Fine Lines ~ Chapters 11- 20 Added
Joanne_8121:
The trip to the station was quite short, and I pondered what Dad and Rachel talked about after I left. It had barely been a half an hour and I was already wondering what everyone was doing. I had done so much crying in one day I knew I would hit the train and sleep. I felt really exhausted. I dragged myself out of the car and grabbed my carry on bag and put it on my back. Uncle Kevin grabbed a luggage trolley and starting loading some of our bags onto it. I was sad going, but still curious what lie ahead in a new city.
After kissing uncle Kev goodbye and boarding the train mum and I sat in the train cafeteria to have a bite to eat. We sat across from each other and ordered a hot meal since it was going to be a long ride and we hadn’t eaten. While waiting for our food, I was tempted to ask all them unanswered questions. Being daylight savings and all it still wasn’t dark outside; sure there was plenty to see but mum was gazing out, just ignoring me. I feel like such an alien to her.
Sure I knew she was upset, the red cheeks and puffy eyes were a dead give away for the last 2 weeks, but did she even realise how much it hurt me to see them so sad? I drew in a deep breath and prepared to ask her the burning question. She turned to look at me as I breathed in heavily and asked,
“Are you feeling sick?” Sick, yes? But not sick in my stomach. “Nope, I just,” I sighed again and continued, “ Can’t wait for dinner to get here I’m heaps hungry.” Why can’t I just say it? Technically it was my business. It could have been my fault for all I knew. I could never be completely honest with my mum. She had a good way of shutting people out when all they wanted to do was get in. Maybe that was the cause? I would often tell lies and never say what I always mean to say. The only way the truth comes out is if mum and I argue. Unlike my dad, I could tell him everything! It was just us now, I had to try and be honest and try to get along with her so I tried again,
“ Mum, I have to know. Was it my fault?”
“What’s your fault?” I didn’t want to repeat myself; it was like she was acting dumb. I gave her a puzzled look and she nodded her head sadly and attempted to reply. She shook her head and shrugged,
“I guess it was a long time coming.” That wasn’t an answer! I was so sick of closed responses! I was a little irritated and I didn’t want to get pushy but I still went on,
“ Long time coming, as in … it should have happened long ago? Did you stay together just for me?” Usually it’s a typical thing for parents to stay together for the kids, but maybe I was at a stage in my life where they thought I could handle it. To my surprise, mum nodded. Oh my god! All the unhappy years they spent just for me? I couldn’t help but blame myself.
Mum and I sat quietly through dinner; I had a lot on my mind. There was so much I wanted to say. I wanted to ask how long it had been like this. But I didn’t. I just sat back and ate my crappy stale sandwich and sipped the flat lemonade. While I was still eating mum got up half way through her sandwich and just left to go back to our carriage. This is how distant she was, I was never going to have what other girls had with their mothers. By the time I had finished and returned to our cab mum had her nose in her book and slowly nodding off to sleep. I pulled out my cell and sent a sms’ to Rachel before I knew it was going to be too late. I told her how much the train ride was a suck-fest and how much I missed her already. After she replied saying how much she missed me too, along with some general chat. After sending a few sms’ I flicked my cell shut when I realised mum was asleep and I decided I would go to sleep also.
I woke up and it was daylight. I heard the bell chiming from outside. What the hell? I looked at the time and it was 9:15am. God I just wish I could sleep forever. I have to stay 40 hours on this train; I wish we could have got on a plane. Mum sheepishly yawned me a good morning, and put her sunglasses on. I didn’t even reply. She handed me a breakfast bar and I leaned up against the cab lounge and started SMS’ing Rachel. I ran out of credit about 2 hours later. There was just nothing good to do. I didn’t even want to think because I would end up being sad. I decided to what I always do when I feel down, listen to classical music and vision myself playing it.
The hours zoomed on, as all I did was sleep and eat. Mum did the same though she would read a book and ignore me the whole time. The final 30 minutes I decided to look out and see as much as my new city as I could. It was a nice looking place but it was still strange to me. Getting off the train was such a relief, but only to breathe the fresh air and gag on train fumes. Mum and I wandered around the train platforms like lost dogs; we weren’t even sure where to find our nearest taxi bay.
“Things have changed a lot,” Mum huffed lugging her bags.
“Well ask for directions then,” I asked. It wasn’t long before I started whining because of all the bags I was dragging across the ground. And my circulation was getting cut off in my fingers from the bag handles. We made our way to an exit after about 10 minutes ... and finally, a taxi! We got in, and headed for our new home.
