I had to part the chapter into two parts, since I had over 20 pictures altogether. Long chapter... But I hope you like it 
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Chapter 7: Needle phobia
Part 1
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"NO NEEDLE, NO NEEDLE, NO NEEDLE!" Aidan screamed, and threw his hands around my neck for protection against the big, scary and dangerous doctors standing around him, making sure to hide his hands deep into my hair.
"Sorry. He's been like this for a few months now," I said to the waiting anesthesiologist who was about to stick the IV in Aidan's hand. Aidan sniffled, and hugged me even tighter, watching the man like he was some kind of dangerous monster with sharp teeth. In Aidan's eyes, he was.
"Don't worry, I'm used to this," the anesthesiologist said.
"Aidan?" I asked the little boy in my arms.
He was just a little over two years now, and was in for his fourth heart surgery. Poor little guy. He'd already spent almost a third of his life at the hospital, and had started hating everything about it. Especially anything including needles.
"You know you've had ouches in your chest?" I said to him. We'd had this conversation several times before, but safe at home was something else than just outside the OR.
Aidan looked up at me, tears making his eyes red.
"Bad ouches! Me go owie," Aidan sniffled, and buried his head in my hair again.
"Yes, bad bad ouches! But you know what? If you let Celina carry you into the big room behind that door there, she will make you go asleep, and when you wake up, the ouches will be gone."
Aidan stared at me with his big blue eyes. "Wow! No ouches?"
"No more ouches."
I hoped I was right this time.
Aidan looked over at Celina. He was terrified of most of the other doctors, but knew Celina was my friend and that I trusted her, so he usually trusted her too. Actually, she was pretty much the only doctor he trusted at the time (and that says a lot!).
"Will you go with her, then?" I asked.
"Mommy come too?" he said, with his irresistible puppy-eyes. I almost said yes.
"Mommy can't come. Not right now. But I promise I'll be there when you wake up."
"Big promise?"
"Big promise," I said, and hugged him again.
After this, he skeptically held out his hands toward Celina, who took the little boy carefully from me. He clung to her about as hard as he'd clung to me, sending terrified glances over at the anesthesiologist.
"Is it OK if you do the IV after he's asleep?" I asked. Aidan usually accepted the IVs once they were in. Putting them in was the main problem.
"Of course," Celina said. "There's no reason to scare him any further."
Aidan waved his hand to me, and I waved back - until they disappeared through the door. I could feel the tears pressing on. I hated to leave my son in the hands of surgeons. I knew there was always that tiny little chance this was the last time I saw my little boy alive. All of us had made sure to give him lots of extra hugs the day before, and Lily had refused to sleep anywhere else than in Aidan's crib, even if the two of them together in one crib was pretty tight. None of them seemed to mind, though.
Celina was the best heart surgeon in the entire hospital, and I trusted her more than anyone else. But I still felt sick deep, deep inside me. Even a great surgeon could lose someone on the table, and I did not want that someone to be my son.
I went down to the NICU. When I reached the door, the tears didn't want to stay back any longer, and I slumped down in a corner, crying.
After spending a year at home with Aidan and Lily, I'd gone back to work. It was a workday today, but my boss had said I could take the day off because of Aidan. I didn't want to. Working took my thoughts away from my little boy lying on a surgery table, having his chest cut open.
But right now I needed to get everything out. Every bad feeling. Every dark thought.
"You OK, Jenna?" Molly asked when she spotted me sitting there.
"Not really," I answered, and looked up at her.
Molly crouched down next to me. "You can take the day off if you want. No one can blame you for that."
"I know. I just need something else to concentrate on. If I take the day off, I'll just sit the entire day in a chair, crying. I need to direct my thoughts elsewhere."
Molly put her arm around my shoulders, and we sat there in silence for a few minutes. Molly was a bit younger than me, and I'd been her mentor for a small part of her nursing studies while she'd done additional pediatric courses. Her calm and positive nature made her a perfect fit for the NICU, and she always made everyone around her feel good, including the babies and parents. When we went on to become colleagues, she quickly became one of my best friends.
When I finally managed to collect my head and dry my tears, Molly helped me up.
We walked in silence into the NICU, and after I had dried away the final tear, I promised myself to be strong for Aidan the rest of the day.
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(the rest of the chapter will come soon )
