Insimenator.org

I didn't do this, but my husband did. It's by far not the dumbest thing he has done, but it's the most recent.

He just got off work and I called him on his cell phone and asked him to stop by the store on the way home to pick up bread, milk, lettuce and avacados. He said okay, and then called me back once he got to the store to go over the list of what he had to get. I told him, and then he picked up *everything* and came home.

He returned with bread and milk. He was just barely in the door when I was like, "Where's the lettuce, B? and the avacados?" He just looked at me and was like, "CRAP!"

haha, I would be the one to do that!  :D

Today I acted like a total idiot around Karli and Kody's dad. He told me I wa sbarking up the wrong tree when I threated Karli, cause she bit me.

even more embarrassing, He kept on telling Kody he would shave his head if he didn't cut his hair, and he would pants him if he didn't pull up his pants.  :p

Senko our spouses must be related.  My spouse called me to say he'd done most of the grocery shopping and was checking to see if I wanted anything additional.   I asked, "Are you all done already?" He says "Yep I was just about to drive off and thought I'd check with you."   OK so I say all I'd like is eggplant.  He says "Fresh one or baked lasagna?" (i.e., eggplant lasagna) I say "both".  

So he comes in two hours later.  I'm getting ready to fix dinner and I ask him "Where's the eggplant?"  He says 1DOH"Aw man I knew I forgot something!" <---insert look of stunned disbelief here 1eyebrow 1stupid

what!?  :confused:

 1titter That's what I said... 1faint

Good old husbands, and their lack of brains at certain times. I bet he got sidetracked or something. Mine always does. He starts thinking about his videogame waiting for him at home and loses his mind.

My exboyfriend was good for that. He called and asked me one day what brand of smokes I wanted from the gas station. I told him, and ten minutes later he brings me over a pack of cigars.

"Well they didn't have your brand," he said.
"So you picked up cigars?" I responded.
"I figured they were good enough..."
"You're right; these will hurt more when I shove 'em up your arse for being so dumb..."

I think maybe good-looking (or sometimes butt-ugly, depending on the guy's taste) walk by or something when they're supposed to be remembering and it just flies out of their head so their brains can go into "pants mode".

1lmao Man now you guys made me think of another one.  So I'm talking to my sis on the phone, and my spouse walks by and asks:  "Did you want something?"

So I ask my sis to hang on for a sec & I say " Thanks, sure! do we have anything cold here? I'd like something cool. "  

He says like "ice cream?"

I say "sure" then I go back to chatting with my sister who comments on how thoughtful he is.  A few seconds later she laughs hysterically when she hears him say:

"Here you go, we were out of ice cream so I microwaved you some popcorn." 1blink <---me

Oooo how very thoughtful, a nice hot bag of popcorn ought to cool me off nicely, thanks hon...well that's what I was thinking.  I was too surprised to actually say anything.

To this day my smart-alec older sis asks if I want popcorn--"ya know just in case you're hot or thirsty."

lmaoo nice ^ haha, that's wonderfull! Lemme think of a good one...  :confused:

That is just hysterical.

Last Easter, (my husband and I had been together for three years almost, married for going on 2 of them) we were at my mother-in-law's house and she really gets into Easter. She had a big bag of fruit snacks and juices for Daemian, some little toys and things like that (since we asked her not to give him candy), and then she had a candy basket for Brandon and I. She specifically said "Brandon, make sure Jamie doesn't eat any of the 3 Musketeers with the red wrappers. Those are cherry so they're all yours."

Brandon says, "Mom, I'm not that much of a pig. Jamie can have some, I'm not going to keep them all to myself."

Before I can say anything back, Brandon's mom replies, "Son, your wife is deathly allergic to cherry. Remember?"

 2laugh Oh lord you're gonna make me pass out. 2laugh I couldn't catch my breath for a second.  Aww, we're like twins ;D well at least our spouses are...

Another incredibly dumb thing he does on occasion.

Brandon: I have to poo.
Me: Make sure you get a roll of toilet paper out of the cupboard, there's no more in the bathroom.
Brandon: Okay hun (heads down the hall)

30 minutes later

Brandon: Babe, will you bring me some toilet paper. There isn't any in here!

lol. if I knew that this thread was going to turn into the "Dumbest Things Your Husband/Boyfriend Said", I would've named this thread that!

1laugh I guess we do need a thread for that.  Only it should be  "Dumbest Things Your Partner/Spouse Said".


Maybe we could start one and move the last posts to it?  I have no clue how to.

Soul, our husbands have brains in their butts, man.

Haha, DaSpecial1 that would be a good idea. I could probably fill it up in a matter of 2 weeks.

