself for the call ...to my suprise Jess phoned me first.
Her--- "h..hi...Red....Um thanks for the photo you sent....she's looking so well *voice breaking up* I'm afraid I can't make it...."
Me ----" Yeah well no change there then......what do you want"
Her ---- " Her report card was fantastic ...wasn't it......you...you're a great dad you know....I just wanted to say that......um"
Me --- "Thanks....so what you wanna know? what her favourite colour is? what toys she likes...? you want to send me a questionnaire?"
Her ---*soflly crying* I know Red...I'm no good to anyone......I just wanted to do something good for her...um...I thought about that private school....I can pay the fees....I mean...I would like to.....if it's allright with you"
her voice was a little slurred...it wasn't the first occasion she'd sounded weird on the phone...for the previous three years it had been this way..
I just put it down to too much of the high life...life in the fast lane...I mean..it's what she craved all the time ...
Me--- "I see..well that would be great...but it's not up to me...it's Ellie's choice...why don't you call later..after she finishes school...ask her yourself...."
There was a long pause...she was obviously thinking it over...caught off guard maybe..it was the first time I'd suggested she talked to our daughter directly...
Her --- "No ..no....It's better I don't ...."
Me --- "Better for who exactly???"
Her --- " For Ellie....really.....it is...please ...just phone the head...I'll text you the number....let the school know...I've already told them to contact me regarding finances....should Ellie attend.......listen....Johnson is coming back....I...I got to go...tell her.....well..........wish her happy birthday from me...."
Me --- "Ok....and that you love her"
Her ---" Yes i do....tell her what you think is best...bye"
*click*
'I wonder if I had known what was happening with Jess at that time might have changed the course of all our lives...but Jess being Jess would never have admitted it
'When Ellie got home from school it was time to broach the subject of Jess's call to her...I thank my lucky stars I had such a sharp kid...'
Me --- "Hey kiddo...how was school today?
Ellie --- "Oh cool Dad...we had art today..I did you a picture"
Me --- "That's lovely Elles...um...listen...your mum called today...to wish you a Happy Birthday.."
Ellie--- "SHE called you?? ..oh.......she's not coming is she Dad...."
Me --- " No love,...I'm sorry.....but hey listen...you know that nice school we go past sometimes on the way to town? you know with the big old buildings and nice gardens....well your mum asked me to ask you wether you would like to go there...it would be really great for you there...the teachers are excellent.....um....sweetheart it's your choice ..."
Ellie ---- " You want me to go Dad? it's a good school I know..."
Me --- "It would be a great start for you kitten....and I would love for you to have the chance to go...but not if it makes you sad..."
Her --- "hmmm.....I would miss my friends a bit....but they can come play after school...."
She looked at me gravely...her little eyebrows raised a bit...
"Dad........I think that I will go.......because I think it would help me be a rockstar...and I think it would make you prouder...and Mum might even come and see me in my uniform......so I expect I will decide yes........but..."
'Here it comes I thought'
"But..........I need you to do something for me"
I smiled "Anything kitten"
"I want to invite my teacher here....Miss Brodie......cos I will miss her the most ...and I want her to be my friend even after I leave my old school....."
Her eyes brimmed with tears...
I hugged her tightly......."Of course sweetheart...how about tomorrow night? she can come for dinner"
Ellie wiped her eyes and beamed at me......a sneaky little grin spreading over her face....
"You know Dad..." she said making for her room , "Miss Brodie would be just right for you...you NEED a girlfriend"
I laughed...Oh lord! some old biddy in a twinset and pearls...yeah that would be about right...if I remembered rightly , Ellie's teacher was a nice old dear..rosie cheeked and pushing 60....
"Don't you think Miss Brodie is a bit old for me love...? " I called after her..
Ellie stopped and grinned back at me....
"Silly daddy you don't remember ANYTHING!!! Mrs Jenkins was old...and she retired....Miss Brodie is my NEW teacher...I told you ages ago....tsk...anyway..I'll tell her tomorrow.....she's a BABE Dad!!! Mikey Sullivan says so......he LOVES her...and she's SEEN you already...Carla Winchelsea got sent to the heads office and on the way past the staff room she heard Miss Brodie say to Mrs Kendall that you were sex on a stick...hehe anyway ...I'm gonna play in my room..."
