Insimenator.org

OK, so I was trying to read a synopsis of a movie to find out what it was about when I came across people talking about how awful it was 1titter and the funny things they learned by watching it.  So I'm setting out to compile a list...think of it as a handy life-saving manual in case you ever come across a crazed slasher, a jealous ghost, werewolf, alien etc. We'll be writing this guide together each person continuing on from the next number where person above you stopped.

Sarcastic, realistic, helpful, or just plain wacky list all the things you've learned from watching scary movies over the years. I'll begin:


1. When hiding remember to breathe quietly.

2.  If you absolutely have to make a noise when escaping a psycho-killer and you run and hide, make the sound when you
     first hide rather then waiting until he's standing right beside you.

4.  Blood on the floor tends to be slippery.

5.  Never try to run in heels.

6.  Maniac Q being shot, stabbed, &/or falling four stories doesn't necessarily mean you can take a breather before
     calling the police leaving the vicinity.

7. When you hear a strange noise in the darkness, don't send someone off alone to investigate.

8. Don't scream whilst running. It's the same as saying, "Here I am! Over here!"

9. Don't say, "I will be right back." because you won't.

10. Don't aggravate your girlfriend by teasing the angry spirit that's haunting you both.

11. If your terrified partner suddenly decides she's cool with the Ghost/zombie/alien, smiles calmly and says: "I'm fine honey, there's no
     need to leave anymore, really..."  run like your pants are on fire.

12. Carry a gun with you. Movie killers always run around with knives and crap like that. This way, if you see them, you can blow them to bits instead of standing there screaming while you're stabbed to death.

13. If you're holding down a fort, hiding from zombies, and you let others into your fort, physically check EVERYONE for human teeth-marks. There's always someone who has secretly been bitten and will just quietly endanger everyone else.

14. If you unplug the phone from the wall and it rings, don't answer it!

15. If a knife wielding maniac is chasing you through the house, don't run upstairs (where your options for escape are limited), run outside.

16. Always listen to warnings given by creepy old men.

17. Pay attention to the person that "has a bad feeling about this."

18.  If you get trapped on a school bus in the middle of nowhere it's safer to lay on the floor then stand up.

19. The hunky athlete is never the brave one--stick with the nerdy geeks if you want to live. :p

20. Monsters/psychos go after the hot chicks first.

21. Locking yourself in the bathroom is never a safe bet.

22. Never cry or beg the killer not to kill you...it doesn't help and makes you look spineless.

23. A corn field is NEVER good news.

24. When something strange is going on (zombies, killer running loose) in the news, stay HOME! If you have to leave, make sure your car is FULL of gas.

2laugh Senko



25. If the window is way smaller then you don't try to squeeze through it.

26.  Tiny little kids are not always the good guys.

27. Talking dolls are evil.

28. No matter how fast you run, a knife-wielding maniac will always catch up to you at a brisk walk, most likely jumping out from behind a tree or wall.

29. Don't act like a slut. They are always the first to die...usually the most brutal too.

30. Unless you absolutely saw someone die, don't believe that they are dead when someone tells you so. They usually aren't, and tend to be the bad guy in the end.

31. If you shoot the darn thing 30 times and it doesn't even flinch, find another weapon!!

32.  Swiss army knives are your friends.

33.  Love has its limits...let the formerly human zombie-parasite ex-dreamboat go.



Right!?! 1tehe

34. If you find a totally weird looking artifact in an antique store that the owner says is NOT for sale, DON'T insist. Leave it alone.

35. Dont take the "short cut" through the back roads in the south. If you're the passenger and the driver insists on this, punch them in the face.

2laugh

36. Likewise smack the person that says "we should split into groups of two & search
     for it."

37. When asking for directions, don't stop at the gas station where there is a creepy redneck with motor oil all over himself...he is either helping the badguys or is one of the bad guys and will only lead you to trouble.

38. If the forest looks dark and creepy - don't enter.

39. If you absolutely have to enter, stay clear from the tiny little house in the middle of it.

40. Whatever you do - don't get lost in said forest...

41. If you hear strange noises form the attic, especially if it's midnight or full moon - whatever you do, don't go to check what it is.

42. If one of your friends all of a sudden gets a really great idea - "Hey - let's sleep over in that really creepy ghost house down the street, at midnight, with only a flashlight each" - Say no.

43. Monsters usually runs faster than you, so if you ever have to run from one - use a car.

44. Don't walk home by yourself...especially at night...ESPECIALLY if you're female.

45. In the world of horror movies, it's good to be disabled in some way. For some reason the disabled people usually live.

46. If you are offered money to stay the night in a house where a whole bunch of murders too place, say no. You won't live long enough to get the money.

47. If you don't "give it up" for your boyfriend, he WILL try to kill you eventually.

48. If you have been drinking or doing drugs...don't try to run away from the killer. Somehow you will always trip and break a bone or get your foot caught in something.

49. If you try to hide out at a public place, DON'T choose a school. For some reason monsters like to hide out at schools.

50. Cute little girls and their mothers are most likely to survive an attack. Big brave men - not so much.

51. helicopters is the only safe way to get out of a zombie/monster/alien attack.

52. Stay away from pools at midnight.

53. Don't go looking for monsters. They especially like when dinner (or victims) serves itself...

54. Stay away from graveyards at midnight (Do I really have to tell you that?)

55. If the killer pokes his head into your doggie door to scare you, DON'T scream and run away. Take this opportunity he has left himself helpless in, and kick his jaw off, stab him in the face, throw the always present pot of boiling water in his face, ANYTHING!

56. Never pick on the kid that everyone else picks on. This could save your life when he/she goes nuts.

57. Never pick up hitch hikers, no matter how pretty they are or how helpless they look.

58. If you have a really nice mom that you're incredibly close to, watch out, she's going to die.

59. If you are in your car, trying to get away from the psycho that's after you, LOOK at where you're putting your keys. Don't just blindly stab around for the ignition while screaming your head off and looking out the windows.

OMG, I can't catch my breath 2laugh

60.  Psycho-killer Jason/Freddie type killers LOVE the suburbs.

61.  Lycans, Vampires, parasitic alien creatures, Humongous reptilians or
     chameleon types however, totally dig the city.

62. Never blow off that horrible feeling you have about something as "just nothing."

63. Don't be pretty. Ugly girls never get stalked and murdered.

64. If a strange IM pops up on your computer, for God's sake don't tell this person everything about yourself. You're just asking for it.

65. When you know there's a killer outside, and your dad should be home any minute, there is going to be a knock at the door. LOOK out the peep hole or window before you open the door. It is most likely not your dad.

66. If you have just gotten out of the shower and you hear a weird noise, dry your feet before walking down your wood-floor hall to investigate. This way you won't slip and crack your head open when an intruder jumps out.

67. The Wizard of OZ was a lie...scarecrows are wicked evil >:D. (yes I needed both adjectives)

68. Don't stoop to bend over the fallen psycho killer to make sure he's dead. He's not. He's faking. Trust me on this. Just run. Run fast. (And remember...go outside, idiot, not upstairs!)

