Murda/Urban Gangstas - 10/23/2007 - Update - The Road Splits In The Courtroom

[LissaS]

OOOO I love it can't wait to hear more. I really looking forward to this...

[Elven_Song]

Wow... I can't wait until this next chapter comes out! This is all coming together so well! ^^ This has been an awesome ride, it's sad to think it may be coming to an end soon.

[vita4all]

Hi Readers,

This evening I have two intense chapters for you. They're a little different as I've spun real historical facts into the last one. There's a heavy focus on Raheem in particular, and how and why he developed the viewpoint and lifestyle he did. Humans are social beings born with a clean slate and do not develop they way they do in a vacuum. Two people are often in the same family, but events affect them differently and they turn out to be complete opposites.  So it is here. This is because extreme conditions often cause folks to choose extreme solutions for survival (when they have a choice), and this is what I hope show my readers.

Many of you will already know this, having been through it in your families and/or communities. For others, I hope it sheds some understanding and appreciation of the history, struggles, and problems with surviving within many African-American communities, which is really an American story and human story, that many, many groups around the world have also experienced. Although Murda is a story of good vs. evil in a minority gangster setting, it is also a celebration of diversity within one community where everyone has very different values and lifestyles, and step by step, learning what it takes to win in life with the cards dealt to them.

Also, if you're a regular reader and have never left a comment or haven't left one in a long time, please take a moment and let me know how you like the story so far. To those who have, hugs and thanks.

::smilieiforgetwhi::Find my new chapters on Post 1, Page 1 of this thread:::smilieiforgetwhi::

Murda Is Like Stepping On Roaches, and
Raheem's Thoughts About Solutions To Survival, Over Coffee And Chocolate

Take care,
Vita

[Ali Xavier]

I'm blown away. You really took a risk, but I'm glad. Your last two chapters did something you rarely see - they humanized the bad guys so people can see how they came to be the way they are.

I hope the black history doesn't freak out or turn off your readers, because even though people talk about celebrating diversity, it's usually their group they're talking about. Most don't really want to hear about the black experience except the sanitized version you get in school, and what we've been through and how it has affected us, as you said, from one generation to another. Makes some brothers cold as ice, like Raheem, or super-Christians like his son Junior, or just lost in the 'hood like most of your other characters. I've known a lot of people like that.

The pictures were incredible. The Strange Fruit one blew me away, followed by Raheem with his coffee at the end where you can see how his life and ancestor's lives made him evil. I looked up the Strange Fruit song on Napster, and another singer named Jeff Buckley did a really good blues version of it too. I also loved the pics of the eyes seeing terror and death too, and Raheem throwing Junior (that must have been hard setting that one up!), and the hitman as a kid who stutters, and Kareem on street.

Junior wasn't all that cool to me before, but I can see what he's trying to do and why he's sneaky. I loved the photos that showed how he betrayed his father by taking some of his brothers and sisters to church so they won't grow up bad. Can't wait to see what's going to happen next.

[vita4all]

Thanks Ali for your comment. The last chapter on Raheem's explanation of becoming evil was my least popular one. It was an attempt to show how anger and bitterness over one's family background and ancestry has a devastating affect on some people; that the evil that men do often flows into generations to come, and the victim's heart becomes cold and he becomes the aggressor. Although most human beings are forgiving, a small few are not. This is what happened to Raheem, who has no allegiances to anyone but himself and his kids, and is a law unto himself.

The topic material of slavery, discrimination and war may have been too hard for both blacks and whites to deal with, even though it was a normal part of American life for several hundred years up until the Civil Rights Movement in the late 1960s.  Chapter 61 may have also been too long or redundant in some places. I wrote it in memory of Martin Luther King, who was assassinated on 4/4/68, and I've added that above the title.

I do contemporary stories about real people with real problems, who don't have fairy tale lives, and often don't have happy endings either. As a social worker for many years, I know of the struggles the poor and even the middle classes endure. My next chapter is about Kareem, a teenager who struggles with illness and wonders if he has HIV. This was written with the several friends in mind who've passed away from this disease and the teens and adults (and their babies) who I've worked with. In memory of them... especially my late friend Reggie. He was a good, good friend.

