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Author Topic: Diaries of Jane, The Strangetown Fallout; Entry 2 is up! 26.06.2010  (Read 4524 times)
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Ruffnut
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« on: June 23, 2010, 09:16:54 pm »

This story was inspired by Breaking Benjamin song, thus the title. After hearing that song the idea develop and I'm posting this. I always wanted to write a long story with a deep plot, and Strangetown seemed like a perfect place for the setting. Original concept much more different, but I actually love in what it developed. The beginning might be tiny bit confusing, but things get clearer in chapters after, I promise. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as my other stories. Smiley

Prologue

StrangeTown, 1989.

Darkness has surround the dessert of the town. Radiated steam was slowly rising above the ground as young woman run down the street. Thunder could be heard in the distance and lighting was elumintaing the sky as the giant camera flash. Young woman held on to something that was covered in a lot of blankets, as she run down the street of an empty town. Tears run down her cheeks and she hid in the alley and blended witht he shadows. She held the blankets closer to her chest and breathed heavily. Two soldiers run by the alley she was hidding in," Where'd she go?!"
" I don't know pal, Let's keep on running, we will catch up! Those darn bats using darkness to their advantage..." Their voices faded. Young woman looked down and moved corner of the blanket revealing a pale baby. Baby had red hair and it was peacefully sleeping, completely unaware of the surroundings. Young girl smiled as she kissed baby's forehead," Mommy won't let them take you sweetie!" Mother hugged her child. She covered the baby with the blanket again and peeked out of the alley. She made sure no one was around and run back up the street. It started raining. Mother covered her child from the rain and sped up. She run up to the grungy looking house. Even after nuclear fallout that struck the town few months ago, house looked pretty good, even if the obvious repairs were made with cheap and rusty materials.

She violently knocked on the door.
" I'm coming I'm coming, hold on!" Low masculine voice replied. A tall pale young man opened the door and looked down. He had a lot of facial scars and his hair was long and messy," Maria? What are you doing here?"
" Walter you gotta help me..." Maria cried as she stepped in the house.
" But of course!"
" They are after me I can't stay here..." She cried harder as she shook violently.
" I'll hide you!" Walter offered.
" NO!" Maria cut him off," If I hide they will take all three of us down, I can't let that happen! Here!" She handed Walter the baby," Take care of her please..."
" Maria..."
" They attacked us Walter. Michael went down as they he was defending me. We are the survivors of the nuclear explosion that took place at the facility. Vampire as plotician? No, it's an outrage. They killed him Walter...They killed him..." Maria broke in tears," He told me to run and save myself and Jane..."She said as she lifted the blanket. Little girl opened her eyes.
" Oh my..."Walter exclaimed as she looked at the girl. Even this young, she looked like her mother.
"Please..." Maria pleaded," please, Walter, You're my closest friend, I trust you. Take care of her, raise her as your own. She will be safe here. You are one of the few outcasts they don't bother. Please..."
" Maria, I don't know..."
" My time is done...At least I will die knowing she is safe..." She said as she stroked Jane's cheek. Jane gigled," please? When time comes, tell her the truth."
" I..." Walter stuttered.
" Please Wally..." Maria cried.

" Alright...I'll do this..." He said. It was hard for him. He knew Maria for the longest time and her bravery amazed him. He flinched as he heard the soldiers few blocks away. The Explosion gave him sensative hearing and he really hated it in the moments like this," Oh no..."
" They're coming? sweety, mommy loves you, don't you ever forget that..." Maria kissed her daughter," I love you...Bye Walter." Maria smiled at her friend as she backed away to the door," Thank you. Thank you so much!" She cried," Goodbye Jane. Listen to Walter and be a good girl...goodbye..."She whispered as she disapaered behind the door. Walter heard her run down the steet.
" There she is!" Soldier shouted as he run down the street. Gun shot. Walter held Jane close to him. Girl cried as she heard loud noise.
" Come here mutant!" One soldier screamed. They were at least five blocks away but Walter heard them as if they were in the house. Maria gasped as she got pushed," Any last words before your silver bullet execution? Be happy I grant you that after the chase you caused us!" Soldier barked.
" Yes..."Maria cried," Walter I know you hear me. Thank you...for everything..." She paused.
" Done?" The other asked.
" ROT IN HELL!" She screamed at the soldier. Soldier screamed. Gun shot. Splater. Thump.
" Paul, you alright..." The other soldier asked.
" Yeah...She jumped me...They are freaks man, they are freaks!" He cried out. Walter looked down at Jane. Jane peacefully slept on his shoulder. Walter swallowed his tears held the girl close," Let's get you to bed." he sighed as he walked up the stairs.
Strangetown is never going to be same again and every resident knew it.
« Last Edit: June 27, 2010, 01:18:43 am by Ruffnut » Logged

