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Title: Fight for it-Chapter 9 posted Post by: Devomuffins on March 27, 2008, 07:24:55 pm This is my first sim-story I hope you like the first entry! Comments and critique are greatly appreciated.
--------------------------------------------------------- (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_b4f815a1.jpg) (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_b4f816de.jpg) "Oh! Mrs. Smith! You can go right in." "Thank you." (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_74f81757.jpg) Charlie walked over to Her when she entered, "She's just resting, you can talk to her." he whispered. "thank you." she said again. She was tired of sitting in waiting rooms and talking to hospital staff, the staff were polite and sympathetic but she just wanted to see her daughter. (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_74f817f1.jpg) Rachel stirred and sat up. "Rach?" you awake honey?" "Mommy!" "Hi sweetie." "I missed you today. We did crafts and I made you a macaroni necklace, but it isn't dry yet." (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_b4f8186a.jpg) "Thats okay Hon i'll look at it later." "I did more reading too. I can read you a story." "That would be great." (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_34f8189c.jpg) "Once upon a time there was a princess......... .............And they all lived happily ever after. The end." (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_54f81908.jpg) Rachel smiled, but her hands would not stop shaking as she closed the book. (more entries to come) Title: Fight for it-Chapter 9 posted Post by: Theraven on March 27, 2008, 07:50:07 pm looks promising
Title: Fight for it-Chapter 9 posted Post by: Devomuffins on March 27, 2008, 07:54:13 pm thanks! I loved Anna's Diaries, I cry every time I read the end.
Title: Fight for it-Chapter 9 posted Post by: Misskitz on March 27, 2008, 07:55:44 pm Nice job! Can't wait for more!
Title: Fight for it-Chapter 9 posted Post by: Theraven on March 27, 2008, 07:59:25 pm well, it's always more touching when the story is about a child - or about a family. I know a few tricks that makes stories interesting, so I tend to use them a lot :D
You know, if the story makes people cry, laugh, get provoked, or show feelings in other ways, or if it's just that they can't put the story down because it's so exciting - then you know you've done a good job :) Title: Fight for it Post by: Devomuffins on March 27, 2008, 08:42:05 pm (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_b4f81630.jpg)
Rachel's mother left several hours later, and Rachel tried to sleep. She tossed and turned screwing her eyes shut. It was no use. She climbed out of bed and wandered down the hall. (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_34f83972.jpg) (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_94f839c2.jpg) Title: Update Post by: Devomuffins on March 28, 2008, 03:18:14 pm (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_34f909cc.jpg)
Rachel wandered down the hall. She stopped when a pain seared suddenly across her forehead. (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_74f909f3.jpg) "what on earth are you doing out of bed?" Rachel was startled by the docter's voice. "come on, i'll take you back to your room." (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_94f90b9a.jpg) "But I don't want to go back! It's so boring!" (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_94f90b67.jpg) "Hmmm. I have some free time right now, why don't i show you around?" "Sure!" (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_74f90bf0.jpg) (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_14f90d79.jpg) "This is my office." (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_74f90da7.jpg) "In this room they hold classes for new docters." (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_b4f90dee.jpg) "this is the waiting room." (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_74f90e18.jpg) "And this, is a playroom for sick children." "Wow. Look at all the toys!" (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_34f90f1d.jpg) "This bear is so cuddly. I wish i had a bear like him." "You can have him, there are six more in the gift shop. Now lets get you back to your room." (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_d4f93fca.jpg) "Edward, sometimes you're the only one that really listens." Title: Fight for it-Chapter 9 posted Post by: Misskitz on March 28, 2008, 04:02:08 pm How cute! I love that last pic, and I cant wait for more updates!
Title: Fight for it-Chapter 9 posted Post by: OwlM on March 28, 2008, 04:19:25 pm i like it i wish there was more details but i think thre are more to come i hope
Title: Fight for it-Chapter 9 posted Post by: Stelio Kontos on March 28, 2008, 06:17:27 pm I like this story, I'll admit it.
Although a bit more description wouldn't hurt much. Then again, that's just me and my writing style. Title: Fight for it-Chapter 9 posted Post by: Devomuffins on March 28, 2008, 07:17:06 pm I wrote this one fast, the next will be much more descritive.
Title: Chapter 4, A twist and a fall Post by: Devomuffins on March 28, 2008, 08:09:57 pm Things began to look up for Rachel. She was overcoming her cancer, and the docters had started talking about the possibility of her going home for a while. She had also begun to speak to the other children in the ward, and soon found they could relate on many things.
(http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_b4f963bd.jpg) Rachel and Nikki became good friends and cheered each other up when treament was at it's worst. But unfortunetly the joyful moments were just calm before a storm. Rachel walked over to her bed, tired and frustrated by a shooting pain in the back of her neck. She sat on her bed and told herself it would fade before lunch. (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_54f96662.jpg) The pain, instead of fading was still there after lunch and had worsened to the point where she clutched her neck and began to cry. (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_14f96687.jpg) Nikki rushed over to help her. "Are you alright?" She sounded very worried. "I'm fine." Rachel lied. She wanted so much to go home and was not about to let anything get in the way. (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_14f966d2.jpg) Nikki did not look convinced. "Maybe you should lie down." Nikki's voice was firm. Rachel was not about to be pushed around. "Look I-" Dizziness overpowered her filling her head, she hit the floor and everything went dark. (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_74f96708.jpg) Title: Fight for it-Chapter 9 posted Post by: Stelio Kontos on March 28, 2008, 08:22:40 pm Suspense, thy name is SecretAgentZero!