Find my new blockbuster chapters today -
Night Sweats - It Ain't My Fault If You're Infected

::smilieiforgetwhi:: At the end of Post 1, page one, never the end of this thread.
[/I]

[Veckah]

WOW incredible chapter Vita.

[angelyne]

I just started reading this story and I'm blown away.  It's certainly the darkest sim storie I've ever read.  Your writing is superb.  I found myself getting anxious for Raven, as I was reading, worried that she would end up dead.  I enjoy the character of Junior, and the whole byplay between him and his father trying to out manipulate each other.  I also love the character of Ronnie, the gangster with a heart of gold.

This is the kind of story that I would never pick up either in book form or movie form. I don't like violence, and the ‘mean street’ scene and lifestyle does not speak to me.  However your story was sufficiently compelling to draw me in and hold me to the end.

You said you appreciate constructive criticism, so here is mine.  There are a few occasions when your story becomes more like an essay on social inequalities or a history lesson.  I do agree with your opinion, (and learned a little more history), however I find it detracts from the way the story flows.  It even sounds a little preachy at times.  Your story would be more powerful if you managed to integrate the points you are trying to make, in the story itself (maybe as background to some of the characters).  I know you did this for a few characters, namely the rapist/pedophile/hitman.  But that part didn't work for me.     He was too evil to elicit sympathy because his grandmother resented him and didn’t get help for his speech impediment.  And the bit about how social services couldn't be bothered to help him with his problem turned into a bit of a rant and was distracting.  Especially since the reader could not really feel sympathy for him.

You did that previously with Crazy-8's background.  Explained a little about what made him tick.  That was better, more integrated with the story. It didn't feel like you were moving away from the story into something like.

[vita4all]

FROM ANGELYNE: ...You said you appreciate constructive criticism, so here is mine. There are a few occasions when your story becomes more like an essay on social inequalities or a history lesson. I do agree with your opinion, (and learned a little more history), however I find it detracts from the way the story flows. It even sounds a little preachy at times. Your story would be more powerful if you managed to integrate the points you are trying to make, in the story itself (maybe as background to some of the characters). I know you did this for a few characters, namely the rapist/pedophile/hitman. But that part didn't work for me. He was too evil to elicit sympathy because his grandmother resented him and didn’t get help for his speech impediment. And the bit about how social services couldn't be bothered to help him with his problem turned into a bit of a rant and was distracting. Especially since the reader could not really feel sympathy for him.

You did that previously with Crazy-8's background. Explained a little about what made him tick. That was better, more integrated with the story. It didn't feel like you were moving away from the story...

Angelyne, I really, really appreciate your feedback.  It's right on target. I do pretty good essays, court reports, social summaries, etc., and learning how to smoothly weave historical details into a fictional story has been a challenge. One is to not pack too much information in a chapter, because as you said, it's distracting from the story. I'm sure when this hits the editor's desk it'll be trimmed down. I also rushed this chapter. Often I'll sit on one for several days and do many re-writes before putting it out there.

Regarding Wayne, the evil hitman. I wasn't trying to elicit sympathy for him so much as I was trying to explain how a child is born innocent, but living with emotional rejection and abuse as an only child living with one cruel caretaker, plus fear every time he walked to the school bus stop or at school from bullies, has a way of screwing up an individual's head and heart. I probably should have emphasized a little more how isolated Wayne was growing up under those circumstances.  Even Raheem could see this, even though he himself had no empathy for him because Raheem's issue is that he's so disconnected from empathy and out for himself that the evil deeds of others don't bother him.

