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Title: Moderator: Delete this thread if you want :) Post by: Neeri on August 11, 2008, 06:02:26 am Only updating on modthesims2 now, Take care and good luck.
Title: Moderator: Delete this thread if you want :) Post by: Devomuffins on August 11, 2008, 08:18:18 am I'm pretty sure you meant maternal feeling not maternity.
Title: Moderator: Delete this thread if you want :) Post by: Neeri on August 11, 2008, 08:24:14 am pretty much.
Title: Moderator: Delete this thread if you want :) Post by: vickylougrl on August 11, 2008, 10:39:46 am Aww...what a sad story Alex is starved for affection and seeks it in any form she can get it.
I'm a little confused since you had her pass out as to where she woke up? She is seen sneaking back home but what happen to her one night stand guy? This is a good start to your story don't worry about language I understood everything except that part where she wakes up a bit unclear. Title: Moderator: Delete this thread if you want :) Post by: Astral Faery on August 11, 2008, 10:46:55 am I really like it. I think your errors are minor and don't detract from the story. I read a lot of stories from people who aren't native English speakers, so a few mistakes here and there don't bother me, as long as I can understand the concept of the story. So, I'm not going to correct anything, I'm just going to enjoy it. :) I like Alex and sympathize with her position. I love the dreams/memories, because that gives us a mystery as to how things got to be like they are now. Your pictures are expressive and fun to look at. Nice job! I hope you decide to continue.
Title: Moderator: Delete this thread if you want :) Post by: Neeri on August 11, 2008, 11:27:39 am Thank you, vickylougrl. Yeah shes a little messed up.
Hmm i see what you mean with your confusion, She didnt pass out, She just dont recall what happend realy due to the amount of alcohol she had put in to her system. Its my first story and i messed up, it was 3 in the morning for me and i decided to make her not remember what happend with the guy instead of go back in to the sims and take pictures of it. A mistake. Ive noticed alot of things while i wrote it, i was missing alot of describing pictures, I'm gonna keep that in mind for my next update, Sorr if i confused you. And about that guy, Who knows? ;3 He might show up again. My, Astral Faery, Thank you too! Yeah, But i would like them to be pointed out, Maybe in a PM or something. Because if i do go somewhere with this story in terms of making it great, I wouldnt want it to be filled with little flaws. If you get what i mean? And yeah, Alex has a mysterious past, Why is her mom a drunk now? What happend to her dad? Why dosnt alex remember anything? Why does her mother hate her? Muhahaha, So many questions that need answers. And yes, I will keep it up! Title: Moderator: Delete this thread if you want :) Post by: Glamily on August 11, 2008, 08:41:02 pm i luv it! its a really interesting story so far.. also at the end i belive u meant were not where.. the one u used is like where is it.. hope that helps :D
Title: Moderator: Delete this thread if you want :) Post by: Medagic on August 12, 2008, 01:46:55 pm I think it's really good someone who knows English only as a second language. I didn't notice any big or important mistakes.
Nice job! Title: Moderator: Delete this thread if you want :) Post by: steelguy on August 13, 2008, 01:35:12 am Well, I like it - it's a very interesting and touching story - and it has far less mistakes than I've seen than some who speak English as a first language. :smile:
I had no problems in understanding the tale, but if you feedback, the only part that really stood out for me, was ...Alex is the root of all her problems and isnt soon to let her know just that... I got the idea of what you meant, but "soon" doesn't fit there. You could use "hesitant" instead, or possibly "shy." Other than that, the best way to improve is to just keep doing it. :smile: |