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advise and helpful hints are welcomed..(how can i also tell how they'll get a bigger house and take in boarders like a boarding home.?)
Opportunity Knox chapter 1
Hello Everyone! my name is Victoria, & these are my children. Bobby, & Sophi. they have special needs. very special indeed. they have downs syndrome. I have moved in a boarder.
(http://i252.photobucket.com/albums/hh37/jbc42/ScreenShot124.jpg)
(http://i252.photobucket.com/albums/hh37/jbc42/ScreenShot130.jpg)
My kids adore Tupac, & Tupac adores them. the kids love the camera. now let us show you our home. we have a nice yard. in the back of the house you can see a lake, & a lighthouse.
(http://i252.photobucket.com/albums/hh37/jbc42/ScreenShot125.jpg)

great start! I can't wait to se where this is going! *stalks you*

thank you for the nice comment.. i'm glad that you liked my story so far.

Auntie I loving the start of your story it has a lot of heart.

Well, this looks like it could be a touching little story.
I'd like to compliment you on the children. When I saw that first picture, I thought, "Hey, those kids look like they have downs syndrome," and then I read that they do! You've gotten the look pretty good.

As for the title, I can only think of a bad pun: "Opportunity Knox." :)

i hate my photobucket now. it won't let me do the things that i want to do

Yay! You liked my suggestion! :)

Well, it's sad you're having troubles with your photos, but that last one is really good! It's a nice family-style picture that could be framed on the wall, somewhere.

Alright! Time for some constructive criticism!

I know that this just started and there isn't much yet, but I can always come back and give more advice.

First off, I would like to say that the basic idea is very good and original! However, I belive that the story itself could use alot of improvement.

Lets tackle your grammar and spelling first and foremost:

You need to begin every new sentence with a capital letter. This is rather basic and not so hard to do.

There are some spots where you need commas instead of periods, or nothing at all. As a tip as to whenever you should use a comma or a period: If the sentence begins with conjunction (and, or, but, etc.), then use a comma. Wiki article for conjunctions (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grammatical_conjunction)

I have not spotted any spelling errors. However, You can never be too sure (http://www.google.com/search?q=Spell+checkers&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a)

Now, for plot and character development:

The story so far is about equivalent to a skeleton. From the looks of it, you haven't really gave much thought about how the story and characters will develop. The main thing you'll want to focus on would be details. This is also fairly basic and easy to do (provided you know your characters and settings well). All you need to do is take a step back and imagine what your characters see, smell, sense, etc. as well as the setting (History, culture, etc.). This then ties into another matter:

Plot and character development. While this is harder to improve, it plays an important part in the story. For character development, think to yourself: "What is he/she like? What dose he/she like and dislike? How dose he/she feel about this? How dose this affect him/her? How would he/she act, if at all?" For plot development, think: "What direction can I turn this in? What would be equally challenging for my characters? What would be enjoying to read? Dose this have a unique twist to it?"

Becareful not to make characters too similar to you or eachother. This will make the story very boring to read. My fingers are too tired to type much more, so this will be all I have for you for now.

no more of this story.. my work is being a put down. and i'm being put down... i have low self asteam. i don't like it when people say they don't like my work. and i'm trying my best. and if no one except my best you can't except for who i am. i'm only human

What are you talking about? Just because I give you constructive criticism dosen't mean I don't like your story!

Look, if you get depressed whenever someone tries to help you improve a little, you won't get far all that fast. :/ I just tried to help, but oh well

Hey, auntiejo - don't let one person put you off, please? This was looking like a good little story. I mean, I understand why you're feeling upset - that little 'review' was a bit like being back in highschool having your essay graded by a really over-eager teacher - but I read this thread and I count three people liking it and one... not.
The numbers say you're doing well. And as this isn't high school, you don't have to be letter perfect, you just have to be enjoying yourself, right guys?

As I said, I DID like it. I was just trying to help her out :/ And she took it the wrong way. Sorry.

