Broken Dreams: The Present Day - Project Abandoned (lack of interest)
Sam the T-man:
Things went downhill very quickly after that. For some reason Amy managed to take it all in her stride, while Mum and I spent more time together as we shared our grief in private – if the others couldn’t notice, they were better off not seeing us when we got upset. What I couldn’t tell her though was how much my studies were suffering. Classes became little more than an excuse to meet my friends, yet I couldn’t confide in anyone; all my friends were related in some way or another to Marco, and with Jeanette being my sister the last thing they wanted was me landing my problems onto them. And the last thing I expected was for their problems to turn up on our doorstep. But that’s exactly what happened according to Mum.
The first we knew of it was when we saw Mum sat at the breakfast table one day, some time after I turned fifteen. She often sat at the table with us so we got some time with her before she disappeared upstairs to bed, so we thought nothing of it at first. Although something about her sullen manner told me something was wrong.
She kept up the “everything’s fine” act for a while, and let us finish our food before she dropped the bombshell. They’d split up – Dad had left the night before.
“But why?” Amy asked. It was time for me to drop the act just as Mum had.
“You remember all that time ago, when I asked you if it was me or had he changed?” I checked.
“Yeah,” she replied, before pondering a little. “I’ll be honest, I really haven’t noticed much.”
“Much?”
She paused again for a while. “Well, okay he’s been a little different…” She frowned. “Maybe more than a little…”
Has she been living in denial?
“A lot more than a little,” I said, “At least to me… it’s been like a different person for a long time.” I then looked at Mum. “I’m glad you finally found it in you…”
But Mum shook her head. “It wasn’t just you,” she confessed, “It was Marco.”
“Marco?” I looked at her puzzled. “What does he have to do with this?”
“He came round last night,” she explained, “He’d finally made the break from Jeanette, and he was not only upset, but also kicking himself that he hadn’t heeded our warnings – when I say “we”, I mean, not only me and your Dad, but also his uncles…”
Remember I mentioned Erin and her large family with Manuel? Marco is part of that family, meaning his uncles are Kieran and Alex, both of whom are Jeanette’s lovers. One of them had fathered her first child; if anyone had reason to warn him away from her it was that guy. Yet he hadn’t listened, and gone with her anyway. I recalled what Karl had said about him “wanting to be sired for a reason.” Funnily enough, it was Mum who did the honours.
“We had a talk,” she continued, “The subject of our marriage came up…” At this she paused awkwardly for a moment, at which I frowned.
“Go on,” I coaxed her.
“At that point I was picking up strange feelings from him,” she told us, “He thought he loved Jeanette when all the time, I found out, it wasn’t real love at all.”
“How do you know?”
She eyed us apologetically as she struggled to answer. “Because he loves me,” she stuttered, tears welling at her eyes, “I don’t know how long this has been going on for, but it all came out last night.”
I suddenly didn’t like where this was going. But before long the bus arrived, and Amy made Mum promise to carry on when we got back. As Amy moved off and beckoned for me to follow however, I couldn’t find the will to move.
“You go,” I told her softly, “Send my apologies to the teachers, I just can’t face them today.”
Amy looked towards Mum, but she just nodded her approval.
“I’ll gladly write a note for them if I have to,” she said, “Catch you later.”
As Amy shrugged and left, I slumped into my hands. “I’m sorry Mum,” I mumbled through my hands, “if it weren’t for everything else I’d be happy for you…”
I felt her arm round my shoulder as I continued to make sense of everything.
“I know,” she said, “I’m not expecting anything from you right now; just remember I’m not trying to replace your Dad with someone else okay? Marco’s a different person, but he’s just as much a gentleman as he was. That’s what drew me to him in the first place.”
The words washed over me in a haze. It was one thing finally making the break from Dad, but another entirely when it took Marco’s affections for her to do it.
Sam the T-man:
Dark pictures alert! >_
Sam the T-man:
Same as before - some pictures are a little too dark, sorry about that >_
Sam the T-man:
“Oh yeah!!”
I don’t know what I looked like to some, but I didn’t care. It all just felt right, and after changing and checking how it all looked, I was glued to the mirror. It looked like a different person at first, but he was definitely happier than I’d been the past year. I had done the right thing, that was for sure, and I felt a renewed sense of confidence as I accustomed myself to the person staring back at me.
By the time I got called to dinner, reality hit for a spell. Mum dresses like that herself these days (that’s probably where I get it from!) so she just gazed at me with intrigue, but Amy…
“What the hell is that you’re wearing?!” she spluttered.
I merely shrugged with a smile as I sat at the table.
“Well, it’s the first time we’ve seen him smile for a long time,” Mum observed, “If he’s happy dressed like that, leave him be.”
“Thank you(!)” I replied.
Amy shrugged as she began her meal.
“It’s true though,” said Mum, her tone softened, “You have perked up lately. Maybe you can go back to school tomorrow?”
I smiled in reply. “Yeah, maybe,” I found myself agreeing.
It seemed to have that effect on Emily too. Her eyes widened when she saw me that night, but she was also smiling so it must have gone down well.
“Now that really is you!” she grinned.
I laughed in reply. “Thanks,” I said as we sat down with our drinks. I ran my finger around the rim of the glass for a spell, idly eying the black painted nail move along its path.
“Something wrong?” she asked.
I smiled. “No,” I began before eying her, “In fact Mum said just today, how I seem to be a lot happier these days.”
“And so you do,” she agreed. The smile on my lips grew wider and wider as I continued to gaze at her almost heavenly features.
