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Author Topic: To Be Alone- CHAPTER 4 UP!!!!!!  (Read 16649 times)
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HJAmaniac
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« on: April 07, 2008, 09:20:50 pm »

Hi, this is the introduction to my story "To Be Alone". Comments and suggestions are VERY much appreciated! Also, please point out any grammer errors you see... I'm not perfect at it.

To be Alone- Introduction
~
My life wasn't the way I pictured it to be. Ever since my twin sisters were diagnosed with Autism, I'd been like their own personal slave. My parents loved me, but their main concern was the twins. The twins (Lacey and Lana) had a milder case of Autism than most people. But every now and then, they'd break out into fits of rage, sadness, and loneliness. And the only thing that could soothe them was a teddy bear. Because of that, we had teddy bears ALL over the house. There were particularly alot of them in the entrance area of our house. Just in case we lost one. My bedroom was at the end of the house. It had plain wood flooring, no wallpaper, no pictures or posters, a small plain bed, and one of my birthday presents... an old wire spool that my parents found at the dump. I tried to be grateful, but it was so hard. My parents said they didn't have enough money to buy me any presents for my birthday, or for Christmas. And yet, they could still buy a new toy/teddy bear for my sisters. And school, oh my god. I had the worst grades in the entire class because I had no time to study. My parents both worked. My mother was gone all day, and my father left when I got home from school. So once I got home from school, it was: Feed the twins some lunch, watch the twins to make sure they're happy and don't get upset, grab a quick dinner (usually a bag of chips), and make the twins spaghetti, tuck the twins into bed, and go to sleep. The next day is the same thing, and the day after that, and the day after that, and it goes on until the weekend. My parents usually take a vacation from work on the weekends. So it's my job to take care of the twins. My parents don't hire a nanny, so they've counted on me to take care of the twins. I know they all love me, but... I just wish that they could treat me with a little more respect, like a much loved daughter, and not a maid...
~
Now that I've told you about what my life was like, I will let it unfold within this story that I tell you

-Liana McGregor
« Last Edit: July 09, 2008, 06:01:35 pm by HJAmaniac » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: April 08, 2008, 07:10:56 pm »

I loved it I mean I don't focus on grammar because I'm just the same way and always make some mistakes and spell check like crazy.If you want to create pictures to go along with next chapters would be perfect.
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« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2008, 11:26:54 pm »

I honestly love where this is going.
I'd read it again.
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Astral Faery
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« Reply #3 on: April 09, 2008, 01:53:01 pm »

Hey!  Glad to see found your way here.  I look forward to your pics - they'll add a lot of strength to an already good start.  Wink
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« Reply #4 on: April 09, 2008, 03:51:20 pm »

good start, can't wait to read more :-)
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« Reply #5 on: April 09, 2008, 04:14:22 pm »

Nice beggining, i can't wait to read more!
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HJAmaniac
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« Reply #6 on: April 09, 2008, 06:19:23 pm »

Aw, thanks! All I have to do before I post the first chapter is take the pictures... whhiiiiccccchhhhh could take some time. But I'm hoping to post it by this weekend. Should I post the first chapter here? Or should I start a new thread for it. And should I start a new thread for all the new chapters?
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« Reply #7 on: April 09, 2008, 06:30:44 pm »

No - post all your updates here.  It gets confusing when people have several posts for one story.  Just edit your post to add pics to your intro.  If you need any help just let me know. Wink
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« Reply #8 on: April 09, 2008, 09:37:12 pm »

Oky doky. Is there any way to edit the name of the thread? I named it "To Be Alone- Introduction". And I was hoping I could take out the introduction part.
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« Reply #9 on: April 10, 2008, 12:21:06 am »

Sure thing.  At the bottom when you edit, you'll see a 'Go Advanced' button.  Click it and it will allow you to change the title of your post.  You can also add links to your chapters that way if you want to.
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« Reply #10 on: April 10, 2008, 06:42:51 pm »

Great introduction. Looking forward to the story Smiley
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« Reply #11 on: April 13, 2008, 07:01:42 pm »

sounds interesting. can't wait to read the rest Smiley
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HJAmaniac
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« Reply #12 on: April 14, 2008, 08:24:40 pm »

This is my first chapter, hope you like it!
~

"Keep going Liana, keep going. It's the next house, I promise" Liana said to herself as she was struggling through the snowdrifts.
 It had started snowing at around 10:20am that morning, so school wasn't cancelled. The snow was fairly light until about noon. Then it started to get REALLY heavy. By the time school ended at 3pmish, almost 2 feet had fallen. Liana was also quite short for her age. At 16 she was only 5 feet tall. Being so short made it alot harder to get through the thigh-deep snowdrifts.