Katie
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« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2010, 09:33:48 pm »

Amazing!
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zammy
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« Reply #2 on: June 23, 2010, 10:11:27 pm »

It is very nice Smiley The only suggestions I have are to watch your tenses in the beginning ("Tears run down her cheeks and she hid in the alley and blended witht he shadows." Two different tenses, I see through the story, you're looking at past tense, so change run to ran. I noticed that in a few places.) and making your sentences a little bit longer so they flow better. As I said, it's a very nice story and a nice idea for it, I just want to help you make it better Smiley
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Ruffnut
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« Reply #3 on: June 23, 2010, 10:22:26 pm »

zammy: You don't know how much I would love that! I'm horrible with grammar sometimes (due to English being second language). Thanky oyu for great feedback too Smiley
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zammy
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« Reply #4 on: June 23, 2010, 11:22:30 pm »

Not a problem ^_^ I was afraid you'd take what I said offensively, so I'm glad that I could help. Definitely a great start, though. I can't wait to read more
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Ruffnut
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« Reply #5 on: June 24, 2010, 12:04:10 am »

I'm just going to leave these here since I already have the pictures and junk :3

Entry 1

Alarm clock rang announcing it was 7am in the most annoying beeping imaginable. Jane stretched her hand and pressed the button to turn it of. Sun was slowly rising over the atomic desert of Strangetown and it hurt her skin. She got up and came up to the mirror. Bony completion that some girls would kill for. Long, curly-ish red hair, yellow eyes. Pale skin. She was month away from being born when the power plant of Strangetown exploded. Jane had a very rare skin condition, which made her very sensitive to sun. It caused a lot of itching and once she was out of the sun her itching went away instantly. She was more flexible and had better vision at night, but she never really considered those things as something way special. She climbed into an old pair of jeans and a sweater and walked downstairs. There was a cold plate of breakfast and a note, saying, "Went to sleep, see you at sunset. Love, Dad." her father was a vampire. He slept during the day and walked around at night. He was one of the few creatures, that was still wondering Strangetown freely. Majority was either killed or locked down in the facilities. Human population despised supernaturals, because they were the only ones that survived the fallout. Jane swallowed her breakfast and waited for the bus at the porch. Her skin was itching really bad. Old School bus finally arrived and Jane hopped inside. She slid down in the seat trying to avoid the windows as much as she could.
" Hey buddy..." She heard a familiar voice and turned around. Ripp Grunt sat next to her. Jane squeezed out a smile," Hey..." She whispered.
" Here let me help," he said as he threw his coat over her head," Better?"
" Yes, thank you..." she smiled. Ripp was the only person in the school that she could relate to. He has been by her side since grade one and he always stood up for her. In a sense she concidered him a brother.
" How did you sleep?"
" Not bad, not bad. Dad kept me up, but I am used to him lurking around at night..."
" Must be cool, to have a vampire father..."
" I guess, but there is nothing cool about it, when people avoid you, thinking you are one just because you have sensitive skin..." She sighed and leaned on his shoulder.
" I know...I don't think you are weird, you know that!" He said in an optimistic tone.
" I never thought you did..."
