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Devillia

Member

Posts: 25

;)

« on: October 04, 2007, 03:42:58 am »


« Last Edit: February 15, 2009, 10:37:52 pm by Devillia »	Logged

Astral Faery

Member

Posts: 873

'A Punk Love' - My first story

« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2007, 01:27:53 pm »

Ah, Devillia, you're too hard on yourself. I really enjoyed it. You weave an interesting story. I like the perspective of the story, present tense, which is different than most I've seen - but you stay true to it. You don't start off in present tense then flop to past tense. Your grammar is good, and your dialogue flows smoothly. I'm already interested in the characters, and hoping Vivienne gets to see Mark again. I hope there's a second part!


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Visit me on my blog - Astral Faery's Magical Tales
-For some awesome reading try SimTales: http://simtalesblog.blogspot.com/
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dobydog

Member

Posts: 405

'A Punk Love' - My first story

« Reply #2 on: October 05, 2007, 05:36:58 pm »

Wow. Just, wow. I'm really impressed with this, mostly because I can't write like crap! I agree with Astral Faery, everything seems to have a natural flow to it. PLEASE make there be a second part, I want to know what happens. Sad


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'No telephone calls today, all my friends gone away. When you're out of fashion it's a lonely price to pay.'
Oh Funny Man, Sex Gang Children

brittybe

Member

Posts: 83

'A Punk Love' - My first story

« Reply #3 on: October 08, 2007, 02:23:42 pm »

I totally agree with what Astral Faery and dobydog wrote. Please don't quit writing your story. You have a good start and some very interesting characters. Once you write some more, you can let your story grow. I always have a lot of fun playing my sims and letting my twisted imagination create some havoc in their lives.
I also think your pics look good, they are very colorful! I hope to see and read more!


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