I don't think it would take that long 1titter.  I have 17 years worth of stories.

If they're as funny as the popcorn one I'm hooked!

Here's a dumb thing that I supposedly did. I was sound asleep in bed and Brandon was cuddling me and accidentally put his hand on my boob. He said that I suddenly woke up, slapped the crap out of him like 4 or 5 times, in the head and face, and then yelled at him, rolled over and went back to sleep.

I have NO memory of doing something that mean!

1titter Dream blending with rl at night can cause a reaction: warning to all mates ;D.

:eek: I'll keep that in mind if I get married.

Brandon is the most terrible person to wake up. He always wakes up thinking he's still asleep and will say some of the stupidest things. He doesn't realize he's saying it and he sounds wide awake. One time I got him up and (this is so stupid) here's what happened:

Me: Hun, wake up. You have to get ready for work
Brandon:Okay, but first I have to go to my house and get that thing with the wheels on it.
Me: What?
Brandon: I have to go to my house.
Me: But you're at your house already.
Brandon: I know! (sounds on the verge of tears)
Me: What's wrong?
Brandon: I think I need to ask an old guy to put a bottle rocket up my butt. Then I'll ask him if he has any Grey Poupon.
Me: What the hell are you talking about-
Brandon: I'll be like, "Pardon me sir. Do you have any (makes fart sound with his mouth) Grey Poupon...(fart sound with his mouth again) Bottle rockets!"

I told him to shut up about this time. I have a whole collection of really dumb things he says without knowing as soon as he wakes up.

Ok now I know they're twins.  He woke up saying (in an urgent voice) the inspector was coming and he needed to make sure the new (airline) seatbelts were installed.

No he's never worked for the airline industry. 1blink

Hahah!! That's freakin funny.

One time Brandon asked me to rub his sore back so that he could go to sleep, and I did. Minutes later, he was asleep and said, "Thank you, Grayson." to me. Grayson was one of the students at the boarding school he used to work at.

Another time, he woke up, demanding to know if I had a fun time at the party. I said there was no party, and he insisted that I went to a party at the bar last night. I was 18 at the time and couldn't even legally go to the bar. He's insane!

He can also do this thing to where he falls asleep instantly. He might have narcolepsy or something. The first time it happened, we were in bed, and he said, "I love you, babe. I really...really...*snores*"

2laugh 2laugh Well he rarely snores but when that happened to me the first couple times I thought he was faking ;). I was like who falls asleep mid-sentence? 1dunno

I thought mine was faking too, because the snores sounded so fake, but when I tried to wake him up, it didn't work. I even tickled him and everything. He was genuinely asleep. He does it in a matter of a second.

OK, now I know my husband could be related to your guys. He does a lot of similar stuff and it gets plain weird!!

Maybe we all should open up a formal research plan to see if all husbands in the world are weird like that.

Mine woke me up in the middle of the night about three weeks ago, very much excited, asking me if I wanted to go on a diet with him. (I was almost 4 months pregnant, and he is 150lbs of skinny). Plus, in waking life he hates diets and freaks out when I want him to eat healthy.

There, I went ahead and split the topic off and also went and edited the posts so that they reflect the name of this thread instead. Have fun! :D

3yay 2fanku Paden  ;D.

Ok so I'm in labor and I've been admitted & having irregular contractions all night. First 2 min, then 5min, then 30seconds, then fifteen--basically I never know when they're going to hit me.  My spouse has been in the labor room all night too but mind you they now had beds and lounge chairs etc., so he could rest if he wanted too plus my sister was there--they actually allowed up to 8 or 12 family members in the room (1hmmm wait maybe I'm confusing that with the sims family size limits... Ok add another one to the dumbest things I've ever said) ok well I remember they asked me if more family wanted to join.

Anyway, so I hadn't eaten in over 36 hours and didn't have the epidural ('cause I was gonna be all natural for the baby 1stupid) and after a long exhausting night the doc comes in stand next to my bed and says:

"So how are we doing this morning?"

and my spouse (who has been sleeping in the lounge chair beside my bed all night) wakes up and says:

"Whew! I'm worn out! Any chance of taking a break for breakfast?"

Well you know how exhausting sleep can be when someone keeps making noise--moaning with labor pains, disturbing folks who need rest. :rolleyes:
 

Oh this thread is going to be great therapy 2laugh.

One of my ex's and I were with a couple friends and we were talking about different foods we like and how what we eat can affect how we feel. My ex opened himself up for my little jab when piped in with, "Even when I was a kid I always preffered vegetables."

I said, "Well, honey, they do say 'you are what you eat'. I guess this would explain a lot."

