Gender Defenders: Behind The Scenes - Chapter Twelve: Change of Heart
Sam the T-man:
Chapter Four – End of the Tunnel
Predictably, the mirth doesn’t last. It’s now week three, and we have a break from tasks to spend a period much like that in the Big Brother house, although at least here there’s no evictions. I’m at that point where I’ve just about managed to control my feelings on my newly-discovered sexuality, letting the talk of girls wash over my head as I focus on a tougher feat – acting cool around Alec. The other two are definitely straight, but him I’m not so sure anymore, I don’t even know why. If he does like guys he’s in the closet… like me. He’s acting a lot more relaxed than he was, so it’s mission accomplished on that one. The next is to find out what side of the field he plays, but how the hell am I gonna do that when I couldn’t even tell him about myself? If ever I wished I was a vampire it’s now – lucky them can read minds.
There’s a lot of mixed signals being given off, which doesn’t help. It could just be me reading too deeply into his actions and mannerisms, clutching at straws when he could just be acting friendly. As the week progresses however, I find it harder and harder to keep the burning flames of passion from engulfing my entire being. There is a tension, most likely one-way, that I feel every time we’re in the same room. Whenever he lays a hand on my shoulder or arm I want to take hold of it, letting my fingers stroke his tanned skin. He’s doing that a lot lately too, and as much as I enjoy the touch it’s starting to drive me crazy.
I’m fast wishing I could talk to one of my gay relatives again, not to relieve the burden of this turning point in my life, but to ask advice. What’s the best way to find out if a man likes another man? Okay, we’re not men yet, but the problem’s the same. Asking outright is a no-no, but on the other hand he’s a lot more tactile with me lately, unless it’s just that he’s more relaxed, and thus feels more able to do so. Supposing it’s not though? Is he testing the water with me? Is that the way to go, being subtle? I know I’ve wanted to take his hand when he’s touched me, maybe I should try that – not just grabbing it of course, but letting our hands brush together, accidentally on purpose. Only one problem with that though; how without the others seeing? We haven’t got long now either, one more week and it’ll all be over. I’m trying not to think about that too much, as every time I do sadness pangs at my heart. This is the only chance I’ll have to find out about him, I can’t afford to waste any more time.
Tap tap tap.
Looking up, I rise and tuck away my diary, hoping it’s not any of the staff. As I open the door however, suddenly my pulse races.
“Hi,” Alec smiles.
“Hi,” I smile back, hoping my mounting anxiety doesn’t show through too much as I invite him in. “What’s up?”
“Just wondering how you’re doing,” he replies, “You’ve been tucked away in here most of the day.”
“Oh,” I remark, sitting down on the sofa, “Well, been doing a lot of writing lately.”
As he sits down next to me, it’s all I can do to keep my breathing steady.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“Yeah, why?” I reply innocently.
“You seem nervous,” he observes, “Is everything alright?”
“Yeah,” I lie, “I’m fine, thanks.”
“You don’t look that way,” he says, laying a hand on my shoulder.
No, it’s not my feelings deceiving me, I’m sure – he really is stroking my shoulder. Act now Leo, do it now.
My hand raises to shoulder level, lightly brushing his hand with my finger. I then lose control of my breathing, sharply exhaling as I feel his fingers grip mine.
“I thought that might be it somehow,” he muses, his tone now barely above a whisper, “I’ve been picking up all sorts of crazy stuff from you lately, didn’t want to think it might be this…”
“W-why?” I ask, beginning to trip over my words, as my heart pounds against my chest to the point where I hope he can’t hear it. Can this really be true…?
“Because I’m never that lucky,” he smiles, releasing the grip on my hand to slide his along my shoulders.
“Y-you’re gay too?”
“Have been since I was your age,” he replies, “Just too scared to mention it around here, didn’t know how they’d take it.”
Tears sting my eyes at the words echoing my own feelings. I just barely dare to ask this new question that’s starting to nag at me.
“How long have you been interested?”
“About a week or so,” he confesses, before giving a weak chuckle, “Not that long, but enough to drive me nuts.”
My head lowers, mainly in an attempt to hide the tears trickling down my cheeks. All this time I’d been agonising over him, the poor guy was going through exactly the same with me… He’s not as outgoing as I usually am either, but look at me now…
“You too huh?” I admit, clutching at his free hand as it rests on mine.
“What about you?” he asks, before turning round to face me, freeing his other hand to lift up my chin before drying my cheek. “Is that why you were crying last week?”
At first I nod, before managing to back it up with words.
“That, and I’d only just found out I like guys,” I add, “It was all too much to take.”
He gives a little sigh before speaking again. “Come here,” he offers, pulling me into a now welcome embrace.
This time feels much different. This time as I bury my head in his shoulder, I fan the flames now burning again inside as I clutch him tightly, sharing with him my own heat and basking in his. My eyelids clench tightly together as I enjoy the sensation of his fingers combing through my hair, his face brushing against mine, before I feel it; that wonderful feeling of his lips pressing softly against my cheek. My head rises as a wide smile takes hold of my mouth, turning towards him in anticipation. He smiles too, brushing a hand along my cheek and pulling my face closer to his. My eyes close as a new taste registers, that of his mouth as it places a tender kiss on my lips.
The fire becomes an inferno, coursing through my body and felt from his too as he kisses my lips again, this time stronger, and for a moment at quicker intervals, until I realise this is what passionate kissing is, when I feel his lips begin to stroke mine. I pick it up soon enough, and our mouths become locked together as we continue to cling to each other.
