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Author Topic: Murda/Urban Gangstas - 10/23/2007 - Update - The Road Splits In The Courtroom  (Read 48831 times)
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xoJessi
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« Reply #15 on: February 02, 2007, 07:30:37 pm »

I'm lovin the story Vita!! Keep up the suspense.
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starlucid
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« Reply #16 on: February 02, 2007, 10:58:51 pm »

Leave it to Daddy to corrupt his son Raheem.  I liked the humor I guess because even when life is tragic there has to be something even if it's just a small tiny thing that keeps him hanging in there.
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Elven_Song
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« Reply #17 on: February 03, 2007, 12:04:28 am »

Glad I could help Vita, especially for an awesome story like this! Cheesy I usually catch that kind of stuff in stories, because proof reading is one of my forte's, but I really didn't notice other than a passing thought.

The character photoshoot (I believe that's the word you were searching for) will be great to see, because with my wandering mind it's hard to keep up, it just moves from one character to the next and I get lost! haha. Well, that's just me, I really should be tested for ADD or something.
Keep it up! The story's kickin'!
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vita4all
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« Reply #18 on: February 03, 2007, 07:16:52 am »

Starlucid - Yeah, Raheem, like the Devil, has a sense of humor that's part of his manipulative personality.  You'll see a little more of this in the future.  I did an awful lot of re-writing with the first 15 chapters, so I don't know if it was there when you read it, or caught the joke, but there was that one bloody scene where Raheem takes Junior along with him where they've kidnapped a hard-as-nails, gangta-turned-snitch (Weedman, a very minor character).  

Weedman laughed at Raheem (whose nickname is Satan) for having a son who was soft, saying, "you shot a blank with that one, Raheem."  The last thing Raheem said to Weedman before killing him was, "tell Junior's grandfather Lucifer I said hi."  



That was a subtle, cruel joke for Junior's benefit, who cried in 2nd grade when he learned of his father's demonic reputation, and was beaten and punched hard enough to send him flying through a storm glass door by Raheem for crying in public at school when teased about it.  It also illustrates that he's sociopathic enough that he could care less of the last words his victim hears.

A lot of my stuff is very, very subtle, like the picture (above) of the woman in bondage with scars on her back in the murda scene, representing a cruel domination of women that's part of the gangsta lifestyle, or the poster (below) of the burning doghouse in the chapter, My Brother's Keeper. That one represents the family, and how one brother, Che (center photo), unconsciously understands this, or he wouldn't have the poster on his bedroom wall. The poster is also a Tarot card, also hints at where Che might be searching for answers, as opposed to the Bible where Junior searches for his answers.  I love symbolism and exploring how people figure out the world.



I also know about flying through glass doors, having run through one myself at the age of four while playing cops and robbers (for real, lol).  Fortunately, I wasn't left with scars...

Elven_Song - Thanks again, because constructive criticism helps me improve the story.  I'm part of the way through the photo shoot.  Below is a draft of the major male adult characters (females and teens to come later).  It's tricky because there are characters yet to be expanded on, or a few I haven't introduced.  Heh-heh, I'm lovin' this.  Also, like you, I know about ADHD.  My flight through through the glass door as a kid was only the beginning....lol.


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Elven_Song
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« Reply #19 on: February 03, 2007, 01:51:53 pm »

lol! Cheesy
Yep. I have yet to run into a glass door, but that may be because we don't have one around (thank goodness).
The photoshoot looks good so far. I'm already starting to understand the story/characters a bit more.
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scissorhappy
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« Reply #20 on: February 07, 2007, 06:00:06 pm »

i started reading this & honestly didnt expect that an hour and a half later I would be upset that it ended. I really hope you are able to finish this & print it. I will be watching for it. I have to know how this all ends. I cant say enough how captivated I was by this story. thank you for sharing it with us.
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vita4all
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« Reply #21 on: February 07, 2007, 06:21:02 pm »

Scissorhappy,

LOL!  This story ain't hardly finished!  As long as it says To be continued...
keep coming back!  *still laughing with joy from making a reader happy*

Thanks for the wonderful compliment.  It's fuel in my tank.

Edit: I moved the "To be continued..." sentence up higher so readers will notice.  Sorry!


« Last Edit: February 07, 2007, 06:45:48 pm by vita4all » Logged

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Elven_Song
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« Reply #22 on: February 07, 2007, 11:39:36 pm »

Those last chapters were awesome! I love the development with Chan. It adds just the littlest bit more depth to the story to make it even better. ^^ Can't wait to see what's next!
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starlucid
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« Reply #23 on: February 08, 2007, 12:44:52 am »

Absolutely!  I'm with Elven song one of your best chapters!  Vita you are so good you just seem to get better with each chapter.
the whole spider web thing very appropriate for this chapter too!
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Veckah
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« Reply #24 on: February 08, 2007, 01:47:04 am »

Vita, the update was amazing, you put me in awe. Thank you for sharing with us, I can't wait for more.

Thanks for the heads up also, I appreciate it very much.
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Veckah
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« Reply #25 on: February 10, 2007, 01:38:42 pm »

Wonderful
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Cinamun
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« Reply #26 on: February 11, 2007, 10:59:02 pm »

Havent caught up on everything but so far this story is very captivating.
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starlucid
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« Reply #27 on: February 12, 2007, 09:11:41 am »

Great, Great update!  Was so sad he finally writes something with heart and soul but of course dad has to tear it up!
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vita4all
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« Reply #28 on: February 12, 2007, 09:05:59 pm »

Thank you all for taking tht time to leave a comment...not only for the strong compliments, but for the constructive criticism you've PM'd or emailed to me, which helps me improve this story for your pleasure.  Hugs to you all!
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Elven_Song
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« Reply #29 on: February 12, 2007, 09:26:40 pm »

Wow, that last ch. was great! I just can't stay away! ^^ I like that saying, "When two elephants fight, the grass get's hurt.". That's really true. Everything you do in your community works like the domino effect, one falls down and the whole thing goes down with it.
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