Joanne_8121:
You have got to be kidding? I thought. I stared at this building and wondered,
“Please tell me they dropped us at the wrong place,” I begged.
“Uh, no this is it,” Mum said. I stared in horror at this old, rundown lot of apartments. I guess my cushy suburban lifestyle was what I was used to. This was all rustic looking and definitely in a bad neighbourhood. I looked around and seen no green trees, barely any green grass and lots of rubbish and burnt out cars.
I dropped my bag and crossed my arms in protest,
“And how long do we have to live here?”
“ It’s all I can afford Abby, until I get a job. Don’t so be so ungrateful. If you want to live in a better place maybe you might want to help and get yourself a job too!”
As I dragged my bags across the road, the place was looking worse when I got closer. The foyer doors were all banged up and I could see the interior. The landlady was at the desk and mum was talking to her while I looked about curiously. All I could do was nit pick everything wrong with it. Yeck! It was so disgusting. Mum rattled the keys and gestured me to come with her. Great! Elevators in this hole! Put me out of my misery now and let us plummet! The elevators were taking so long, but the doors opened on floor two. Just then, the doors parted.
And a guy, a very very cute guy stepped in the elevator. I could feel my face going red as he smirked at me. Smirked, not smiled. Oh no I thought. I was a mess. I hadn’t showered in 40 hours and my hair was all over the place and the clothes I was wearing were just…. Feral. I stepped to the side and tried to hide behind my mother and keep my distance. Usually I would be strutting around in my cutest of outfits and smelling like a rose bush and be perfectly groomed. I suddenly felt like I belonged here.
10 years later the doors close. I admired him from behind; sure he was a little rugged around the edges, piercing’s included. But the spiky hair and deep brown eyes almost made my knees weak. He looked much older than me though, be he sure was a spunk!
“So you must be the new ones moving into 3A?” he said clearing his throat. His voice was deep and dreamy. He looked over his shoulder and I couldn’t help but look away because I was sure my day old make up was smudged all over the place.
“Yes, we are. I’m Carol,” Mum waited for me to reply with my introduction but it wasn’t coming. “And this is Abby.” She finished.
“I’m Justin, I’m in 3B,” he said as the elevator jolted and came to a stop. He leaned over and asked whether we needed a hand with our bags. Mum turned around and I shook my head. But I knew mum would take the help and have him follow us to our door. I deliberately dawdled and flapped all my hair over my face to avoid him looking at me. I had never been so embarrassed. Mum jingled the keys for a while unlocking all the dead locks. Justin was waiting patiently and all I could do was peek and stare at his extremely sexy figure. The way his singlet clung to his body and his jeans sat just below his hip. I could easily just drift away. But the door flew open I rushed past them and headed toward the bathroom. I didn’t even stop to look at the house; I just wanted to see how bad I looked.
Oh god no, so much for first impressions! I slumped and walked out of the bathroom.
“ So what do you think?” mum said excitedly.
“Eh, whatever” I replied. Mum was opening windows and doors looking around the house. I decided to sit on the cracked and rubbished lounge in what seemed to look like a lounge room. It was like staying in a 50 dollar a night hotel. A mostly furnished house, everything was used and old.
“Tomorrow were going shopping, I will buy some throw covers and cushions and some lace for the windows,” mum said inspecting all the rooms.
“Yeah, and don’t forget the 20 cans of air freshener,” I mumbled.
“Don’t worry Abby this place will look a million dollars in no time.” She was so optimistic; I pulled across the tattered drapes over the window that was infested with webs to find such a beautiful view. It was breath taking.
“We might live in the worst part of Perth, but we sure do have the best view,” I bellowed. Mum came up behind me and took a glance with me. She seemed happy, because she put her hands on my shoulders and assured me everything would be okay.
Joanne_8121:
Later that day, I decided I would start un-packing my bags and set up my room. Mum decided to give me the biggest of the bedrooms because mum didn’t want a balcony off her room. When looking at the bedrooms her room was probably a bit nicer than mine, but then there was no point arguing about it because the whole place was hideous. My walls were stained with god knows what, and the bedroom was laced with cobwebs and rubbish. I didn’t want to touch anything incase the land lady didn’t clean anything from the last tenants. I started pulling back the bed covers, and the sheets didn’t even look clean.
“Mum!!!” I called from my room. I could hear mum making her way down the hall slowly.
“What’s the matter,” She asked.
“I can’t sleep on this,” I demanded. Mum came to look over to examine the sheets and pillows. And replied,
“ I know I don’t have anything. I would wash them but I think we will have to go to the shop today.” Oh yes!! I had no idea what mum had in the way of money, but I assumed my parents had savings. Mum left the room and told me to put on something decent, because we were going to the mall.
