Insimenator.org

Waking up is so hard now knowing I’ll never hear his voice, touch him, or tell him I love him again.

(http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b30/chessie4kris/snapshot_d4914037_74916aed.jpg)

 It’s been like this for two weeks now. Every noise in my house haunts and teases me with every creaky floor board I hear and every ring of the phone. My heart leaps in hope that he’ll one day just ring up out of the blue or he’ll walk through the door. But I know he won’t. It’s like I’m missing part of my heart, and a plaster (band-aid) has been stuck on - just to keep me going for a couple more days. Until my tears come, and like water on a plaster it comes off and my wound is opened again. Some days, I sit there and cry for hours, in my solitude, my wounds fresh and stinging. The music I put on doesn’t drown out the sound of guilt that I hear my conscious scream at me.

(http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b30/chessie4kris/snapshot_d4914037_54914277.jpg)

The socialisation and fresh air that people offer me doesn’t help. The last time I got some ‘fresh air’ was when I stepped outside to get some. So I stood just outside the door, breathed in and the ice cold winter air cut straight through me. It just added to the pain inside. Cold and quite breathless, I went back in.

(http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b30/chessie4kris/snapshot_d4914037_949168bc.jpg)

Meanwhile, back in my reality. My eyes look around the room looking for something, I guess. Then, I see at a picture of my sister’s wedding day, I doubt I’ll ever marry now. I’ve lost my soul mate... I feel my mind wondering again. I start to remember the big bout of unrequited love when I was 16, with a guy called Patrick. It never worked out so I figured it just must have been me. I must have been this ugly ginger haired freak that wanted him to love me so much that I tried so hard. It kinda feels like this now as I lay on the sofa. I feel like I’m never going to be loved again, I feel like this is the end of my world, maybe this is the end of my world? I’d cut myself before, when I was younger and swore to my parents that I’d not think about doing it and never do it again. So far I hadn’t – It was like a miniature cure until now. I push the thought out of my mind, and preoccupy myself with a tipple of wine and my favourite TV show. Except this is show is silent and all I hear is his voice playing over and over in my mind like a CD on repeat. Every day he’s gone I hear the Texan accent in his voice that little bit less... It’s just like the image of his face in my mind, just gets weaker. I can’t see him, or hear him again. I’m forbidden...

feel free to comment everyone :)

Continue, please.
I'd like to read more.

Continue with the story please. The beginning was great. No need for anything to be changed since it sounded like a solid beginning with the right elements (or circumstances if you will) to a story about the young woman and her memories.

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I walked around the shops for the first time in three weeks - only because my cupboards were getting bare. Somehow, I got the feeling that there were more spiders in my cupboards than food.   Today was also a first for many things like showering, cleaning and putting some of the washing that had been building up in the laundry basket for the past three weeks into the washing machine. It felt weird not putting his boxers, socks and various other items in. It made me realise that it was just me now in the house.

(http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b30/chessie4kris/snapshot_d4914037_54942c76.jpg)

Walking around the shop wasn’t the same without him either as he wasn’t putting junk food in the trolley or singing to the music on the supermarket radio – it’s weird how I just missed the little things that he did. I just walked around aimlessly until I saw something I needed. Normally, I liked to make some effort before I walk out my house but today I wore a track suit as it was the last thing I owned that wasn’t on the washing line, and my auburn hair was flopped around my face more lifelessly than ever. My trainers squeaked against the white granite floor as I walked around the aisles. I felt lost.
Another thing that’s weird is that whenever I look bad I always manage to ‘bump into’ people I know! As usual I get the “how are you coping?” and “it must be hard”, but this time it was someone who I hadn’t spoke to in years. He was called Ricky.

(http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b30/chessie4kris/snapshot_d4914037_b4942bde-1.jpg)

Ricky was one of my fiancée’s old mates from school, he was a bit of a sleaze ball back then and he still looked like a creep now. His greasy, black hair stuck to his face, and his breath smelt.
“I didn’t know you shopped ‘ere doll...” Rick said in his husky 40-a-day smoker’s voice.
“I...I...I’m not usually here at this time of the day” I managed to say, without gagging on the reek of this breath.
“You look lost... Come with me, I’ll help you shop. Don’t worry doll”, and then before I could stop him, Ricky had grabbed my basket and had put it inside his shopping trolley “we can catch up while we shop!” he continued.
My face must have looked horrified. I couldn’t think of anything worse but so far he was the only person that hadn’t used “how are you coping?” and “it must be hard” to describe my situation. Yes, he smelt, yes, he had just annoyed me, and no, I wasn’t going to pass up the first offer of male company I’d had in a while.

Rick spoke of his failed marriage of four years to old school friend of mine, and about his two children that were now two and four years old. Then he asked me about how I’d been and I was dumbstruck as I couldn’t think of anything to do, tears came to my eyes as I placed the tin of baked beans into my basket.