2laugh I spend way too much time being stunned...I have got to come up with great quips like that.

Oh man! How the heck did you do it without the epidural? I tried but had a panic attack and needed to get it because I wasn't breathing.

Anywho, I had to get induced, because Daemian showed no sign of wanting to come out at all, and the doctor said he was a risk if I let him get any bigger. I wasn't allowed to eat or anything, and my husband decides to get a big ol burger right before we get to the hospital. I was starvin and angry at him.

That"s what I was talking about! 2laugh  Enjoying juicy food when you're in pain and starving.  About the epidural...after 2 weeks & 36 hours of irregular labor the doctors said my pelvic bone was too small and I had to have a C-section.  Ah the wonderous timing of modern medicine.

So I'm all stressed about having the darn epi and my spouse says "Wow they could have delivered you a couple weeks ago then huh?" 1blink

Yep hands off ladies--this one's all mine. 1dreamy 1eyebrow

two weeks and 36 hours?! wtf?!? how did you get through all of that, sister? even Chuck Norris' mom was in labor for a week with him! hell, my mom couldn't even handle twelve hours when she was in labor with me! then again, all I was doing was just sitting there, not doing anything or helping speed up the process, and they had to get me out via c-section.

wait a minute, are you ladies going into dumb labor moments now? 1blink

Hehe, dumb labor moments.
I had 25 hours of pushing because Daemian was like you, Soul, just kickin back. I could still move my legs and stuff after my epi was done. But it killed all the pain. I was up and walking right after they took it out (3 hours after birth).

My dumb labor moment: When Daemian finally came out, I was like, "Oh my god, it's a baby!" The first thing he did when he came out was pee on me lap.

Exactly soul.  I delivered at 42 1/2 weeks.  Everytime I hear someone say pregnancy lasts nine months I wish Acme Inc. would deliver a cartoon anvil.


That's unavoidable Soul :D so very many dumb spousal moments come during labor...come to think of it they come any ole time 2laugh.

Senko 1tehe you said it's a baby? 1titter You expected an adult maybe? That would have been quite a delivery 2laugh

Haha, that would have hurt a heck of a lot more than Daemian's huge head. I have no idea why I said that. I think it was because he looked like a doll when he was coming out, and then when he was out all the way, he started moving around and I was like 'whoa, now he looks totally real'.

Does anyone else's husband do this?

Me: Do you want anything while I'm up?
Brandon: No (playing a game or watching a movie)
Me:(sits down)
Brandon: Babe, can you get me a soda?

*raises hand sheepishly* I did that with my ex one time.

 1fanku <---my raised hand... of course to be totally fair I may have been the offender once or twice 2blush 1whistle

Brandon once tried to go to bed one night and he left like EVERYTHING on in the house. He got into bed and didn't notice he left the stove and almost every light in the house (including the bedroom light) and the tv on. He got into bed and just laid there quietly and I just looked at him and asked if he was forgetting anything. He had to get up twice before he got it under control.

Update:
I just now had a memory of another ridiculous thing he did. When we lived in our old house. He was in the kitchen, and I was in the living room. I asked him to give me some of the water he just took a drink out of (it was a 1 liter bottle). He said okay and decided to throw it to me. But he forgot one minor detail, putting the cap back on! There was water everywhere.

1lmao

Not the dumbest, just the latest-guess which one is the two year old.

Elijah: Poo on the window, sea gull did it
Jamie: Did a sea gull poo on the window?
Elijah: Yes, tiny little sea gull
Jamie: Sea gulls aren't tiny-they're bigger than birds.

Oh, and the story about the old man and the rocket up the butt-so so funny, I had to let my partner read it because I couldn't speak for laughing.

^  1tehe

Yesterday, somebody in my boyfriend's family threw a party. I was all for taking the bus home around 12, and as far as I can remember he wanted that too... until the clock was 3.30, and we were still there (with me falling asleep on the couch, and he still being a party animal).

We had to take a taxi home (which ended up being around 130 usd, I think. The bus would've been around 8 usd).
We also had to walk the last few miles (tired, in the cold, me complaining), because Mr. smart did not want to pay more for the taxi...
I say, if it's his fault - then he pays...  :rolleyes:

At least I still remember everything that happened (I don't touch alcohol myself). Dunno about him. He's still occupying my bed, sleeping...  :-\

Jamie phones me in a panic telling me that I have to phone my bank because he'd taken over £100 out the cash machine but somehow managed to not pick it up.  He'd phoned the garage where he got the money but they said there was no money left in the machine.  Apparantly if this happens the machine automatically takes the money back in if it isn't taken within a certain period of time-if someone else doesn't get there first.  Anyway, the bank tells me that so far it looks ok but could take up to 3 days for the payment to be deducted if the money was taken by someone else.  I phone him back telling him the money hasn't been deducted and he decides to chance it and try and get the money out the machine again.  Then he phones me again to say that he went back to the machine and it was out of order-he hadn't even got as far as putting his card in the first time never mind getting the money!   