Title: Fight for it-Chapter 9 posted Post by: Hidden~Secret on March 28, 2008, 10:39:34 pm I love this story.Please continue it is very interesting.
Title: Fight for it-Chapter 9 posted Post by: Astral Faery on March 29, 2008, 10:56:37 am Aw, heartwrenching. Poor little thing. I hope she'll be okay.
This is a nice story so far. I like her jammies, too! :) Title: Fight for it-Chapter 9 posted Post by: Devomuffins on March 29, 2008, 01:09:12 pm Awww. thanks guys, and bruno (for the cute pj's)
Title: Chapter 5, One days grace Post by: Devomuffins on March 29, 2008, 01:35:25 pm (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_d4fa39b8.jpg)
"We were able to pinpoint the new toumor. Surgery is scheduled for tomorrow." The words went strait through Rachel not even bothering to register. Her mother began to cry. "I- I'm going to go tell Nikki." Rachel managed to stammer. She got up and hugged her mother. (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_74fa3b29.jpg) (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_34fa3b1d.jpg) "Everything will be okay. I promise." and with that she left the room. Title: Chapter 6, Never knowing Post by: Devomuffins on April 20, 2008, 08:45:25 am Sorry for the massive delay. I had a bit of a writers block and just didn't have time.
(http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_14fa3bbc.jpg) "This is silly. I'll see you after your surgery." "yea." "I'll miss you." "me too. Nikki?" "Yes?" "Will you take care of Edward?" "sure." "Well, goodbye then." "Not forever." (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_54fa3bb3.jpg) "I promise, Rachel. Not goodbye forever." Title: Chapter 7, Waking Up Post by: Devomuffins on April 20, 2008, 11:54:59 am (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_d4f96f71.jpg)
(http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_15174dd5.jpg) Rachel's head hurt when she woke up. She felt tired and it was hard to open her eyes. Her mother was sitting next to her bed and several docters stood behind her. "mommy." "Oh baby. It's okay. Everything will be okay. (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_95174ea6.jpg) (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_f5174ebc.jpg) "I know." The docters came over and handed her a package. Inside was a small diary. In the front page was each docter's signature. She noticed also Nikki's neat cursive scrawl and her mother's own smooth quick scribble. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Today I woke up from surgery. I haven't been allowed to see anyone except my mom and lots of docters. It was rainy outside today and I wished i could wear my wellies and play outside. The nurse said tomorrow we would go for a walk, but i never actually get to do any walking. They just push you around the block in a wheelchair. The nurse told me Nikki is much better and she's going home soon. I really wish i could go with her. Rachel Title: Fight for it-Chapter 9 posted Post by: Astral Faery on April 20, 2008, 12:00:43 pm Aw, so sad. The picture of Rachel hugging her mother (the second one) is a beautiful shot. It captures so much emotion and is so powerful. Well done!
Title: Fight for it-Chapter 9 posted Post by: Devomuffins on April 20, 2008, 12:03:06 pm Thanks Astral. I think between the light and darkness is amazing.
Title: Chapter 8, New Days Post by: Devomuffins on April 20, 2008, 03:08:24 pm Today is my last day in the hospital. Last week was my final treatment and now I'm finally going home.
Rachel ------------------------------------------------------------ (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_95177fec.jpg) "Well i guess this is goodbye." Nikki looked at her feet. "Not goodbye forever. I promise Nikki." (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_b5178040.jpg) (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_1517813b.jpg) (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_351781e3.jpg) _____________________________________________________ THE END almost. Title: Fight for it-Chapter 9 Post by: Devomuffins on May 18, 2008, 09:33:11 am .....................................................
"Oh excuse me!" "That's alright Nikki." "Wel- wait how- Rachel? (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_55178527.jpg) "Yup" Nikki was shocked, she had not heard from Rachel in a least a year or two in which Nikki had been back in hospital several times. Nikki opened her mouth to say somthing but her brain was having trouble locating the words. "I- " (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_95178572.jpg) "How've you been?" "Alright i guess. How bout you?" "i've been great! Iwentonmyfirsttripsincegettingoutofhospitalitwassocool!" Said Rachel attemting to shove far too many words into one sentance. Nikki had to laugh at the sight of Rachel, whose face had gone bright pink from trying to say so many words in one breath. (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_b517861c.jpg) "You wanna grab some coffee?" Nikki ventured shyly. "Sure. I was supposed to meet my friends at the coffee house, i'll introduce you." (http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg297/lolly642/snapshot_d4ed7b12_9517860d.jpg) "Great." Title: Fight for it-Chapter 9 posted Post by: ZanarkandFayth on July 19, 2008, 11:33:37 am Oh, I like it! Good job, and you had better update soon!
By the way, thanks for the comment on Skin Deep. Title: Fight for it-Chapter 9 posted Post by: Devomuffins on July 20, 2008, 10:27:34 am Oh, i was using that as the end but i can update it if you want. currently i have a new story though, http://www.insimenator.org/showthread.php?p=1310445
Title: Fight for it-Chapter 9 posted Post by: ZanarkandFayth on July 20, 2008, 10:49:23 am Oh, sorry. I thought there was more. ^^
Anyway, I updated Skin Deep in case you want to read it. |