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Author Topic: My First Story: "A Love That Should Never Be"  (Read 4103 times)
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Sane Enough
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« on: November 07, 2008, 03:43:17 pm »

My very first story and only second thread. So please be nice.

Prologue  One Night
       
                      Hi my name’s Carmen and for the next two and some years, I have to live with my mother, step-father, and-worst of all- our close family friend, Mark.

 
                     “Hey Mark! You wanna come watch the tele wit me?” I yelled.


                     It had been over a year since my mother got married in April. It was a beautiful wedding. I was the bride’s maid to Marriah, my mother, and Mark was the best man to Jonathan, his very close friend and my new step-father. Yet, Mark is still  a teenager. As we walked down that isle together, we looked in each other’s eyes and a wonderful relationship begun. Some relatives could swear that we were the ones getting married. We’ve been close ever since.


                     “Yeah! I’ll be down in a min, Car!”
  I looked at the clock. It read 4:50. My parents were at work and since Mark was now living with us, he had to get a job. Mark had to be at work by 6:30. It only takes him 5 minutes to get there, since it was only down the street. He was a manger at Wal-Mart and made $8.50 an hour. Most of his pay was used for his phone bills, sometimes on a gift for me. Just last week, he bought me an earring-necklace set.


                     I insisted that I get him something, but he just kept saying, ‘No worries’ or ‘It’s no problem’ and it bugged me to no end.


                    Mark came and plopped down with me on the loveseat. Funny, huh? Of all the other places to sit in the room, we sit on the love seat.
                     “You know, I’m gonna repay you somehow.” I said while I turned to him. He put his arm around me and looked me in the eyes. I saw a look in his eyes that I’ve only seen in Jonathan’s eyes when mom and he went to ‘the park’. It was that look…..of lust?


    It was gonna be a long day!


    TBC:chainsaw::love1:
« Last Edit: November 08, 2008, 11:16:43 pm by angelluvjoy » Logged
Devomuffins
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« Reply #1 on: November 07, 2008, 04:25:30 pm »

NICE...and kind of gross, but I guess they aren't really realated.
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Sane Enough
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« Reply #2 on: November 07, 2008, 08:27:03 pm »

I'm Changing Mark from a step-bro to a close family friend.
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LadyAzmodan
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« Reply #3 on: November 08, 2008, 12:52:27 pm »

i see where you wanna go with the story. one word of advise.. heh, two actually.. you wanna tone down that 'glow' effect, it makes everything look funky and dream/ghostly. and if that is not what you are aiming at, and that was not the impression i had, then you wanna turn it down, or better yet, off.

Otherwise its looking good sweetie. Smiley
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Sane Enough
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« Reply #4 on: November 08, 2008, 11:21:17 pm »

I have been told to tone down the glow. I'm new at the whole still picture thing so, I'm not that good at it. I'm gonna not glow them anymore until I get better at it. But I'll try to get another chap up soon.
Thanks for the comments, by the way!
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Devomuffins
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« Reply #5 on: November 09, 2008, 09:59:40 am »

Oh, you changed it, well that makes it more fun and less gross!
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Starwish001
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« Reply #6 on: November 10, 2008, 06:54:06 am »

Interestig story!
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Sane Enough
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« Reply #7 on: November 10, 2008, 06:55:41 am »

thank people! i'm gonna try to have chap 1 by tomorrow!
And NO more glow effects.
« Last Edit: November 10, 2008, 09:12:09 am by angelluvjoy » Logged
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