Should I Make This Story or not? its called Simuna Beach: The Real SC (Sim county)

[gina942]

I know it isnt very original but hopefully the situations & the drama are , its more like the oc than laguna beach, but since In my crazy mind I am imagening that if it was a show it would be filmed & would look like laguna beach,the hills or newport harbor
I also decided to use celebrity sims to star in it as the characters :O yay! lol.

the characters are:
aubrey--the really popular girl with family drama--played by Lauren conrad
Jessica--Aubreys BestFriend since kinder garden, people think she has the perfect life..but..well..youll see --played by sarah Michelle Gellar (now played by kate beckinsale)
Brittany:aubreys enemy, also a really popular girl--played by paris hilton
kristen:brittanys best friend, just like jessica...the problems are yet to come --played by britney spears
chris:aubrey & brittany's on again off again cheating boyfriend (youll get what I mean when you read the story)--played by jesse McCartney


so you guys, tell me if I should do the story or not I already wrote the first chapter/episode & I will start taking pictures when I have enough replys telling me to do it

THE CHAPTER IS UNDER CYPHERATHOS'S REPLY!

[cypherathos]

Since you haven't gave us that much info (at least for me, that wasn't much), I should say that you post the first chapter so we could see if it's good.
I'm not really into this, but I'm gonna read it anyway, because it has Paris Hilton in it (yeah, I like her, and her bubble for a brain).

[gina942]

lol ok i just finished taking the pictures & the chapter is done so ..uhh..yeah LOOK ITS CHAPTER ONE!:


location: beach side.
aubrey & jessica are tanning & ofcourse talking.
_____
aubrey: is brittany really having a party tomorow?
jessica: yeah, I dont think much people are going though
aubrey: yeah I hope not, shes such a bitch
Jessica: tell me something I dont know
aubrey: no seriously, know her friend kristen?
jessica: yeah like her only friend
aubrey:right, anyways, she was dating that guy zac from the football team, & the next day, she actually walked in on him & brittany making out
jessica: noway!, how come I never get to know about that stuff
aubrey: I know its like Im phsycic right?
jessica: *laughs* right, you know it would actually be alot of fun if we crash her party
aubrey: you know what, lets do it!
jessica: wait but what if she starts a fight?
aubrey:then her party is ruined & she suffers from the consiquenses of not inviting us.
jessica:your such a bitch, I love it
aubrey: I know


location:kristens home

kristen is throwing up in the bathroom, brittany is relaxing on the bed
________________

*kristens throwing up*
Brittany: are you ok?
kristen: do I sound ok?
brittany:whatever, do you need a ride to the hospital or something?
kristen: are you sure?, since when do you drive me around?
brittany:since I dont want you throwing up all over the place tomorow, Im expecting a huge turn out, & I dont want them leaving covered in puke.
kristen:whatever, yeah i think i should go see a doctor.

*they go to the car*



Location: Hospital
kristen is lying on the hospital bed & brittany is watching tv beside her.
the doctor comes in.
_______________

Doctor: Hi there uhh, kristen?
kristen:yeah
doctor:well kristen my name is doctor sheperd, tell me what have your symptoms been?
kristen: I throw up almost every 2 hours, Cant stop eating, & my period is 5 days late
doctor:have you considered taking a pregnancy test?
brittany:shes not pregnant doc, she cant be, she hasnt been laid for 2 or 3 months now
kristen: -yeah cuz you wont stop stealing my boyfriends- *whispering*
doctor: uhh miss, can you please leave the room, I will call you when we are done.
brittany: yeah whatever.
doctor:is it true?
kristen:what?
doctor:what she said, that you havent had sex for months now?
krisen:..uhh..yeah?
doctor:dont lie to me.
kristen:..fine, yeah I had sex last month, makeup sex, see, a week before I had caught him making out with brittany, & we broke up but then he apologized, we had a big fight & next thing we know..we were naked on the kitchen floor..
doctor: too much details, kristen, too much details.
kristen:sorry..
doctor: anyways, so it was out of the blue, you were not prepared i mean? no protection?
kristen: I guess not, but I never thought with the stuff we did that i could be pregnant
doctor:well, you just pee on this in the bathrrom right there & check, just in case.
kristen:ok.

*kristen goes & pees on the stick*

Location: hospital

jessica is visiting her dad, dr sheperd, at his work place.

_________________

jessica: daddy!
sheperd: hey princess, whats up, is there something wrong?
jessica:no, I just needed to ask you if I can go to a party tomorow
sheperd:honey, you know how i feel about you going to parys.
jessica: yeah, but its like one of the bigest events this year
sheperd:whos hosting?
jessica: brittany & her friend kristen
sheperd:you mean..those, brittany & kristen *he points/looks at brittany sitting with kristen in the room*
jessica: yeah, oh my god, what are they doing here?
sheperd: cant tell you, doctor, patient stuff
jessica:oh i dont care, I will find out.
sheperd:ok.
jessica:wait, so about the party?
sheperd:I dont think there will be a party
jessica:what do you mean dad?
sheperd:lets just say...babies are on the way.
jessica:whos babies??
sheperd:oh honey its so cute when you act dumb
jessica:uhh...thanks?

Location: aubreys home

jessica is telling aubrey about what she foud out.

