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Author Topic: ~* SpellBound *~ Chapters 1,2,and 3!!! I need opinions!!  (Read 4797 times)
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bigkitty75
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« on: October 22, 2008, 06:55:00 pm »

My new story. i am psoting the exchange and here! Tell me what you think about it. kk Thanks!!!
« Last Edit: December 29, 2008, 11:03:56 am by bigkitty75 » Logged

bigkitty75
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« Reply #1 on: October 24, 2008, 06:26:34 am »


This is my new story spell bound. Just tell me if you think I should continue this or not!
Ok so bear with me hear I have bad grammar and spelling so sorry if that annoys some people.


~Chloe's P.O.V.~

Friday evening was like any other. I sat there watching T.V. while my mother made dinner. I could hear her singing to herself. I always loved they my mom was always happy. Her happiness never left her even when my dad died. "Chloe," my mom called disrupting my train of thought, “dinners ready. You can come on out."
"O.K. mom, be right there." I called back. I got up and shut the T.V. off.


I entered the kitchen and saw my mom sitting at the table with her long brown hair. My dad always loved her hair.
I sat down next to her.  We talked about our days and things that we had going on. Little known to me this would be the last meal we would have together for a long time.
After I had finished my sandwich I left the kitchen. My mom, still singing to herself, cleaned up what was left of our dinner. I loved my mom's soft voice she always had a beautiful voice.  How much i would miss it when I was gone.


I took a shower to refresh me from my long day. After I was done I went on  my computer for a while and played some games. Before I had realized it was 12:00. I needed to go be in. Lethargically I shut the computer off and climbed into bed.


I closed my eyes and laid there still, listening to the sound of crickets out side my window. After wait about 5 minutes for sleep to come it finally did. I was off in my own little dream world...... or so I thought.


~Daniels P.O.V.~ Friday evening I was up stairs in the game room playing a round of pool. I would usually play my dad but he's never home anymore after my " mom" left us. She's found someone better. I would think to myself who's better than my dad he's always been nice her. To me she was ungrateful of what she had. I don't think she realized what she left behind and how we had to make our life good after she left abruptly 6 months ago.


My thoughts of that day made me hungry and also pool is a very tiring game, if you play the way I do. I walked downstairs to fix me a bowl of cereal. I always ate cereal I never how to make anything else. Good thing my dad was the cook that way on the weekends I can have a home cooked meal. I guess life wasn't to bad for me, besides my mom leaving. I was rich, popular and had all the ladies wanting me. What could be better? I always thought i had everything I ever wanted, but I would find out that didn't.


Cereal fell everywhere as I ate. Hey when your parent isn't home go ahead and eat like a wild animal. No one is watching. That night I ate like 6 bowls of cereal( that was Awesome new record). Slowly but surely made it up stairs. I was so bloated I felt like a women. I went and played another long game of pool hoping to burn those extra calories off. Then I heard the front door open and someone slowly walk up the stairs. I look at the clock it was 9:30.


That meant it was my dad. I went out and hugged him. He look exhausted. There were dark circles under his, he wasn't so happy and he had stubble.( Something my dad never had.)
"Hey Dan I'm just gonna go to bed. O.K.? I know you waited for me so we could have some pizza and watch some movies but I'm real tired." he said with remorse.
" Yeah, that’s ok. I am just gonna go to bed know too." I said back. We both went our separate ways. He went stairs to his room and I to mine. “Poor dad" I said to myself before I went to bed. I slipped into unconsciousness.


Chloe’s P.O.V.
 "Whoa, where am I? Is this a dream?" I said to myself. This was like no dream I ever had before. And it's not because there’s no rainbows and unicorns, it was because this dream was so...real.


"That answers that question this is definitely not a dream...it's a nightmare." I said under my breath when I saw Daniel.
"Hey what are you doing in MY dream!?!" we said at the same time.
"YOUR dream this is my DREAM!" we said again in unison.  
" OK, Ok, Ok since your the girl it can be YOUR dream." he told me. I just gave him "that look".


"So... if it's your dream it means your dreaming of me. Yeah I knew it you have crush on me." He all confidante.
" Ah,no. Just because I dream of- " I was cut off.
"Genie." he added.
"No, just because I dream of a person doesn't mean I like them." I explained.
"Yeah ,but your still dreaming of me."
I laughed. " Dream of you. Sorry no. This must be your dream. I am not like every other girl at school Daniel who swoons over your."
"Uhh, ok I don't mind dreaming of you."
I don't whether he meant it or not. I was still a little freaked out about this little to "real" dream.