 School had been horrible, as always. Jeanine Linder had pushed, and teased her around as always. Liam Miller had walked by a troupe of girls and winked at them. They all almost fainted afterwards. And worst of all, she was supposed to do a report on Eleanor Roosevelt. She NEVER got any of her homework done because she always had to babysit Lacey and Lana. And today was friday, her parents always took a vacation on the weekends

She sighed, "I guess I'll get yet another F-".She perked up little when she saw she was home.

As quickly as she possibly could, she ran up the driveway, opened her front door, and stepped inside. She threw her backpack on the floor, and yelled to the house,

"I'm HOME!"

"Liana? You're finally home?!?!?" her dad yelled as he ran into the mudroom.

"Yeah, sorry I was late. But the bus was delayed because of the snow, and I didn't want to wait for it. So I-" she started.

"NO, BUT'S!" her father cut her off. "I should've been at work an HOUR ago!".


"But dad!" Liana started to say.

"NO, NO, NO! Don't try to think of an excuse!!!!".


Liana felt near tears, her father had NEVER yelled at her this loudly before!


"But it's not my FAULT!!" She screamed at him.
 
"You could've CALLED me and I would've picked you up! But NOOOO. You decided to walk the 3 miles home!" her father screamed back at her.


"B..B...Bu..But..." Liana stuttered.


"NO! I'm leaving RIGHT NOW!" screamed her father. He quickly walked, no, STOMPED out of the kitchen, snatched his coat from the coat hanger. And 'BANG', slammed the door behind him.


Liana burst into tears as soon as he left. How could he be so mean?? He had yelled at her before, but those times were NOTHING compared to this!


Liana just stood there for a few minutes in her misery. Then, she remembered her "duties". She grabbed a tissue, wiped some tears off her face, and went to the dining room.



 The twins were there, with their lunch of chicken and broccoli in front of them.


Liana went to the kitchen and grabbed a few paper towels to clean her sisters' faces. The twins were sitting in their high chairs, munching their broccoli as fast as humanly possible. The twins loved broccoli, so they were given a little bit at every meal. I mean, hey? If they like veggies, why not feed them veggies as much as possible? Liana grabbed one of the paper towels in her hand, and started wiping off Lacey's face.

 Lana -the most observant of the twins- had noticed a few tears still on her sisters' face. She reached out and touched it,

"Daddy be mwean?" she asked Liana. Liana looked at her sister,

"No, daddy not being mean. Big sister just got something in her eye".

"Oh," Lana said, "Me hope big sister get better soon.". Liana looked at her sister and smiled,

 "I already am.". She tickled Lana, and finished cleaning both of their faces.

The day went by the same as any other day. After the twins were mostly cleaned up, Liana took them to their playroom and kept them distracted by reading to them, playing with them, tickling them, etc. Then, when it was time for dinner, she prepared spaghetti. Her parents had only gotten enough for the twins, and not for her, so she settled on a bag of chips for dinner.

 After the twins were done eating, it was around 7:00 in the evening. So she took them to the bathroom and gave them a bath, she tucked them into bed, and she read them a bedtime story. Soon, they were fast asleep.

 After that, she went outside to look up at the stars. It was one of her pre-bedtime rituals. It helped her forgot about all the bad things that happened in a day, it helped her forget that she was the ill-favored child, it helped her forget she had no friends, it helped her forget... if even for a little bit. She stood there for a few long minutes, staring at the heavens, wondering if her life would ever get any better. Then, all of a sudden, there was a flash of light darting across the sky. It was a shooting star!

"Wow!" Liana exclaimed. "it's beautiful!". She sat there, wondering if it was some kind of reply to her question.


 "Well," she finally said. "I should probably go to sleep now. If mom and dad come home and find me out here, who KNOWS what they''ll do!". She looked up at the sky one more time, and then headed inside.


Once she got to her room, she pulled her bed covers down, layed down underneath them, and pulled them back up.


She snuggled into her pillow and fell into a deep sleep, dreaming about shooting stars, and wishes coming true.

~
Well, that was the first chapter! Hope you like it!
« Last Edit: April 14, 2008, 09:12:50 pm by HJAmaniac » Logged

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« Reply #13 on: April 14, 2008, 08:30:40 pm »

Comments, suggestions, criticism, etc. etc. are all most welcome!
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« Reply #14 on: April 14, 2008, 08:57:01 pm »

Holly this is great!! You have a great writing ability! I love your pictures. I feel so bad for Liana...I hope she finds happiness soon.
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