I took about 30 mins in the bathroom using all the hot water because I felt so yucky and un-clean. Whilst towel drying my hair mum was going around the house wondering all the essentials we would need to make this place a bit homier. This time I dressed up really nice wearing something a little more revealing and even a little bit sexier in chance that I might past cute Justin in the hall or elevator. Mum was jingling the keys in the lounge room and I knew that was her way of saying lets go. I waited patiently for her to lock all the doors, glaring at Justin’s door hoping he would come out. But he didn’t … and I was a little disappointed. We got in the elevator and went down to the foyer phone box to call a cab. Fantastic I thought, we would be waiting here for a little while for a cab to come; maybe Justin will come by or be going out soon?
It was 2:45pm and it had been 20 minutes and no sign of him yet. I was fiddling with people’s mailboxes and leaning on the fence looking at the grimy buildings exterior. Mum was wandering around the front of the driveway with her hands on her hips getting inpatient. I was looking up at the other balconies when I seen some arms hanging over the second story balcony. Ah crap! It’s obviously not him. Just then the cab arrived and as I got in, it was Justin! He was looking out at one of the apartment blocks across the road having a cigarette. I wondered by the second story balcony was so big; it was obviously a place where people went to smoke. He didn’t notice me though as I took my time getting into the taxi.
After a short ride to town, I knew the view from out balcony was where we were. I admired it much more than our neighbourhood. Maybe we could live here when mum gets a new job? But then again having that hottie in our building almost made it worthwhile being there.
After going into a department store and buying lace for the curtains, brooms and mops and pillows and blankets, I was kinda wondering how she had all this money. Sure there was always money flying around when we were back in Adelaide. Mum would be buying luxury things all the time and I never had to ask for money either. But no job and no dad I had to know,
“How are you paying for this, without a job?” I asked.
“You don’t need to worry about that Abby, I have more than enough to keep us afloat for a long time. Plus this stuff is what we need until the stuff comes by freight.” Oh yay!
“Like all my furniture and stuff?” I asked.
“No more like the rest of our clothes and personal belongings. Dad is selling it all and keep some for his new place I suppose.” I felt tears well up in my eyes. But, but, but … I sighed and didn’t care too much. I guess all that stuff was getting a little too young for me. My room was pink and white back in Adelaide; I was going for the whole grungy and rustic look in my bedroom now. Not! The one thing that mattered to me was my piano. It was my baby. I knew I wouldn’t be seeing it again nor playing it.
Mum and I went through every department; buying half the shop I’m sure. By this time mum had broom sticks and mops poking her. I was also baring a trolley now loaded with allsorts. Mum had easily spent 300 dollars by the time we got to the checkout. She put it all on delivery and we continued on to the grocery store. Mum was doing a full shop, everything from scratch. I couldn’t help but go down the cleaning isle and grab them tins of air freshener and bleaches. I wasn’t even touching the toilet without making sure it was fully clean first.
By the time we got home it was almost dark. I was a little tired from walking around in heels at the shop. Mum got inside and decided to start cleaning things. I helped her wipe out all the cupboards before we started loading all the groceries in. As tired as were mum and I got undressed and got into some grubby clothes and stared cleaning the house from top to bottom. After scrubbing showers, benches, all surfaces and moping floors mum and I sort of collapsed on the lounge. Though so tired, we both had a satisfied look on our faces. Finally, this place seemed liveable; mum had put her special touch on it by adding curtains and making the place sparkling. Mum got up and told me that she was going to bed for the night because she was beat. I retired in my bedroom looking at the time, holy crap it’s like 12:15am! I got in my PJ’s and went to sleep.
Joanne_8121:
I went to sleep straight away, and I was completely un aware to what time it was when I woke up all started. It was dark –ish and I heard talking noises and banging from either outside or a floor down. I got a little scared and tried to say really quiet so I could hear what was happening. I tried to go back to sleep but I just couldn’t. I guess strange house, strange noises. It just wasn’t going to happen. I went into the kitchen and got a glass of water and toddled back to my room. The noises had subsided and I decided to open my balcony door. It was a reasonably warm night, so the night air wasn’t cold. There was just nothing to do so I decided to take a trip up to the roof. I thought since were the last floor I won't pass anyone on my way up. I knew when I set foot on the roof that this spot would be my special place. The view, the peace, and the space was so relaxing. All I need is a deck chair i thought. I stood over the railing and looked at all the night lights from the city below, wishing that sometime soon my house would be one of them lights.