Wow that tops them all 1titter.  Nice to have a place to share these insanities ;D.

Hahaha, Oh my goodness!

Mine lost both his wallet and his car keys (seperate occasion) in the same way. When he lost his wallet, he thought he put it back into his pocket when we got out of the bank, but later, he couldn't find it. We went back to every stop we made in town after the bank, asking everyone if they have seen his wallet. All said no. When he got back into the car, his keys were in the side console of the door! He must have mistaken it for his pocket. The same exact thing happened with the car keys months later. He was in the Bronco and had his car keys in his pocket. They fell in the console and we were looking two days for them!

This morning:

Me:  "I need some eyedrops when you go out ok?"

Sp:   "Aw you know I hate buying things around here, they're always so overpriced."

Me:  "Yep that's why I asked you to pick them up from Walmart when you went to town Thursday...my allergies are too
        active to go without them again today."

Sp:  "Thursday? I don't remember you telling me that--you probably should have made a list for me."

Me:  "A list with one thing on it?"

Sp:  "Well yeah in case I forget during the day."

Me:  "Um I did that last week somehow it didn't quite work out."

Sp:   "Only because I was in a rush, I forgot it.  Just remind me next time."

Me:   "So you want me to remind you to take the list before you leave?"

Sp:   "Sure."

Me:   "Ok I'll try to remind myself to remind you to take the list with you when you go to town this week. Just don't
         forget to pick them up when you go out today."

SP:    "Pick up what?"                  me-----> 1blink 1eyebrow

Haha, I have one my husband did while we were watching Family Guy. During the episode, there was a back in time skit of two Jewish men building the pyramids for the Egyptians (biblical stuff). The one Jewish man says to the other that "All cultures will have a time of hardship. We Jews are getting ours out of the way early. From here on, It's going to be nothing but smooth sailing."

Brandon sits there for a minute and then says, "You know, that's true. The Jews have done pretty good for themselves since then."

I just looked at him for a second and was like, "Yeah...except the Halocaust..."

He sat there for a second, then slapped himself on the forehead and was like, "Oh my god."  1headwall

Me and my hubby were on a drive and I noticed some sheep in a field we were passing and I commented to him: "I wonder why they're sprayed pink all over rather than just the usual marking on its hind" Him-in all seriousness: "How else do you think you get pink wool"  :eek:

Wow, no, no that's not dumb...  :rolleyes:

Okay, really, this just happened the other day.

My freind Tony and I were talking:
"Yeahh, I hate Surbians." Tony said.
"Uh? Why?" I asked him
"Because they are mean."
10 minutes later
"Wait, where are you from again?" I asked him
"Albania" He replied "What are you?"
"Romainian and Irish... but my mom's family is from Ukaslavia and so were really a mix of Surbian, Romainian, and others."
"Oh s***, nevermind"

Does he think I was insulted? I wasn't, and on a side note, I had told him 235y48392653460e times and yet he STILL didn't remember.

This afternoon:

(flu-ridden & thus isolated till fever subsides) Me:  "D2 <--little ones will be home in about 30 minutes, please fix their lunch now."

Sp:   "Oh?"

Me:  "Yes, you know they hardly eat lunch in school and I'd like them to get it out of the way and start on their work. Don't want to waste time this afternoon just 'cause I'm ill."

Sp:  "..." *crickets chirping*

Sp:  "..." *crickets chirping*
 
Sp:  "So what do you need me to do?"


Me: 1blink


            Is it me or wasn't that a clear request? 1wait 1eyebrow welcome to my world... 1yawn

Pahahaha!! DaSpecial1 I literally cracked up reading that!

This happened about a year ago. My boyfriend and I were IMing late at night
Me: oh crap, my car is completely covered in tree crap!
Him: Neesee, you're so dumb!
Me: What you say that for???
Him: Trees don't crap, they pee! That's where sap comes from!
Me:  3stupid
lol

Hehe, good ol' husbands/SO's. I needed a laugh this morning.

2laugh Simneesee, awww good to know I'm not suffering alone ;).

What's even worse is that they say such stupid things and are so serious about it! Like they truly believe they are right! lol

My husband did another one of those weird sleep-talking things he does last night. It was raining, and the rain was really loud on the roof, so I was just laying in bed listening to it. We suddenly got a heavy downpour and I guess it startled Brandon out of a dead sleep, because suddenly he starts nudging me to get my attention.