“Thank you,” I said simply, feeling a wave of emotion envelope me.
She merely smiled in reply, affectionately stroking my hair.
“This is gonna sound awful, but after that brief boost with changing my image, I’m starting to sink again. Not for the same reason as before, it’s worse this time… it’s Emily. I can’t stop thinking about her, I live for the nights when we can meet, and when we do lately I’m starting to feel awkward. If I’m honest I want things to go further; she’s done so much for me, and I’m growing so fond of her now it’s painful.
Is this love? I don’t know. All I know now is, I need more now than ever to see her, but now it’s more than that; I need her touch, her warmth… and I long for her kiss. I need to see her, but at the same time I need to stay away from her to stop this feeling growing more intense than it has already… but I fear it’s already too late. I often wonder if she picks up anything; vampires can hear thoughts so I’ve had to be careful, but I’m only human, so I could have let anything slip without knowing. That’s another fear I have – if she has, what must she be thinking?”
I did go back to school for another couple of weeks, but I felt myself regressing. I had to pull myself out of bed in the morning, and my friends were noticing the bags under my eyes. I had to force myself to get through the day, again not being able to concentrate – I was too tired from my late nights and muddled over my feelings for Emily. I quit my part time job and retired to my room almost as soon as I got home, sleeping for the rest of the day to gather my strength for those now essential nights. One of those nights was to change my life forever.
Sam the T-man:
Only one dark picture this time - I've since learned to work around it ;)
*****
Still no alcohol flowed in my direction, but I didn’t need any; I was high on the atmosphere and, more importantly, her company. We chatted, we laughed, we teased each other, but somewhere along the line that playfulness between us disappeared. As we stared at each other, even looking into each other’s eyes, it became plain as day what she truly thought of what I’d tried to play down as raging teenage hormones.
The tension became unbearable as I realised there really was a chance for things to develop. She was trying to fight against it, but I had to show her that it was alright, that I wanted this to happen. My eyes lowered to her arm, and I allowed my hand to travel along her forearm until it reached her hand, which I then took hold of and began to caress. I was so happy to find her returning the touch, and we just sat there for a while as we looked back at each other. I kissed her hand, but as I glanced around I felt we really needed to be by ourselves.
“Ah, this is better,” I smiled to myself as I looked around. I figured the rear of the building was our best bet, so I’d taken us both there.
Not a soul in sight. Perfect.
Our arms slipped quickly around each other, although being so close was starting to make me nervous.
Hold on, I’ve never done this before…
“You are alright with this?” she asked.
I keenly nodded, my heart racing. “I make a good pupil,” I told her with a smile.
That seemed to be enough. She smiled back and moved closer, softly kissing my lips. My eyes closed, blocking out the world around us as finally my dream began to come true. I became grateful for being a fast learner, as things got very heavy very quickly. I grew aware of a feeling I’d never had before, and the closeness between us seemed to help, in a strange way…
When I next saw her eyes, they burned with desire. I could feel her fingers exploring my long hair, and when she spoke it was in a hushed tone.
“Do you wish to travel back with me?” she asked.
I couldn’t say yes fast enough.
Her home was comparatively small, but it was cosy. She offered me a drink, but I smiled as I declined.
“Your mind’s not on drinks,” I teased as we sat down.
She chuckled in reply. “Perhaps not,” she replied, her arm moving across my shoulder. A subtle gesture, but enough to stir our feelings again. We moved closer together, and before I knew what was happening we were locked together in a firm embrace and a passionate kiss. It didn’t end there either, in fact it was just beginning.
I would say I won’t go into further details about what happened next, as you can probably guess. Yet even during that time there was more to come, even though at the time I didn’t know it.
There were a few times when her head would dip down towards my neck, the mere sensation of her breath adding to my already intense feelings at the time. Sometimes she’d kiss my throat too, and once she did that we were approaching the end, if you get me. Only this time it felt very different, much firmer than before, and it was enough to finish it for sure.
I’d always heard that afterwards you feel a little washed out, drained maybe, and that’s certainly how I was feeling by now. Only it felt… I don’t know… weird. In fact it was like I was about to pass out, and I might well have done, I don’t remember to be honest. I remember waking up though.
How long have we been here?
I didn’t know. I wasn’t even aware I’d been out, or remember dressing or anything. The sight of her pretty face gazing down at me was enough to soothe my thoughts however. Happy memories of previous events flooded through my mind, and I beamed widely at her as I sat up.
What’s that weird feeling in my mouth?
“Hello,” she greeted.
“Hey,” I replied, running a hand along her cheek. I wanted to kiss her, but her look changed.
“You must go,” she said apologetically, “It will be daybreak soon.”
Pardon?? Surely it’s not…
“Daybreak…?” I checked, before looking at my watch.
Five forty five in the morning.
“S***!!” I gasped, suddenly in a panic, “Mum’s gonna kill me, I just know it!”
I can’t believe I’ve left it this late! She’s bound to be back by the time I get there…!
Although as I stood by the front door, I couldn’t help but look back at her. She smiled as she walked up to me, and we embraced again. My eyes closed as I savoured the moment, wishing we could just stop the clock. I didn’t want to leave.
“I have to say,” I said with a smile, “That was the most amazing night of my life.”
“For me also,” she replied before pecking my forehead. Reluctantly I left, feeling thankful that she was a lot closer to home than that bar. As I checked my watch along the way I broke into a run, faster and faster, willing the front of my house to materialise. It did sooner than I thought, although for some reason I hadn’t noticed the exertion. Was I really running or merely striding? Or had I just become super-fit lately?
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