Of Dudes and Dames - an UnBeautiful Legacy Story - Generation Two Episode One Now Up!

[~*Jax*~]

***WARNING - this story is not necessarily politically correct.***
 

 

 
WOOT! I finally made it to Ishkibibblapalooza. What a long trip.
 
Hi, I'm Chris Iskibibble. This is my story. I am on a mission to flood this town of gorgeous people with the ugliest things since ... well ... ever.
 
I don't have a lot of stuff right now, but that's ok. It will all come together in time.
 

 
Bought myself a computer to find a job. Ended up in the military, hopefully that will help me find a dame or dude to start a family with.
 

 
Went trolling through the want ads and personals looking for a decent dating service. Found that my mother was looking for love and included a photo ... sold the computer and now want to gouge my eyes out with a popsicle stick ... ew.
 

 
Didn't have to wait long before the welcoming comittee showed up. The blonde chick is Marissa. Don't like her. Too ... average. Brandi is around somewhere, though not in the frame. Nice flat face. She's definately in the running. Now Benjamin, on the other hand ... nice nose! Yum. Will have to keep a close eye on him.
 

 
Still yearning for that schnoze.
 

 
I thought I had said goodbye to the committee, as it was getting late. So, I took out the TV dinner, intent on stuffing my face while watching the sports channel.
 

 
As I took the dinner out of the microwave, I heard a bizarre noise behind me.
 

 
Benjamin had pissed off Marissa off for the last time. They started to fight. Being a boxing fan, it was great having a front row seat. What a way to welcome me to the town!
 

 
Brandi thought that going into the bathroom would give her a better view of the fight. Who knows what goes on in a dame's mind? When she locked herself in, she realized her mistake. The fight migrated to in front of the door, so she was trapped.
 

 
I was cheering for Benjamin. After all, Marissa was complaining all night about my not having walls around the entire house. Walls are highly overrated in my lofty opinion. Harumph.
 

 
I realized at this point, that Marissa was cheating. Dames just don't fight fair.
 

 
So, Benjamin got his ass kicked by a dame. How disappointing! And to top it off, she broke his glorious beak!
 
Cow.
 

 
Wimp.
 
My genes will not be passed on with someone who is as wimpy as Benjamin. First he got his ass kicked by a dame, now he's crying??? Gimme a break!
 
So, Brandi is now the forerunner. Hope she passes on that flat face!
 
Hm. I wonder if I can get abducted.
 
Must. Buy. Telescope.
 
heh ... to check out the action ...
 

 
Sometime during the fight, Brandi broke the shower.
 
So, being a man, and technologically advanced, I decided to fix it. Worked hard on it for a number of hours.
 
...
 
The repairman will be here in the morning.

[ladyrose]

heh heh heh this is really good! Its given me a good laugh :grin:

[oddball011]

lol this is so funny

[Elven_Song]

xD Awesome start! I tried a legacy once..

It didn't even get off the ground.. >.> lol.
 ME + Legacy = nothing.zip.zilch.natta.numero zero.Ah- ...you get the picture. =D

[~*Jax*~]

Thank you all very much!  I will be posting more chapters as I get them done.

[Dese]

Hah, me + legacies = never finished also.
I just loved the part where he found his Mom's personal online.. that had me laughing!!

[hotrod50s]

this is a first lol wanting to flood the town with ugly instead of the other way around.this is a very funny story hope you follow it thru,i too have trouble with the legacy type things i always getdistracted or forget which house i put them in lol.

[~*Jax*~]

Sick and tired of waiting at home, I took off to the local mall - Ishkibibblaplaza. Had a nice restaurant there called IshkibibblaPizza. The host was stunning ... look at that flat face! I wonder if he's related to Brandi.

The dude who was my waiter was kinda cool. He agreed with me, this town is full of fugly people. Exactly what I am looking for.

He, however, is a complete wad. Spilled my dinner all over me...not to mention they tried to make me pay for his mistake. Hell no, Dude.

Tried to apologize. Yeah, yeah. Dude ... whatever.

Managed to convince dude to get me free food. Free chicken tastes better than anything else.

Dude was on top of service for the rest of my visit. Wad still didn't get a tip. Decided to go on the prowl for a dame or dude to start to date. This alone shit isn't working for me.

Met up with Ivy and Christy. Both are kinda pretty. Definately dames I would want as friends ... not future Moms to the Ishkibibble Legacy.

Bought groceries at the supermarket ... flirted with the teen dame. Nice rack. Nice butt. Too cute.

Time to cruise the boulevard...and buy me new threads ....

Damn ... I look good. I think I'm going to get a hair cut. Not to worry ... my gorgeous locks will still thrill the dudes and dames of Ishkibibblapalooza.

Yup. Damn good looking. My ass is sweet in this get up. Figured to support the local businesses, and call up the local matchmaker. Need to learn about the dudes and dames here, time is running out! I've only got 20 days until I am an elder!

Here's Wendy! Take a look at those lips! Man oh man. Gotta get those genes in my pool.

Swept her off her feet with my charm and wit. Dames have no defence when Chrishikibbible ... er ... Chris Ishkibibble is one the prowl!

Mmmm ... smells like cinnamon.

I know the dames think of me all the time. As they should. However, she is the same age as my mother ... and that just reminded me of the internet computer ad ... Pardon me...gotta spew!

She's still there ... isn't she? Ew.

Called the old dame back a couple of days later ... after a great promotion to Junior Officer in the Military. Asked her for dating advice, and who I should meet up with that's as ugly as I desire.

Introduced me to Kennedy Cox. Dated this dude for a while. The nose is perfect. Though he doesn't know what to do with it when we kiss. The eyepatch will be removed tomorrow.