Me: What, hun?
Brandon: (in an urgent tone) You've got to go get the foals!
Me: The what?
Brandon: The foals, from outside! You have to get the foals!
Me: B, we don't have any foals. Go to sleep!

He went to sleep again, only to wake up and warn me about the foals again 10 minutes later. I told him the same thing again, that there were no foals, that he was making no sense and needed to just be quiet and go to sleep.

(For the record, Foals are baby horses, under a year old. Brandon and I have NEVER owned horses together. There had not been horses on my property in over a decade. And even if there had been, what the heck did he want me to do with the foals? Bring them into the house?)

One time my hubby made 4 trips to the store in one day to grab me some Tylenol and Advil (I had dental work done that day), and each trip he picked up everything BUT the pills.

Then there was fall of last year.

We live in Washington, 15-20 minutes away from Everett, so naturally every year there's a rainy season. I told my husband about a month before rainy season started that we needed to buy Squinty (my son's nickname) some rainboots. He told me that I was wasting money, even though I insisted that it was going to be too wet for tennis shoes, and that he was growing out of his tennis shoes anyways.

One month later - lo and behold - a HUMONGOUS recordbreaking rainy season, the wettest we've had in Washington yet, and the hubby turns to me and goes, "Let's get ready to go. Why doesn't Squinty have boots yet? He can't go out there wearing those shoes! Why haven't you bought him boots yet?"

 1headwall

Oh my goodness, 4 trips to the store?! I think after the second one, I would just tell my husband to sit down before he hurt himself. He's forgotten stuff at the store before, but if it's important enough to take a second trip, I give him a list to look at to make sure he doesn't mess it up again.

The rainboots gave me a good laugh. Mine does things like that too. I'll propose an idea months in advance, and he will think the idea is just plain stupid, then he will "come up with it" miraculously as if it has never been mentioned before.

Haha Jamie... love that.

Okay this is flat out dumb:

him:hey
me: hey
him: what's up?
me: the sky
him: what?!

okay really... what does he think that there is now sky? He really honestly didn't get it.

His mother: What should your dad get your wife for Christmas??

Hubby: A new set of pots and pans, she'll kill me if I get them for her.

His mother: Why would she kill you if you guys need them because of the Teflon causing problems?

Hubby: You know women, they always want something useless and frivolous for the Holiday.

His mother: OK, I'll let him know. BTW, son, in case you forgot, I am a woman.

Hubby: D'oh! I got used to thinking of you as "Mom"...

Needless to say, he didn't really score any points on that one, with either of us. :D

That's freakin hilarious Paden! Are you still getting the pots and pans?  :p

Wow Paden, your hubby is... somthin!

Carl, just don't be surprised when Paden starts rampaging the forums with a new set of shiny pots and pans. ;)

Nope, no pots and pans, gift cards instead. Since I'm pretty much a shut in most of the time, I dunno when in the heck I'm supposed to use the stupid things, most likely I'll hand them over to the husband for when he needs gas to get back and forth to work.

Okay, this one isn't by far the dumbest thing Brandon has said or done, but I thought you guys might get a kick out of it.

This morning, I was laying on the couch, feeling like absolute crap, and Brandon came to sit down beside me to be comforting. He was asking me if I was okay or if he could get me anything, when he stopped and just stared at my shirt. I sat up and was like, "What's wrong?" He just said, "That's amazing. They matched up the shadows perfectly."

I was really disoriented so I wasn't sure what he was saying for a minute, but I looked down and I was wearing my Homer Simspon shirt. It's blue and it has 5 images of Homer skipping across the front. Under Homer, there are shadows of each of his positions during his skip.

For some reason, Brandon was entralled at the idea that the artist who drew the picture "somehow" made the shadows match to reflect how Homer was skipping.

EDIT:

Here's another one Brandon did just recently. We were watching a movie together, and one of the characters was an older black man. Brandon turns to me and says, "Hey, doesn't that guy look a lot like Steve Martin?"

I of course look at him like he's on drugs, but say, "Oh yeah, just like him except he's black."
Brandon looks at like I'm the dumb one and says, "Uh, yeah. So is Steve Martin."
Me: "No, Brandon, he's the guy with the nose from Roxanne. He's caucasian and has really white hair."
Brandon: "Who am I thinking of then?"
Me: "Steve Harvey?"
Brandon: "Oh yeah! He's funny..."

We have had a similar conversation over Drew Barrymore and Hallie Berry.

