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Author Topic: To Be Alone- CHAPTER 4 UP!!!!!!  (Read 16075 times)
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Astral Faery
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« Reply #15 on: April 15, 2008, 09:28:57 am »

I'm super impressed!  This is an awesome start.  You have a very sophisticated writing style for someone so young.  Solid and easy to read, well thought out and coherent.  And your pictures are fab!  Very good emotional captures.  You've already managed to create a feeling of sympathy for your main character, but also showed us that she's not bitter because of her mistreatment.  She has a good heart, and takes very good care of her baby sisters.  Very well done, girlie!  I look forward to the next chapter.
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« Reply #16 on: April 15, 2008, 01:38:57 pm »

Aww, *blushes* thanks! I didn't wait for my dad to edit it, I did all of the grammer, paragraphs, etc. by myself. I read what you said in the "Whatdya plan on doing today?" thread at forumplanet. And I'll be sure to turn the graphics up next time I go on. =)
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« Reply #17 on: April 15, 2008, 06:09:40 pm »

Very good stuff from someone your age.
Out of 2 possible thumbsup, you get 2 thumbsup.
(Did I mention I love the twins already?)

I'll compare you to the metal band Black Tide. A lot of talent for someone of their age. (Their lead singer is only 15, BTW. All their other members are under 20.)
« Last Edit: April 15, 2008, 06:13:52 pm by Rock Justice » Logged
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« Reply #18 on: April 20, 2008, 02:25:14 pm »

Good job, HJ. I already feel for the lovely Liana. She has had an awful lot dumped on her for such a young teen.

I enjoyed chapter one mucho and look forward to the next one.
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HJAmaniac
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« Reply #19 on: May 02, 2008, 09:12:36 pm »

Hey ya'll! Sorry this update took so long, I didn't have enough time to take the pictures until now. And I still didn't take as many as I would've liked. But, here it is! Hope ya like it!
~*~

Liana woke up at around 3am the next morning. She had woken up because she heard Lacey crying out in her sleep. She got out of bed, and crept into her sisters' room. She went over to Lacey's crib. She was sitting up, crying. "Oh, Lacey" Liana started. "It's ok, the dream wasn't real. I'm here, go to sleep..." Liana kissed her sister, and waited until she settled back down.


  When she was asleep again, Liana went over to check on Lana.She was snoring. Liana giggled, and bent over to kiss her sister. She quietly crept out of their room, and into the living room. She never got back to sleep when she woke up this early, so she usually read until her parents got up. She walked over to the bookcase, and was pulling out a book, when an idea came to her.

"Hey," she whispered to herself, "why not  work on my report? Maybe if I can finish it now, I could get at least a D!". She smiled when she thought of the idea.


She pushed the book back into the bookcase, and grabbed one about Eleanor Roosevelt. She quickly, but quietly, ran to the entrance area (otherwise known as the mudroom) of the house, grabbed her backpack, and ran back to the living room. She sat down on the floor, opened the book, grabbed her notebook and pencil from her backpack, and began writing.

She was rushing to finish it.. because she never knew when her parents would wake up.
~

At 6am, just as she was about to start the last page, she heard her parent's alarm clock starting to beep. She started scribbling frantically, praying that her mother and father would stay upstairs just long enough for her to finish. She was halfway done with the page when she heard footsteps upstairs.

"Oh no!" she whispered to herself. "They're coming!". She was writing as fast as she could, as if her life depended on it. She was beginning to hear footsteps on the stairs.


"Please, PLEASE stay upstairs long enough!" she said to herself. She FINALLY finished just as the footsteps reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Phew!" she said to herself, "I finally finished my homework for once in my life!". She was smiling as she stuffed her stuff back in her backpack, and put the book away.


Her mother came downstairs to find her sitting on the couch reading Impossible Love, a famous romance novel.


"Had trouble sleeping?" she asked Liana.

"Yeah,"  Liana said, "I heard Lacey having a bad dream, so I thought I'd check on her."

"Ah," her mother said to her. "but did you do your chores?".

"No," Liana said, "I usually wait until everyone is up before I do my chores because some of them can be noisy.".

"Liana!" her mother said, "you KNOW there are quiet chores you could have done! I'm very disappointed with you!".


Liana quickly closed the book, "I'm sorry mom," she said calmly, "I should've known better.

"Yes!" her mother started, "you should have! Now go do the kitchen right this minute!".

Liana looked at her mother, "Yes, mom." she started, "I'll do them right after I eat breakfast."

 "NO! Go do the dishes NOW! After the kitchen is clean, you can eat.".