69. If you need to escape, it's best to avoid the car altogether. It will either be out of gas, stall, or suddenly and mysteriously have brakes that no longer work (but which worked perfectly when you last drove it.)

70. Basements are bad. So are attics.

71. The boogeyman does exist.

72. Pig's blood is never a good ingredient for a prank.

73. If you're running on foot from a psycho in a car, for God's sake, don't run down the middle of the road!

74. If your outside, don't go near that well that a girl fell down!

75. Don't wear a short dress, its never good to be running away from the psycho and have him/her/it looking up your dress before it kills you.

76. Don't go in the sewers, even if your looking for your ex-girlfriends.

78. Quit thinking you could just be freinds, he'll either kill you or overtake your body to kill others with

79. For chrissake if you hit a child with a car and he's perfectly fine don't call him a bad word, get out of there!

80. If your freind is being tortured by some creepy demon don't make a point to visit her at her house at midnight. Ever.

81. Throw away all mirrors, before someone uses them to kill you by breaking them and jabbing you, or jumping through them, or even you breaking it and getting "bad luck"

82. Your friend's sudden ability to float like the thing that was chasing you both, probably means he's on their side now.

83.  If you go on a camping trip get a really big tent. That thing can only attack tents with a capacity of 2 or less.

84.  Don't stop to confess your love to your crush/sweetie until after you escape.

85.  If you've hidden in a random house to escape and the phone rings don't answer it.

86.  Maniac's cellphone batteries never die & they also never lose their signal   (can I sign up with that company please!?). 1blink

87. Never read a demonic book of summoning out loud, even as a joke.

88. Never assume it's your naked boyfriend/girlfriend under the sheets.

89. The crazy old guy everyone is laughing at really does know what he's talking about.

90. If a strange voice whispers your name in a house you're completely alone in, leave immediately through the nearest exit. If there is no exit, make one.

91. Never touch the TV calling your name.

92. If the person your being haunted by is crazy for puppets, a plane trip is smarter than going to HER old theatre. (I forgot what movie was that from)
93. Learn how to shoot a gun instead of running in a panic.
94. Your chances of survival drop 10% each time you meet one of the following traits: leader, brave, tough, smart, tall, armed, depended on, male, rationalizing, possible love interest, hottie
Edit: hottie added to trait list  :D

*adds "hottie" to the trait list.* 1titter

95. Don't be too bothered by the fat annoying guy. He's going to get killed in the next 30 minutes.

96. If you're an orphan, adopted, or have one deceased parent, chances are you are going to find out something completely weird about your family history.

97. If you wake up in a bath-tub full of ice, and there's a phone next to you, for God's sake use it to call 911. Don't try to stand up.

98. Never split from the rest of the group because you have to pee. Hold it.

99. When you think you have killed the psycho, don't throw down your weapon and run to the aid of your beloved. You're going to need the weapon again soon.

100. The masked psycho will never be able to move faster than an ambling, semi-limping shuffle, but will somehow always manage to keep up with you, no matter how fast you can run.

101. Pet reincarnation is a huge no-no. Let Snowball & Rover rest in peace.

102. If you call your dog into the house and he doesn't come in, DON'T go looking for him...especially if you live at the border of a forest.

103. If you have just moved into a new house, and there happens to be a fridge in the basement, don't open it. You don't want to know.

104. If your boyfriend is at all attractive, he's probably a psycho.

105. Don't get out the car if it appears that someone else has broken down, or you have broken down. Its like signing your own death certificate.

106. If trapped during a storm, grab all the knives, guns and things that can be used as weapons. Yes. That means your phone as well.

107. If someone puts a bag over your head to kill you, don't struggle and look stupid. Just rip the bag open and take it off your head.

108. If a pair of bloody leather gloves fall out of your boyfriend's jacket, don't believe a friggin word he says.

109. If you run someone over with your car while you and your friends are drunk driving around, make sure to run him over twice, so that you know he's dead. This way he won't come back to haunt you.

110. If you do run over him twice, go off and dig a grave & then he's missing: A) Assume he's alive
                                                                                                         B) Assume he's coming after you sooner or later.
                                                                                                         C) It's pretty safe to assume he's angry now.




111. Even Jello can turn on you :-\. (The Blob scarred me for life, 1titter)

112. If you find your way into the home of Dracula, listen to his rules so you will become a minion, not dinner.

113. Never offer shaving tips to the man with fur over 90% of his body, it never turns out well.

114. Have a flame thrower in the room with you at all times.

115. Learn how to throw a grenade so it lands in the monster's crotch. It may not kill them but may disable them enough to slow them down quite a bit.

116. Don't let anyone bring a Ouija board into your home, never mind using the damn thing on your own.

117. If a book looks like it's bound with human flesh, burn the sucker with gasoline.

118. DON'T go on a camping trip with a man named "Ash", that's what you could wind up as.

119. Never ever offer Neosporin to that man covered in the bloody bandages, he's past any help that you could offer. Run instead or use the flame thrower mentioned earlier.

120. Don't offer the use of your Little Mermaid to the Monster From the Black Lagoon, he's not interested in seeing Ariel in her clamshell bra. TRUST ME...

121. Don't throw tampons at the scared little thing in the ladies room that has just reached puberty, she will make your life a living hell later on if you do.

122. If you suspect your child is possessed, get all of the split pea soup out of the damn house!

123. If you find that the house you've been offered a great deal on was the scene of a murder, don't buy the damn thing, let alone let your family live there!

124. If your car is acting cranky, don't assume that it is automotive PMS and have a religious personage work with the mechanic.

125. If a guy is over seven feet tall, has a greenish complexion and can't speak well, don't assume he's just suffering from an over-active pituitary gland and food poisoning, get the hell out.

126. Don't assume that Raid is going to take care of those giant ants that invade your picnic, you could be in for an unpleasant surprise if you do.

127. Grab the nearest Marcel Marceau impersonator and throw him at the annoyed monster because even they know that a mime is a terrible thing to waste...

128. If your inexpensive new home seems too good to be true...it is.

129. Never mess around with human remains...for any reason. Screw the damn pool!

130. If you're with your child, and the little chap disappears, suddenly no one will know what you're talking about when you ask around about him/her.

131. If your child nearly kills your wife on the way out of her, has dark hair and pale skin while you and your wife are blonds, and he HATES church, suspect something. When he makes his nanny hang herself, take the hint.

132. Hiding in a church is not always the best bet.

133. Remember to check your newborn's head for numbers.

134.  Sibling rivalry can be deadly.

135.  Remember to check your newborn for curiously message-shaped or portrait birthmarks.

136.  When you haven't seen a man in years yet miraculously find yourself pregnant don't get excited and paint the nursery, seek help--fast.

137.  If you do have said evil spawn, no matter how demonic or grotesque it is--cuddling it will save your life.

138.  That burning feeling in your chest isn't indigestion--grab a towel this could get messy.

139.   Aliens prefer to avoid the stress of childbirth and that's where we come in handy...plus we double as the first snack for the new evilings ;).