Wayne the hitman grew up with a deadly combination of factors that I've seen in my work, with similiar results. I've seen so much incompetence, budget trimming and callousness working with various public social agencies as an insider that I attempted to point out how the agencies we expect to help, fail over and over again by using band-aide solutions. Sometimes their hands are actually tied because of particular situations of a case and legal limitations of what they can do. The results are tragic: those kids generally descend into a no-man's land of mental illness, hardcore drug addiction, or the kinds of crimes that make you cringe. This is the fault of those who could've done better, but didn't. There are many good helping professionals, like Raven and Chan in the story, and I've known many as well. Some however, shouldn't be allowed to set a foot in an agency, but sometimes these are the people who get promoted and they don't work quite hard enough to get the resources the staff needs to their jobs properly. Happens all the time.

On the other hand, it's not always the fault of family or helping professionals that a child doesn't turn out right.  Some people simply develop alcoholism, mental illness or even violent criminal tendencies no matter how much love, luck, support and wealth they've had. This may be one of the mysteries of genetics, but I try not to fall back on the gene theory because one never really knows what another person has been through, often even among your own family and friends.

My 7th grader, in fact, has a classmate who is already a little Wayne, minus the stuttering. He should've been in a residential placement a year ago, but the school system won't want to pay for a therapeutic day school or a residential placement. They're hoping Social Services will, who's biding their time until he picks up a juvie charge so they'll have to foot the bill. Meanwhile she and her classmates have to watch their backs so he won't corner one of them, and his own victims are at risk of becoming future victimizers.

Thank you for giving me constructive criticism. It validated what I already worried about, and helps me slow down to integrate issues in a more readable way and gave me food for thought that will help me do a better job on future chapters. I may even return to that chapter in the future and trim it a bit to make it less essay-ish.

Veckah, Ali and others who emailed me: Thanks for the comments! I'm glad you're enjoying the story.

For those who didn't care for the history of slavery, discrimination, and Raheem's opinion, well, I'm sorry. We can't undo the past by pretending it didn't exist, and there are a lot of people of all races who have some, most or all of the opinions that Raheem held. Listen to what folks are talking about in barbershops, beauty shops, or rap music about class issues and war, or in a HIV clinic (I've done volunteer work there, too) about gender preference discrimination and having their budgets starved. You'll hear the pain and frustration if you listen carefully.

In addition to trying to write an entertaining story, I deal with contemporary issues by throwing out as many different opinions out there as possible, whether the issues are pro-life, pro-choice, religious preferences, gender lifestyles, etc.  

To everyone, Keep letting me know your thoughts and opinions, and again, thanks. More to come soon & hugs to all,

Vita

[LissaS]

WOW *speechless* aawwwww poor kareem that's my baby, I almost cried when he told Ronnie he misses his dad and I love how Ronnie cares for him it showed his generous side..... that really touched me. And I loved the flashback. I see exactly what Junior's tryna do I like him, always did in some of his ways he reminds me of me as far as his motives, wanting to help his community. Man that was deep I REALLY can't wait for the next chapter. ( please don't make me cry by finding out Kareem has AIDS)

[Elven_Song]

Vita, what can I say? Your last three chapters are awesome. I definitely picked up on how you were trying to show how the way people are raised and the things that happen building up to their adulthood affect how they act when they're older and also what lifestyle they choose (or are forced into). I'm glad that you put some history into your story because it makes it very real and makes a point.

Ronnie has been my favorite character since, pretty much the beginning. He's very interesting and has got a lot of backround, and he's linked to most of the characters so everytime we learn something about them we learn something about him as well. I really wish Ronnie's dream would come true, that someday he'll be able to sit with his son and have a family and be happy. He's such a great guy it's sad to see how much he's been caught up in everyone else's messes and his own, as well as Kareem.

Lots of hugs and support!
~Eve

[vita4all]

Veckah, Angelyne, Moon, Diesel, Elven, friends and new readers:

Thanks publicly for your recent comments. One reader described Murda as a compelling story. Telling it has become more important and bigger than me, if you can understand that. Some of you have been very specific in your posts, (and PMs or emails which I won't share for privacy reasons), and they hit the heart of what I've been hoping to accomplish:

From Diesel2370: ...Kareem.... It seems like his father's murder is slowly killing him and he can't see past the grief and rage that he feels...