Now I know why couples make those little moans when they kiss, as I find myself doing that without even realising. My breathing’s become shallow too, as though I was out running, and I’m even starting to sweat as the heat of passion continues to burn. I find myself becoming very uncomfortable, shifting in my seat as we embrace. He takes my hand and moves it gently somewhere else, holding it firm against his body as he releases his grip, and for a moment I’m unsure where he’s put it. That is, before I feel his hand against me, right where I was feeling awkward before. My grip tightens, as does his, before his lips move away from mine to kiss my cheek and neck. I give another soft little moan as my other hand raises to his head, running my fingers through his hair, silently urging him onward. Just as he seems about to do so however, he stops, cursing under his breath as he looks anxiously about himself, swiftly pulling his hand away.
“What’s up?” I ask, frowning.
“We shouldn’t be doing this,” he tells me, eyeing me apologetically.
“Why not?”
“You’re fourteen,” he says meekly. I’m about to answer with ‘so what?’, but he seems to sense this as he raises a hushing finger. “There’s also cameras,” he reminds me, gesturing about the room.
“Oh s***!” I utter, looking around myself with a reddening complexion. “How could I forget?”
“It’s easy to,” he smiles in reply, affectionately stroking my knee.
Staring in a broad general direction, I next address whoever operates the hidden apparatus. “You didn’t see this, okay?” I tell them, “Don’t even think about airing it!”
“Come on,” he chuckles, and we both rise to our feet. Slowly we start to cool down, but make the most of the time we still have to ourselves before we show our faces to the others.
“I can’t tell you how happy I am right now,” I tell him fondly, caressing his hands before he hooks them round my waist.
“Same here,” he says, pulling me closer as my arms encircle him, and we share another kiss.
Thud thud thud.
“Oh for…” I grumble to myself, and as Alec answers the knocking, I take a brief moment to make sure I’m not flying low before the door opens.
“Hey,” he greets the cute Asian-American staring back at us.
“Damn, what’ve you guys been doing in there?” he teases, “You’ve been ages!”
“Just talking,” I shrug casually as I join them.
“Yeah, we were writing some songs together,” Alec hurriedly chips in.
“Oh, okay,” Kii accepts, to my relief. “Well, this just came in,” he finishes, waving a now familiar looking envelope.
“Wondered when that’d start again!” I muse as we all leave, and join Zamir in one of the seating areas.
“Buenas noches!” he greets with a cheeky smile.
“Don’t you start!” I chide, while Kii opens the envelope and starts to read out the note.
Hi guys! I know what some of you may be thinking, but none of your antics have been shown yet, you may be happy to know. There’ll be a premiere to attend before that happens, and your final task is to choose an award to present to a deserving star of your choice. This is celebrity-only, so no inviting family I’m afraid. You may need to do some shopping to make sure you look the part – it’s all expenses paid, so go crazy! Within reason of course.
“A premiere?” Alec echoes.
“Like the movies?” Kii adds, his eyes lighting up.
“Qué?” Zamir checks. I wind up translating in Italian, and his eyes sparkle as he speaks again. “Hey, that mean a party?”
“I thought you’d say something like that!” I tease, but Kii is getting just as excited. The two look to each other as they continue to work themselves up.
“Party!!” they cry in unison, but it’s down to Alec to calm them down.
“Whoa, cool it guys!” he tells them, “Not that kind of party!”
The two settle enough for him to speak again.
“Kii, you’re from the States, you know the movie premieres they have in Hollywood?”
“I do know what a premiere is!” he grins, rubbing his hands together in glee. “Always wanted to dress up for one of those!”
“Ey, maybe we get more girl wearing suit?” Zamir grins mischievously.
Alec and I roll our eyes at each other, before something clicks. My face drops through the floor as my hearing registers the use of probably my least favourite word in existence.
“Suit?” I repeat slowly, “We’ve got to wear suits??”
“Ah, you’ll love it!” Kii grins, but I shake my head in disagreement.
“Hey, suit to me is a dirty word,” I growl, “Damn it!”
“Aw, come on,” Alec teases, “You’ll look great once you’re wearing it.”
I shrug indignantly, before it’s his turn to lose the smile from his face. “Oh God,” he mutters, looking similar to how I did earlier.
“What?” I ask, a little concerned.
“We’ve got to present an award?!” he exclaims, “In front of everyone??”
An affectionate smile spreads across my face as I turn to him. “You’ll be fine, really,” I soothe as I lay my hands on his shoulders, but frown as I notice him already beginning to tremble. If he’s like this now, I dread to think how he’ll be on the actual night.
adalita:
Ahh how cute! My boy is in love! Pity he is 14 hey!
Sam the T-man:
That never stopped Leo's Dad ;) Apart from the fact he's (still) 15 instead of 14, but what's a year... ;)
Here's some trivia for you: Your boy and mine have three bolts for each other :D
erica_jean698:
Awww, I absolutely love it! :love8: So very sweet and such wonderful pictures. Three bolts, lovely! :D The conversation seems so natural. I'm no good at conversations, you might have noticed as I rarely use them in my stories.
Also you have a great use of colour. Even when I mess about in photoshop I can't quite get the pictures to look that good.
:lol: Enough kissing up. Very nice, keep it coming. :D
Sam the T-man:
That was quick! :lol: But really, thank you so much! :D So good to know I seem to have got it right these days; when I first started out my pictures sucked, and my narrative was weaker. I still don't always get it right though of course, and there'll always be room for improvement, but to see comments like that really encourages me to keep at this writing game, it definitely seems to be a strength of mine :) (I used to/still do sometimes suffer from insecurity, so I need to tell myself things like this ;)) Definitely casts light on what is usually a bleak period for me (my mood drops in winter >_
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