Session Lilith Continued... Lilith? Did you confront Dustin at some point for doing this to you? "Yes, but not right away. I stayed in bed for two whole days I slept on and off but fragmented sleep because I kept dreaming of the rape. I would see myself in my dreams drunk unsteady on my feet and Dustin hovering over me and doing obscene things to me that I wouldn't respond to or try to fight.
On the third morning, I got angry. I decided why should I hide myself? I had done nothing wrong. Dustin was the criminal here. So when I went downstairs to get some breakfast. I felt incredibly weak from not eating for so long."
"Lillith! Oh honey! Are you feeling any better? Oh honey you look terrible!"
"Thanks Mom... ( I knew I looked bad...three days of crying and laying in bed had I'm sure taken it's toll on my appearance.) I'm hungry is there anything to eat?"
"Yes of course I serve you some right now. Honey let me feel you do you still have a fever? I think we should take you to the clinic you look terrible."
"Mom...honestly I feel better don't worry just give me something to eat."
At that point Dad jumped in and was scrutinizing me. "Lilith you need to be checked what if you have mono?
Tell us did you eat anything strange? Or get bitten by a bug or something? It could be lyme's disease or anything! We should go right now to the clinic."
I didn't want to the clinic so I promised Dad that as soon as we went back home which would be tommorow I would see our family doctor. "Honestly Mom, Dad I feel a lot better I just need to eat something." That finally convinced Dad and Mom somewhat and Mom went off to fetch me some food.
Angela and Dustin were sitting over in the livingroom area. I had purposedly not looked over there but I had to put my hateful eyes on Dustin at some point and now was as good as anytime.
He was sitting close to Angela with his hands behind his head. He looked totally confident and comfortable. That picture of him made my blood boil. He wasn't even nervous about anything he was in control of his body language and wasn't worried about anything I could do.
"Gosh Lilith! You look like death warmed over! Do you want me and Dustin to pick you up anything from the pharmacy?" Angela's face registered just how bad I looked she did really look worried.
Dustin quickly added "Yes we can do that just tell us what you need."
I imagined myself racing up to his face and spitting and screaming "YES.....DUSTIN CAN YOU PLEASE GET ME A BAT SO I CAN BASH IN YOUR FACE WITH IT? THAT WOULD BE JUST FINE MAKE IT A STEEL ONE PLEASE I DON'T MIND RECOIL"
I thought I saw Dustin wink at me while he was speaking. He seemed to wink and open his legs wide in some obcene gesture mean't to challenge me somehow.
But since I was so angry at that moment I wasn't sure it wasn't my imagination. If he could be cool as a cucumber so could I. I would not allow him to see me fall apart.
So, I smiled sweetly at Angela and said No thank you to her offer. Mom finally brought me a sandwich which I devoured and Angela and Dustin left for awhile and Dustin being out of the house immediately made me feel better.
Mom invited me for a swim she said the ocean was good after being sick that it would help me heal.
She was right. I swam for about two hours mostly just feeling the water over my head the salty brine healing my sore muscles and spirit. After my swim I showered I took special care in my appearance.
I dressed and put on heavy makeup. The ancient egyptians would wear eye makeup to ward off evil. Other cultures such as native americans would apply paints to their face to do battle. I followed their wisdom and when I was done I felt my painted face was the face of a warrior ready to do battle.
When I exited the bathroom Angela went in for her bath. I knew Angela would take forever she always does. She had in her arms a basket with her loofah, bath salts, candles, incense...she would be awhile.
Mom and Dad were outside grilling some ribs. Dustin was alone. He couldn't hide behind Angela's skirt so I took my opportunity to confront him.
I walked up to him and he tried to walk away. "I'm going to get some cigarettes I'll be back." His eyes looked worried. That made me happy. He wasn't so cool after all.
"No Dustin. First tell me why you drugged and raped me. Then you can go and get your cigarettes."
He looked taken back for a moment. Like maybe he had not prepared to be confronted tonight. I think he honestly thought I would never bring it up and just hide from him.
Then he recovered his composure. and started laughing at me.
"Rape you? I didn't rape you Lilith. It's only rape when the girl says no and you never said no. What happened between is us is regretable cause I am not interested in you at all.
You are nothing like your sister. She is a class act. She is beautiful, intelligent and has a future.
You on the other hand are a loser. The only reason we had sex is because I was drunk and I felt sorry for you. You are pathetic."
I could feel my blood boiling at every humiliating word that came out of his degenerate mouth. "You drugged me you bastard! What did you put in that punch? I couldn't move or fight you. You are a dispicable rapist. What did you put in the punch Dustin?"
"I just put liquor in the punch Lilith! Look I'm sorry it happened. But if you think telling this lie about me forcing you is going to make me feel guilty you're wrong.
That night you and I had drunken pig sex! That's all it was for me anyway."
"You bastard! I should tell Angela. I know you drugged her too so she would be asleep while you attacked me."
"Lilith? you know your problem? You feel guilty because of what we did and somehow telling this fairytale is going to excuse you from betraying your sister.
If you want to tell Angela go ahead tell her. I tell her we were drunk and you took off your top and sat on my lap. I beg her to forgive me and she will but I don't think she will forgive you."
"Dustin I want you to stay away from me. If you ever come near me again I will kill you. Believe that. Stay away from our house I don't ever want to see you there. Because if I see your face in my home I will tell everyone what you did to me.
Do hear me rapist? You will stay out of my sight!
That was my confrontation with Dustin. It was literally the last time I spoke with him or have seen him. He has stayed away from the house. Angela spends the night at his mother's trailer sometimes. You know Doctor? Dustin is a cop now. He finished his academy. Everytime I see a patrol car I think it might be him. It sickens me.
to be continued...