(http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b30/chessie4kris/snapshot_d4914037_94942b97.jpg)

“Did I say something?” Rick asked, I guess I’d somewhat adapted to the smell of his breath as I could no longer smell its intensity.
“No...” I replied in a somber tone, then reality hit me.


“It’s just that three weeks ago... Will died”

This is great!  I love the way you tell your story.  Good descriptions, and good job making us sympathize with your character, helping us see and feel what she does.  I really want to come back for more to find out more about her.  Nicely done.

I really like it and will be following closely. :D

this story is great its nice the way it being about one character you don't have to use much dialogue and btw where did you get the nose piercing from? ive looked everywhere for one for my self sim and its driving me crazy!

it's from the bon voyage EP in the jewellery section.
if not try MTS2 :)
i was jumping with excitement when i found nose piercings on the Bon Voyage ep because like yourself i have a nose piercing.
good luck!
x

(http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b30/chessie4kris/snapshot_d4914037_34957950.jpg)

Rick looked shocked. I couldn’t believe that I had said what I had so abruptly. Rick stared at me; his eyes seemed to glaze over in a look of disbelief. My reaction was similar when I found out – how could a healthy twenty-nine year old die? Don’t get me wrong, I know it happens – it’s just when it happens to someone you know, someone you love - that’s when it gets hard. I’ll never forget the day when policemen knocked at my door to tell me William had died. That’ll forever be imprinted in my memory. My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the supermarket intercom. Maybe it was time to say something...

“Rick...? Maybe we should just go pay and talk some more over lunch?” I said hesitantly, I saw him nod so I continued, “Sure, I’ll go home after I’ve finished here and freshen up?” I really needed to freshen up as I didn’t fancy looking a tramp in a restaurant. The restaurant I had in mind was café la international from what I’d heard it was alright, the food wasn’t too filling and it was affordable.

“Have you got paper and a pen?” I asked Rick

“Yep, ‘ere ya go doll.” Rick replied handing me a receipt from his pocket and a pen from a near-by shelf. I wrote the café I wanted to meet at and a time.

“See you then” I said to him as I turned and walked towards the till.

(http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b30/chessie4kris/snapshot_d4914037_54957752.jpg)

My blue basket banged against my leg as I walked, hitting my thigh harder sometimes than others. I started to think as I carried on walking across the store. I was on leave from work, and I hadn’t been to the ATM in days – would I have any money? I highly doubted I had - so when I got to the till I opened my purse cautiously and to my relief I saw a $50 tucked away at the back. I hoped my shopping might come to a total close to this or I’d have to loan some money off Rick. The checkout girl calculated my shopping total and to my amazement it came to $49.28! I handed over my lucky note, and hoped I’d have more uplifting moments like these to come...

(http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b30/chessie4kris/snapshot_d4914037_14956eeb.jpg)

Three hours later, Rick and I were sat down in the restaurant, and shortly after we’d ordered beverages Rick said he’d pay. Maybe he saw the lack of money I had earlier in the supermarket, I offered to go half with him but he refused to have it. Suddenly, I smelt mint, and to my surprise Rick it smelled like he’d brushed his teeth!

The waitress came back around, so I ordered my favourite pork chops, and Rick ordered the same for himself. When we finally got our meal, Rick and I started to talk more as the mood lightened.

“You know if you ever need someone to talk to I’m always here” Rick offered.

“Thanks, it was nice to spend some time catching up” I replied.

It was nice that he’d thought to say that, I just hoped that if I did want to talk I’d want to listen. I haven’t really had much luck with my friends, most of them are married with children and they seem to have other things to preoccupy their minds, without worrying about me as well... I felt this hand touch me under the table. My legs snapped together, and pulled back to my body quickly.

(http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b30/chessie4kris/snapshot_d4914037_14956fcd.jpg)

“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!” I snapped.

Rick looked shocked; “I thought you invited me out for a date!” he replied angrily, “You’re a beautiful woman and your single...what else was I meant to think!”

I could see his confusion but I couldn’t believe that he’d try it on when it was obvious I’d been upset beforehand! “You disgust me, I thought were shocked or something, not working out a way to get in my pants, dumb ass!” I yelled, at this point I was stood up, making the whole restaurant look in the direction of our table. “You should have stayed away from the creep” my conscious told at me – it was a bit too late for that I thought.

(http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b30/chessie4kris/snapshot_d4914037_f49570f9.jpg)

I tossed and turned all night in my sleep. I opened my eyes and saw my alarm clock was beaming the time 3:42 across my bedroom. This was the fifth time this week that I’d had disrupted sleep. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and slid my warm body out of my newly washed blue duvet. My feet touched the ground – the laminate was freezing!I cursed the weather and walked from my bedroom to the kitchen, and then in the stillness of the night I saw Will.