'Uh OH! ..."Hey hang on a minute young lady...where did you hear an expression like that???...panic set in then...would I have to have THE TALK???? OMG already??? I was hoping to get her a book...
She looked at me thoughtfully and went on .."Oh it's allright Dad..I know ALL about boys and that...."
'Oh lord' I thought...'Here it comes'..."Ok then....."
Ellie Rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips
"Well basically Dad you find a boy you like and kiss him on the mouth and then hold hands with him...and then a seed goes up your sleeve and a baby comes out the bottom of your sweater....Carla told me all about it"
'My skills at supressing a giggling fit can only be put down to a fathers un-erring love for his child...her little face was so serious....
"Actually Dad I don't think Carla got it all right......but I'm gonna ask Miss Brodie about that too.....I hope you don't mind"
'Mind??? Heck no!! I didn't mind at all....I was beginning to warm to Miss Brodie'
Ellie seemed happy so why not go along with it...It was good to see her in such high spirits
and you can never have too many friends right? Lord help me I didn't have any!'
'So yeah..I didn't know why but I was really edgy the whole of that following day...Ellie just kept grinning at me after school...and rushing round helping me tidy up....
"I think I'll eat my dinner before Miss Brodie comes....can I Daddy? I will get too hungry otherwise"
She didn't even try to conceal the cheeky smirk on her face...little devil!
I grinned at her and played along....maybe Miss Brodie was passable..you can't really rely on an 8 year olds judgement when it comes to Babes now can you? could you? ....whatever happened I'd decided that if Ellie doted on her so much, this person must be a pretty good sort...and yeah, I could stand a friend right about then...It was lonely at times now Ellie was at school'
Ellie was playing outside as I was finishing off an editorial piece for the forthcoming Guitar Magazine edition...
her voice piped up..."Daddeeeeeeeeeeeeee...she's Heeeeeeere!"
'Ok all I can say is WOAH....I honestly wasn't expecting Miss Brodie to look like that...honest!
'So did I wow her with the old De'Vill Charisma??? not exactly....It had been ages since I'd been near any females my age....not really ...at least not so close...in my house....*gulp*
Me --- "bloody H*ll !!!! *turning beetroot red*
Her --- "um Hi...is it OK to visit? Ellie did say you invited me....."
Me --- *quickly* "oh god YES.....*blush blush* I mean.....of course...so good to meet you Miss Brodie"
Her --- " It's Kira ....thanks for asking me over....Ellie is a real credit to you...I'm going to miss her terribly when she starts her new school"
'well I was in full twerp mode then...."You can come here anytime to see us....er...her...everyday if you want " I blurted...Ellie giggled from the computer where was playing a game....
"please take a seat...I'll get a drink for us...."
She smiled and nodded and went to sit down on the sofa...I was a bit rusty at all this......'
'I just prayed I wouldn't make my bad first impression any worse!'
'No doubt about it..my daughter was a genius....a devious one...but a genius none the less...She leapt away from the computer and managed to get to Miss Brodie before she even got to the sofa...
"Actually...I am really tired...I think I'll go to bed...I'll probably go STRAIGHT to sleep too...*pretend yawn*...goodnight Miss Brodie...you look so PRETTY tonight....doesn't she DAD??? goodnight Dad!!....." She announced smirking widely
'Naturally at the time both me and Miss Brodie...I mean Kira...turned puce with embarrassment.....I would have cause to thank Ellie later though....but right at that point,....she was grounded!!!'
'We said goodnight to Ellie and sat sort of awquardly on the sofa....I couldn't believe how a guy like me...you know..who'd been a bit wild in his time...could have a lump in his throat the size of a small coconut and worryingly sweaty palms...*ugh*....
I could hardly look at that gorgeous angelic doe-eyed goddess of perfection sitting with me on the sofa..OK you could have driven a tram right between us...but it was a woman!! nearby.. after I don't know how many years...and I was only human you know??? *whimper* Still...after what seems a life time I was inspired...
Me -- "uh....let's eat!"
Her--- "OK"
'Yeah ...hardly earth moving stuff...but thankfully we had something to do with our hands!'
'We both had a couple glasses of wine before either of us relaxed...but when we did finally unclench...it was a wonderful evening...and I never realised how important it would be to all three of us...'
