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"It had only been two days since we had brought Josiah home. Selah was doing very well, I, on the other hand was a basket case.
"Zach, honey, what's wrong?" Selah asked concerned.
"Selah...I promise you and Zach that I will be the best husband and father that I can be....unlike..." I tried to finish, but the tears took over.
"Oh hun, I already know that you a wonderful husband and I also know that you will be a great father. Zach, where is all this coming from? Why are you so upset? I'm scared to death about being a mother to our little Josiah, but everything will fall into place, I promise."
"I know, Selah, I know. It's not that...well, I mean, I am scared about being a father, but that's not what I'm upset about."
"Then what is it?"
"It's...just...nothing, ok. You don't need to worry about me, I'll be alright. Now you just go in the livingroom and get you a cup of hot tea and that book that you have been dying to read and get some rest. I'll take care of the little rugrat for a while," I teasingly told her as we hugged. I knew that she would question my feelings later on, but for now she gladly took the opportunity to rest.
As I put my son in his crib and watched his eyes slowly drift in and out of sleep, I promised him and God that I would be the best dad he would ever know. I promised him that I would love him no matter what happens and that I would always be proud of him.
"Is he asleep?" Selah asked not looking up from her book.
"Yes, his little eyes finally lost the battle to the Sandman," I chuckled as I watched her read.
"Zach, come, sit and tell me what has been bothering you."
See I told you she would try to get it out of me.
"I'd rather not. Some things should just be left unsaid. It's not important, anyway. What's important is you and the baby."
"Zach, I and the baby are fine, it's you, I'm worried about." She did look worried so I sat down beside her and started my story.
"Well, I had a pretty decent childhood before my 10th birthday...." I started.
"Dad was not a happy person. Sometimes he would cause trouble and then just sit back watch the repercussions unfold. Anyway, it was getting close to my birthday and I was getting excited. I knew that he and Mom were in the bedroom discussing plans for my party. I snuck by the door to listen in hopes of getting a tip of what my present would be...
'Chris, what are we going to do for Zach's birthday?'
'Well we don't have any money to buy the kid a present if that's what you mean!' Dad replied rather irritated at the whole idea.
'That KID just so happens to be OUR son and he deserves the very best that we can give him.' Mom's voice was very irate, but how she managed to keep her voice down, I still don't know to this day.
'Hmph...All that kid deserves is a big bundle of switches and a handprint across his.....'
'Christopher Michael, I will NOT have you talk about Zachery that way. He has done nothing but work his fingers to the bone with his schooling so that you would be proud of him. The only other thing he has done is love you with everything he has!' Mom was shouting by this time.
I was absolutely horrified. I knew that my dad wasn't really all that nice most of the time, but I didn't realize that he HATED me.
The next day Mom was bustling around in the kitchen, humming to herself and making plans for my birthday.
While Dad sat reading his paper.
'Sue, I don't know why you are making such a fuss about the boy's birthday. If you ask me, it's just a waste of time and money.'
'Well, Chris, no one asked you.'
The big day was here and I was very excited. I jumped from bed and hurriedly got dressed. I had high hopes that Dad would be nice to me for once, after all, I had been in his life for a whole 10 years.
Everything was set up for the party. Mom had worked all morning on the decorations and my favorite kind of cake. I noticed that she had several small gifts wrapped up and sitting on the table. Everything looked wonderful.
'Mom, thanks so much for the party. It looks great and I know that Jordan and I will have a lot of fun." Jordan was my best friend...my only friend. Dad knew his father and that was the only reason why we could be friends. Dad didn't trust any of the other kids that I knew. He wouldn't allow me to bring anyone home from school.
I looked around for Dad, but I didn't see him anywhere. I decided that he had left to get me something, maybe the switches. Anyway, I waited until about an hour before Jordan was expected to be there and I asked Mom where Dad was...
'Mom have you see Dad? I thought that he might be here.'
'Son,' she said with a hagard breath, 'Your father is...' She couldn't finish her statement.
'Is what, Mom? What are you not telling me?' I was really worried. I knew he wasn't there, but there was something more to it.
'Son, your father left this morning. He didn't tell me where he was going or if he was even coming back. I'm sorry, I thought you wouldn't notice him gone until after your party at least.'
Those words really upset me. I'm not sure why I did, but I cried when she told me. I knew that my Dad and I didn't have the best relationship...well, really no relationship at all, but I loved him because he was my dad. I wanted him to be there with me and Mom to celebrate my day, but he wasn't...
...He was Gone.
