Insimenator.org

So this is my 1st story. It's like medieval fantasy-sih. I dont have very good english. I would like if you would tell me your opions on this. This is just like the Preface or what ever.lol I would like to know if I should continue this story?




(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_f5d94d79.jpg)

Melody walked up to her sister Annastasia.
" Oh, thank God you got her." Melody said in her soft voice.
" Yes, it was not easy but i got her." Annastsia remarked.
" Well now the past is behind us. She safe now." Melody said graciously.
" Mel, you can't leave her here. She doesnt belong here!" Annastasia said distressed.
(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_15d94f63-1.jpg)
" Ann, you know it's the right thing." Melody tried to comfort her sister.
" How can you do this to your own daughter, Mel?"
" Because I know it's safer here. Elyse will be just fine. Now please give me her." Meldoy explained
Annastasia knew in her mind it was right. She gave Elyse a kiss on her head and gave her to Meloday.
(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_b5d951e0.jpg)
Meldoy held her child in her hand. She brushed Elyse bangs out of her face. She gave a little giggle.
" Don't worry Elyse will see you soon. When you find him he will bring you back to me." Mel told Elyse.
" She doesn't understand you Melody." Annastasia told her.
" She will when the time comes." Melody answered back.
(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_55d95303.jpg)
Annstasia and Elyse walked through the woods. It was so calm and serene.
Annastasia broke the silence " Mel, what if she doesn't me him. She will never get her powers or come back to our world."
"Anna! He will don't worry!" Melody yelled. It was very rare that she ever did. Melody was a clam and caring person. Not such a jumpy and curious person like her sister.They walked the rest of the way on quiet.
(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_95d953a1.jpg)
Finally the many miles they had walked was done. They had reached the little village.
" Here is her house." Melody said holding back her tears. Anna put her hand on Mel shoulder to comfort her.
" All will be well,Mel."
(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_95d954be.jpg)
Melody put her child down on the ground. Elsye was completely oblivious to what was happening. She smiled.
" Do not worry my child you will come back to me.You are safer her for now." Meldoy told the toddler.
The baby sat ther looking at her mother. Then she blinked and they were gone!
(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_f5d955fd.jpg)
Elyse looked for her. She saw nothing but darkness. They had disappeared almost like magic. The thought of being alone scared her. Elyse started to cry. There was noise comming from inside the house. The door slowly opened.
(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_b5d9562e.jpg)
She started to crawl away. The lady was shocked she looked around to see who  had left the child there was no one.She picked up the baby and took her inside.
(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_55d95726.jpg)
" Thomas look someone left a baby at our door. It's like our prayers have been answerd." Said the young lady.
" Dear this is almost like magic." Thomas said as he hugged his wife.
" I think her name should be Elyse." Said Elizibeth.
(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_55d9555b.jpg)

So what do you guys think? Post what you think!

Great start. Keep writing.

(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_55d99c68.jpg)
 Elyse was 17 to be 18 soon. Today was like anyother day. She got dressed, eat, and left for work.
(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_15d99d88.jpg)
" Good bye dear. See you tonight. Ill have your dinner warm when you get back. Maybe you're Father will be home also." Said her mom as she left for the calste. She smiled and waved back. Her father was mmerchant so he travled often. And she was always at the catsle cooking and cleaning.
(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_55d99e12.jpg)
She finally reached the castle gates. She pulled the iron gates and walked into the stone courtyard. She wasled up the stone stairs. They were huge. The castle had so many stairs.
(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_d5d99eea.jpg)
She finnally reached the top. Out of breath an weary. She felt anothers breath on her. It was comming from the back of her. She turned around and it was her friend Alan he was a brown haired stable boy. Alse her neighbor and best friend.
(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_f5d99f23.jpg)
" Oh, Alan you scared me. Your magic or something." She joked.
" Yeah that or your to tired once you reach the top of this 'mountian' to see me." He joked back.
' Well lets go in cause i have a shcedule to follow." She commented.
He rolled his eyes and follwed her.
(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_b5d9a015.jpg)
"Elyse, how are you today." Said the Prince.
" I am fine sir Henrich, How are you?" she said politely back.
" I good to, Oh Hello alex-
"Alan." He interjected.
" Yes Alan sorry. Anyway you just need to Groom the 3 Mares. Alright." Herinch informed
" Yes sir. Ill go do that now. Bye 'Lyse." alan monotonely said.
"Bye, see you tonight." She called back. Alan had left.
(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_d5d9a11f.jpg)
Elyse and Henrich chatted for atleast 10 minutes after Alan had left.
" I am so sorry Sir Henrich I must get to my daily chores." she told him
" Ah,yes ofcourse. Well I'll see you later. And I told you call me Henry." He told her back. She blushe and each went there own way. He to the study and She to the kitchen.
(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_15d9a1a8.jpg)
Alan walked down the mountian of a stair.
"I don't even see what she sees in him. I mean he's so ...sooo....Princely and -" His thought was cut off by a sound.
"...Alan..."
(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_15d9a2c9.jpg)
He reached the bottom and stopped to hear if it wasn't just the wind.
"...Alan..." It wasn't. It was a soft and gentle voice calling his name.
"...Alan..." There it was agian only louder he followed it.
(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_75d9a33c.jpg)
"...Alan..." It called again louder he followed. Around the corner of the castle.
(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_15d9a36e.jpg)
He rounded the corner and she was standing there. It was...
(http://i451.photobucket.com/albums/qq235/bigkitty075/snapshot_95adebca_f5d9a388.jpg)
MELODY...

thanks yeah i have terrible writing skills

looks like a promising story :)

just a tip to get the spelling mistakes corrected a lot easier: write the story in Word or another text editing programme - preferrably one with automatic correction. If not - read through the text you've written several times, and correct them manually instead. It looks so much better when the text is not loaded with spelling, grammar or typing mistakes :)

and try to avoid taking pictures with the grid lines in. (if you're in build/buy mode, press R before taking the picture - it's the shortcut for the recolor tool, and almost the only way to get the gridlines away in build/buy mode fast and easy).

and if you don't know - you can change the picture size to even bigger than this if you click the settings icon in the main sim menu, and choose the camera icon. You've got the medium sized pictures right now.

it's very nice i think that you must continue this story..

I have been intrigued. Your plot is great, with an essence of mystery that keeps the reader reading. And about your grammar problem, follow Theraven's advice.