Dear Diary,
It has been 2 weeks since Kyle let us down and I still havent spoke to him, I have rung his house a few times but he hasn't answered, I just hope he is okay.
Laura x
Dear Diary,
I did it! I told him to leave! I did it!
Laura x
Dear Diary,
Its been a few days since I told Tony to leave and here is what happened....
Tony was ranting at me again
"You stupid cow, what do you mean you haven't got my lunch ready""I'm sorry Tony, we ran out of bread""
We had 2 slices left last night""I gave it to Caleb for breakfast""
How dare you"
The argument seemed to last for hours, he kept trying to break me down but I wouldnt let him.
"Your useless, your a crap mum and your boys don't even love you""I know my boys love me Tony"But then he said the worst thing possible
"Everyone you love dies, your a curse, you killed your mum and you nearly killed Dylan because you couldnt keep your mouth shut, you kept back chatting and disrespecting me. I wish you would AND Dylan would have died, then I would just have my Caleb. No wonder your mum jumped infront of a car, with a daughter like you, i'm glad she died, she was a tart just like you"I snapped, I lost it!
SMACK
"HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU WISH YOUR CHILD DEAD, HOW DARE YOU MENTION MY MOTHER, YOU DIDNT KNOW MY MUM, YOU NEVER EVEN SAW HER. YOU ARE EVIL TONY, YOU ARE COMPLETE EVIL AND THAT IS WHY NOONE LOVES YOU BECAUSE YOU DESTROY EVERYTHING THAT CROSSES YOUR PATH."Tony just stood there looking at me, lost.
"YOU PUSHED YOUR MOTHER AWAY LIKE YOUR HAVE PUSHED ME AWAY. I DID EVERYTHING FOR YOU BUT IT WAS NEVER ENOUGH WAS IT? YOU ARE PATHETIC, YOU ARE A PATHETIC LITTLE CREATURE AND IF I NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN IT WILL BE TOO DAMN SOON"Tony tried to reply but i wouldn't let him.
"Lau-Laura""Now i want you to do one thing Tony. I want you to go pack your things and get the hell out of my home. You dont ever come near me or my children again. If you do come near us i will ring the police and tell them exactly what you are like and they will lock you up and throw away the key""Laura I love you"
"No Tony, you dont know the meaning of the word love. You are controlling and manipulative and i dont want to see you again""Laura im sorry""Sorry? Tony its too little too late, sorry isnt going to change my mind anymore. Now please just leave or i will ring the police"Tony hung his head and walked out of the door and i havent seen him since.
I am glad I managed to make him bleed though. At least now he knows how i felt all those times.
Laura x
Dear Diary,
It has been a few weeks since Tony left and I am really struggling with the boys. It is so tiring, all i want to do is sleep and cry all the time but i cant, i need to be strong for my babies.
Laura x
Dear Diary,
I am so worried, Caleb wont eat and he keeps waking up in the night screaming and I am so scared, I dont know what to do, i cant do this!
Laura x
Dear Diary,
I rang Kyle tonight. I broke down and left a message on his voice mail. I just needed to talk to someone. But he wasnt there and now i feel stupid. I said...
"Kyle, it's me Laura. I am worried about you and I dont know what to do. I just hope everything is okay. I'm fine and the boys are fine, just getting on with life.....Okay I lied Kyle. Everything is a mess and i am scared and alone and i dont know what to do anymore. I kicked Tony out but now i am on my own with 2 young children and i cant eat, i cant sleep, Caleb wont eat and he is having nightmares. I dont know what to do. I just feel like ending it. Oh Kyle where are you? I need you so much......"
Laura x
Dear Diary,
It has been 2 days since I left the voice mail and I really thought kyle had fallen out with me. Caleb and Dylan kept me up all last night so i put them down to sleep at 6am this morning and then there was banging on the door. I was so scared....
"Laura? Laura?"
"Who-who is it?"
"Its Kyle, open up"
I threw the door open and Kyle came bursting in and threw his arms around me
"Laura I am so sorry, I only just heard your voice mail an hour ago, i havent been home in ages, ive been, erm, busy....."
What did he mean busy? I just snapped agin, all the worry and hurt flew out of me before i could control it...
"Busy? doing what? I waited at the bottom of the street for an hour for you Kyle. I risked my life to do it and you werent there, i needed you and you werent there, you let me down, like everyone else"
"Laura, im sorry. I wasnt messing about or anything, i wanted to be here for you, i had everything planned. My dad....he died Laura. Just as I was setting off for you the hospice called and told me that dad had took a turn for the worst, as much as i hated to leave you laura i needed to go see my dad, i knew it was time to say goodbye, you have to believe me Laura, I never wanted to hurt you"
"Oh god Kyle, I'm so sorry, i had no idea, im sorry Kyle, im so sorry"
"Its okay Laura but i dont have the energy to argue anymore"
"Come on, you can have my bed for an hour or so, put your head down and i will go make breakfast"
I made breakfast and I went and got Dylan up, then I saw Caleb with Kyle..
"SSh, i'm here now Caleb, im sorry I let you down little man, i wont ever do it again i promise"
"Daddy bad, daddy bad"
"Caleb, daddys gone now, hes gone"
"daddy gone? mammy k?"
"Yes Caleb your mummy is okay now."
Caleb just giggled and stared at Kyle.
I have a feeling that things are going to get a hell of alot better from now on.
Laura x
Dear Diary,
Kyle rang the council and explained what had happened with both of us and they have moved us to the other side of town. The house is small and it isnt much but to me, it is perfect. Me and my family, Kyle, Caleb and Dylan. All the people i have in the world, but i wouldnt have it any other way!
Laura x
.......................................................................................................
Friendship... is not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything.
(Muhammad Ali)