OK, so last Friday I was talking to my girlfriend about our possible plans for after graduation. You know, what classes we're planning on taking next year, what colleges we thinking of applying to, blah, blah, blah. So we start talking about what we plan on majoring in:

Me: "I'm thinking either Sound Recording or Radio, Television and Film."

Alexis: *all excited* "Hey! How 'bout you go into UT's Recording Technology program! Carlos is in there, he was your big brother, and you both get along really well, so it's all a perfect match!"

Me: *starring at her like she's on drugs* "Uh...yeah. 'Tis true that UT has a Recording Technology program, but Carlos is in the Radio, Television, and Film department. I thought you knew that. He is a part of your family!"

Alexis: *starring at me like a madman* ".....UT has an RTF program? I thought Carlos was at Sam Houston!"

Me: "Good God, you're crazy! How can you forget what college and department your own brother is in?!"

Alexis: *continues giving me a blank stare for a few minutes, and then slaps her forehead* "Oh my gosh, I'm so dumb..."

Feel free to reread that conversation and count how many things are wrong. And most of those things she said, she meant it, too! :eek:

Oh my gosh, that is the best I have heard in  along time!!!

I know, Katie. We had a simliar discussion about Peter Cetera of Chicago and Daryl Hall of Hall and Oates, with me being the offender that time. 1slap

Wow, that's quite special! :D

Brandon was sleeping on the couch (his favorite place to sleep when he has to work grave) this morning, and he "woke up" momentarily while I was feeding Rosie. I say "woke up" beause the lights were on, but no one was home, if you catch my drift. He just looked at me confused for a moment and I asked him what was wrong. He replied:

"...Oh! Nothin' I just thought Rosie was a 'Fire Extinguisher-Fighter for a minute."

 2DOH

The other day, he had another "sleep-talking" moment where he told my son, out of nowhere:

"Bub, make sure you don't spray 'butt-juice' everywhere."

Nothing provoked this. Daemian didn't fart or say that he had to poop or anything. After each of these instances, B went right back to sleep.

 1giggle 2laugh

*Goes off to search online for baby firefighter gear* :D

He did it again.
Today at about noon, both of the kids were asleep so I decided to lay down with Brandon for a power nap. He started trying to search my pockets (which I didn't have any on the pants I wore) and I asked him what he was doing. He replied, "Suzanne needs to go smoke." I was like, "What?" and he says, "I said... when you're done with the lift, you need to put it under the smoking area. Under."

Incase no one knows what a lift is, it's a platform that maintainence people stand in and when they press a button, the platform raises higher into the air. It's used to change lightbulbs in hard to reach places. And the smoking area at Brandon's work is on the ground floor. There is no way that a lift could be put under there.

And I have no idea who Suzanne is.

I do. The hubby hates it.

I think me and my boyfriend have serious communication problems. Sometimes I can try to explain something to him, and find myself still talking an hour or two later (or arguing, or trying to get a word through). And we're currently on the same 3D movie project... 1headwall

ON the other hand, if I try to explain the exact same thing to one of my friends, she understands whatever it is in one or two short sentences.

Not exactly dumb, but... anyways.  :-\

To add a little equality:

A conversation with an ex-girlfriend a week before her birthday (We had only been dating a week)

Me: Hun
Ex: Yea?
Me: I am trying to figure out what to get you for your birthday, what is your favorite color?
Ex: (after thinking for a couple of moments) Clear
Me: ??? insert cricket cherping sounds here, I had No idea what to say.
(btw, we only dated for about another 2 weeks)

Labor moments:
Right after my 1st wife had given birth to our son by C-section and they brought him up for us to see him.

Her: A baby! Whose baby is it?
Me: He is our baby
Her: No, my baby is right... (She starts tryiong to pat her stomach)
Her: Hey, that was our baby, bring him back here


In all fairness, anyone going through that would have their wits rattled for a while.

That ex probably gave you a hint that she wanted glassware... ;D
But to not know it's your own baby... she must have been confused because of the sedation or something.  :-\

Ok this one is an action my daughter did, :D.  

She calls me from her bedroom, which always bugs me. I couldn't hear her plus I was engrossed in computer stuff so I asked her to come in my room and get my glasses (intending to get her in the room so she could tell me what it was she wanted).

She took a few minutes and I had just gotten to a critical fix when she comes into my room, hands me my glasses, then goes back into her room and continues to shout a question from way in there.

I'd just stared at her from my room, so she says "What?? I figured you needed your glasses so you could hear me better," grinning like she does whenever she drives me bananas.

I guess I deserved it...it is harder to hear without my glasses on.

I know what you mean, seriously. When I'm not wearing my glasses I feel as if I were in another dimension.