We finished up and I checked in on my little cupid...out like a light as she'd promised :)
Then Kira and I retired to the sofa again....only this time...it was a mite cosier '
*grin*
Rock Chick:
'Well yes we were getting on great...both a little tipsy....not so much breaking the ice as anihilating it!...but you know what...I knew I deserved it..I also knew this was something potentially special...what I had been longing for..and I wasn't gonna let rampant testosterone ruin it for me... it was hard work though...phew
...In what I can only decscribe as a feat of superhuman self control *wink* we had a bit of a canoodle and I got her home in a cab before things got too steamy...see I told you I was a gent...I mean you just don't woohoo the living daylights out of your kids teacher the first time you meet...generally that kind of thing is frowned on in most places!'
'Nope this time I was gonna do it right....or at least at a more steady pace...Ellie agreed to attend private school and Kira and I started seeing a lot of each other.
You know it blew me away how she was....so different from my relationship (if you could call it that) with Jess.
Kira was affectionate...the first time she cuddled me I was expecting her to then rush out on the town ..but no...she just gave affection for nothing...I had forgotten that it could be that way.
..and forgotten my heartache over Jess. It was replaced by annoyance mainly...particuarly on the eve of Ellie's first day at the new school when she'd tried to call her mum...she's been so excited...only to have a quick..."Sorry I'm busy" from Jess...I'll never forget Ellie's little face as she hung up the phone..she'd disappeared into her room...and then when her mum came up in conversation again, Ellie started referring to her as Jessica.'
'But Ellie being like her old Dad..just got on with it..and she did great from the start'
'Time whizzes by when you're having fun...actually in Strangetown time did whiz by wether you were enjoying yourself or not...funny how so many weird things were a part of life now that I never questioned...like how fast Ellie was growing...still I didn't question the good stuff...I didn't want to jinx it away'
'Kira was as sweet and loving as ever...I waited and waited for the cracks to show but they never did..she was a bit of a hippy chick on the quiet but that suited me...and Ellie...well Ellie absolutely adored Kira...and it was mutual too which made me feel so happy..'
'So I decided after one really special date to make things more permanent :)'
'We were sitting on the sofa after coming back to my place after a great meal downtown...My hands were shaking as I braced myself to ask something very important...'
Me-- "We've been going out together for a while now"
Her --- " Ages yes...*smile* it's been wonderful"
Me --- " It has.....Kira...I was wondering....'
I moved off the sofa and we stood facing each other...as I knelt down in front of her I saw her eyes glaze over as she beamed at me'
Me ---" Kira....I love you....I was wondering....would you marry me?"
I couldn't really hear her ...her voice had gone completely and tears were rolling down her flushed cheeks...but she nodded furiously !
We held each other close and kissed....and decided she would move in...I couldn't wait to tell Ellie in the morning....we went off to bed to celebrate'
'So we became a family...I was thrilled ...Ellie was ecstatic! I think Kira did well considering she'd been single before moving in..she had fretted about telling me she was pregnant...but though it wasn't planned and fairly soon after she moved in, I didn't worry...I was an old hand remember ;) Ellie had already started to call Kira Mum anyway! As we talked about the baby in the bedroom , I looked around...that decor was what Jess had arranged...her influence was still in our home...with Kira expecting , we agreed to postpone the wedding for a while and redecorate...I wanted Kir' to feel this was her home...and I gave her carte blanche when it came to colours etc...my only wish was for everything but Ellies bedroom to be totally different.... '
'I had a new look too...the thought of another baby pulling out big handfuls of my hair was the main reason...I did keep some length..couldn't quite face a short back and sides...not an old rocker like me!!! but I looked more Dad like I guess...'
'So we redid the whole place...it looked warm and cosy...and above all..totally different from before...I wanted to finally release those last remaining sad memories'
'By the time we were done...Kira's pregnancy was really moving along...'
'Yeah see totally different! But it was a really happy time ...for all of us...whilst that might seem boring ...it was much needed...'
'Besides...you ever hear that expression ..."the calm before the storm" ?? '
Rock Chick:
'Looking at how beautiful she was most people would never have suspected 'Kira had a hard time with her pregnancy...she was sick all through most of it...and she developed a worrying obsession for burnt cheesecake!