" Hey love birds!" Dark skinned girl shouted across the bus. Ripp and Jane ignored her. Ophelia Nigmos was the popular kid in school. She was 16 and she was always surrounded by the gang of teenagers, which included Ripp's older brother Tank and Ophelia's boyfriend Johny Smith. Johny seemed like odd one out, because while the rest were humans, he was half alien. He had light green skin with slight tints of blue and green eyes. His hair was blond and messy and he always wore jeans with boots and some sort of leather jacket, which made him even more odd. He dressed like a greaser while his friends dressed like socialites or whatever they called themselves," I am talking to you nut cases!" Ophelia said in an offended tone, when Jane and Ripp ignored her. Jane looked up at the crowd and her eyes met with Johny's. Jane huffed and looked away. She closed her eyes and dried to nap. Ophelia got offened," They never ignored me before!"
" Leave them alone." Johny stood up. Every one instantly turned to him. Johny just cocked his eyebrow," Look at them they are tired, it is early morning, we can tease them some other time..." He said as he fixed his hair. Ophelia ignored her boyfriend.
" Hey red head!" She stood up and came up to Ripp and Jane. They pretended she is not there," Hello idiots!" Jane couldn't help my giggle. Ophelia was used to people replying to her taunts and the silence killed her. Bus sharply stopped in front of the school, sending Ophelia flying down the isle," UGH!" Ophelia huffed and got up," Let's go, Johny is right we will tease them later!" She huffed and walked out the bus with snobby expression. Johny was last one to leave.
" Thanks dude," Ripp said as he got up.
" Nah, it's cool. Just don't let them know we are ever talking. They'll mess you up.." Johny said as he stretched his fist out. Him and Ripp knuckles touched and Johny left of the bus. Jane got up.
" Johny is cool guy, he is just in the wrong crowd."
" No he isn't he fits perfectly..." Jane said coldly as she walked of the bus. He skin started itching and her and Ripp rushed into the building. Strangetown High was the only buildinng that was restored since the fallout. The rest of the Strangetown was still in ruins or dirty. Aparently governors thought school should be clean to encourage kids to learn, so majority of the budget was spent on restoring the schools. School still had it's grungy parts, mainly the auditorioum and gym, but rest of the classes very pretty neat. If you can call it neat.
" Ophelia wasn't always like that either..." Ripp shrugged. At some point him and Ophelia were on decent terms. Ophelia was still huge  hypochondriac but she now gained popularity, due to the fact that her aunt is a Chemistry teacher, which was hardest subject in Senior year to pass. Of course, everybody wanted answers and they hoarded Ophelia with attention, who loved it. Ripp hated attention and it was mainly the reason him and Ophelia were no longer friends. Johny stayed neutral party in this whole mess, however, he stayed loayal to his girlfriend and hung out with her more. Bell rang, and students rushed around in the corridor, like panicking ants in the rain. Ripp held Janes hand and walked with her to the Chemistry class. Class was already semi full and him and Jane sat in the back. Jane took out her Chemistry book which was covered in doodles. Olive Specter walked into the classrom and it got silent. Olive looked around and smiled, " Good morning class! Today, I will asign you each a parter and you have to do observation and experimenting. Simple task. The goal of the class is: Try and identify this liquid," She said as she held up a little bottle with light pink liquid," I want you all to make notes and I want them handed in at the end of the class. Alright then. Tank and Melissa, you are partners," She said as she started walking around the classroom. Tank smiled as blond girl sat next to him," Why hello gorgoues!" He smiled slily and Jane stuck her tongue out.
" No flirting, Mr. Grunt! I don't care who your father is, I can still give you detention!" she said in a strict tone. Ripp chuckled. Olive continued walking down the class," You and you. You over there, come sit here with Ripp. Ophelia, you are with Daniel. Johny, go work with Jane for today!.."
" WHAT?! Why?!" Ophelia protested.
" Shush, young lady!" Olive said in a strict tone. Ophelia huffed and gave Jane deadliest look possible. Jane ignored her complitely and pulled her chair closer. Johny sat next to her. Olive handed out the bottles. As soon as Jane got hers she proceeded to reading the label. Johny looked around," We are supposed to be working together..." He said quietly. Jane handed him the bottle without looking at him.