"Sooo... since this is YOUR dream, what do we do now?" I questioned.
"I don't know follow those roads to no where or play hide and go seek." he mocked back. It became eerie in the woods like a presence. that wasn't there before.


"Ok, dreamer boy, if this is your dream then tell me,” I said as I turned him around," who is that?"
“Oh, that’s easy that’s...that’s.. OH I know it just give me a second. Actually I have no clue." He admitted.
“I have the feeling we aren't dreaming any more." I explained to him.
“You’d be mostly right at saying that" The brunette said. It was like we were snapped out of dream mode.
« Last Edit: November 02, 2008, 07:29:24 pm by bigkitty75 » Logged

Skori
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« Reply #2 on: October 24, 2008, 08:25:22 am »

You have a nice cliffhanger first chapter, which I love. I found some of the dialogue a bit confusing, though. Please continue! Cheesy
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Astral Faery
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« Reply #3 on: October 24, 2008, 11:07:14 am »

This is pretty cool!  I like the different personalities of the main characters.  I laughed when Daniel said to go ahead and eat like a wild animal when a parent isn't home.  Cool effect you used for the dreaming - I'm looking forward to finding out more about that.  Nice job!
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bigkitty75
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« Reply #4 on: October 24, 2008, 02:42:49 pm »

Thank You guys so much!
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bigkitty75
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« Reply #5 on: October 24, 2008, 05:46:51 pm »


Next chapter. This chapter is more about introducing some characters. After you read it I'd like if you would tell me who is your favorite and what I can do to "further" there characters.

~Daniel's P.O.V.~
 It was almost like being snapped out of a trance. I didn't remember where I was or how I got there. It was freakish and slightly awesome in my own weird kinda way. But I still needed to  know where I was, after all we have stated that it wasn't a dream. I got out of the extremely comfortable bed. It was like laying on a cloud from heaven! I walked down 2 flights of stairs until I heard the pitter-pattering of feet on the floor.

I follwed them. I couldn't tell if that person was getting closer or farther from me. They must have been pacing is what I deduced. I rounded a corner and it was Chloe she was pacing around like a cage Jaguar. "Daniel!" she cried and ran toward me.

And suprising she HUGGED me. I guess it was cool. But she not "one of those girls who always swoon over me". Pssh! Yeah right I know she wants me deep down inside she's just in denial.
"Oh, I am so glad your here. I thought I was like kidnapped or something simlar. I woke up and I wasn't in my room and, and ...." she was explaining. I zoned out after awhile . Every once in awhile I'd nodd. But i really wasn't hearing anything.

Finally that rambiling stopped.
"So... we probably should go downstairs and see if the girl is here." I suggested.
"You, can I'll stay up here while you see." she said back in a panic.
D:" Uh, no. You're comming with me."
C: "What if we find someone down there and they shoot us. You're going 1st!"
D:"Why?"
C:"Cause you can take a bullet better than me."
D:"Right..." I said and slowly walked downstairs.

We tipped toed the rest of the way once we reached the bottom. My tip-toeing must but funny because Chloe kept laughing.

That's when we realized we were in someones living room. There were 3 teens ; the girl from last night, a blonde boy, and a black haired boy. They just sat there and talked they didn't even notice us. Until the girl from last " Amber" - that's what they called her- stood up and introduced us.

"Hey guys this is Chloe and Daniel."
"Hey" they both said. Then they introduced themsleves.

Chase twin of Amber

Bryce

Then she took us to meet her parents.
"Mom and dad this is Chole and Daniel." she said
"Hello you 2 I am so glad you 2 are here. I am Gwen and this is Patrick my husband."


Hey sorry I have to cut this short this isn't the end. I 'll finish it tomorrow.
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Music_Is_Life
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« Reply #6 on: October 24, 2008, 08:01:58 pm »

Great story so far! I like the mystery involved with it and your choice of outfits for your sims.
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AjiDivine
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« Reply #7 on: October 25, 2008, 01:07:22 am »

Interesting mystery. I will be checking back to see where the story leads.
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Astral Faery
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« Reply #8 on: October 25, 2008, 10:08:15 am »

LOL - Daniel's a dork - I like him.  I like both him and Chloe so far, and really like the way they interact together.  But I couldn't tell you who I liked out of the new characters, yet, because I don't know them.
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bigkitty75
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« Reply #9 on: October 25, 2008, 12:42:10 pm »


Gwen

Patrick

Then Patrick began to talk. The voice that came from him was soft something I totally didn't expect from this man. Also what he said I don't either of us would be prepared for it.
" We've been waiting for you." He said as he switched glances between me and Chloe. Neither of us new how to reply to that. I looked over to Chloe, her face was blank. So being the man that I am. I replied.
"What?" I replied in the most confusing voice I could muster.