140.  When purchasing a new home try to avoid those built on former burial grounds.

141. If your new home is telling you to "Get out", listen to it. Pack up your crap and leave now.

142. If the child you're babysitting tells you that there's a monster in his/her closet, under the bed, or outside...believe them. Don't just laugh, send them to bed and call your sissy boyfriend.

143. If you're going on a date with someone for the first time, they will come to your house. If your dog freaks out and tries to attack him/her...take this as a sign. This person is bad news.

144. If the attractive new girl at school flirts with you, just tell her you're gay. It will save you from being killed and devoured later.

145. Be apathetic, they never kill the ones who don't give a crap.

146. Never adopt a child whose name is Esther.

147. Pets who return from the dead are NOT the pets you once knew. If you see them come back to you in some form, don't let them into the house!

148. If a monster is attacking you just when you try to leave through the front door, do NOT run upstairs! Run to the back where you can leave through the back door.

148. Do not bury beloved relatives in the Pet Cemetery referred to in number 147. If it didn't work well for the pets, it certainly won't work for your wife (or infant son). 

149. Also, try keeping said infant son from playing in the two lane hwy you live in front of...an ounce of prevention and all.

150. Consider wearing a short hairstyle and close fitting clothes so that pyscho killer/zombie/etc has nothing to grab while chasing you ;D

151. Always keep your shoes tied. Never wear sandals when you run!

hahahaha that's hilarious XD

152) try to get killed since the begining, you die at the end anyways (after getting s*** scared out of you for hours).

Admin note: Edited for language, keep it a bit cleaner. Hell and damn are acceptable, though.

153. Always pay attention to freakish dreams you're having, especially if they coincide with deaths suddenly happening around the neighborhood.

154. Everyone involved in a horror movie has enough money for a nice house in the suburbs with a pool in the back yard. Trailer parks are invisible to psycho killers.

155. Monsters tend to enjoy the atmosphere in old houses that seemed to be well stocked with food and drink.

156. If a psycho killer blames his or her mother for interfering the relationship and start calling the potential date a "whore", it's time to hand a John or Jane Doe letter to the killer and hightail out of the area right away.

(at this rate, we're going to have to up the number.)  :D
157. Avoid small dark rooms when running from a psycho killer.
158. Avoid dropping weapons when stuff gets calm.
159. Psycho killers cannot drive cars, they prefer walking in the dark.

160. Likewise give same said "John Dear" letter if your date starts calling YOU mother or trying to get you to dress like her...

161. No amount of security systems in the world can keep a crazy guy locked up.

162. That guy who lives across the street in that old house, that is always yelling at you and your animals don't like? Yeah him, He's probably a mass-murdering psychopathic killer. Or he just smells funny.

163. The stories you hear about a creepy old house on the hill are probably true. Heed the stories and you will live.

164. If you're invited to a party at an old house by someone hosting a Mystery Night party involving blood, gory parts and strangers lurking in the dark, don't go.

165. If you're invited to a party at an old house that once served as an asylum, don't go either.

166. If you're out trick-or-treating with your friends and they dare you to go and knock on the door of the old creepy house at the end of your street? Don't go.

167. Be nice to the grumpy old man...chances are he is going to save you and your stupid pack of friends from certain doom.

168. If you're invited to go to a party on a desert island, DON'T!

169. If your daughter's head spins around in a 360 degree manner, don't call a priest, call a doctor.

170. If your child vanishes on an airbus, and nobody has seen the child or known you brought one aboard, use your GPS device to find the kid. When the airbus lands, hire a lawyer to sue them.

171. If you get a strange call in the middle of the night from a stalker while you're babysitting, go check on the kids FIRST!

*I can't believe the stupid girl in "When A Stranger Calls" wasted 2 hours of my time not to bother checking up on the kids until right at the end.* In the actual book version, the children were already dead before the phone rang.

172. Lights and sounds attract zombies. Avoid anything that will give yourself away like getting away from your screaming friends, avoiding going into any building and traveling during daylight.

173. If you're a child, and your babysitter won't answer you when you go into the living room and see the back of her head behind the couch, she's dead! Run! Go to the neighbor's house. For God's sake don't walk around the couch to look at her face, which is most likely mutilated.

174. If you're a babysitter, NEVER offer to babysit for a family that has GLASS French doors in any part of their home.

175. If you have a friend that is obsessed with the occult, listen to everything they say. Don't make fun, or you will die.

176. If a strange man happens to call you at all, get the kids up right away, and get the HAIL out of the house. It doesn't matter where you go, just don't sit on the couch scared for the rest of the night, waiting for another call.

177. Babysitting is a dangerous job. Don't do it without a fire-arm strapped into your jacket.

178. Don't ever EVER use windchimes when it's not windy, put them away.

179. Don't backsass the #!^$ out of a murderer, odds are you'll be his next victim.

180. If someone offers to let you stay the night and you barely know them say NO.

181. Don't believe someone who says they'll watch you when you sleep so you don't have a nightmare and die, they will fall asleep. Of course.

182. If you are about to try to stay up late, make sure you have enough coffee, and a sleeping bag on the floor to NOT fall asleep and be blended into bits.

183. In the horror world, no matter how long you go without sleep, you still remain in full-makeup, looking just as crisp as ever.

184. Don't accept any drinks from people you don't know. Even if it looks like regular water, don't!

185. If your friend/boyfriend/boss/mom went to ask for directions in that big, creepy house, and they have been gone a while, honk the horn. Don't get out of the car. If they're still alive (not likely), they will hear the horn and hurry up. If not, drive away.

186. If your trying to run from a mass murderer and you hear a painfull sounding screech, run, run fast.

187. When you are considered "psyco" and the hospital you are at has a magically acsessible ledge over 2000000 ft high up, and your heving nightmares about a man trying to kill you you should probably find a safer hospital.

188. Be absolutely sure about the number of psycho killers or monsters chasing you and your friends. If you know there's only one, and you shoot him and he goes down, then empty your gun in it. Then grab a knife, cut off his head and burn it in the oven. If you know there's more than one, skip the emptying your gun part.

189. NEVER sleep again. Ever, no matter how tired you are. All the bad things happen while you sleep.

190. Dark old hospitals are not a good place to explore.
191. Dark old houses aren't good, even if it's your inheritance.

192.When zombies attack go for sharp dont throw a chair and expect it to work

193.Zombies are running loose dont attempt to save anyone you love you will just die in the end


194.All ways wear you seatbelt

(Please # your things!)
195. If you are sick with anything, especially a cold, stay home! You sneezing all over everyone wont help.

196. Don't hide in a mall made out of mostly GLASS after zombies invade the world. Eventually, they are going to break through.

197. Never cheat on your spouse...especially if your spouse is male. He WILL go crazy, and he WILL eventually kill you and everyone else he sees.

