When I was a young minister, a funeral director asked me to hold a grave side service for a homeless man with no family or friends. The funeral was to be at a cemetery way out in the country. This was a new cemetery and this man was the first to be laid to rest there.

I was not familiar with the area and became lost. Being a typical man, of course, I did not ask for directions. I finally found the cemetery about an hour late. The back hoe was there and the crew was eating their lunch. The hearse was nowhere to be seen.

I apologized to the workers for being late. As I looked into the open grave, I saw the vault lid already in place. I told the workers I would not keep them long, but that this was the proper thing to do. The workers, still eating their lunch, gathered around the opening.

I was young and enthusiastic and poured out my heart and soul as I preached. The workers joined in with, "Praise the Lord," "Amen," and "Glory!" I got so into the service that I preached and preached and preached, from Genesis to The Revelation.

When the service was over, I said a prayer and walked to my car. As I opened the door, I heard one of the workers say, "I never saw anything like that before and I've been putting in septic systems for twenty years."

*wanted to add one more joke*

Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him.

"You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?"

"What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.

"I think you're bad luck."

Sure since I'm a total lightweight when it comes to drinking lmao!

If you could time travel like on that show Quantum Leap and put right what once went wrong, would you? *sorry couldnt think of anything else lol*

Granted, but it only floats in one spot.

I wish I could get tickets to see the Disney On Ice the princess one so I can take my nieces. *shifts eyes suspiciously and clears throat* Yeah....

LOL Zooey! I had to share it on here since on ISA there's some I can't reach lol. I love halloween. 

LOL Nonni
Oh yeah forgot to add to the first post Happy Early Halloween 

Count how many dots on the yellow dress. I counted 12, my sister counted 14. 

Granted, but now you gotta put up with me posting again. LOL!

I wish I could retire already and not work anymore.

Imma keep staring at you until you give me what I asked for.

Southern Drawl 

Pikachi or Charmander

LOL! *grabs kleenex* I'll be ready. 

LOL! The worse bathroom nightmare!

Ummmmm....cleverly disguised as an adult but gave it all away by advertising it. *sorry couldnt think of anything else LOL*

This sounds like it'll end up making me cry like a baby!    lol Can't wait to read what you have in store. 

Let us hypnotize everyone with our interpretive dance moves!

Because a horse named radish invented it and the name stuck. 

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?

glitter glue blood? LOL That would be cool.
Ummm I'll go with James Patterson

Ketchup or Catsup?