This is the part I should have turned to go inside because I heard the elevator ding. Oh man, where to hide. Oh no! There was only one thing to hide behind.It was a big power box thing with vents on it. I ran to the side and sat down so the person couldn’t see me. Oh my god! It was Justin! I thought this guy just has to be a magnet to bad hair days! Here I am in my PJ’s with full frizz ball hair and looking all gross without my makeup. But then I noticed him peeking one side of my face out behind the power box. He would probably be embarrassed to see someone here too because he was wearing his nightclothes. I just don’t know how he did it because he managed to make them PJ pants looks so hot! I thought this could be the only chance ever that I may see him without his top on, so I decided to enjoy it. I felt all queasy inside and placed my back against the vent just feeling overwhelmed.
I waited quietly there, not making a sound hoping he would just stay by the railing. I could hear him flicking his lighter and making deep breaths in and out. I felt myself breathing hard. Almost gasping. Then I noticed he was making his way across the rail because I heard his hand sliding across it. Before I knew it he was standing with his back to me, not knowing I was there. There was nowhere for me to go I was in a dark corner and I had two other walls closing me in. I squinted and shut my eyes as I felt one of my shoes scraping on the ground. Gasping and coughing scaring him to bits, he turned around. And I saw no point hiding anymore. I stood up but still stayed in the dark so he couldn’t see me properly.
“Oh hi,” He said startled. I smiled but I honestly think he didn’t see it. “I thought I was the only one who came up here,” he finished. My mouth moved to reply but no words came. I still was admiring every line and bump on his stomach and pants line. He had no impulse to cover himself since he was half naked but I felt every need to cover myself because I knew I wasn’t looking good.
“Your not shy are ya?” he said. All the things I wanted to say just weren’t coming. But I knew if I didn’t talk he wouldn’t bother trying to talk to me again. I mumbled,
“No, not shy,”
“Just weary?” he said.
“No.” I said.
“ 3A right,” Humph! He doesn’t even remember my name. But hey you can call me anything I thought.
“Yep,” I said. Here I was cursing a few days ago about mum giving me closed answers, and here I was giving them to him. There were just no words, after all he was still a stranger, and devilishly attractive, but I just go all gah-gah around boys I think are gorgeous.
“Liking the place so far?” Err no. This place is a hole I felt like saying.
“It’s okay I suppose,” I muttered.
“But not like the place you lived, right?” It was like he was reading my inner thoughts. Better not think, I thought he might be reading my mind right now!
“ No, it’s just different.” I saw him flick his cigarette off the balcony and he said,
“Where did you move from?”
“Adelaide,” I answered.
“Ah, city of churches, cool.” He said casually. He put one of his hands on his hip and turned his heel to indicate he was leaving. I wanted to say I was leaving first but incase he wasn’t leaving I didn’t say anything. He swayed and looked around thinking what he should say next. He smiled and looked away for a moment. I knew he wanted to go, and I felt really stupid because I had nothing to say. So I decided I would tell him I was leaving. He almost looked relieved and we headed to the elevator together. I stood about a foot behind him flattened my hair with my hands.
Damn elevator! Justin pushed the button about 1 minute ago and it had not arrived. We stood side by side no sure what to say to each other. I didn’t want to be known as 3A any longer so I decided to introduce myself officially,
“I’m Abby, by the way.” Straight away I felt silly, what if he didn’t really care what my name was?
“Right,” he nodded. And I continued,
“And your Justin 3B.” He smiled and looked at me for about 5 seconds without looking away. At that second I felt like he wanted to be here, right now, this moment with me. The elevator dinged, and we both went to enter at the same time. I felt his arm against mine as we brushed sides. We both murmured at the same time until Justin gestured his hand pointing to the elevator as if to say “ladies first.” After I got in the elevator, one part of me wanted to hope that the trip was a minute long and the other half hoped it would last 15 seconds. I was in the light, and was visible but this time I just showed it. How worse than yesterday could I possibly look? He leaned on the handrail and in the light I was sure the expression showed on my face about me shyly looking away from him because he stood there so proud with his firm stomach just out there for me to look at. I could feel him looking at me when the lift stopped.
As we exited he smiled and said,
“So maybe I’ll see you next time I have a smoke-break?” He said cheekily. I decided if I wanted this guy ever think of me again or speak to me I decided to flirt with him.
“Is that an invitation?” I giggled. I stepped toward my door as he backed into his and shrugged,
“Maybe,” he said. I grinned and turned to go inside. The first thing I did when I got in was look through the peep hole to see if Justin was still standing there. Though he looked small, I could see he looked pleased with himself. I felt so uplifted, as I crossed the hall to my bedroom I felt like I was walking on air. I didn’t even try and wonder how I looked, because he seemed to like my anyway.
