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Author Topic: Sand Ocean: The Legend of Makrok  (Read 6668 times)
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Dread
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« on: January 31, 2007, 12:14:55 pm »

This is my first story, and it's not done yet, I'm up to the fourth entry. DO YOU KNOW HOW FREAKIN' HARD IT IS TO TAKE PICTURES?! Anyways, it's about... well, you'll read it, and then find out.



"My name is Dread. I was born on planet Makrok. I was sent here to tell Princess Kait about Comic's evil plan." This was what Dread Morroy said to the police officer talking to him. The police officer looked at him with a grimace, and spat on the ground. "You must have brain damage. There's no planet called Makrok, and you... you aren't making ANY sense. No princess exists anywhere on earth, and nobody is named Comic." Dread was ordered to stay in the hospital for a month, due to his... accident. "I'm not staying here. You can f*****g kiss my ass, I'm not staying here." Dread backflipped out of the chair he was in, and the police officer looked shocked. "STOP HIM!" He bellowed at his guards, after Dread had left the small, dark room they were in. He was... he was being shot at! The guards of Officer Kommor had been shooting at Dread, but every onlooker was shocked at the scene. "Outta my way." Dread said to a cleaning man who was pushing a cart full of cleaning supplies.



Dread jumped into the cart and started to push with his arms. "Get out of the way! MOVE!" Dread screamed as escaping. Dread escaped, but only just. He jumped out of the cart when he pushed through the doors to the lobby. He jumped from the cart up to a light mounted on a wooden pillar, and then again to a higher one. He ran along the top of high-hung lights on the ceiling. "Get him. I don't f*****g care if you find him dead or alive, get him." Said Officer Kommor, but he was fighting a clearly losing battle. Dread had mounted himself like Spider-Man ontop of a banner over the front door, and he smirked. "Are you completely sure you want to follow me? Totally sure? OK... have it your way..." Dread jumped out the window by the front door, and Kommor and his goons followed him. "Where is he?!" Said Kommor, but he knew as soon as he said it. "You said you were sure," said Dread, mounted, Spider-Man-like on top of a street light. "so now I'm going to show you why I asked..." Said Dread. "Hold on..."



"Hahahaha... Dread... I had a feeling you were here." Said the cold voice of a gaunt-faced, big-lipped woman on top of the hospital banner. "Exactly who are you?!" Yelled the police officer, but before he could finish his sentence, the woman grinned evilly. "You shouldn't be here... you don't belong..." All of a sudden, the woman's skin busted apart, and turned green. Fangs sprouted from her teeth, and her eyes turned almost the size of tomatoes, and turned yellow. "YOU DON'T BELONG HERE!!!" She screamed as she raised her hand, and a yellow ball of energy appeared. She seemed to be charging it, and Kommor looked more scared as the seconds passed. She fired the ball from her hands, and when it hit Officer Kommor, he was dead before he hit the ground. "Mayar... you aren't like this! Stop this evil from controlling you! MAYAR! You aren't... this..." Yelled Dread. Mayar turned back human... or as human as she was. "You have no power against me... you foolish boy..." Dread looked regretful... "DREADFUL THUNDER!!!"



As Mayar squirmed in pain, Dread looked sadder by the second. "Mayar... I didn't want to have to do that... Solomath, release Mayar from your dark curse!" Suddenly, Mayar got up... her head was turning around! Fangs were, once again, sprouting from her mouth, and her skin became green once more. "Dread... ahhh... you can... find Kait on... Crymara... g...o... t...o... h...e...r... uhh..." Dread looked shocked, as this "Solomath" person seemed to have released Mayar for a split second. Dread looked regretful, but he backed away from Mayar and jumped off the building. "Now... where is Crymara...?" He said slowly. Dread ran off into the night, wondering what Solomath was doing to Mayar at this moment. "No time for this... I've got to get to the desert island, and quick." He said. Dread ran down a deserted road, going to the harbor. He found a boat of researchers going to Crymara, and decided to hop in the boat with them. "Got room for three people?" Said Dread. More to come, soon...



