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Chapter Four: Cool Catchy Chapter Name Goes Here

Snow. The bane of my existence. Most people like snow. I’m not one of those. Especially when my ‘home’ doesn’t have walls or a roof. I was pretty sure my dear friend ESG didn’t control the weather (though I wouldn’t put it past him) so it seemed nature was against me too. Well, I can assure you, the feeling was mutual.


Benjamin’s invasion had some advantages. Well, three exactly.
1) it provided an excellent excuse to go shopping for some much needed retail therapy (hey, it was an enclosed building with central heating). Ah, bliss.


2) Benjamin of course, was subjected to my excellent fashion sense and a decent haircut. He didn’t turn out half bad. It seemed I had some talent. Maybe I should have pursued a career in the beauty industry? No, I loved my culinary pursuits and ample wages too much to give it up. As for Benji, there was still the rather prominent issue of his nose, which no amount of makeup could fix. Still, he at least had a killer outfit.


Thirdly, he added his sizable fortune (a cool 19,000 simoleans to be exact) to mine. That certainly sweetened the deal. I had been planning to shell out for a whole new wardrobe, but as usual ESG ruined my perfectly sensible plans. I hadn’t realised what was going on until he’d already finished. One moment I was stamping my numb feet in the snow, wondering whether or not I should huddle with beak-nose for warmth (a moment of weakness, I admit) then: BAM. I was staring at the suspicious structure that was supposed to be my new home. The nerve of it!


Ok, I was a tiny bit grateful to have four walls and something covering my head, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to let ESG know that. He had an ulterior motive, I was sure of it. This was the devil incarnate, and he didn’t do things out of the kindness of his black, empty heart. Sure enough, his motive manifested that very night when beak-nose and I were talking. With horror, I noticed he was slowly getting down on one knee…Oh please no! “Kit Simons, you are the love of my life. Will you… Marry me?” I admit, I hesitated in my refusal. He had been chivalrous and kind, but he’d also been a slob and didn’t appreciate my beautifully cooked food (cheek!). “Beak… I mean, er, Ben, I don’t think…” I was halfway through when ESG (of bloody course) snuck in. Then my mouth wasn’t my own. “Of course I’ll marry you Benji!” and I’m ashamed to say the smile was only half-faked.


Changing my hair gave me a welcome distraction… But not for long. I really had to find a solution to the whole ESG possession thing, because it was starting to compromise my future children (yes I had come to terms with it). If ESG’s purpose for me was to… ah, procreate, beak-nose wasn’t exactly the best candidate for it. I figured if I gave ESG what he wanted (the future generation) I had a chance of making it out of this place. I just didn’t want to make little pixel babies with beak-nose. It wasn’t personal, it was just, he was so messy and then that nose… Ok, it was a little personal. What can I say? It’s for the benefit of my future children.


My efforts to get him to break off the engagement proved fruitless. I tried to drive him to madness by constantly interrupting his reading, acting like the perfect idiotic sim. “Hey Ben! Look, I’m reading too!” No such luck. He simply smiled his goofy smile. Ugh.


Then I acquired a computer and sent fake love e-mails to myself from various ‘boyfriends’ and what did he say? “It’s nice you’re making such enthusiastic friends, Kit.” If I didn’t know better, I’d say he knew I’d made it up, and thought I was trying to make him jealous  to get him to pay more attention to me. But he was too much a dim-witted sim for that, right?


I even cut off my hair, because beak-nose always said he loved my long, brown hair and a new outfit - he hated purple. But no, he was even happier with my new ‘do, said purple looked good on me (well it did) and for the first time he ate one of my omelets. What was happening?!


Just when I thought beak-nose had changed into a more intelligent pixel man (influenced by the one and only) I was proved wrong. It was the middle of winter and he decided he’d take a ‘refreshing’ dip. In the sea. That almost had a layer of ice over it from the cold. Refreshing, all right.


It was sunny that day, and even I ventured out to the balcony to brush up on my creativity, as I was moving up in the culinary field. I was enjoying it so much I didn’t realize how dark it had gotten until I looked up, the sun had set long ago.


I saw something pale move from the corner of my eye, and turned my head to see Benjamin staggering out of the sea, his skin tinged a worrying grey, enough to make me a little concerned.


I started going down the stairs, onto the beach, thinking he better get inside before he caught pneumonia or something… Then he started convulsing. I ran towards him, and heard my voice calling his name hysterically, but my mind was in denial. Surely, he’d just fainted from cold.


I was too late. Ben wasn’t unconscious… He... was… Dead. It was ESG who had neglected him –not on purpose, since he’d been determined Ben would father the next generation-, he’d died from cold and starvation. Benjamin had been ugly, annoying, messy and a pain. I’d wanted him gone, but not dead.


”What a pity. Not to worry, there are plenty more uglier fish in the sea.” ESG chuckled at his own lame pun. There wasn’t even a  hint of remorse or guilt in his voice, even though it was completely his fault. It dawned on me however, that for once he was right. There were plenty of fish in the sea. Ben’s death had been a blessing in disguise… The legacy wasn’t doomed to ugly children yet...!