" Read the label. I am not responsible for your burns...." Johny backed of as the bottle almost hit him in the nose. He took the bottle out of Jane's hand and obidiently read the label," Contains high levels of acid. Do not consume or poor directly on eyes or skin. Keep away from children. Hm.." he read outloud.
" I can read, thank you..." Jane said as she pulled out the cork. She coughed as the smell hit her nostrils. She placed the bottle over the burner. She pressed the button but nothing happened," Hm...Must be unpluged, let me check..." She said as she pushed Johny aside and leaned under the table. Burner was plugged in," Pfft, electricity...Can't they use gas burners?"
" Gas smells nasty..." Johny said. Jane gave him cold look," What it does! Let me see this..." He said as he came up to the burner.
" Look, if it is plugged in and it doesn't work, I doubt it will..." She stoped in midsentance as Johny placed his hand on the wire and burner sparked and lit up in a high flame," How on earth?..."

" Alien powers, don't you wish you could do that?" he chuckled," let's just say I can mess around with bare electricity..."
" Facinating..." Jane said unimpressed," Now move and note down..." She said as she pushed him aside again and stared at the valve. Light pink liquid bubbled and the released cloud of smoke. Jane wrote that down. As she was writting she felt some one looking over her shoulder. She paused and looked up," Johny, write!"
" I am." He said as he showed her notebook and pen he was holding," You are covering whole thing, so I gotta lean over you!" Jane rolled her eyes and stepped aside. Johny set his notebook down and looked at the valve," You are not very talkative are you?" He asked.
" Not with the likes of you..." She said coldly. Johny leaned forward and whispered," I can be nice, I promise. I only put it for the show..."
" How can I be sure that you are not putting on a show now?" Jane hissed.
" Ophelia is four desks away and I doubt she can hear us." Johny cocked his eyebrows. Jane looked up and saw Ophelia with her back to them. She expected her to be like a hawk because Jane is with her boyfriend. Jane squinted," I there is nothing in this word that will make think different of you!"
" Even if I say I know how it feels to be different?" Johny said. Jane sharply turned around and looked at him," At least you are accepted..."
" Not as much as you might think." He added. Jane set her pen down after writting down her conclusion and her hand touched Johny's. She sharply moved it away. The bell rang announcing end of the class. Jane got up and handed her notes in. She then stormed out of the class completely ignoring her best friend shouting her name.

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« Reply #6 on: June 24, 2010, 06:28:33 am »

Getting hooked!
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Ruffnut
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« Reply #7 on: June 27, 2010, 01:03:01 am »

Thanks Katie Smiley
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Ruffnut
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« Reply #8 on: June 27, 2010, 01:17:09 am »

Entry 2

Ophelia walked into the house and tossed her bag aside," How could you aunt Olive?!"
" Look, stop it kid, it's just a class. You Johny still loves you..." Olive said in an irritated tone," if I wanted those two to be paired because I think they have the potential as lab partners then this is what I do."

" Ugh..." Ophelia huffed and turned on her heels and went to the phone. Olive rolled her eyes and went into her study. She put the pile of notes ont he table and started grading them. Many students simply wrote something to just get a grade and they didn't even concentrate on the project. She looked at Ophelias project:

" The liquid it thick and cosistant. It smokes when heated, but I don't know what it is."

Olive raised her eyebrow. This was the shortest essay she has ever seen in her life and it made her ashamed it was written by her neice. Olive took out the red pen and wrote," Not enough research done. D for observation, F for effort." She sighed and set it aside. She looked through few more essays giving them pretty much same mark. She then saw Jane's essay:

" The light pink liquid is semi thick and when heat is applied it bubbles, which then releases purple gas. However, it stop when set to the highest temperature. I had very limited recourses to experiment deaper, but my conclusion is that the given liquid is Succubus Blood. The color is consistencsy and the heat reaction of the liquid lead to the conclusion."

