As the World Turns.
LadyAzmodan:
I am not native english speaking either, and i know my grammar is iffy at best. It 'is' a bit much to use a beta reader for a sims story, i just have spell control on and hope people can make sense of what i'm saying. But i agree on some of what Charamei is saying. You could use more adjectives, plus we really want to know what they are feeling and thinking. Are they nervous? are they sad? are they thrilled? You don't have to write it out, but yes adjectives does take you a long way, so we can read from the dialogue what their mood is.
Apart from that! Your pictures WAS better this time. I hope GIMP works out for you, again you're always welcome to ask, either here or at my sims2 journal. I think your story has potentials, and that is why i'm punking you to do your best. you could have all the prettiest pictures, or all the flowery words in the world, and it would suck if you dont have a plot. You have a plot, which is the most essential.
And Poor Raine, i hope its nothing really terrible that happened since he was kicked out.
xxkatieGorexx:
Actually English is my first language haha.
but the thing that happened with this chapter,not to make excuses because I know i can make it better lol, but I just found out I have carpal tunnel in my wrist so my hand basically gave out mid way through. It stinks.
I will try better to fix the story and add more adjectives. I really appreciate the advice. It helps me work harder to make my story more appealing.
Thanks guys.
LadyAzmodan:
*dies laughing*
Does that mean i can beat you over the head? j/k - It took me AGES to get the slang stuff down, and i still haven't. If you want some help or get stuck you can always PM me. :) I don't know if you're used to writing fiction, but i am.
Charamei:
Quote from: xxkatieGorexx;1249916
Actually English is my first language haha.
Yay, I can go grammar Nazi on you! :P
...but I won't. Yet.
Quote
but the thing that happened with this chapter,not to make excuses because I know i can make it better lol, but I just found out I have carpal tunnel in my wrist so my hand basically gave out mid way through. It stinks.
Ugh, my condolences. I suffer form RSI myself; it makes typing for any length of time practically impossible.
xxkatieGorexx:
Please go grammar nazi on me. I need it. I speak english but I suck at all the grammar stuff hehe.
and i re-did chapter 2 if you would like to reread it.
Its not much better but it's a start lol.
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