Daniel

Chloe
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Skori
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« Reply #10 on: October 25, 2008, 06:49:44 pm »

I just have to comment on your pictures, because they're great. I just now realized that my friend owns the real version of Chloe's shirt! Besides that, I'm looking forward to getting to know all the new characters. Daniel is so believable, and that's what makes him funny to me. I could totally imagine any of my brother's friends thinking the same way Daniel does. Cheesy
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bigkitty75
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« Reply #11 on: November 02, 2008, 07:26:51 pm »

Chapter 3 of SpellBound!!!
Yes sorry it took long. I was writting another story and now it's Bball season so I have A LOT of practice. I Hope you enjoy this I am trying to imporve my stories and writing.
In the kitchen was blonde haired Chase. His toughts at this moment were about food and the sweet relief it would bring to his starving stomach. He walked over to the cabinet where some fruit lay. As he made his way over there he peered out the window. There on the white beach sat Chloe with her long red hair. She rested her head on her hand which she leaned on her leg. Her expression seemed sad and lost. Chase had feeling it was about what his parents had told her.
He walked out of the house on to the beach where she sat. The waves crashed on the beach and the sun warmed his skin. He walked up to the sollemn Chloe. "Hey mind if join you." spoke Chase. Chloe looked up at him as the wind blew the hair out of her eyes. "Oh, yeah sure." she said back to his smiling face. He never wanted her to be saddend by this news it made him feel awful inside. Just plain awful.
He sat down next to her in the cool sand with the waves lapping against the shore line. He leaned back on his hand in a relaxed way. " Are upset?" Chase asked Chloe. " Not in so many words. I guess I am more shocked and worried." she replied to him. This didn't make Chase feel any better at all.
"I mean it's not every day that you find out that you have some sort of magical power and you're in some totally diffrent world." Chloe replied in one breath. Chase looked her and Chloe looked back. His face was confused. " I am sorry I didn't want this to upset you. C'mon you get to start all over again isn't that kinda cool?" He told her trying to shed a little light on the situation. He gave her a cheesey smile. She let out a little laugh that made him feel good. " No, I told I am not upset. It's just that...I am worried for my mom. It's just fair to her for this to happen. She already lost her husband and now me. The only...one..she had...left." She said through quiet sobs and sniffles.
Chase still was looking at her lost in her eyes and his own thoughts. His heart was broken for her. It really wasn't fair to her mom but it had to be done. Chase stood up and pulled Chloe up with him. He embraced his arms around her and the waves were comming closer as they hugged . They stood there in their embrace and swayed from side to side for a while as the sun beat down on them. Chloe's tear slowly disappeared from her face and so the saddness left too. " I'll be here for you. Don't worry." He whispered in her ear as he pulled her tighter . She rested her head on his shoulder. Chase could smell her sweet purfume and her soft hair rub his cheek. He didn't want to let go of her. He brought her into this situation and he would help her ever step of the way. Then they let go of each other.
Chase and Chloe stood there and stared into each others eyes. Chase's blue eyes glistened in the sun. Chloe thought it made him even more hansom. Then Chase stomach growled breaking there silence. He just smiled his "melt-your-heart" smile. " Yeah it's like time for lunch. I am gonna make some if you want to eat ." He told her remebering he promised the others he'd make lunch. " No, thanks. I just want to sit here and gather my thoughts." She told him with a little smile.
Chase walked away as the sand fell in and out of his flip-flops and between his toes. The wind blew his hair all over the place so he pushed it back to it's normal messy yet perfect stlye. Chloe stood there as Chase left her. She took a deep breathe taking in the salty sea air and the fresh air from the forest near by. This truely was a magical place. Where else is there a beach and a forrest near by? She questioned herself.
Back inside the nice air conditoned house sat Daniel, Amber and Bryce on the barstools at the kitchen. Chase walked on the hard marble floor to the clear refridgerator. There he grabbed somethings to make their sandwiches for them like he promised. In the background he could hear conversing with each other about some t.v show or something.
" So Amber, you got a bf... you know a boy friend?" Daniel questioned nonchalantly. " Uh...no why are you asking me?" she retorted back at him. " Oh, no reason." He said and looked away. He turned to Chase who was cooking. " So Chase where is Chloe at? Does she not eat anymore?" Daniel asked Chase. "Oh, no she's on the beach she's not hungry she told me." Chase replied. "Ha, likely story. She's up to something I am sure. You know girls they say one thing and mean another" mocked Daniel as he winked a Amber. She gave him little smirk.
Daniel turned around to Amber. He always had a soft spot for brown eyes. She had this confidence about her. This glow surrounding her. "Maybe she's just confused about this situation." Amber told Daniel in her calm and soothing voice. He only nodded. Daniel wondered if she had this affect on all men. Well of course on her brother but on him definitely. She'd speak and he'd have nothing to say to her. She took the words out of his mouth. He didn't like the way it felt, he was always so confident around girls. He obviously liked her but maybe like a sister. And sometimes he was just intimidated by her confidence in herself.