My new optimism for other fishes fizzled out pretty quickly. The male pickings were slim. They were either ugly enough to make beak-nose look like a gift to genetics, or had taken a few more happy pills than the rest of us, like this one.


And that was just looks; I hadn’t even started on the personality traits. Ruling out sloppy, lazy, and ones unappreciative of gourmet cooking certainly narrowed down my options – this one looked ok, but he was too anxious. I was anxious enough. It was all too much effort, and I slumped home disheartened.


Marylena offered me grief counseling, though I was better off than I let on. I managed to convince her the first steps towards healing my grief was to give her a makeover, and hopefully fix the creepy blue-grey tint to her skin. That brought back unpleasant memories of the previous nights events.


If I wasn’t so in love with food, I would definitely consider beauty as a career path. Surprisingly, prettifying Marylena did make me feel better, and she was pleased with it. Now we had both gained promotions, smell was no longer an issue and now she’d had her hair done properly, she was a good catch for the pixel men. Maybe we could even go sim-hunting together. Hope was not lost yet.


Ah, who am I kidding? I was going to remain alone for the rest of my existence in this accursed place. No sim would ever love me. No sim would ever marry me. No sim would ever be good enough to father my future children. I was going to die an old, barren spinster. –sob-


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Chapter Three: Encounters with Beak-nosed Benjiman

I was coerced! I reallly was. It wasn't like I intentionally invited beak-nose over. It just felt like a voice in my head suggested it, and I felt compelled... ESG was getting subtler. He truly was evil. And this time, beak-nose didn't have a lame excuse, no, this time, he agreed. God help me. Oh, wait, all I had was ESG, and he was making sure I would have a miserable existence. He certainly wouldn't help me. No one could save me from beak-nose now.


Beak-nose Benjiman sauntered over to my place (well, it was more a creative arrangment of furniture on the very open section) while I was still getting dressed, and felt morally obliged to take a peek... Pervert. Attitudes like that won't get your acquaintance off to a good start said the voice in my head. It was really hard to ignore. But I had to keep my dignity, nobody spied on me, even if my wardrobe was in full view of the road.


Luckily, we weren't alone. Beak-nosed, perverted Benjiman had a lady friend with him, but my hopes were dashed when I realised it was completely platonic.
"You must be Kit, aren't you beautiful! And you have such wonderful hair!" she exclaimed. Hmm, I decided I liked her. If she kept this up, this whole beak-nose thing might not be so painful... Yes, that would be a plus.


Well, he was clearly taken with me. And who wouldn't be? It made me vaguely anxious, yet it was nice to know at least someone thought I was attractive. Then I looked at his nose again, and my anxiety grew stronger. He was charismatic, though, and (unbelievably) I found myself smiling and actually... responding to this pixel man.


Then I caught another glance of his nose, and the nice feelings disappeared. There was absolutely no way I was giving ESG what he wanted. At least, not with beak-nosed, perverted Benjiman. But there was something about him...


No! Those are not little pink hearts above my head. I do not have a crush on him! "But you do!" ESG cut in, and I could hear the evil smile in his voice. "No, I don't!" I yelled, stamping my foot. Benjiman looked at me like I was going crazy.


I was going crazy. With a sadistic villain in my head who had a God-complex (actually he played God in this world) and being accosted by deformed, perverted people, it was a wonder I hadn't started to tear out my hair. But I took solace in cooking and eating. After beak-nose and his friend had left, I mulled over my situation while preparing salad for lunch (healthy food?! There really was something wrong with me). There was no way I could get out of becoming involved with this beak-nose, not when I virtually had no free will and then there were my own feel- "OW!"


I was too distracted to take much notice of what I was putting on for work, and sucking on my sore finger (you really should concentrate when cutting things) and didn't realise my outfit until I was walking towards my carpool. Ew. That was one of the downsides of the food industry; the uniforms were awful.


The other downside was the smell. Working at a hotdog stand did nothing for my hair, and the scent of eau de grease kind of wafted around me. A long, hot shower was good, but only lessened it a little, and there was still tomorrow.


But I was making moolah faster than you can say "Would you like fries with that?" and although I didn't have a roof over my head yet, I could afford other certain luxuries.


Like a chess table (though that hardly counts as a luxury). Strategy wasn't my thing, but my new friend from work, Marylena, taught me the basics so I could build up my logic. She smelled as bad as I did and we had become close.


Another promotion was on the horizon however, and I was soon out of the hotdog stand and into waitressing. At least I had a slightly better outfit; purple suited me. I hadn't heard from ESG in the last few days (a relief), but he would be back.


I was right, wasn't I? He'd been forcing beak-nose and I to get together, and what do you know, one night beak-nose asks if he can move in. I was about to say "Thanks, but no thanks" (even though I did like him a little) when ESG surfaced, with his infuriating sarcastic voice in my head. *dramatic sigh* You can guess it was all downhill from there.


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Chapter Two: Men and Control Freaks... Who Needs Them?