One night I went out with two friends. We were in a pub and the music was so loud I couldn't hear a word they said. I was astonished because they were talking and talking with no problem at all, so, after fifteen minutes, more or less, I asked to the one who was sitting next to me -"I can't hear anything. What the hell is she talking about?"- and she answered -"I don't know but I nod, say 'yup' or 'ahaa!' and she keeps on talking happily"-. When my other friend found out what was happening she shouted "You are such a b****!" And then we began to laugh hysterically. Stupid , I know.

Got another one of B's nutty sleeptalk.
We were laying in bed last night, and he was asleep, but suddenly rolled over and said to me, "Thanks Babe."

I said, "For what?"
He answers, "Peeew, Peeew, Peeeew (making gunshot noises with his mouth)"
I just told him to go back to sleep because I didn't know what he was talking about.

 1wtf

One of the most dumbest things my husband did ever since we were dating, was walk around the room screaming where is my cell phone, cursing colorfully and blaming me for keeping room a mess. It was in his hand all along 4gah

The other day when we were at the store, I told Brandon I needed some Muslin (waxing) strips, and he was like, "Muslim strips? What? That's racist! Did they call the strips that because they think Muslims are too hairy?"

He felt stupid when I explained that they were MusLIN strips, not MusLIM strips.

When we go shopping my husband always has to make sure we got everything.
Hubby: We got everything?
Me: yes.
H: Need anything?
M: Got all i need.
H: You sure?
M: Aye.
H: Okey then.
M: You got everything YOU need?
H: yeah, i'm fine, let's go check out.
While walking home he suddenly yells," CRAP! I forgot Dr. Pepper!" I just  :rolleyes:

That last one sounds very familiar to me, as well. Hubby can't function very well with too much blood in his Dr. Pepper stream. :D

Same here. it's like air to him, got me hooked too  1pfft

So the other day...

Her: Gah! The ice cream is completely melted!
Me: How'd that happen?
Her: Well, I left it out on the counter to thaw, and...*facepalm*
Her: Let's pretend that didn't happen...

oh my god XD

I just run to the store few minutes ago, because my husband needed soda for work. So I loaded 6 20 oz bottles in a bag and half a block away from my house the bag brakes open and bottles fly all over the place(thank god they didn't fiz!) SO I pick them up and walk the rest way home with bottles in my hands and I shout for hubby once I am home to help me out. He comes down stairs and stares at me and the bottles," What happened?" I sigh and say," Bag ripped open and bottles went flying all over the place..." he replied," they didn't fall on the ground did they?"  Me: 1DOH

Haha, no, they literally grew wings and flew all over the place.

I was at the clinic with Brandon and the kids, and there was a cartoon with a Kangaroo in it. The Kangaroo had an Australian accent, so I asked B:

"Why did they make the Kangaroo have such an overdone Australian accent? It's obviously fake."

Brandon replies:

"I don't know, maybe it's a vampire."

O.o Serious?

oh god, I LOL'd. How is vampire and Australia related? XD

Hubby just told me I'm a waste, because when ever he makes coffee, i don't drink it and just leave it there( i just like my coffee cold) So I tell him that.
Hubby: well you can just put ice cubes in it!
Me: Too watery that way.
H: Well coffee is made with water anyway.

No duh, Sherlock! :rolleyes:

Ok you guys almost made me hurt myself laughing.  First the amazing trick ice cream that melts when warm lol, then OMG the bag rips and he asks what?! 2laugh and vampire kangaroos with aussie accents 1titter?  Have some pity folks, a pregnant woman can't hold her water so easily ;D.

DaSpecial1: Congrats on pregnancy, and I apologize for my hubbies silliness :D

This was not done by my husband, but it got me laughing. My husband, our mutual friend Daniel, his friend Rebecca and I went to play pool(it's our little thing we do it once in a while). Dave(hubby) and I got into a silly argument and we were screaming at each other, so Daniel barges in and says," Before this comes to divorce, go poke some balls with a stick!" After moment of silence we all broke in to laughter.

Later Daniel leans on Dave shoulder with his elbow. Both watch us(girls) play pool and the Dave decides to do the grab motion and scream "YEAH!" Daniel never realized that Dave tried to grab his ass a joke and I kept laughing( and still am) about this. We then just laughed like idiots and blamed it on the chalk. It must have had crack in it or something XD

oh god, both my c-sections put me through a loop. Almost cried at the last one when they brought my baby to see me... I never get emotional like that, even when hormones are raging!

Hm, well.... as far as stupidity i can think of a lot, but most focus mainly around an ex....

So he has this thing with playing swords with random sticks he finds in his yard. Well, he made the stupid move of giving my one and a half year old son a skinny but long stick to play with. Of course, watching my ex and his brother playing swords influenced my son, so after a while he started to go after my ex with it.

