One Life: Episode 7 IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT (last page)
babyblue1387:
Eh...my computer's been screwin me over. Something's conflicting in my game and I have to add my downloads a little at a time to figure out what the little devil is. So I think this will have to be put on hold for the weekend. Oh..and I got seasons and it ROCKS!!!! So I might be distracted. But thanks to all 5 of you who read this!
babyblueheart:
Awww... well, good luck!! And Seasons definitely rocks!! No more "year round" sunshine!! Anyways, love the story!!!! :D
babyblue1387:
Yes, I know! It's been quite a while, but I'm back (finally) with another update. It's short, though because this is as far as I got. After this, things may look a little different because I have seasons, so there WILL be seasons!!! YAY!! I digress. Updates may be slow because I'll have to work around not having the insiminator.
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I'm ashamed of the things I had to do to make ends meet. If anyone at the group home found out, i'd be kicked out and forced to live on the street. But when the bills piled up, I had to do something. Some vile things crossed my mind and I felt like I couldn't get any lower in life.
When I finally went into labor, the only person who was there was a representative from the group home. Laying there in that hospital bed, I contemplated leaving. It would all be so easy to just run away and start all over again. I could go to a place where no one knew me, where I could get a fresh start away from all this that seemed to define me and make me another statistic.
But I don't know what made me stay the night. I guess I still wanted to punish myself for being a complete idiot and ruining my life. But I stayed and now I was a sing 17 year old mother with two kids. Who would ever take me seriously now?
Little by little, I felt myself turning into my parents. It's a vicious cycle. They neglected me, now I'm neglecting my own children, but I have no choice. Addy always likes to play, but I work, then I have school and when I get home at night, I'm just too tired to do anything. I can't be bothered...
babyblueheart:
Yay!! That was great!!! Baby is SO CUTE!!! :)
babyblue1387:
Ok. This is starting to piss me off because I can't summon people to the lot, and it's awful hard to get them to come over when you invite them. But whatever. Another mini-update... Oh. And please excuse the changing of ages for Lilith. Had to go and work some things out because stuff just wasn't adding up right. So, for your reference, Lilith is 19, Addison is 5, and Bailey (the baby) is 2.
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But I try really hard, and I know Addy really does appreciate the moments we spend together.
And she always holds me when I cry, which seems to be happeneing a lot lately. She know's I'm in pain and she feels my pain, too. How could I have ever hated her for anything? What had she done wrong? Be born? I knew I had to make it up to her somehow.
So, for her fifth birthday, I threw her a big party. Just us girls: me, Addison, and Bailey, my youngest. She adored it more than anything. Next week, she'd be going to kindergarten and she was really excited. I'd saved up forever to get her good school supplies, and she knew it. She knew I'd probably have to go without lunch for a couple days, but at least she had something.
"Momma, we can't--"
"It's ok, baby. Go ahead. Today is your day. We can worry about tomorrow...tomorrow."
She was so excited. We may be in debt, but I promised myself that my girls deserved the world. They deserved everything I didn't have. They deserved more than I ever would have, more that I was worth. I went so far as to get Addy into a school with uniforms so she wouldn't be teased about cheap clothes. And I lied on all the forms so that the teachers and students (because some teachers can't keep their mouths closed) wouldn't know that her mother was only 19.
In the end, I think I was more nervous than she was. When the bus came, she hugged me.
"Momma, everything's going to turn out fine."
I could only hope that she was right because the rent was due that day, we had no food, and we had no money at all.
When she came home that day, Addy was glowing.
"I had a wonderful time! Everyone was so nice! We played and we danced and we sang, and we learned to count!"
I tried to hold back the tears, but I couldn't. I spent the better part of the day wondering if I shouldn't put the girls up for adoption. I'd even contacted an adoption agency.
Now, listening to Addison, I couldn't believe I'd ever considered such a thing. So much emotion poured out of me. Addison and Bailey didn't know what was going on. They couldn't understand the pain I was feeling. I realized then what true love was: a mother loving her children so much that she'd give them away if it meant they'd have a chance at a better life. It didn't take long for all of us to be crying. Had i ruined their lives too?
"Don't cry, momma. Bailey and I love you."
"Love, love!"
Bailey's first words: Love. Love summed up so much of my life. What I'd felt for Dirk, what I thought he felt for me, what I wanted from my family, what I now know I felt for my daughters, the only thing I had left to give them, the only thing I had left in the world.
"All I have to give you is love." I said to them.
"That's all we need, Momma. All we need is you and love."
"Our stomachs will be empty."
"But we'll have each other."
"We will be cold."
"But we'll have each other."
"We will be dirty."
"But we'll have each other."
"We're alone."
"No we're not. We have each other."
I've never felt anything so strong in my life, not even the pain of child birt. I promised myself that I'd try. For my baby girls, I'd try to be everything they need, no matter how hard it got.
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