Met up with Marlene Hamilton. Plain Jane with a great profile. Though she's not so ... um ... intelligent. Dames will be dames.

I think something shiney caught her attention.

Still, kept her around. She laughs at all my jokes, and doesn't mind the fact that for some asinine reason, I still haven't purchased any lamps. o.O

Hey Marlene, how many dames does it take to ... oh never mind, you won't get it.

She is good for a game of kicky ball though.

Brought Kerie home from work on day. Way too pretty for my tastes. Too independent. Dames need a good man to take care of them. Kerie just hasn't figured that out yet.

Invited the waiter over to my place to maybe get to know him. He's fugly. Good genes to pass on to my Ishkibibblets.

However, when he didn't know what a video game was, I knew it wouldn't work. I mean come on ... if you don't have the finger dexerity for video games, you don't have the dexerity to play in other rooms of the house either. Rawr... ~.^

Wonder if there is anyone out there that will come close to being fugly and smart. My jeans are lonely. Genes too.

Then I met Goopy. Ugly, smart, a cop, and smexy. Hubba. Dude has it all.

And he responds will to the Ishkibibble charm. Dude wins...hands down. Yeah ... down there ... lower ... lower ... WOOT!

Warm hands, warm body ....

He knows where to put that beak of his ... no poking. In the eye anyway.

WHOO HOOO!

So we decided to get married. Here's the wedding video. Dude looks good as my dame.

However, after the wedding night. The Goopster and I, thinking I was knocked up, decided to go stargazing. My dude was crushed by space garbage.

On our wedding night, I had to plead for his life.

Death didn't listen.

I became a husband and a widower on the same day.

... and Death laughed.

Rest in Peace, Goopy Ishkibibble. I love you.

[Verly]

I should have known it was going to be Goopy.   he died in a freak accident? Too funny.

[Elven_Song]

Awww.. poor goopy! Maybe you should marry him off to one of the fugly NPC's... most of them hit all the branches falling out of the ugly tree. xD

[oddball011]

Awww.. poor goopy! Maybe you should marry him off to one of the fugly NPC's... most of them hit all the branches falling out of the ugly tree. xD

Forget the ugly tree, more like the ugly forest lol

[~*Jax*~]

Coming home from work, the stress from losing my Dude took over. I think I went a little ... weird.

Can I go on? Can anyone help me? Does anyone care?

Yeah. I had a temper tantrum. So what? You would too. Why am I so over emotional? I'm acting like a freaking dame!

Thank god the doctor makes house calls. I have to admit, it's ... odd. He's fugly. But I am not interested.

He set me back on my feet, and told me that I should go on. The Goopster wouldn't want me to fade away.

Giving me a shake, he set me down. The dames need someone to keep them in place.

Thanks, Doc. Here's a dame who needs a good man. But, I'm not it. Again, way too pretty.

Dammit, why did you go Goopy? Your foul looks were everything to me!

*sob* Why the hell am I crying! Dudes don't cry!

I know that he can hear me. I just know it. It's like he's watching over me.

Holy Geez! Goopy! Don't scare me like that! My heart jumped. I hate ghosts.

Part way through the night, my stomache was really flip flopping. What the hell???

Holy crap! The potion worked!!

Goopy and I are going to be daddies! I just wish he was here to help me. Need to find a dame to babysit.

It's weird. Feeling the baby the Goopster and I made. Like a kitten batting gently at a balloon. Is my ass getting fat?

Gotta eat the good stuff now. My baby and I have expensive tastes.

Though, eating alone really blows.

I called up Wendy, and asked if she wouldn't mind coming and living with me and the baby. After all, it's her potion that helped.

No matter what I do, the Goopster is around, protecting me. Hm. I should get that tub fixed. It turns on all by itself now. *shifty eyes*

Damn! I don't think Goopy likes the fact that I made additions to the house, and sold the old furniture.

Wendy has taken it upon herself to get help in the babysitting game. Glad she's taking care of the dame stuff. She'd better realize that now she is living with me, she's in charge of keeping me fed and the house clean.

I don't think Goopy appreciates her taking over the house.

I think he's trying to kill her with a heart attack! Hey Goopy! Wait until the baby is at least in school!

The tummy is getting bigger. Wendy is helping me prepare for the impending arrival. What she won't tell me is how the baby is going to get from in there, to out here.

As long as I keep moving, my ass won't spread. I refuse to get fat and slug like. From the back, you can't tell I am pregnant.

*is all emotional* I'm so big! Why won't it come out? Dames should stay the carriers of these ... things! *sob*

Um, Wendy? Something is happening ... It's starting to ...

HURT!!! Of all things holy and somethings are not, what the hell is happening??? THE PAIN!!!!

Ok, big guy, breathe. *puff puff puff* Oh shit ... this ain't good ...

OK ... I think I am ok ... no, wait ... something is happening again ....

Holy crap! It's a rug rat!

Putting little one in bed, we both have had a tough day. Gonna have to talk to Wendy about all this pink. Ew.

I have to give little one a bath so we can go to Goopy's grave site. I want to introduce Goopy and our first child to each other.

Now that the little one is clean and dry, we can go outside. Should tell the dame in the house to make food for us. I'm getting hungry.

So Goopy. What do you think? All baby or fat? This is all us, baby. I miss you. Damn Dame emotions.

The sun is setting, and I know Goopy is close by. Little one starts to fuss, and I find my self snuggling and comforting like an old pro.

Goopy Ishkibibble, I would like to introduce you to your daughter, Abby Ishikibibble. I hope she is as ugly as you were.

[oddball011]

lol I hope she is as ugly as u r lol watch her be rele pretty!!

[Innocent]

LOL this story is so funny! Cant wait to see the baby all grown up!

[ladyrose]

I adore this story!!! It keeps me laughing, everytime.