198. If you find a weird video tape and it starts looking like a college art film, push eject before it finishes and throw it in the trash. If the phone rings afterward, don't answer it. And if a weird little girl comes out of your tv, either run or shoot her.

199. If your girlfriend, after hysterically begging you to leave the demon-infested house, suddenly tells you (in a calm voice) she thinks you should stay and everything will be fine, haul her backside out of there (forcibly, if you must) and get her to an exorcist immediately.

200. If you abuse a kid for all his life, and he acts like he doesn't care, watch out, one day he'll pull a psycho on you and shoot you all, and everyone else he can get his hands on.

201. If you get a call that sounds like someone breathing into the phone, hang up, un plug the phone, and burn it in your fire place.

202. Either that, or breathe LOUDER into the phone. Give him a taste of his old medicine. Maybe go so far as to ask him what he's wearing...in a manly voice.

203. If your sister acts really weird after being attacked by a wild animal, don't for a moment assume it just has something to do with her being 'female'.

204. If people all around you start pooping out giant carnivorous worms, leave the area. Don't take no for an answer when you get to the military blockade.

205. If you go to a dark place, always carry a flashlight ;) We don't need you tripping all over the place with a murderer on the loose.

206. If you purchase a house with wall to wall glass windows invest in some curtains--people can see you,
you know.

207. Don't buy houses with wall to wall glass windows.

208.  If you build a hidden panic room in your house install your own secret security system.  Otherwise someone else will know it's there (duh).

209. If you build a hidden panic room in your house, you might want to add a hidden secret escape route.

210. If the neighborhood, where your incredibly below market huge new home is, is so dangerous that you need a hidden panic room--you probably should have passed on the deal...prepare to fight for your life.

211. If you find the remnants of a jawbone in your driveway, take the hint. What more proof do you need that something bad happened there?

212. Keep your freakin doors and windows LOCKED. How hard is it?

213. Don't buy a house with 13 bedrooms when you have 3 people in your family.
a. What's the point?
b. You just know you're going to have some crazy stuff happen to you.

213. c.  If you do buy a house with 13 rooms inspect ALL 13 rooms. The thing always lives in the one you've never been in.
       d. If there's a basement or attic with a missing key you can stop searching...it's in there.

214. Don't linger around behind the rest of your group no matter where you are. If something catches your eye, either leave it alone, or stop the whole group.

215. Never put your mother in a home...she will haunt you for it.

216. Don't go swimming in the ocean. Just don't. Take a trip to the public pool.

215. Don't swim in said public swimming pool when it's dark and you're alone.

216. The extremely sexy girl is always bad news. But for some reason that "girl next door" that you know would have herpes in real life, is totally safe in horror movies.

217. Hang out with the tough, mean girl. She will always fight her way out of her problems.

218. Biogenetic experiments have no limits.

219. Virus outbreaks always start in monkeys and jump to humans.

220. Any person waking up from a nightmare will sit bolt upright, panting and sweating like they've just run the two-minute mile.

221. The serial killer is usually someone you know. Look to your friends and relatives with suspicion.

222. Never have sex. This is when the killer will find you and both you and your partner through with a machete.

(Haha, I really like 220.)

223. The serial killer is usually weightless, never making a sound before he appears out of nowhere.
224. He also never seems to have to open any noisy doors either.
225. Or trip on stuff on the floor he can't see because of how dark it is.
226. Or set off that chime you hear when you open a main door in your average home with a security alarm.

227. Everyone in horror movies is skinny and attractive.

228. Never go to summer camp for any reason.

229. Even if you just got done giving birth, breaking your leg, etc, you can still get up and save the day.

230. Everyone that wakes up from a nightmare always seems to do so at 3 am.

231. Everyone's phone number always starts with "555" and has 20 digits.

232. A single match casts enough light to illuminate a room the size of a football stadium.

233. Being a camp counselor in a summer camp is a death sentence.

234. The pretty, preppy cheerleader always gets killed for being a total b-word.

235. For some reason, neighbors never notice the stench of rotting bodies coming from the serial killer's place next door.

236. All sleezy motels are dangerous. Never stop there, wait until you get to Vegas.

237. A small barely populated town is a bad place to stop.
238. Everyone dies except for the short pretty girl who didn't do anything.

239. If you're running away from the monster, expect to trip at least once or twice. More if your attractive and female.

240. If the way out is only wide enough for one person at a time, for God's sake, don't volunteer to go last. You'll be sure to gain a new accessory in the form of a sharp implement sticking out from between your shoulder blades.

241. The soul survivor of a serial murder is never looked at as a suspect.

242. After the serial killer is dead, everything ends happily ever after. The law doesn't ask questions.

243. Little yappy, fluffy dogs always get killed.

244. Convicted serial killers always get the maximum sentence (unlike life) but don't get comfy they'll be escaping soon.

245.  If said killer get sentenced to death and does actually pay with his life, he'll be coming back for revenge and he'll be unstoppable.

246. If your little yappy dog barks furiously for a while, yelps out in pain, whimpers then goes silent don't sigh with relief & roll over--run!!!  (1titter thx Senko ;) )

247. Slobbering drunk people can run pretty fast when they fear for their lives.

248. It's incredibly easy to kill people without leaving a single trace of yourself behind.

249. If a new girl joins your class say hi like everyone else or shut up.

250. Enjoy the two adorable kids you already have.

251. The quiet perfectly behaved child is not the one to adopt.

252.  If you suspect your newly adopted child of being a psychopathic serial killer then never let your other kids out of your sight...idiot.

253. Don't adopt kids over the age of 2, they're usually insane at that age anyway.

254. If your son's nanny creeps you out, fire her.

255. If you're the rich wife of an embassador and you have only one kid and no job of your own, you don't need a friggin nanny in the first place. Take care of your psychotic, demonic kid by yourself.

256. Really scary things only like to torment you when the lights are off.

257.  Be considerate of your friends.  If the thing only wants you, go off and fight it alone, don't drag them into it.

258. Dogs with upside-down heads look mad creepy. The good thing is they only go after fear.  Tell them you've seen scarier things in Disney movies so back off, & they will.

(Dogs with upside down heads? That seems so familiar).

259. Intruders always know the exact layout of your house upon first entry.

260. If your dad doesn't like your boyfriend, there is probably more of a reason behind it than "he's taking my little princess away". Pay attention and take off your rose colored glasses.

261. If your boyfriend gets out of the car to investigate a sound, and gets killed right in front of the car, don't be the person that just sits in the car screaming. Be the girl that jumps into the front seat and peels out of there, saving the rest of your lives.

262. When staying in a haunted house, women will investiage noises in their most revealing underwear.

263. After going to investigate the sound in their most revealing underwear, something usually scares them, followed by a scene of them running around scared in said underwear.

(The Unborn )

264. (my freind realized this one)If there are no black people around and there normally is, RUN, run fast, because usually they are the first ones to know something is wrong and leave.

264. If there are two males in love with one girl in a scary situation (i.e., an ex and a next 1titter) one of them will have to die horribly saving her life.