Dread pushed the boaters into the water and jumped the boat. The waters thickened and the sky blackened as he rowed down the canel. Tempers between the water and the boat rose, and the now tar-colored water was getting dangerous. "This'll be one hell of a ride..." Sneered Dread, glancing at the waters below. Fish swarmed, sharks swam, and an undeniable darkness rose from below. Suddenly, in the distance, Dread saw a light appear from below the sea-floor, almost a mile away. He floated forward faster then before, and came a foot away from the light. All of a sudden, the waters rushed and slammed about faster then ever, and a head peaked out from below the water. "Alien, turn back or face pure power." Came a cold voice from below the water. "I'm only here because I was told to come..." Said a meek Dread, but it was too late. The rest of the head's body came out of the water, and it was clear why he hid. He was a merman with a rainbow tail and wings. The trident he held in his hand was made of coral and fish bones, and his skin was blue. His black wings accented his dark hair, and his hollow eyes were wrapped in swollen eyelids. "Fear me, I am Koranga, dark lord of the sea!" But Dread didn't fear him, or even notice him. He powered up a ball of energy and blasted it at him. "Gha... you win this time, alien... well... played..." and he sank back into the sea. After hours of sailing, Dread finally got to Crymara. "Now to find Princess Kait..."



Dread left the boat and walked upon the desert island. "So... this is Crymara, huh?" He said as the sand crunched below his feet. After what seemed like a mile of walking, he encountered another living thing, a snake. He looked at the snake, but his gaze went immediately to the hills far away. "You realize you'll have to climb those." Came a cold, raspy voice. Dread looked confused, and with a short glance back at the snake, asked the voice, "Who are you... where are you... what are you?" But his answer came as soon as he asked. "It's me, the snake. I've been sent here as a... a guide..." Dread looked shocked, but didn't ask another question. "Come on, I need to get to the castle." He said firmly. Walking up hills, sliding down them, jumping across quicksand, or simply walking, this was a horrible trip. Finally, they found a massive, glimmering castle in the distance. "I'll bet that's it..." Dread smirked as he ran towards it, only to find a lock on the door. "What the hell?! I need to get in! Ahh..."

It any good? Feedback welcome and wanted.
« Last Edit: February 12, 2007, 08:37:01 am by Dread » Logged

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kaitcat1124
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« Reply #1 on: January 31, 2007, 04:15:21 pm »

Awsome!!!!
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My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't. He says: Where have you been all my life?
You say: Where I'll be the rest of your life — in your wildest dreams.
"Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows."Jennifer Unlimited
Dread
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« Reply #2 on: January 31, 2007, 06:56:19 pm »

It's good?
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kaitcat1124
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« Reply #3 on: January 31, 2007, 06:58:34 pm »

awesome- 1. inspiring awe
2. showing or characterized by awe
3. very impressive
take ur pick of the 3
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My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't. He says: Where have you been all my life?
You say: Where I'll be the rest of your life — in your wildest dreams.
"Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows."Jennifer Unlimited
Dread
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« Reply #4 on: January 31, 2007, 07:00:32 pm »

I don't like the third picture... the bottom of the floor isn't there...
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kaitcat1124
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« Reply #5 on: January 31, 2007, 07:02:02 pm »

really i didn't notice
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My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't. He says: Where have you been all my life?
You say: Where I'll be the rest of your life — in your wildest dreams.
"Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows."Jennifer Unlimited
Dread
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« Reply #6 on: January 31, 2007, 07:12:02 pm »

Well, mores coming, soon. I have to find a boat shaped couch that sails on water, and fits three.
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wawayaya
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« Reply #7 on: January 31, 2007, 09:03:01 pm »

Good work for your first effort!  Your writing is engaging.  I look forward to your next installment.
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Dread
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« Reply #8 on: January 31, 2007, 09:05:11 pm »

Thanks, wawa!
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kaitcat1124
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« Reply #9 on: February 02, 2007, 08:35:22 pm »

I still think its cool
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My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't. He says: Where have you been all my life?
You say: Where I'll be the rest of your life — in your wildest dreams.
"Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows."Jennifer Unlimited
Dread
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« Reply #10 on: February 10, 2007, 01:02:46 pm »

Some more is coming today, including a battle.

What happened to the first pic?
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kaitcat1124
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« Reply #11 on: February 10, 2007, 06:22:01 pm »

awesome!! again its awesome
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My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't. He says: Where have you been all my life?
You say: Where I'll be the rest of your life — in your wildest dreams.
"Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows."Jennifer Unlimited
Frog_Man
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« Reply #12 on: February 10, 2007, 06:24:41 pm »

Pretty Cool
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Dread
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« Reply #13 on: February 10, 2007, 06:24:46 pm »

The next part will be coming up soon, as I don't need any CC like with the last one.
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Dread
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« Reply #14 on: February 12, 2007, 08:39:39 am »

Part six now up people.
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