Tara's Choice
ferrischick99:
January 29
I called the doctors yesterday and they are going to see me tomorrow at 2:15. Which means I have to skip my 6th hour class. I hate history anyway so I guess its not that big of a deal. I figure after 5th hour I will just walk out the back doors. There is only one classroom back there and I'm pretty sure no one teaches in it at all in the afternoon. I wanted to tell Mrs. Campbell about my appointment but I was too scared that she would say something about me skipping class so I figured I would just walk to the clinic. Its only a few blocks from the school and from there I could go to Corey's apartment and spend the day with him. Mom already thinks I'm staying at Katie's to study after school and that I wont be home until late. I really think she is getting suspicious of something. All we have been doing is arguing and going to bed angry with each other. Like tonight, after i write in you I'm going to bed because she is on a rampage tonight yelling at me for everything.
January 30
Well the doctor says I'm about 16 weeks pregnant and doing good other than not taking a prenatal vitamin so she gave me a big bottle of them and says they will last me the rest of my pregnancy. They taste nasty and almost make me want to throw up. The doctor also says my due date is July 12. Then they gave me some paperwork and told me to take it to the hospital right after I left there for some tests and blood work. I also got an ultrasound done. It was kinda neat to see the baby inside of me moving around. The tech told me that I should be able to feel he or she move in a few weeks. The thought of something inside of me moving around and being able to feel it seems kinda alien like to me. She said she would like to tell me the baby's sex but it was in the wrong position and she couldnt be certain if it was a boy or a girl. I got pictures of the baby printed out for me and put them in their own little paper picture frame. I put it in my purse so no one would see them. Walking to Corey's place I thought a lot to myself. I knew if I went there he would want to have more sex and the way my belly is growing he would notice that I'm pregnant. I turned around and went to Katie's instead. I didn't know how to explain it but for some reason I just didn't want to see him. I didn't want to have to tell him that I was pregnant with someone else's baby.
February 2
11:15am
Well today is the day I have to tell mom. I cant fit into any of my clothes anymore and I'm just getting so sick of hiding from everyone. I'm so stressed out that someone from school is going to call mom before I get a chance to tell her and I don't want her to find out that way so when she gets home from the store today I'm going to tell her.
3:32pm
Well my life is even more ruined than I thought it was. Mom freaked out on me and yelled at me and told me that I was a disgrace to her and to my family. She asked who the father was and when I tried to explain to her that I had no idea how I got pregnant and I had no idea who the father was. She didn't even try to listen to me all she did was accuse me of lying and called me names and then told me to get out of her house. She said she didn't want a tramp like me living under her roof and that she wasn't going to take care of my illegitimate child. The worst part of it all was I could smell alcohol on her breath. Mom used to have a drinking problem when she was with dad and it really got bad when he left. I had no idea that mom had been drinking again and I feel horrible that its my fault and that I pushed her over the edge. So now I'm waiting for Katie's dad to come pick me up so I can stay with her for a few days until I can figure something else out.
ferrischick99:
February 9
Well Ive been at Katie's for a week now and as much as I love her dad I'm starting to feel like Ive overstayed my welcome. Mr. Keller gave Katie money to take me clothes shopping. It was a lot of fun but I felt so bad that I was taking so much from them. So when we sat down to eat at the Pizza Palace for lunch I told Katie I wanted her to help me start looking for my own place to live. She freaked out and asked me how I was going to afford it and how was I going to get a job only being 15 and all of those questions like I figured she would. So I told her about money in a bank account my mom had for me to go to college with that I could use to get an apartment in town not too far from school and then I can get working papers and work at McDonalds or something like that. She didn't think it was a good idea but I begged her to help me and she caved.
February 13
I found an apartment that I was able to put down a security deposit on (with help from Mr. Keller) He also payed for my first 3 months rent so I could save up my money for things for the baby and for food. He didn't want me to leave but he understood that I needed to do it on my own. I haven't talked to Corey in 2 weeks and I wonder if he is worried about me. I think that I'm going to invite him over on Friday and tell him about everything going on. I'm nervous about it but I guess the worst thing he can say is that he doesn't want to see me anymore. I guess sine I'm not really seeing him now it wouldn't be that bad if he said he hated me. I just really hope that maybe he wants to help me out. Maybe he will forgive me for getting pregnant by someone else. Its all a bunch of maybes.
February 15
Well Corey didn't take the news as well as I thought he would. He got here and I opened the door and he just looked me up and down and said "What the H***, how did this happen?" It made me feel really bad that he acted that way. So I explained to him and he freaked out on me like my mom did. Called me names and told me he thought I was a whore and that I cheated on him that he never wanted to see me again. I guess its not that bad but now its like I have no one. I have myself alone in my own place. Katie comes over every day after school and spends time with me and every weekend she said she is going to stay with me since the neighborhood gets a bit scary with partying and things like that. So I was lucky enough she was here when Corey freaked out and she let me cry on her shoulder.
March 29
Things have been getting so hard lately. I work at McDonalds in the mall every day right after school until 10pm. I get home and do what homework I have and go straight to bed. Weekends are spent with Katie working on homework again and shopping for some baby things that I can afford. Her dad wants to help throw me a baby shower but I have no one to invite so he says he wants to buy the baby's furniture for me. I tried to tell him no but he insisted and had some beautiful stuff delivered to my place today. Me and Katie have been working for hours setting it all up. We just got done putting everything together and the baby's nursery looks so beautiful. I wanted so hard to do this on my own but its so much harder than I thought.
ferrischick99:
April 12
Well diary only 3 more months to go until my little one makes its entry into the world. I tried to call my mom last week but she never answered. Katie says she saw her at the grocery store on Saturday but she didn't look good. I'm worried about her but I'm not sure what I can do for her. I guess she still just needs time. I have to go and get medicade and WIC tomorrow. I might even try to get on food stamps because the extra money might help in the long run. I spend almost 70 bucks on food for me alone. I really didn't want to go on assistance but its better than starving. WIC also has something set up for me to have someone come to the apartment every week and talk to me. She is also coming for the first time tomorrow. I'm really kind of nervous about it.