Jessica: you will never guess what I just found out!
aubrey: what? spill!
jessica:ok, so i went to visit my dad at the hospital today to like ask him about the party tomorow, duh, & I saw brittany & kristen in a room, with kristen in one of thm hospital outfits!
aubrey:oh my god is she ok?
jessica: I dont know, probably not since shes in the hospital & her room reaked of puke haha
aubrey: so do you know whats wrong?
jessica:well my dad wouldnt tell me in details because of doctor,patient confidentiality or whatever, but he did say, babies are on the way, he wouldnt tell me whos though
aubrey:OH MY FUCKING GOD! and you were complaining about not knowing any gossip!?
jessica:well this is hardly any gossip I mean i dont even know which one is pregnant!
aubrey:your so cute when you act dumb
jessica:..whys everyone telling me that today?

----end of chapter one----

so yeah, paris dosent really appear alot in this chapter but she will later lol

[gina942]

oh & i forgot to download sarah michelle gellar so i got lazy & replaced her with kate beckinsale, so now she plays jessica

[Charamei]

Grammar is your friend, not that irritating girl in the seat behind you

And so much for patient confidentiality, eh? 'Babies on the way' - no doctor would ever say that for fear of losing both job and reputation.

Characterisatino seems fairly good, though. I love the fact that the characters complaining about their bitchy friend are all equally bitchy, if not more so, themselves.

Finally, don't forget to toggle your plumbbobs.

[gina942]

lol shes his daughter & i have like zero experience with doctors hehe & i type really fast so i have wayy too many typos lol, everytime i try to toggle my plumbbobs they dont go & the headlines or whatever their called.

[Charamei]

lol shes his daughter & i have like zero experience with doctors

Patient confidentiality extends to not talking to immediate family about it. That's all you really need to know

hehe & i type really fast so i have wayy too many typos lol,

So, er... proofread?

You'd be amazed at how much more mature and intelligent you come off as to other people online if you use correct spelling and grammar.

everytime i try to toggle my plumbbobs they dont go & the headlines or whatever their called.

Ah... do you not have any post-NL expansions? In that case, never mind

[cypherathos]

Another suggestion would be to try not to write something in script form. Readers want to see the emotion. They want to feel it, and just taking screenshots from the sims is not complete. For me it just gives the readers what the characters are supposed to look like. You can't expect sim Paris Hilton to show anger or anything realistic, because they are sims.

[gina942]

meh im not a very good writer lmfao XP.
I will try to spell stuff right
do you guys know a good story thats written in the way you are talking about? just so I can understand what you mean.
& no I have the sims 2 deluxe edition thats the base game & nightlife only

[cypherathos]

search the web for inspiration for writers

[Theraven]

and you should concider writing it out more, maybe. those "Brittany: *insert text here*" lines never makes a good story. too much theatre text (you know - lines for actors). if you write them out, it sounds better (let's make an example)


take this:
---
*kristens throwing up*
Brittany: are you ok?
kristen: do I sound ok?
brittany:whatever, do you need a ride to the hospital or something?
kristen: are you sure?, since when do you drive me around?
brittany:since I dont want you throwing up all over the place tomorow, Im expecting a huge turn out, & I dont want them leaving covered in puke.
kristen:whatever, yeah i think i should go see a doctor.
---

and compare it with this:
----
Kirsten felt like she had just threwn up her last ten meals as she dried her mouth with some toilet paper. She did not feel good at all.
Brittany looked in. "Are you OK, Kirsten?"
"Do I sound OK to you, maybe?" Brittany snapped, and looked herself in the mirror.
Brittany shook her head. "Whatever. Do you need a ride to the hospital or something?"
Kirsten stared at Brittany. These were truly new words from her. "Since when did you ever drive me around?"
"Since I don't want you throwing up all over the place tomorow," Brittany answered. "Im expecting a huge turn out, and I don't want them leaving covered in puke."
"Whatever," Kirsten sighed. "Well, I should probably go se a doctor. You sure it's ok?"
-----

Does it sound a bit better? (Remember that this is mostly my writing style. You have to find your own, of course.) If you put some feeling into what you write, it sounds so much better. How people say something, and what they do when saying it is just as important as what they say - even in a written story. theatre lines and *insert action lines here* makes the story boring to read.

[miclab312]

I like it. :angel:

I like how you write it too. I personally like to read less  and get the point, then do the extra work (im a lazy reader I guess... )  

But that's just my opinion.

Good story and storyline, I think its cool!

[gina942]

koolness thanks for the advice guys

[gina942]

ok to anyone expecting me to re-write it & stuff, uhh I wont be doing this with the same people & stuff, I deleted them because I lost interest, but I might finish the story later & take pictures & re-write it to make it better, I wont use the same sims, but probably the same idea like laguna beach/the oc
but just so you guys know I get bored like REEAALLYY easily & I might lose interest but since my internet sucks I will have alot of free time & I might write/sim alot these days.
so I dunno..im rambling lol
anyways, just dont have high expectations & dont expect the same thing, Im practicing my writing by trying to write jonas brothers fanfics mostly one shots but still lol
(uhh off topic but, JO BROS ROCKK!! lol)
anyways thanks to everyone who helped out

[Amira]

It seems good so far. I don't care much for grammar. Keep it up.