265. Don't be the male friend of the pretty girl. You will care about her and be concerned for her, wanting to be a good friend, but DON'T. Sooner or later, her psychotic, jealous boyfriend will violently murder you.

266. If you're a normal human being, don't try to sneak into that all-night club that all those gothy looking people are getting into. They're not goth kids, they're vampires, and if they find you, a human, in their midst, you aren't going to be going home.

267. When your mother is having a troubled pregnancy with your baby brother, and she bleeds a lot, don't use the old knife to cut the pain trick, you'll be accused of murder by your step-father.

268. If someone asks you to sacrife young blood, and they aren't human, don't sacrifice said brother, because non-humans are typically discreet, and thus step-father and/or baby boy's daddy will think your going to kill him and shoot you instead.

269. Apparently the above is a good thing and takes you from the horrid family you have and gives you to the moon who bore you and whatnot.

270. If your mother is having a troubled pregnancy, don't use Mandrake either. Your step-father will accuse you of trying to kill her through witchcraft.

271. If your stepfather kills people for a living, don't do anything stupid, ESPECIALLY after your mother dies in child-birth.

272. No matter how bad this step-father is, he gives a crap about his first born son.

(ah, Pans Labrynth, am I correct?)

273. If he is willing to smash someone who hunts rabrits in the face with a beer bottle until he dies, he wont regret to kill you by any means.

(Oh my goodness, yes. That movie was probably the SECOND most depressing movie I have ever seen. I only watched it once, and it destroyed me for about a week)

274. Trust the Spanish maid-lady. She's trying to help you and she's tough as nails.

275. If you find yourself held captive by a man that is going to torture you, get free and give him a Glasgow Smile.

276. Maids always seem to be good people, but nannies are almost ALWAYS evil to the bone.

(Really? I loved it I watched it 6 times, I hated the ending though, but step up was more truamatixing for me, and it's not even a horror movie!)

277. NEVER I repeat never, go into the place and see the gross frog thing of doom, it wants to eat you.

278. If he doesn't eat you, it's not best to offer yourself by trying to rip a key from his stomach.

279. No matter how good the food looks, if someone/something tells you not to eat it don't. Not even one little grape.

280. Just cause it has no eyes doesn't mean your safe, ever.

(The most traumatizing movie I have ever seen was The Velveteen Rabbit)

281. If your sister suddenly turns from a loner into a popular, skanky girl...kill her. Something is wrong with her and she's going to go nuts eventually.

282. One of your parents is always an anal-retentive, the other always doesn't care about anything.

283. Fireplaces are never good news.

284. If your freind suddenly goes goth and wont talk to you, they are no longer human.

285. Don't run around in the woods with a camera. Nothing good will come of it. Especially if the trees are really tall and skinny and spread out.

286. Kids who call their parents by their first names always have issues.

287. Watch your back in and around hospitals or prisons.

288. Really bad guys can do insane stuff, like sew their faces back together with a needle and thread, and barely flinch.

289. Yes, you can burn them, but they will come back to life somehow anyways, and be mad at you and try to kill you.

290. If someone was murdered in a house, and you move in, the person who was murdered is a psycho ghosty-thingy and will try to kill you.

291. Said ghost can be gotten rid of if you help avenge his/her/their death.

292. Everyone has at least ONE psychic friend.

293. Insulting someone trying to kill you will just make them laugh.

294. If you are pinned down and about to be killed, your phone is out of reach somehow, and yet, still, you manage to grab it in time.

295. Zombies apocalypses always have groups of survivors made up of 3-4 men and 1-3 women.

296. If you're hemmorhaging (sp) during pregnancy but you don't miscarry, something is going in with your kid.

297. If you're a virgin and you get pregnant, don't think that you're the Virgin de Guadalupe. You're not...you have an alien incubating inside of you.

298. Doctors and dentists are always guilty of doing terrible things to people.

299. Odds are, if you are pregnant with a non-human it will eat it's way out of your stomach.

300. If it doesn't eat its way out of your stomach, it will eat all of your insides and wear your skin as a disguise!

301. If you suddenly begin having psychic visions, that come true shortly after you have them, use them to your advantage instead of freaking out and letting all your friends die horribly.

302. If you get trapped by a psychopath who wants you to do something completely messed up, like get a key out from behind your eye, just don't do anything and die. It's a lot less fun for the psychopath, and you're screwed either way anyway.   
(Guess which movie?)

(The human will to live is amazing, aint it?)

303. Male vampires are usually Suave looking.

304. All women in horror flicks are attracted to sissy boys (the Suave vampire type).

305. Vampires hiss annoyingly.

(yup)
306. Vampires used to bite like there's no tomorrow, but now they avoid biting anyone.
307. Puppets are freaky. That should explain itself.

308. Vampires are mad sexy but way broody nowadays.

309. Werewolves and vampires don't get along.

310.  Evil vampires are messy when they eat.

311.  Nannies are not all nice.

312.Good nannies attract evil spawn.

313. The outcast at school will come back and kill you all

314. The one who is scared of everything will live.

315. Paranoid people know more than you.

316. A good death can only be had if you are 1/2 nude and have big boobs.

317. Never look in the mirror. Something freaky will happen if you do.

318) when a murderer is on the loose, NO looking through peep holes!

319) if you see a creepy dead looking person, don't walk toward him/her

320. Little kids aren't the only things that hide under beds.

321. Always carry a gun.

322. If your babysitting a little kid who keeps asking you to play with him/her and is staring at you creepily and likes climbing up walls, don't play with them

323. Hide and seek is BAD.

324. If blood drops down from the ceiling, don't look up, get the hell outta there quickly.

325. If you are in a creepy shop and you find this pet and the owner says not to get it wet or feed it after midnight, don't get it wet or feed it after midnight!

(Haha Gremlin?)

326. Never go into a curio shop and get a doll called "he who kills" ever.

(yup. Was that one chucky?)

327. If you are getting creepy letters and phone calls from some unknown person, don't answer the door and say 'Oh, its you.' They are more than likely the killer!

(No it's from some dumb not even scary movie called "Amelia" in the trilogy something... based on the short story "Prey" I guess)

328. If you have said doll don't let the chain fall off.

329. If said doll losses his chain run the hell.

330. If said doll gets locked in a suitcase and saws it's way out witha  knife, don't grab the knife bare-handed, just stick him in the oven.

331. If the lights suddenly go off, don't go fumbling for the light switch or sit in the dark. Have a torch with you.

332. If an old lady comes knocking on your door asking for a night of refuge, let her stay but lock your door and have a weapon with you just incase. She might either be a murderer in disguise or a young witch who will curse you. (I've been watching Beauty and the Beast)

333. If your alone in an old japanese house, and you see hair coming out of the wall...kiss your butt goodbye cause your cursed.

334) the number 666 is NEVER a good thing.

335) never go outside in the dark, ever.

336) if you see wind chimes- moving or not, and there is no breeze RUN LIKE HELL

337) If your in a wax museum and you see something near the window, get the hell outta there.