 After 3 years of being treated like this, she was used to it. So she said quite calmly, "Yes mom, whatever you say". She put the book away, and went to the kitchen. While she was unloading, and loading up the dishwasher, she heard her mother go to the car, to clear it out; and her father loading up the car.

-

-


She finished with the dishes, and started to make some pancakes for everyone. She herself quickly had a bowl of cereal, because she had to do the rest of her chores. Her list of chores today was:
---------------------------------------
Clean the kitchen. CHECK.  
Clean the dining room.          
Clean the living room.            
Clean the mudroom.              
Clean the twins' bedroom.    
Clean the bathroom's.            
Clean mom and dad's room.
Shovel the backyard.            
Shovel the driveway.            
---------------------------------------
She sighed,

"Another day of work, oh boy". She put the list down on the dining room table.

"Liana!" her mother called from the dining room. "Where are those pancakes??!!". Liana quickly flopped the last pancake from the pan onto the plate, and walked quickly to the dining room.


"There you are!" her mother said. "Finally! I was thinking about leaving without eating! The plane is leaving in 45 minutes you know". Her parents were going to "H20 dreams". It was a vacation resort for adults. It was a long ways away, so they were flying. They were driving to the airport though, because it was 15 minutes away. They didn't want to walk with all their luggage!

"Yes mom," Liana said, "I know". Liana put the plate of pancakes down on the table.

"Christine," said Liana's father, "we should probably eat on the way. We don't have enough time to eat here. And I still have to strap the rest of the bags to the top of the car".


Liana's mother looked at him, "You're right, we should go now." She got a paper plate, and 2 plastic forks from the kitchen. She grabbed two pancakes from the platter, and put them on the plate.


"I'll put these in the car" Liana's mother said. Liana quickly got 2 paper cups, filled them with coffee, and put a lid on each of them.

 "Here," she said as she handed the cups to her mother when she got back from the car, "you'll probably need these".

"Could you hold them for a minute? I'm going to go say goodbye to the twins". Liana pulled her hand back and said quite plainly,

"Sure, go ahead". Her mother quickly went to the twins room. Liana could hear her mother talking quietly to the twins. When her mother came back out, Liana grabbed the cups of coffee, and handed them to her,

"Here ya go" she said.

"I woke the twins up so I could kiss them goodbye, so you should probably make them breakfast soon". Liana smiled at her mother, even though she was hurting inside,

"Yup, don't worry mom" she said.

Liana's mother grabbed her purse and coat, and ran outside to the car. Liana could hear them pulling out of the driveway, and zooming off down the road.

-


 Liana put the rest of the pancakes in the fridge. She would probably eat one for dinner, and for breakfast the next morning. She then went to the twins bedroom. The twins were awake, but they weren't sitting up yet. They were still laying down, and rubbing their eyes sleepily.

"Hey guys!" Liana said to her sisters, "it's a new day! Time to get up! Time to get going! Go dogs go!". Liana had read that book many times to her sisters, so she said that line every morning to them. The twins finally opened their eyes all the way, sat up, and looked at Liana.

"It's dwaytime?" Lacey asked Liana.

"Yes," Liana told her, "it's daytime". Liana looked out the window, morning sunlight was already splashing across the floor. She pointed to the window, "See?" she said, "the sun is up!". The twins quickly stood up and started fussing to be let out.

 "Me want OUT!" they both screamed.


Liana quickly ran to Lacey's crib and pulled her out.


"Why did SHE get to gwo out fwirst??!!!" Lana screamed at her sister.

"Because I was closer to her Lana," Liana said as she ran over to Lana's crib, "you were further away".

"AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ME wanted to gwo out FWIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!" Lana screamed.


Liana pulled her out of her crib. She was kicking and screaming in Liana's arms, and Liana KNEW this wasn't normal. Lana was having a fit again. She quickly put Lana on the floor, and ran over to one of the teddy bears in the room,

"Look Lana!" she said to Lana as she handed the teddy bear to her, "Teddy is worried about you!". Lana stopped her screaming for a moment, and looked into the teddy bears eyes.

"Tweddy worried about mwe?" she looked up at Liana with big blue eyes.

"Yes," Liana said, "teddy don't want you to be upset anymore. He gets worried when you're upset". Lana cuddled the teddybear,

"I'll stop teddy, don't worry". She was snuggling the teddy bear when her stomach started growling. She put her hand on her stomach, "Mr. Tummy is hungwy" she said to Liana. Liana took her hand, and took Lacey's hand,

"How about we go get Mr. Tummy some yummy milk?" she said to Lana. Lana smiled at her,

"Ok".