Olive read through it again. This was the only deatialed report and Jane was the only person to guess the liquid right. Jane previously had showed high intelligence and she always wrote detailed essays and was the only person to understand Chemestry in whole class. Olive widen her eyes as she looked at the essay. She has been looking for a smart girl to make her aprentice for years. She lived in Strangetown for centuries and has never seen or met any one as smart as Jane. She was laying low for last twenty, which caused her to age and look like an old hag. She was imortal, but her appearence depended on the energy in take. She needed inteligent girl for her aprentice ship as she could gain more enegry that way. Girl could lure more men into her claws and she loved their energy. Olive squinted. She jumped up leaving her paper work behind. She ran into the kitchen where she found Ophelia blaberring on the phone. She sharply ripped phone out of Ophelias hand and hung up," We gotta talk. NOW!"
" Oh geez, fine!" Ophelia shrugged. Olive clenched onto her arm and dragged her through the house," Wow, auntie, slow down!"
" Ophelia dearie, ever wondered what's those graves in the backyard for?" Olive asked as they stopped by the heavy black door.
" Your old pets?" Ophelia said.
" No, they are people. The people I drained from energy." Olive smiled. Ophelia widen her eyes," No..." she muttered.
" Oh yes, I am Succubus. I drain people for living..." She smiled even wider.
" You're lying! Succubi left Strangetown generations ago, and besides, you're...old! Succubi are pretty!" Ophlia squinted in discust. Olive tilted her head and laughed.
" Naive child!" she turned to the door and swung her hand. Door glowed with blood red light and opened," Come in don't be scared..." She said as she took  a step inside. Ophelia obidiently followed. She got a heavy feeling in her stomach as soon as she entered the room," Yes, you are right Succubi left Strangetown long time ago. All but your mother and I. We stayed here because, it is God forgotten town and who will care if a man or two died, you know? You always thought you mother died in a car acident? She died of lack of energy. We are generally immortal, but lack of energy ages us and we eventually become too weak to function properly and we die. I look old honey, but I am very young. I finally found an aprentice for myself." She turned to Ophelia," And it is not you..."
" Why the hell did you drag me here?" Ophelia cursed.
" Why do you think you survived the fallout sixteen years ago? You are a succubus sweety!" Olive smiled as she took few jars of the shelf. Ophelia looked around. Room was made out of stone and it was very cold. The numerous shelves had little jars with varrious nasty looking things inside. In the middle of the room, was giant cauldron with red smoke coming out if it. Ophelia backed away," So I can like, seduce and stuff?"
" If you choose to, yes. But only when you hit twenty. Right now you are too young and you aren't very developed. I draged you here, as you said, to show you my true colors and to ask you to join me. With your powers you can keep your alien boy close to you and destroy any possible oposition. Are you with me child?" Olive stretched out her hand. Ophelia hesitated for a moment but then she held onto her aunts hand," Yes! I want to be powerful!"
" Execelent!" Olive smiled evily as she let go of Ophelia's hand. She dropped few jars in the cauldron and red smoke flew up in the air," I call upon you Lucifer, grant your faithful slave her youth, so she can collect energy for you! I call upon you!" She shouted as she raised he rhands tot he celling. Powerfull wind blew Ophelia away as red smoke surrounder her aunt. Ophelia sheilded with her arm as red smoke started filling up the room. Ophelia coughed as she bretahed it in.
" Aunt Olive?" She asked. The silence got broken by a seductive moan. Ophelia shivered," Uhm, are you alright?"
" Never better darling!" Her aunt replied. She sounded much younger, but Ophelia still couldn't see her. She heard crackling and giant demon wing stretched out of the red cloud. The another," Mmmh!" Smoke slowly faded away, revealing Olive. She had long black hair, red corset and ram like horns. Giant red demon wings were sticking out of her back and her eyes glowed red. Ophelia's jaw dropped to the ground and she gasped," Aunt?"

" Mmmh, this feels good! You will gain your wings when you are older darling..." She answered Ophelias question.
" That wasn't what I wanted to ask..." Ophelia got up," What if the person you found for your apprenticeship, will refuse?"
" They will not. I know it. I gotta think of a back up story though. No one beleive I just suddenly got younger story...Hm..." Olive said as she walked around the room. She pressed her wings to her back," I got it. Olive went to a retirement home and I am her distant cousin Olivia. Oooh, yes. And every one will fall for it too! Out house needs a make over..." She said as she started laughing maniacly. She raised her hands to the celling. Ophelia heard thunder and red smoke surrounded the house," Soon Strangetown will be ours!" Olive screamed and laughed even louder. Red smoke kept surounding their house until it complitely disapeared behind blood red cloud.
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Katie
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« Reply #9 on: June 27, 2010, 11:49:39 am »

That last picture- gave me a heart attack! Cheesy This is sooo good, (and not just the pictures, haha)
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