338) If a town seems deserted and you've only spoken to one person, get the hell outta there.

339) if you are in a wax museum and one figurine looks very much like the person it was modeled after, or like a person at all for that matter get the hell out of that place.

340) when it's dark and quiet, make it light and loud. Things don't try to kill you as often then.

341. Never let your nerdy friend buy a classic car with a feminine name.  And if he does, and the local bullies destroy it beyond repair, and yet it is miraculously and perfectly restored soon after... be afraid.  Be very afraid.

342.  If you run a successful, self-employed, heavily insured construction business, and your loving wife with the handsome doctor friend suddenly develops an interest in puffer fish livers... hire a divorce lawyer!

343.  And if you are the aforementioned "loving" wife who just poisoned your husband with the puffer fish liver extract...
            a.  Make sure that you gave him enough to kill him.
            b.  Don't skimp on the embalming process.
            c.  And don't have him buried in a cheap, flimsy casket.

344. Never try to prove an old, creepy superstition wrong as you will undoubtedly prove it to be right in the process.

345. If you have a bad feeling about something, never dismiss it as nothing.

346. If the thing that's coming to kill you follows you to the police station and the officer at the desk won't take you seriously, don't stand there in a trance as half the station gets eaten dummy--run!

347-Keep your cell charged always.

348-If you see a scarecrow, burn it.

349-Don’t bleach your hair. Fake blondes use to die first.

350-Check the backseat of your car before you get in.

351-Before you open your closet, take an uzi and fire until you are sure that’s there was nothing but clothes inside. It's an expensive habit but safe.


352-Choose carefully what stereotype you want to belong. Preps die first. Goths, punks and rockers, for instance, usually last a bit longer. Nerds and geeks are a good option if you want to die the latest, but if you do want to survive be the freak.


353-Do not trust guys who talk a lot about their mommas.

354-If you have to stay in a motel, don’t use the bathroom. Whether you need to pee, poo or have a shower do not go there. Dirty pants are better than a dirty grave.

355-Never say, for instance:
  •   'Hello? /Is anybody there? / Yoohoo?'
  •   'We are gonna die'
  •   'I don’t believe that crap'
  •   'I buy UNICEF cards at Christmas, give blood every week and donated all my organs in order to save orphan's lives.'
  •   'Aaaaaw! What a cutie little girl!'
  •   'Lorna is a beetch, that’s why I made out with her boyfriend.'
  •   'Let’s go to the spa!'
  •   'Bloody Mary'. Instead say 'daughter of Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon' or 'cocktail containing vodka, tomato juice, and usually other spices or flavorings'. Depends on the situation and where you are.
  •   'Keep running! I’ll distract them!'

357-Shoot first, ask later. No matter if you killed the wrong person just be sure that you finish him/her/them off.

358 If a huge bum is standing in your cornfield and doesn't reply when you yell at him, instead of beating the crap out of him for no reason, just let him be. He WILL come back to kill you.

359 If you find out the corpse of the man/creature that has tried to kill you has gone missing, do NOT stay in the same city where it all happened!

 2laugh @355: 'daughter of Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon' or 'cocktail containing vodka, tomato juice, and usually other spices or flavorings'.

*357.b. If you do kill an innocent person in error, perform whatever ritual you need to in order to free their soul and/or keep them from coming back angry.
****

360. Make sure no one dies after getting pissed off. (call me late but I just saw all three American version releases of "The Grudge" for the first time  ;)

361. P'O'd dead people don't really understand forgiveness.

362. Don't stand in one spot and scream while the thing slowly creeps towards you. If you're going to do that you might as well walk over to it and let it get you right away--get it over with already.

363. If you do get caught in the grip of a vicious, unrelenting curse, be considerate--keep it in the the house, area, region, or at least the general hemisphere that you got it from.

364. Angry ghosts only kill you when you separate!! Stay in the same room for pete's sake! Geez...

365. Gotta say this again: What's with the falling on your butt and scooting yourself into a corner in fear? Gah! Look if the thing is slowly crawling towards you, what are you bringing yourself down to it's level for? You must have a hidden death wish.

366. Making a living draining evil from others :rolleyes: ah it's a living.  I guess somebody has to do it.  Pouring the drained vileness into your kid---sure that won't have any repercussions, forget about it. 1eyebrow

367. When getting into a car to run away, LOCK THE DOORS .. otherwise they can just drag yuou out of the car.

368. When the weird freaky kid is coming for you .. why run? I mean he's puny just smash his face in or give him a good kick.

369. With baddy in pursuit .. there is no reason to run up to the church doors and shout for help/ sanctuary because the doors are locked.

370. When you're just about to be killed, don't forget to ask for your last wish .. you only get it once after all.

371-Make sure that you carry not only a catholic cross in your vamp-repellent kit but all sort of religious symbols. You never know what kind of religion he/she used to practice before h/s changed. I.e.: The Star of David doesn’t work on a Buddhist, only on jewish vamps, so use a Buddhist Wheel of Dharma. Note: If the vampire was an atheist you are scr-beep-wd.

372-Catholic churches are always full of dangerous creatures (don’t misunderstand me, I’m talking about zombies, demons -from the underworld-, “lickers”...) but nobody knows about mosques, synagogues or Shintoists temples. You can give them a try.

373-If you know that the psycho is close don’t run or hide, pretend that you are already dead and pray to God that he doesn’t feel like finishing you off. This technique also works with wild bears.

374-Do not read ancient leather books, written in latin or another old language, out loud. You could be reading The Gallic Wars by Julius Cesar as well as some sort of satanic ritual in order to summon a hunch of blood-thirsty demons.

375-If a werewolf is about to attack you, don’t run, they love chasing humanburgers. Just lie down on your back, pee on your pants and show your bare neck as an act of submission. If it works with dogs and wolves it could do it with weres.

376-Rednecks are cannibals. Avoid them

377. If you encounter such redneck mutants in the desert, don't worry. Chances are, one of the female mutants will think your son is sexy and will try to save everyone.

378. If you're facing an evil being with the ability to shapeshift, PLEASE don't be stupid enough to believe your long lost husband, mom, or other family member has suddenly come over for a visit. It's the monster, don't open the damn door!

379-(Regarding to rule 377) Do not go to rednecks wedding receptions. No matter if you are the groom's mother/father. You'll serve as the main course because either uncle Billy Donny Ray or granny Martha Mae "Hattie" think you are yummy .

380. If you're walking in the woods and hear banjo music, run!

381. Dinosaurs really love human snacks.

382. Small guns really have no effect on huge creatures idiots. If you plan on traveling to where they live, increase your weapon strength by at least 60 %.

383. If your friend says she's starving & normal food makes her vomit instantly, be suspicious. (she's either pregnant or possessed, or both.