Suddenly, Perth didn’t seem so bad. Maybe it was because Justin made it so easy to be here. I lay on my bed and thought about him for a good 30 minutes before smiling off to sleep.
Joanne_8121:
After having such a peaceful extra sleep on top of what I had. I woke up because I heard mum up blaring her usual crappy music. She was at it again! Freakin' Cleaning!
“Good Afternoon,” she smirked. I looked at the time and it was only just after 10am, what was she on about?
“I thought we could look at schools today Abby,” she said as she pulled out phone book. Eh! I thought. It was like Tuesday and I hadn’t even thought about school yet. Being in year 12, I almost considered not even returning. Plus I constantly thought about not making friends because I was “too old.” But part of me wanted to go back because I knew they would have a music class and I would be able to play piano again. So I nodded and sat at the kitchen table with her. After looking through the phone book there was 3 local high schools that were within a 20-minute walk or drive. So it was like almost a repeat of yesterday with a series of taxi’s. God! I can’t wait til we get a car! Mum roused me up and about to get ready by making me some cereal. After eating I took a quick shower and headed downstairs with her so we could walk to the nearest school, which was about a 20 minute walk away.
This was the first time walking down our street. It was nothing like Adelaide. And I thought our apartment looked bad, these places were revolting. Mum was even cringing at the sight of some of them. This school is going to be fantastic I thought sarcastically. But our street was grey, the sky, the pavement, and the houses. The closer we got to it, the cleaner the area looked, and surprisingly green grass! From the outside the school looked not bad at all.
“This looks nice Abby, I think this will be a nice place to go. Plus it’s close to home,” she said smiling around. It was like she had already decided for me. We walked across the courtyard during recess and tons of faces just staring at us. I felt like a Martian. I knew I wouldn’t be liked. Either because people assume I’m either a snob, or too pretty to be normal or I’m just too into myself or whatever. Suddenly with all these strangers I missed Rachel and my group.
After receiving a short tour and a booklet about the school, we moved onto the next school and then onto the next that was in the city. This is where I felt comfortable. I didn’t see anyone, but it looked classy and they had an awesome music program. I sparked the idea that it would be a fantastic place to go to mum, whereas mum was still pushing toward the first school we went to. I didn’t want to have an argument about it. But I was just too used to getting my way. Maybe I’m just spoiled? I was an only child with a dad that usually gives into every demand. Tantrums were coming more common for me, even at 16. I hated change and I hated everything that was happening in my life. I was unable to make any decisions by myself. I was so close to being an adult and still had to go along with everything everyone else was doing. I was being treated like a baby. I’m 16! There were girls my age having babies for Christ’s sake.
At home an argument was inevitable. Mum was filling in enrolment forms.
“So where am I going?”
“Your going to the pines high school,” mum said.
“The pines? I want to go to Corriedale!” I demanded.
“ Well that will be bus tickets and tons of travel time,” mum explained
“Your not the one who has to do it, I do,”
“Don’t get cheeky with me young lady,” She said raising her voice.
“This is crap! Corriedale had an awesome music program mum, that’s where I want to be. I feel so lost without my music. The pines barely had a music curriculum let alone an in-tune piano.”
“Abby, you got to stop this! It’s all money for me, tickets and uniforms and expensive fees. You can’t always get what you want, you’re not the most important person!” Mum yelled. Immediately I think she regretted what she said.
“You can go to hell,” I screamed. I turned to go to my room but mum flew out her chair and cruelly slapped my face. I had never been slapped before. I was shocked to my system. I didn’t know what to say or do. I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I held my face. I felt blood rush to my cheeks, and I couldn’t tell whether it was from her hitting me or just plain anger when I retaliated,
“You’re a b*tch, I hate you!” I ran to the door and slammed it behind me.
I pushed the stair doors and ran as fast as I could down the stairs. My heart was pounding really fast and I hit the bottom floor and swung around the handle. I cried and leaned on the railing. I covered my face in my hands and everything that had been going on in the last month had brought me to this. I had nowhere to run, but that didn't stop me as I dashed out of the foyer doors.
“Abby get back here now!” I heard from above. I looked up and it was mum looking over my bedroom balcony. I stopped for a moment to look back at her and then ran down the street. It was about 2 minutes til I turned around because I didn’t have any idea where I was going. I made my way back and weaved behind the surrounding buildings. I jumped a fence and climbed up the fire escape to sit on the roof of our apartment building. There I sat there crying, reflecting on what had happened moments ago.
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