Leporidae, did you know that the author of this story is mentally disabled? If you didn't, it says so in her signature. When you gave her your constructive criticism, she took it as an insult, and I can understand why. She already suffers from low self-esteem, and by adding your feedback, may have brought it down lower. She's only human. Just be careful.

We may never see the ending of this brilliant story. Personally, I liked it. It had an interesting plot behind it. I thought she was doing a fantastic job with her talents to the best of her ability.

Only time will tell if we see an ending.

good job on part 2!

i do want advise. i don't want to be criticsed about my work.  and when someone say's don't put myself in the story i'm only trying to put a little of me in. not awhole lot as you see in the story the kids have Downs Syndrome. i don't... and it's too late. i threw my story away. i don't know where i left off.

Auntiejo, Leporidae really was trying to help you though... although it seems a little harsh to you, I'm sure she really meant well.  :(

Sometimes, you just have to accept or ignore what people say about or to you.  Some of the tips she offered I find to be quite helpful, even to myself.  :smile bi: You did have a nice start to the story, and there was no indication that she said she hated it.  She just wanted to help you grow in storytelling, just like trl and weetzie were trying to help you grow in your picture taking.  :angel:

I just wish you wouldn't give up every time someone has something to say that you don't want to hear... it makes "them" win, and you "lose".  Always remember that a quitter never wins, and a winner never quits.  I know you're a winner, because I read somewhere that you won some blue ribbons in your Special Olympics events.  C'mon back and finish that race for us.  :smile bi:

Don't let us all down now by stopping your story now.  I'm sure you can always improvise on the next part, even though you kinda deleted what you had before.  It's what builds creativity.  ;)

i'll have to start over. i don't know where i left off. the story will still have down syndrome kids in it... helpful adivse is welcomed. the story will be enjoyable. but please let me write in words that i can understand that spunk of winning will come back when i'm not in so much pain. the pain isn't in my heart. it's in my side going across my belly and underneath.

NO NO! A story is all about your feelings! Who cares if other motherpoopers put you down! Write my friend, write! It's a really good story! If you need help with ideas ask me, I'll help! Pick that story up where you left off!
idea 1: does he teach the kids something new like how to stand up for themsevles?
Idea 2: Does the mother get a raise and they buy a better ________ (you fill it in here)
Idea 3: Does he and the mother fall in love?
Idea 4: MAKE IT UP AS YOU GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In this world theres always going to be somebody who doesn't like you, your ideas, or your hair or anything that's not their "way". But for every 1 of those people there are ten other peolple who like you for you! They like your hair, your ideas, and your story!!!!!!! Look at those comments, LOOK!!!! most of them are nice comments! Everyone does like your story! I do too! So where does the story 'Knox' go next? Keep write writting my story friend! Write on!
dr.e

If you thew it away, start on a different story line where you left off. Change it a little bit. If you do, this one might even be better than the one you had started. Wouldn't that be great!

Like Tenshii said, you are winner! And, you'll keep on being a winner.
Show us what a winner like you can do.

You don't know where you left off?  I think it's easier than you think... :toothy8:  To me and everyone else:


... This is where it ended for us last.  You may not remember where you left of in what you originally had, but either way we don't know what you had in store for us, so we'd never know it wasn't what you wanted.  :happy8:  Try going from this point above (when you last posted that part of the story) and see what happens.  You don't have to start completely over.  :lol:

go to the first page to read chapter 1. i re wrote chapter 1. and fixed where some of the pictures suspose to go.

Awesome story so far :D. Keep it up!