Liana smiled back at her, "Ok, then. I'll put you and Lacey in your chairs, and then I'll get some milk for him". She took them to the dining room, put them into their high chairs, and grabbed 2 bottles of milk from the fridge. She warmed them up on the stove for a minute, and then she took them to the twins.

While they were drinking, Liana got their favorite book and started reading to them:

"Once upon a time, long ago and far away, there lived a girl named Cinderella, who lived with her wicked stepmother, and stepsisters."

The twins eyes were already wide. They loved this story so much, they wouldn't go to sleep at night if they hadn't heard it!

"Cinderella was treated like a maid, because her stepmother, and her stepsisters hated her."

The twins gasped. They were always surprised when they heard that part...

Liana kept reading Cinderella. Until, finally...

"... and they lived Happily Ever After. The End."

The twins were yawning, and rubbing their eyes sleepily. This story also made them tired.

Liana got up, put the book away, and picking them both up. It was a struggle, but she didn't want another fit from one of them. With one of them on each hip, Liana walked to their bedroom. It was only around noon, but the twins still took naps. So, Liana went over to Lana's crib, and tenderly placed her on the soft bed, pulled the covers up, and tucked them around her. She then went over to Lacey's crib, put her in, and tucked the covers around her. She quietly crept to the window, pulled the screen down, and crept out of the room.
~*~

Well, I hope you enjoyed it! Sorry there weren't all that many pictures, I wanted to post it TODAY, and I didn't have enough time to take more pictures. Anyway, thanks for reading! ::smilieiforgetwhi::
« Last Edit: May 03, 2008, 12:44:52 pm by HJAmaniac » Logged

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« Reply #20 on: May 03, 2008, 08:56:34 am »

I love this story ! =] I feel so sorry for Liana =[
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« Reply #21 on: May 03, 2008, 01:57:40 pm »

Very cute, hon.  I really like Liana, and I'm happy she doesn't take out her frustrations on her sisters.  What horrible parents she has.  I hope the poor thing can hang in there.
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« Reply #22 on: May 04, 2008, 07:53:37 am »

Great writing! your pictures have improved alot! Try hitting tab before you take a picture, it gives you tons more angles and stops things like staircases disapearing when you're close to them. once in tab use Q to bring yourself lower and Z to move closer to your subject. Enjoy some fun angles!
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« Reply #23 on: May 04, 2008, 10:40:02 am »

what ^said above, and remember that CTRL + 4 to 9 saves a camera setting. (you can save one setting per number, both in free cam mode and in normal mode - 12 in all)
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« Reply #24 on: May 04, 2008, 12:15:31 pm »

Thanks for all your comments! I currently have an EXTREMELY rough draft of Chapter 3 that I'm hoping to work on more today. (along with simming of course)

I actually used the Tab button for most of the pictures. I didn't change the angles too much, but for instance, the one where Liana is carrying the plate of pancakes, I used Tab to make it look more like I was looking down upon her. I didn't know about the Q and Z option though, thanks for telling me! And thanks for telling me about the CTRL + 4 - 9 camera setting. I'll certainly be using that!
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« Reply #25 on: May 04, 2008, 12:27:08 pm »

Q lowers the camera, while E takes it higher. W makes it go forward, and I think A makes it go backwards. you can also use the mouse to some extent to move the camera around (tilt it/turn it and such). the arrow buttons can be used for the camera too.
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« Reply #26 on: May 05, 2008, 08:47:17 am »

Poor Liana! Such a dear girl in such a sad predicament!
She remains a strong and patient teen, considering her parents are so self-absorbed and unappreciative of her.
It's a shame they don't see what a treasure they have in their oldest daughter.
Like Astral Faery, I really like Liana.

Keep up the good work. I enjoyed chapter 2 of To Be Alone, H.
« Last Edit: May 05, 2008, 08:50:15 am by Sugah Sim » Logged

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« Reply #27 on: May 05, 2008, 08:52:49 pm »

And again, this lives up to the standards Chapter One set.

BTW, Liana's PJ's in Chapter One, where can I download them?
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« Reply #28 on: May 07, 2008, 02:07:46 pm »

Aw, thank you all for your wonderful comments. They mean so much to me. =)

SecretAgentZero (can I call you SAZ?), I'll have to check where I got them. I'm not sure.
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« Reply #29 on: May 08, 2008, 03:05:29 pm »

Quote from: HJAmaniac;1237255
Aw, thank you all for your wonderful comments. They mean so much to me. =)

SecretAgentZero (can I call you SAZ?), I'll have to check where I got them. I'm not sure.


I really don't care what people call me. I've been called both.
Get back to me soon, will you?
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