From Elven_Song: ...the way people are raised and the things that happen building up to their adulthood affect how they act when they're older and also what lifestyle they choose (or are forced into). I'm glad that you put some history into your story because it makes it very real...

From Phoenix_risin: ...love all the social issues you bring into the story with such finesse.... Especially the struggles of inner city youth and what they face as well as the whole baby momma drama and the trouble you have finding a real relationship in the "warzone"...

From Angelyne: I enjoy the character of Junior, and the whole byplay between him and his father trying to out manipulate each other....love the character of Ronnie, the gangster with a heart of gold....

From Moon22T: I see exactly what Junior's tryna do... he reminds me of me as far as his motives, wanting to help his community.

From Ali_Xavier: ...chapters...humanized the bad guys so people can see how they came to be the way they are.

Thanks again ... I'm blessed to be able to take you on this journey in a place and time traveled by so many invisible people, and that so many of you are enjoying it, supportive of it, or at least interested enough to keep up with it. New chapters to come soon.

[LissaS]

Ok, I decided to read the story from the begining again and I came across where Junior said to his father "Leave it the Devil to know the Word better than anyone else, then put a spin on it. It' honor, not obey, and even it was, this ain't Paradise." I got chills from that OMG cause that is soooooooo true!

Junior is such a strong person and it's soooo surprising he caught on to that and that you got it in here. I'm walking the Christian walk and to tell you the truth what Raheem said to his son earlier in the story when they were in the car, I missed it the first time.

The devil do know the Word in and out and better than anyone and he do put a spin on things. This ain't paradise and not everything your parents say or do is right! THANK YOU SOOO MUCH FOR JUNIOR. WOW I"M SOOO ASTONISHED RIGHT NOW. I got chills from that OMG cause that is soooooooo true! Man, Junior is SHARP! Oh I can't wait to see how this story ends please take your time. But I do understand why Raheem is the way he is I could go on and on about your characters.

Oh my goodness this needs to be converted into a movie with no changes, you know how Hollywood likes to make changes. This is just too good. It might even be better than boys N the hood. I'm telling you you got real talent no doubt. I'm seriously a huge fan of your right now. I'll be head of your fan club when you get famous! Which I truly believe you will.

Just wait till I start breaking Ronnie down and others. Which is why I decided to read it again cause I was rushing through it the first time since I really didn't have the time now I can really disect this

[vita4all]

Friends and new readers:

New chapter tonight: Quicksand Kisses

This one shows the point of view of Chan, and how love, friendship and grim events threatens to undo the solid life he's tried to build since being released from juvie 7 or 8 years ago.

I still have one or two more photos I'll add to this chapter by tomorrow.

My apologies for a few of you who got to read the chapter following that, the one with no photos. It was a draft I'm still working on and was titled Gotta Make Time To Play, but that will probably not be the final name. Think of it as a Sneak Peak.

I took a nap, and my kid came in and did me in.  Rather than minimize the screen, she saved the work around 5:30 pm and exited out! This is why there were no photos in it. As Chan would say, I coulda killed her!  

Enjoy, and please leave a comment.

::smilieiforgetwhi:: Find My Update on Post 1, Page 1, Never The End Of This Thread::smilieiforgetwhi::

[Elven_Song]

I love that chapter 'Quicksand Kisses'. Very nice. I'm starting to see how this is all playing out, and I'm already guessing what roles Chan, Ronnie, and Kareem will be playing together in the future. hehe.

Sorry to hear what happened! My sisters (and parents) have done that to me countless times with other work. Kids, they're specially trained in sabotage. =P Next time leave a sticky note, that'll get the message across. ^^

[Yorvi]

I had some time to myself today and decided to read the story again from the begining..Ronnie is my favorite person in this story..He reminds me of this guy I knew and loved a few years ago..I liked the two recent entries..My husband has even taking a liking to it(and that is soooo rare because he doesnt like anything about the Sims 2,lol)Keep doing what you do and I will keep being a fan sweetie!