Sims don't sleep long enough, and apparently I wasn't excluded. I dressed (just a 360 turn and voila!) and lay staring up at the stars (the so-called benefits of sleeping outdoors...psh) contemplating my existence. I had calmed down a little from my initial horror.


Of course, there was the suppressed anger I had to get out, but that was quickly solved with good ol' sandcastle destruction. Ahh... I'd forgotten how gleeful it made me feel!


Then came the expected hunger (destroying sandcastles is tiring work, you know) and a delicious midnight snack. I had to brush up on my cooking skills since I was working in the culinary career, and that would give me more food options... I was dreaming of pancakes, personally.


Bored, I decided to watch the sunrise on the beach. Well away from the sea of course, but it was kind of... nice. I didn't know nature could be that beautiful. Wait. This wasn't nature, it was a bunch of pixels arranged to look pretty. Still, that didn't lessen my dislike of the sea, or the beauty of the sunrise.


There was still time to burn before the carpool, so I entertained myself with the mirror. One good thing about my predicament was the easiness of gaining skills. All I had to do was talk to me in the mirror and I gained a couple of charisma points. Sure, the mailman thought I was a loony talking to the mirror, but hey, I was gaining valuable traits!


The carpool arrived. Actually, it took me a few seconds to realise that that piece of junk was supposed to take me to work... It looked so much dirtier now that I was actually getting into it. But for some reason I was smiling. Must have been the lure of instant cash... Now that I finally had a job, I was sure the money would start rolling in, and wealth was just a promotion away...


So much for that. Sure, I got a promotion, but could barely afford any semblance of shelter, just a new bookcase to expand my not-so-infinite knowledge. They aren't joking when they say poverty is a hard cycle to break... I took my frustration out on 'nature' again.


Next morning it was doughnuts for breakfast again (still hadn't mastered pancakes yet). Vanilla sprinkle flavour. Not as good as the classic cinnamon and sugar, but still satisfying. Doughnuts you could always count on, unlike money.


That's when it happened. Well, after I'd eaten my doughnuts. I was just walking to the beach again, when I felt this poking in my side and then a voice boomed, "YOU!"
I yelped, freaked about the voice, and upset about cursor stabbing at me... It was really pointy. "Idiot girl, get over to that phone now." Oh, now I get it. The Evil Sim God (or ESG for short).
"W-What?!" I stammered.
"THIS is a legacy, not a Soap Opera starring Kit Simons. For this to work, you need to marry and procreate"
"Huh? Wait - Procreate?!"
"Invite Benjamin Long over. Now." he ordered. Well, I'm assuming it was a he, because I refused to believe anyone of my own gender could be that sadistic. Seriously. "Hell no!" I shouted, but my feet were already dragging me towards the phone.


Benjamin Long? The one with the hideous beak-nose? The one resembling a Lobster was better looking at least- "He's married." ESG boomed. Well, darn, he was the only remotely attractive one. Hold on - ESG could hear my thoughts now?! That is so... "Unethical? Of course it is." He replied with an evil cackle. "Stupid, control freak, sadistic, bas****" I muttered as my fingers unwillingly dialed Benjamin’s number. He answered on the first ring, unfortunately.
"Hello?"
"Oh, um... Hey this is Kit Simons, the one you accost- I mean, ah, met the other day?"


"Yes…"
"Well, uh, I was just uh... wondering if you could... Come over?"
"Um... actually I'm just in the middle of making a Baked Alaska, so I can't really come over right now.." Uh-huh, yeah, like I hadn't heard that before. I said goodbye and hung up. I was glad he wouldn't come over, but I was annoyed at the same time. Nobody turned me down. Still, ESG was suitably pi**ed. Not so great when things don't go your way, hmm? ESG?


He didn't reply, and I took it that he'd disappeared. I hoped he had. My ordeal finally over, I took to the beach. This... creature having complete control over me was bad news. What if he made me do something even worse? Like... keep me in poverty forever? I shuddered at the thought.


Desperate for a distraction, I looked over to my tree, which was in a rather sorry state. Time for a clipping. I had no idea how to clip a tree, but my hands did. My tree looked a little happier after that.


By the time I had finished It was dark and I was starving again. I'd completely missed lunch. Naturally, I put my new cooking skills to use and cooked up some Big Macs... One for now and more for midnight snacks. After the events of the day, I think I deserved to splurge on the calories (and saturated fat - do you get that in pixel world?)


It was so bad, but so good... I would have to do something about ESG, but for now I just thought about the (pixilated) meaty goodness sliding down my (pixilated) throat. Mmm.


Just before I was about to cuddle into my threadbare sheets, (you couldn't get Egyptian cotton in this world) the phone rang. Who would ring at this hour? And then I remembered sims weren't considerate like I was. Turns out it was Benjamin, the guy who had rejected me for Baked Alaska. He wanted to know how I was. The cheek! "Uh... can't really talk right now Beak-nose."
"What?"
"Benjamin, I mean. I'm trying to go to sleep."
"Oh, right, call you tomorrow." What the heck does that mean? First I'm stood up for a stupid dessert and now he suddenly wants to talk to me?! Even sim-males are confusing.

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