So my ex calls me. "You need to have a chat with Connor."

"Um.....why?"

"He tried to beat me with his stick!!!"

"Um....why did he have a stick in the first place?"

"Cause Ricky (my ex's brother) and I were playing swords."

"And he was watching, and you expected him NOT to copy you? Joe, he adores you."

"I didn't know he would copy me. He's only a baby."

Tch. all the reasons I left him should be easily discernable.

This morning was rather funny. I got woken up by this horrid smell coming from the kitchen, and when I went to investigate, I found the redhead fanning the smoke that was coming from the coffee pot.

Her: Well, I was trying to make coffee. Did you know putting milk into the water basin is a bad idea?
Me: Yeah...
Her: I also totally ruined my Cheerios when I realized I put the water in the bowl instead.

Lol!!!! 2laugh Nice! Who knew putting milk in the water basin was a bad idea?

2laugh

Jenna: 2laugh

I went food shopping with my MIL and SIL(gggr, i hate the older one) and while there MIL bought Irish potatoes( For those who don't know they are little coconut balls(lol) rolled in cocoa and cinnamon, I believe). So she give me and hubby some and puts it int he ziplock. before leaving to go play poll with Dan and Becca, I mention to him that we have Irish coconut potatoes. He says okey and we leave.

Today, he comes in the room and asks,"Are those potatoes cooked?" I answer yes, because I assume he means our dinner(baked potatoes). He gives me a confused look, so I say," Wait what potatoes?" because apparently that's not what he meant. He nods towards ziplock with Irish potatoes. so I exclaim," Oh those! Of course they are! They are coconut and cinnamon.." He looks even more confused," They are irish potatoes, honey. It coconut rolled in cinnamon, it's candy!"
" Oh, well you said they are potatoes, so I assumed they are like baby potatoes of sorts..." He explained as he grabbed the ziplock and proceeded to eating them. Mind you, I did say they were coconut last night! XD

 1tehe

I have another one, this happened with my ex. It was our last day in a camping, and we were dressing and preparing stuff to leave. I'm just about to take my shoes, when I hear him complaining about something.
Me: "What? What happened?"
Him: "My grey socks... they just turned BLUE."
Me: "Look, you're in a BLUE TENT, of course they look blue! It's the effect of the light!"
Him *still in the tent, not even trying to get out to see if I was right*: "No, I tell you they turned blue. And my shirt turned blue, too!!! THERE'S SOMETHING IN THIS TENT TURNING THINGS BLUE!!!"
We go on for a while with the whole "it's blue", "no, it isn't" thing, 'till I get pissed off and take the socks from his hands, putting them in the sunlight. Perfectly grey socks.
Me: "So, what about your mysterious monster turning things blue, now?"
Him: "..."

I kept laughing at him for hours XD

Talk about stupid, but I think that tops it, Astraea 2laugh

Lol, definitely  2laugh

Haha, that one was pretty damn good, Astraea.

Here's one B did a short while back:

He was cooking himself a pizza in the oven and it was ready to come out. So he put on the oven mit, took the pizza pan out of the oven and sat it down on top of the stove. He then took off the oven mit and sat it down on the counter. But he decided that the pan wasn't where he wanted it, so he tried to pick it up without the mit on and burned his finger. About 7 seconds later I hear him say, "Oh my GOD! I have got to get out of this kitchen or I might kill myself."

I say, "Why, what now?"

Brandon says back, "You know how I burnt my finger just seconds ago? Well, I was thinking to myself, 'That's hot. Better put the oven mit back on.' So I was going to grab the oven mit, but the pan was in the way. And I almost moved it with my bare hand again! To get to the oven mit!"

So he caught himself, but it was still just silly.

That's brilliant!  :D

Here's an idiotic sleep-talking time that he did when we were first together. I was laying in bed and he grunted himself awake, going 'Hey. Hey" and I said

Me: What?
Ex-husband: I'm just, really mad at Matt and Tammy
Me: Why?
Ex: Because they keep picking on me, saying that I can't have you.
Me: No they didn't. When?
Ex: At work last night. And the hell of it is, there's this girl, and she used to be my BEST friend. And she keeps saying the same things as Matt and Tammy... You're a lesbian...ya know?
Me: What? Which friend?
Ex: I don't remember her name.
Me: How do you not remember her name if she used to be your best friend.
Ex: I don't know. I'm just mad right now.
Me: Well what shift does she work?
Ex: Huh?
Me: What shift does she work, D shift or E shift?
Ex: No, W.
Me: There is no W shift.