April 13
Well the lady from WIC is very nice. She said that most teens that she sees who are pregnant and living on their own seem to be far off more worse than I am. We talked a bit about my financial situation and she told me that the state would be able to help me pay for food and maybe even help pay for rent with cash assistance. I was accepted for WIC today also and got vouchers for milk, eggs, juice and a lot of stuff that normally costs me a lot of money. The lady from WIC asked about the baby's father today too. I didn't know what to say so I told her that he denied the baby was his and I haven't seen him since. I feel bad for lying but I didn't want to tell her I didn't know who my baby's father was. If I did she might act the same way mom did and call me a tramp and other mean names.
May 7
Yesterday I had such a scare. I was at work when I started getting really bad pains like cramps. I went to the bathroom and I noticed I was bleeding so I told my manager I had to go home because I wasn't feeling well. I called Katie from work and had her dad come get me and take me to the hospital. They hooked me up to all kinds of monitors and things and did another ultrasound which showed the baby was ok and the heart was still beating but they said I had something called Marginal Placenta Previa. The doctor said that I may need to have a C section when its time to have the baby and that I need to be on complete bed rest until he or she is born. (they still could not tell the sex of the baby) Katie's dad said that he could help pay my rent until I can go back to work. He asked me to move back in with them but I said I had to take care of things on my own so he agreed to let Katie come over every day after school to give me my homework and help me around the house. I came home today and slept most of the day and I think I'm headed back to bed for the night.
May 19
Tomorrow is my birthday and I turn 16. Katie says she is going to bring over every Leonardo Di Caprio movie she could rent and we were going to stay up all night watching movies and snacking on all sorts of food that any non pregnant person would have to spend weeks working off. I was kinda hoping I would get to see my mom for my birthday but Katie says she hasn't seen her around and that the house almost looks deserted. From the sound of it moms doing really bad, I just know she is drinking too much again and that she is going to hurt herself if she keeps doing it. I was thinking of making Katie's dad drive me over there so I could talk to her but Katie said it probably wasn't a good idea and it might just make matters worse. So I let it go.
May 20
Today was the worst birthday of my life. Katie came over at noon (her dad let her skip school just for today) and brought pizza and all sorts of goodies. We sat down and watched some soap operas together and munched on pizza and chips and drank soda like there was not a worry in the world. Then there was a knock on the door. Katie got up to answer it and there was a police officer standing there. He asked if she was Tara Harper and of course she said she wasn't and I came waddling to the door. The cop looked at me and asked how old I was and I told him that today was my 16th birthday. He asked why I was living alone and I explained that my mother kicked me out when I told her I was pregnant. He said that it was wrong and illegal and I thought for sure he was going to arrest me and take me to jail and then he said the words that pierced my heart. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this miss but it seems that your mother was murdered early this morning."
purpleshoes:
Can't wait for the next chapter. :D
ferrischick99:
Ok this chapter is short but I promise the next chapter will be up in a few hours and it will make up for it.
May 23
Things have been so hard the past few days. Since I'm on bed rest and cant leave the house Katie's dad has had to do everything with my mom for me. From what it looked like my mom had gone out the a bar and met a man. They had a few drinks and she invited him back to the house. They think that it was that man who raped and killed her. They had no leads on who the man was and until the autopsy was done we could not lay my mother to rest. I have tried to find a way to get a hold of dad but no one knows where he is. Everything just seems to be a dead end no matter where I turn. They made me go to the morgue and identify her and sign some papers and things like that since I was the only child and relative that they could find. The police decided not to send me to a foster home and instead sent the paperwork to a judge to emancipate me which would make me legally and adult. The police said it could take up to 6 months to process the request and then go to court for it. In that time I am to do what I can to prove that I can live on my own and provide for myself. So despite doctors orders I'm going back to work next week. Thats the only way to prove that I can support myself and my baby. Im still going to stay home from school and then at 3pm Katie's dad will drive me to work and then at 10 pick me up and take me home. So I will still be taking it easy and I have a note saying I cant lift anything over 5lbs. So I will work and try to keep myself alive and try to prove that I can take care of myself.
May 28
Today was moms funeral. Mr. Keller set it all up for me so I didn't have to do a thing but go to it. It was a nice service but it was really hard to see mom like that. It was nice to have Katie there and her dad there. Also Corey showed up and came up to me and gave me a hug and told me how sorry he was for everything that has happened and that he wants to help me the best way he can. He said he got a job working in a garage and he would help me pay for as much as he could. He asked me to move in with him but I told him no. I said that I had to do things on my own as much as I could. I did however agree to let him pay half my rent every month since his job pays a lot more than mine does. He also asked me to allow him to come over and make me dinner Saturday night. Since I get out of work early I said yes. I have missed him and have wanted to be with him so bad but I was so scared that he hated me. Now I feel like life might go back to something normal again.
June 2
Saturday was such a nice day. Corey came over around 4 and with 2 big brown grocery bags and cooked up a storm. I cant tell you what it is he made but it had noodles and chicken and was so good. We talked about things and life. I found out he was trying to save the money for a house and was looking to get a job as an engineer. He said he wasn't seeing anyone and was hoping that maybe we could start seeing each other again. At first I was skeptical but then he kissed me and my knees buckled and my heart and stomach was all flutters. It just felt right to be kissing him. We fell asleep on the couch together just like old times.
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page