Chase gathered all the sandwiches on a plate and carried the over to bar where they all sat. He passed them out one by one starting with Daniel. " Shhh, did you guys here that." asked Bryce. They all turned their heads towards him. "No, what was it?" asked Amber. Bryce could here things the others couldn't cause he was part elf. " It was a scream... a girls I think." He told her. Chase dropped the plate of sandwiches on the counter and took off running. He flung the front door opend and jumoed over a few bushes.

" Oh, DANG!!" He yelled as he ran down the stretch of beach. "No,No, please, please not her." he said as he kept running. The sand fell behind him as he ran and the wind blew in his hair and ears.
He stopped to where she sat before. He looked around, searching for her, any sign of her. No where on the white sand beach could she be found. " They got her." he said to himslef.
" The pirates got her. Oh, man mom and dad are gonna kill me." He rubbed his neck. Fear and panick entered his heart and spread to his expression. His heart was beating so fast it could jump out of his chest. With a couple deep breaths he tried to regain his composure as he left the beach.
Chase slowly walked into the living room where Amber and Daniel were. Amber got out of the red chair in which she sat and walked towards Chase. "What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost." She told him with a worried face. " I wish that's what I saw. It's Chloe." spoke Chase. The once relaxed Daniel was now intently listening. " The ...Pirates took her." Chase spat out.
Daniel stood up. His face full of anger. " What? I thought this place was magical. Like filled with unicorns and rainbows with little munchkins running around. Not dangerous pirates." He said. " We have to go find her. She could be in danger." Daniel pleaded. "Don't think that I don't feel bad Daniel. I let her sit out there alone,man." told Chase. "Geeze what's so special about this girl any way. That's got you 2 all worried about her." said the blonde girl who walked into the living room.
"Oh come on Bella. You kow that her and Daniel are the ones we've been waiting for. There here to help us. Do you remeber that little meeting we had like a week ago about our whole world being in danger?" Amber said. If there was one girl who Amber could just not stand at all it was, Bella Whithal. She thought she was so beautiful because all these guys would chase. It was just because she was easy. She always had to have a guy flirting with her and that annoyed Amber the most.
Daniel walked of worried and confused. Amber after him. " Daniel, listen; Chloe will be strong enough. She'll be ok." She told him in a comforting tone. " Maybe and what if she's not, huh? What then we just assume that everything is peachy keen?" Daniel said back distressed.
" Daniel I am not gonna be the one to tell you not to go. Because obviously you want to and I won't stand in your way." She put her hand on his shoulder. He looked down at her hand and then back at her brown eyes. " We'll be here if you need us."
"O.K. If I am not back in a day , come look for us. Alright" He told her. Amber embrace him in a quick hug. " Be careful." She whispered in his ear and kissed him on the cheek. He blushed like a little boy.
End of Chapter 3!!! Yeah!!!! I hope you enjoyed it. I really tried to improve my writing so tell me what you think!
P.S. I am sorry for not much of Daniel silliness. The next one I promise will have for of him!
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AjiDivine
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« Reply #12 on: November 03, 2008, 07:35:37 pm »

Magical powers, pirates and saving the world. I can't wait to see what happens next.
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Simming is a way of Life!!!  :toothy4:
Check out my sims pictures.
My Apocalyse Challenge
2nd Place in Part of Your World - Jocelyn Lanier
3rd Place in The Devil
bigkitty75
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« Reply #13 on: November 04, 2008, 07:54:27 am »

Yay!! you liked it! Thanks!
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bigkitty75
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« Reply #14 on: December 29, 2008, 11:05:12 am »

 I was just wondering if I should continue with this. Please tell me what you think.
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