384. If said friend pukes & the puke is black and crawls around your floor, don't suggest going to the ER.

385. Blonde girls with unnaturally green eyes are bad news.

386. Blonde girls with southern accents are bad news.

387. Double tap, very important.

388. If you have a pool, chances are you, your parent, your friend, or your pet will end up floating face down in it.

389. Never try to sneak into the suspected killer's house to prove your suspicions...always trouble.

390. If there is something under the bed, you MUST look there. maybe it's candy?
391. Even if you are stabbed so many times that you lost unnatural ammounts of blood, you still manage to survive and breathe out I love you or something like that...
392. Even if the killer gets stuffed to capacity with bullets, falls of the cliff, float int he river and get cast a shore few days later, he is still alive. Squirrels help him heal aparently.
393. No one realizes that the garbage bags aren't garbage...
394. Closet is the best place to hide, because it is the last place they look for.
395. Windows are always closed and they always have metal bars, or nailed shut.
396. If you are peacefully having sex, you will get killed. Remember children: Sex kills!
397. Killer always had troubled past.
398. killer is always disfigured.
399. Killer is mostly male. Rarely chick decided to go on rampage because she is having real bad time of a month this time a year. Or he boyfriend dumped her...
400. if you are a girl that sleeps around and has big boobs, they won't help you today. okey, maybe they deflect stab or two, but they deflate eventually...

401. In case of alien invasion, running around the city to escape from aliens is totally useless. The only thing you have to do is wait for the American Army to come and save the world with their cool helicopters and stuff.

402. ...However, the American Army will come only at the end of the movie, when all of your friends are already dead.

403. ...Oh, and you might be dead too.

404. Remember that 'stupid legend' they told you during last Halloween party? It's true.

405. Never let your cute little dog go in the garden alone at night, 'cos it's the perfect way to get your poor puppy killed in some really cruel way.

406. DO. NOT. WASH. YOURSELF. Psychos love killing their victims in the bathroom. If you're a girl and you're having a shower, you can consider yourself dead.

407. Stay away from orphanages, convents, hostels and hotels in general.

408. ...Also, forget about camping, especially if you're a teenager.

409. The worse thing you can do when you're scared is fall asleep.

410. Don't ever die in your dreams.

411. Never bring a baddie out of your nightmares into real life if you can avoid it.  They'll still
       be unstoppable.

412. Freddie, Jason, and Micheal Myers despise each other...jealousy issues maybe?

413. Never make fun of that wierd boy down the street.

414. If something in your dreams is after you don't let anyone talk you into taking a sleeping
       pill to relax.

415. Something, somewhere, is haunted. And you have to go there or the plot will not continue.

416. If you go to the noise, you will die. Stupid.

417. Crosses will only protect you from vampires if you believe in the power behind the cross and not the object itself. <----learned from the head vampire in an old movie called "Salems Lot" (1979). At the time it was hard to forget the scene when he killed the priest who didn't really believe--he snatched the cross and threw it.

418. There are different types of vampires.

419. Not all vampires are irresistibly sexy or handsome.

420. Beware 'cause some are super whiny and will drive you nuts with their angst. Others just wanna feed.

421. The unemotional ones are hella vicious. Fight equally nasty if you want to live.

422. The upside is the angst-ridden touchy-feely ones tend to care about humans and may fall in love with you, in which case they will do anything to protect you.

423. Protection may include making you one of them.

424. Aliens can come in tiny parasite form which makes them near impossible to detect and just as hard to kill.

425. Most aliens are also shapeshifters, often taking the form of their victims so watch other people's behaviour. Especially if they're adamant about you going to sleep when they don't or they're very anxious to be alone with you.

426. Oh yeah: beware of giant vegetables (like bean pods)

427- There are two different breeds of werewolves:
Cheesy Chewakus LMAO(us) Lycanthropus
(http://i989.photobucket.com/albums/af11/alaaraaf/teenWolf-1.jpg)

And scary Ipeemypantus Lycanthropus
(http://i989.photobucket.com/albums/af11/alaaraaf/underworld-werewolf-1.jpg)

428. Silver bullets kill both types.

429. The Chewakus are all sad about their werewolfyness & have a softspot for humanfolk.

430. As for Ipeemypantus say your prayers. Whoever took that picture was never heard from again.

431. If you're stupid enough to try and battle the monster from the bottom of the lake, forget the harpoon! Bring explosives!

432. When you're being chased by the monster/murderer/freak and your car runs out of gas, always have alternate methods of getting away (motorcycle, boat, helicopter, anything!).

433. Playing a massive game of hide-and-seek in the middle of the night at your high school, whether it's 100 years old or 100 days old, is always a bad idea.

434. It good to get a pilots license.

435. Keep you car keys where you can find them or at least have a trusty spare somewhere safe.

436. When running to your car to escape bring your keys!

437. Btw, that nasty entity that hates you could be your car.

435. Being blond female is like green light or the killers, thy always et them 1st.

436. If you bought your child a toy that talks, check for batteries before giving it to him. If it has none and is talking, burn it. Show no mercy.

437. When being chased by the killer, hiding in a slaughter house is probably not the best idea, unless you've got a large knife with you and have very good aim.

438. Stay away from slides.

439. When you're stuck in your house, find other ways to entertain yourself then spying on the neighbor across the street.

440. Bathtubs are dangerous, and it's best not to be in one when there's a killer on the loose.

441. Always take food from strangers. It looks legit.

442. Stalking a pack of werewolves while disguised as a vampire is always a safe bet. NOT!

443. Basements are dark. They are cold. They are damp. Killers lurk in basements. If the above three reasons did not make you want to stay far away from one, then the forth one should.

444. Hanging around a group of kids who want to investigate a haunted house: BAD IDEA.

445. The bigger they are, the harder they fall, and be very far away when they DO fall.

446: If you have blonde hair, big boobs, a boyfriend among the group or the killer is attracted to you, you will die second, if not first.

447. Humpin' in an abandoned cabin in the woods while a supernatural killer is loose is the equivalent of bleeding while swimming with the sharks: IT AIN'T GONNA BE PRETTY!!!
448. Reading and speaking out ancient tongues from a decaying book might raise the dead and all the evil spirits of the woods.
449. If you're a prostitute or the town slut, you're screwed, and not in the way that earns you your coin or pleasure.
450. If it stars Shaq or Hannah Montana, the movie's gonna be scary, even if it's a family film.
451. Even the guy you think is gonna live winds up getting chopped in half in a swamp

452. If someone suggest touring an abandoned laboratory, jail, or a house were some terrible murder happened, slap said person and leave immediately.

453. If the love interest of a member of your group is definitively dead and that person swears they hear or see said dead lover/spouse and is willing to hurt other members of the group to get the dead person, let them go if possible and barricade the entrances so they can't get back in, saves time and more a more valuable members of the group.

454. Even if there is only one weapons expert everyone should have a weapon and ammo because if that person is killed, improvising or searching for supplies wastes time you could be using to run.

455. If you are in a well lit area don't go toward the dark places, there is a reason the murderer isn't where you are.

456. If a St. Bernard is growling at you while you're emptying garbage,never ask it why it's growling at you,Just run into the house,grab a shotgun that has bullets in it,and shoot the dog before it rips through your screen door and kills you.