'I did try to tell her about the theory that too much cheesecake causes twins..but those cravings were too strong! Still I knew we could cope with whatever was going to happen...'
'So we just relaxed and enjoyed the peace and quiet (and cheesecake) before we had a tiny baby keeping us all busy
...and Ellie was so excited to have a baby brother or sister...she even got a baby name book from town and made lists for us!'
'Yes life was just a dream...I really felt settled you know? ...Jess didn't seem to call as much.....she even missed Ellie's last birthday before.....well before the Chaos began!
'Wow! even though I had been through it once before with Ellie, that moment when Kira went into labour was certainly memorable...she was in a lot of pain and very frightened but she coped well...breathing deeply she instructed me to call Charmaine, her friend and the mother of Ellies best friend Theresa...Charmaine came right over to be with Ellie...who was psyched about the imminent birth!'
'And I took Kira to hospital........we both had the shock of our lives!'
'We welcomed our son Rhys..................
AND our 2nd daughter Anoushka!!!
'Both of them had their Mum's beautiful big dark eyes...but Rhys had red hair like his Dad and little Noush (that's what we nicknamed her) had warm blonde hair just Like Kira........That night I left Kira and the twins at the hospital to rest and went home to my lovely girl Ellie...to tell her all about her new brother and sister!'
'Kira and the little ones stayed in hospital for a few days after the birth, the twins had been unexpected and the medical team were anxious to ensure all three of them were doing well before allowing them to come home. Still Ellie and I made the most to have some quality time together and I took full advantage of the hours Ellie was at school to rock out man!! ahaha !! ;)'
'The storm hit hard, a lot harder than I expected..I was glad we had made the most of that short idyllic time when the twins first arrived.
We noticed that Anoushka wasn't thriving very quickly, she was pale too..and so quiet. Often we would sit up with her at night..afraid to sleep in case she stopped breathing.
Thankfully Rhys was a lot stronger and seemed to be OK..but it was hard on all of us....Then one afternoon our worst fears were realised.
Ellie went to say hello to the twins as usual just after school..they were sleeping in the bedroom ..
'Ellie screamed and came bursting into the lounge where Kira and I were tidying up...
"Something's wrong!! somethings wrong with Noush!!!"
It was one of those times when things seem surreal...Kira got hold of Noush..she was very limp..I remember Kir was so strong, so much calmer than I was...we called the ambulance and Kiras friend Charmaine...thankfully she was only a couple houses away and arrived just before the ambulance to comfort a distraught Ellie...I kissed my oldest daughter and squeezed her shaking body tight...I couldn't speak...Kira and I left then with our tiny girl for the hospital.
'We watched the doctors and nurses prepare her for surgery.. Noush had congenital heart disease..they were going to perform a cardiac catheterization on her..she had lung congestion and a ventricular septal defect...a hole in the heart to you and I. I don't think either of us had ever been so terrified as the moment when she was whisked away to the operating theatre. Only time would tell.'
The operartion went Ok..it seemed like she was in there for so long..hours and hours of waiting. Both of us crying. I thought about Ellie and Rhys at home..poor Ellie not knowing what was happening..at least Charmaine was there to comfort her and care for Rhys.
When the surgery had finished we looked at our tiny girl laying in intensive care, tubes helping her to breathe..she looked so fragile..so detsined to leave us. Kira stayed and urged me to get back to our kids at home. Noah, Charmaine's husband, picked me up from the hospital. The drive home seemed to be in slow motion too... neither of use really said much, I didn't know him that well..but he seemed to know how to help best and I was grateful for that.
When we arrived back at my house, Ellie was sleeping. She'd cried herself to sleep..poor kid..Charmaine had fed and bathed Rhys.
Their elder son was at home with Teresa...so Noah drove back and Charmaine insisted on staying with us the night. She made herself up a bed in Ellie's room and after many reassurances from me, she went off to get some well earned sleep.
Poor Rhys....maybe he sensed his sister wasn't there..they say twins can do that sort of thing. I looked at our son drifting off to sleep and tried to block out the terrible visions from earlier..my fears causing heartbreaking images to flicker through my mind.....a tiny white coffin...why do our minds do that to us...I wiped the tears that surged down my face and gently picked up my son to rock him off to sleep...to feel his warmth and feel hopeful again.
to be continued ..
Sleepycat:
wow! *wants more!*
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