I must say, you have improved a lot now that you have rewritten the story! You still need to improve a little, but I know that your sensitive (I learned that the hard way) so instead I'll just cheer you on :)

Leporidae,
i know you were just trying to help. i'm sorry too.

opportunity Knox chapter 2.
the children are very loving and playful. after play and dinner i tell the kids to get their pajamas on. and i help them do their homework. and it's off to bed.
(http://i252.photobucket.com/albums/hh37/jbc42/ScreenShot126.jpg)
(http://i252.photobucket.com/albums/hh37/jbc42/ScreenShot127.jpg)
the kids are having problems with school. & with school work.
(http://i252.photobucket.com/albums/hh37/jbc42/ScreenShot128.jpg)
(http://i252.photobucket.com/albums/hh37/jbc42/ScreenShot129.jpg)
Tupac has been teaching the kids on how to cope with lifes ups & downs. and helping them to stand up, fight for what is right. no fist fights. or any harsh words. the kids are still getting teased, picked on & name calling. the kids talk to their mom tell her what's going on. & then they talk to Tupac. Tupac say's kids today are mean and cruel. he tells them your better than they are. Bobby say's that's what mommy say's too.
there's talk. that they are going to add a 2nd story to the house. Victoria wants to start a business. she wants to have a boarden home. she wants to take in boarders. she told Tupac that will help pay the bills, the rent. & the up keep of the house.
(http://i252.photobucket.com/albums/hh37/jbc42/ScreenShot131.jpg)
the kids are growing up so fast. soon Bobby & Sophi will be teenagers. boy how time goes by. for what Victoria and Tupac has taught the kids. it sure has payed off.
(http://i252.photobucket.com/albums/hh37/jbc42/ScreenShot132.jpg)

Hey, I'm so glad you carried on the story, and that so many people have encouraged you. Those kids have grown up well!

oh, auntiejo, I just read in the picture perfect thread that you posted this story and I must say, I like it a lot! esp with the idea of bringing special needs children into the story, it sticks out of the "usually posted" stories! great work!!! keep it up!

i'm happy that your enjoying my story. there's more coming when i have a free time to call my own.

I absolutely love chaper 2! Awesome job so far.

Good work, Auntiejo!

For that post on the previous page, I too have to say that constructive critim is what makes you a better writer. If you take advice, you will grow on it, and become an even better writer. I myself am always open for constructive critic, and I know that the more I write, the better my stories will be.

Comments like "This story sucks" or "I hate it" will only discourage you from writing, while positive comments like "I like it!" encourages you to write. But the best comments you can get, are those that make you grow as a writer, like "I like your story, but if you do this and this, and think about this, the story will become so much better". That is what constructive critic is.

Don't let critic stop you - but grow on it instead. Like Tenshii says: "A quitter never wins."

And a little advice in the end: remember that if you write about diseases and such, it's a good idea to read articles about them, to know as much as possible about what you're writing about. If you know your subject, it's so much easier to write. (I always do a lot of research before writing. It supports the background history, and no one can say I'm wrong afterwards :))

*thumbs up* :)

things have calmed down. and some time very soon i'll be working on chapter 3 of my story.

ohhh! I can't wait auntiejo!!

chapter 3
Bobby & Tupc were talking about the new boarder that has arrived. & Sophi jumped in the conversation & said the new boarder is here. & he's handsome. I like him. Sophi said. Bobby told Sophi i got a glimps of him too. & yeah Bobby said your right in one sence i like him too. maybe some day he'll get to liking us. instead of hating. we already get made fun of. and teased at Bobby & Sophi said togeather.
(http://i252.photobucket.com/albums/hh37/jbc42/ScreenShot133.jpg)
(enjoy chapter 3)

i'm sorry that i haven't updated this in a long time. i'm a busy woman. i'll update when i can. and play this family

Loved the story so far...
and don't give up, you're a winner!!!!

This is nice and different story, just keep it on; nobody wanted to insult you just to give you few useful advices! As Trickygirl93 said, don't give up!!

chapter 4 the college years.
does Bobby and Sophi have what it takes to be out in the real world where they aren't protected by family and friends? will Bobby and Sophi make new friends?
pictures will come soon need an idea on how to do the pictures to what i wrote here

that's such a neat sequel to the original post, auntiejo!!!!

What a sweet story! I particularly noticed that you are a really good speller!
Keep at it!   ;)

*waits paitently*

Good job!
I can't wait for the next chapter!
:)