457: Virgins can die now, so live it up, hookers!
458: If you work for a bank or loan office, give the nasty gypsy woman the extension, or suffer the hell curse she unleashes on you
459: If you're in a Sam Raimi film that ISN'T spider-man, and you happen to be the main character, you're STILL doomed!
460: Don't ever go to New Orleans (unnabridged: zombies, deformed hillbilly killers, Parisian vampires, snakes inhabited by the spirits of devils, deadly and vengeful spirits, et al...)
461: Lawnmower plus zombies equals ballroom of gore

462. You're half of a couple looking to adopt a child. Into the room you're sitting in comes a sweet little girl with black hair named Esther. Stand up, turn around, and run away screaming....wait, that was already used.....anyway, if your car gets a flat tire and a German surgeon specializing in seperating conjoined twins offers you the chance to stay at his place for the night, refuse the offer, then run away at full speed.

463. You can have violent, neck snapping sex if your lover happens to be a regenerative creature
464. Double bitted hatchets are REALLY sharp
465. If you lynch it, it will kill (Candyman, Hatchet, Nightmare on Elm Street, ...)
466. If the weird kid wins prom king or queen, get the hell out of there now!
467. Vampires have a weird blur that follow them.

466.a. or at least congratulate them nicely (then leave quietly) if you want to live.


468. If you are running from something evil there will always be someone who tells you to relax and wants you to take a sedative, slap them and get going. They will stick the sedative in your drink if you hang around.

469. If it's a Doctor telling you this watch out! He's coming with an injection to either relax you completely (muscles included) or put you to sleep.

insipration from watching "Child's Play" this weekend:

470. If there is someone chasing you with a HUGE knife and you run to a house/room etc., don't close the door behind you and then lean on the door sighing with relief...they can stab through the door you know.

471. If they are stabbing through the door with the gianormous knife it's probably not a good idea to try grabbing it--unless you have steel fingers.

472. If the thing chasing you is 25 inches tall stand up and kill it!  Never get down to the level of the thing that's attacking you.

472. If the attacker is less than half your size, step on it!
473. If you think you've seen it before, you're probably in a bad remake (_{god i hated Nightmare On Elm Street!  :mad: )}
474. If your friend start complaining about chest pains, kill them, and then set their bodies on fire. _{(A L I E N)}
475. If your skin doesn't crawl, then it's probably on too tight!
476. Tom Cruise in a blonde poofy wig and large fangs is scary, but Tom Cruise in general is a walking horror movie!

EDIT: Sorry caffeinated.joy, minor slip-up. it won't happen again, i swear it 1worry

We interrupt your game for a friendly Administrative reminder and threatening wave of the Mighty Pool Noodle of Justice:

Screechingvilnce, we are a pg-13 forum, here. Please watch the language.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled forum game.

477. Tom Cruise is a Scientologist, hence, he can solve any problem.
478. The only reason there is ever a sequel to any horror movie is the fact that Chuck Norris was not in the first one. Period.
479. People in horror movies always dial their phones in one of two ways.
        a. they press the buttons using only their thumbs
        b. They dial like they have something wrong with their head, by pressing the buttons with their index finger, and each button they press, they have to take their hand at least 12 inches away from the phone before pressing the next button.

:D


480. Method B of dialing comes in handy if Freddy is after you...his phones like to lick ya.

481: Steer clear of gynecologists - they will not hesitate!!!

482. The sound of dripping water is always privy to horrible, horrible things happening.
483. If your food tastes funny, don't ignore it. Stop eating right now, because it's HUMAN! That's what that exotic flavor is. HUMAN!! You're going to spit out a wedding ring or an unprocessed thumb if you take one more bite.
484. The haggard woman that insists that the spices are making the beef or pork have that flavor is a liar. Hit her in the mouth, report her to the cops, and never look back.

485. If he's handsome, charming, and successful, he probably has a few heads in the freezer.
486. Sparkly vampires burst into flames in sight of Chuck Norris.
487. If the guy at the front door says he's the handyman, and you never called for one, lock and load baby!
488. You know you're in a Rob Zombie movie if everyone has the characteristics of white trash hillbillies, even the children.
489. There wasn't THAT many corpses in that house
490. If you're a cute gay guy at a halloween parade, and the shirtless hunk in the devil mask is eying you, chances are he wants to kill you

LOL at 489.
True, there is NO way that many dead folks could fit in that house.

491: Your reflection will try and kill you. Avoid mirrors.

492: Do not watch TV whilst taking a bath, lest the evil doll you locked up escape and push the TV in

493: Avoid sleeping under a ceiling of mirrors.

494: Don't go into anywhere that has 'Crystal' in the name, and I do mean anywhere.

455: That little old nun isn't as innocent as she seems.

456: A room of mirors with a chair in the middle is found; that'd be your cue to GTFO.

457: Avoid anything that could puncture your skin.

458: Lip rings are not sexy; they will be painfull yanked out before you are suffocated with a pillow.

459: If your child is talking to his reflection, and the reflection is talking back, run.

460: Paint will not stop the angry mirror-demons from trying to kill you.

501: Don't ever trust clowns, ever! Clowns are pure evil, usually not even human and only wants to kill you. 2mad

502: If you see a dead, slimy body in the ground and it's obvious that the poor guy was killed by some horrible space creature, DO NOT, for heaven's sake, touch it to see if he's still alive or turn the body around so you can take a look at it. He's probably either transformed or infested and you'll be the next one in the line.     

503. In pretty much every movie, whenever there is a villain approaching and the crowd is running away, ONE person amid the crowd always has to point in horror and announce what is totally obvious through scream. For example: Zombies are lumbering into town, townspeople go to run away, but one person has to point and go "ZOMBIE!!!" No crap.

504. They will however use the backseat of yours to get you.

505. If the Psycho killer does er--join you, looking in the rear view may save your life since they'd rather sit up an stare until you see them rather than hide.

506. Looking in the rear view mirror will only save your life if you do something other then scream in terror and wait for him/her/it to kill you

I miss this thread! Let's bring it back with:

507. If there is a person in your life that you suspect of being evil (usually a family member), there will always be at least one other family member that will make you feel like you're the stupidest person on earth for even thinking such a cruel thing.

508. Ancient boxes are bad--never, ever open one. Seriously have we learned nothing from Pandora?

509. Believe your kids/spouse when they tell you the new neighbor is acting strange.

Ok, gotta add another one since a movie I just watched totally made me mad.

510. If a strange phenomenon occurs and you just happen to learn what keeps you alive--tell the people you're trying to survive with! Omg why would you keep critical survival info to yourself?

511. Blame yourself if your entire group is now in danger because you didn't follow rule# 510.

512. Don't act all in shock when people without that info start dying.

513. Please, by all means, get yourself killed trying to save someone who would be fine if they had known what you  knew.

514. Children are more resourceful than adults and can outlast them.