(http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b30/chessie4kris/snapshot_d4914037_14957294.jpg)

I knew it was due to tiredness, but it reminded me how much I missed him and when I walked over to where he was stood and then he disappeared. Tears fell down from my eyes, fast and heavy, until I collapsed in a heap. “Come back Will...I...I...miss you” I called out in between sobs into the emptiness of my house, and in that moment I realized I couldn’t remember the last time I had a period...

this story has been called Reminisce, and Fighting the pain inside.
on further thinking i thought neither suited the story.
and this is it's new final name Lost in Reality

Aw, so sad it makes me want to cry.  I really feel for her and am sorry for her loss.  I hope she eventually has a happy life.  That remark about her snapping her legs shut had me lauging, lol.  Great update - can't wait to read more.

Great story!Hope to hear even more!

thanks for the nice comments everyone :D

chapter 4 is currently in the making - will be posted on Sunday or sooner :)

feel free to leave comments if you read this :D

I couldn't believe it when the tests were done and everything was confirmed. That pregnancy test must be the best thing I’ve ever bought! I decided not to trust the pregnancy test 100% and went to my doctor to talk over some things and to get a proper test results. The doctors called my house a week later and confirmed what the pregnancy test had said...

My hands trembled so much that I could barely put the phone back. I paced around the room thinking “What next?” and then it hit me – I’d ring my mother. I nervously dialled my mothers’ number to tell her the great news and I slammed the phone down before she picked up. We’d fallen out many years ago over Will– she said that I was too young to be starting a new life with him; she was wrong and made a load of nasty things happen in an attempt to make me come home. So we haven’t spoken since. I don’t even think she knows what happened to Will anyway! I opened up the drawer of the table which the phone is on and found a valentine’s card from Will. It had two bears holding hands and kissing, inside it read:


“Happy anniversary Tia!
For better, for worse, through sickness and through health.
I can’t wait to be your husband.
Forever yours,
Will
Xxx”


I remembered him sneaking around the day before as he tried to hide the fact that he hadn’t yet got me a present. Then laughing at him all day, and just curling up on the sofa with a bar of chocolate. Then, reality and its cold words, thoughts and feelings struck me again. I’d lost him.

Time moved on, and my wounds got opened and healed again. Many different men came and went as i looked for a reason to live. I guess i must have turned into a bad mother as i left my baby with friends and went out on the town looking for my Mr. Right. Yeah, i was turning into a bit of a bitch, but I needed help. Some might have said professional help... and then one day, my friend Melissa slapped me across the face and told me that i needed to "grow up and face up to my responsibilities" and I knew i needed to do something.

So since that day, six years ago, I’ve never really felt anything other than a numbed pain. I even went to counselling to help sort out a few of the issues I had with my baby, and my grief. A flood of emotions hit me always hit me when I went to the sessions and I normally ended up crying throughout the whole thing. "I'm such a horrible person" i used to say, "and a bad mother too. Sometimes i can't even look at her - she reminds me so much of him..." i used to continue on for ages. My counsellor was great, he understood me, and gave me time and support. After a while, i didn't hurt so much when my baby looked at me or when she tilted her head like her father used to. I began to love her for being her and not part of a man that I needed more than her. It was a weird thing to explain, but when I saw the benefits of what my counselling was having on me. It was time to leave....

My counsellor said "We'd come a long way", and I agreed. We even had a huge  summary of it all. But I don't remember my counselling for anything else other than the day that I met this mysterious man called Stefan outside the counselling practice. Stefan Morris was my counsellor's son and from the day we met - it was love. It might have been quite soon, some might think but five years on I've never looked back on asking him for a coffee, and i've never looked back on our first kiss.

Stefan was great, his short brown-blonde hair complemented his big blue eyes. He was my guardian angel who some how came to me when i needed someone the most. Stef was brilliant with my daughter too, I don't think she even realised he was he step-dad. Stefan and my marriage was amazing too, a big white wedding with family and friends around us.

My life was complete, i had the husband, the daughter, the life I so desperately wanted with Will. Nobody even seemed to mention Will any more, but that didn't stop me thinking about him. I never told any one anything I thought or felt, I never said "Will and I did that" or "Will and I were going to do that...", I cast him to the back of my mind and buried it. I visited his grave on the February 28th, and laid flowers by myself. I'd told my daughter about her father once when she was little but i don't think she understood - Stefan was her 'daddy' as far as she believed. I don't think she realised the guy called Will's grave i visited had anything to do with her.

Until, one day she came home from school, ran into the kitchen where Stefan and I were stood. Stefan held out his arms and said "How's my favourite little girl?", she ignored him and pulled me to one side with her little hand, and asked...

"Where's daddy?"


To be continued & pictures added in next few days*

aww poor Tia

Good story

Oh goodies!I love it!I would love to hear more!
~Katrina

yep. chapter 5 will be posted soon
x