He loved the way she looked as she slept, he had never watched her properly before. Her mouth opened slightly and her face formed different expressions as she went through what ever she was dreaming about.
Adams eyes slowly closed while he watched her, drifting off into his own dreams of the future and what he and Morgan would do. Dreaming about the little life that was growing inside her.
He awoke suddenly a few hours later. Morgan was still beside him, hers eyes wide open.
"Morgan? Are you ok?"
She nodded slowly. He pulled her closer and enveloped her in his arms. "I'm here for good now. This is it, you and me against the world."
She held onto him as tight as she could, reassuring herself that he was still there.
She had woken up quickly expecting him to not be there next to her, expecting it all to have been some cruel dream. Doubt still niggled at the back of her mind though. Would he really stay? Did he want to?
Did he think she was as crazy as Melody had made out?
So many things went through her head. She pulled out of Adams arms and got out of bed. The flat was cold, but she didn’t feel it. She needed to clear her head, to get things off her chest and out in the open. She smiled at Adam as she walked out of the room and went to the lounge to sit and try to sort her thoughts out.
"My father’s alive." she said as he followed her and sat down. "I saw him the night I hit Melody. He was in town with Ethan."
Adam didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know how to respond. For the first time she was opening up to him and he didn’t want to spoil that by saying something wrong and scaring her. Instead he stroked her hair and let her carry on.
Morgan stood up, this was going over and over in her head, her whole body felt uncomfortable.
"He actually looked at me Adam. He walked past me and stared right into my eyes and smiled. I wish he had recognised me."
"I saw him at Christmas too. I know where they live. I have been there a few times, but I watched them through the window. Do you think they miss me?" she asked pulling back to look at him for his response.
"Of course they miss you Morgan. Who wouldn’t, but they have to carry on with their lives." he said. "Maybe you should speak to them, let them know its you." he suggested.
Tears rolled down from her eyes as pain knotted deep inside her. Pain that she had kept locked away from everyone including her self.
"I've thought about it, but what if they don’t want me? What if too much time has passed and they turn me away."
Adam leant over and wrapped his arms tightly around her. "Why on earth would you think that? He asked shocked. "Your parents love you; they would never turn you away."
Morgan pulled back, as much as she wanted to curl up against him and cry she couldn’t. She had to get this out, she just couldn’t hold onto it anymore.
“After what I did, why would they want me back? I ruined everything.”
“You ran away from the foster home and tried to take care of your little brother. That’s not so bad Morgan.” He said trying to reassure her.
She shook her head. “That’s not it.”
He frowned confused. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”
She buried her face in her hands. Adam wasn’t sure if he should hold her and try to comfort her or just let her get it all out.
She lifted her head and looked at him before he had chance to decide.
“You don’t get it do you. My mother, she was being attacked. He had plagued our lives for as long as I could remember, first taking my uncle and nearly killing him. He did so much to our family, but I did the final thing and I ruined it. What I did was worse then anything he ever did.”
Adam watched her, he didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know what she could have done that was so bad.
“What did you do?” he asked daring him self to ask.
“It was all my fault. My fault we went into care. My fault my father went to prison. So why? Why would my family want me back?” she said almost yelling the last part.
“Morgan, you’re not making sense. What did you do?”
Morgan fell to her knees and hunched into her self screaming deeply in anger. “I killed him Adam.” She yelled. “I took my fathers gun and I killed him.”
“I stood there as he beat my mother, lifted the gun and fired. I never for even a second thought about what I was doing. I just killed him like that.”
Adam swallowed hard. He couldn’t believe she had never told him any of this before. She had never really opened up to him.
He watched her as loud sobs shook her body as she cried in frustration and anger.
“If I hadn’t shot him, I would have my father and my mother. I would have a family.” She cried
Adam crawled over to her and pulled her onto his lap. He cried with her as she cried for everything that she had lost. “You have me.” He said through his tears. “I am your family.” He buried his head into her hair as he cried for them both. If he had been better, if he had seen the real Morgan he would have known all this, but all he had done was cause her more pain, more tears and for that he was sorry.
Adam pulled her up and held her until the sobbing ceased and her body gave way to the post crying shivers.
"It was a brave thing to do Morgan. Not a bad thing. You were protecting someone that you love; there is nothing wrong with that."
"But I ruined everything."
"No you didn’t. If you hadn’t have done what you did then he would have killed your mother. Wouldn’t that be worse?" he asked. "Your father loves you. If he didn’t he wouldn’t have gone to prison. He wouldn’t have taken the blame so that you could have a life."
"But I let them down." she said continuing to argue with him.
"No you let your father down. He sacrificed his life so that you could have one, but you didn’t take the chance. You have hidden away with me. You need to stand up now and face to world."
He saw the pain on her face as he spoke, he was being harsh and he knew it, but she needed to hear this no matter how much it hurt. He reached over and cupped her face in his hand. "You have to make a choice now. You have me, and we have our baby, but you need to choose. Are you going to stop torturing your self over your family and actually live you life, or are you going to carry on like you have been doing? Not living."
Morgan pulled away from him; fresh tears slowly crawled down her face. "But I can’t just leave them. I don’t speak to them, they don’t know it’s me, but at least I have some connection with them." she said.
He understood what she meant. He hadn’t seen his father since the day he beat him and dumped him, but it didn’t stop him wanting to see his dad, didn’t stop him wanting to feel like he belonged to that family. Unlike Morgan though, he had come to terms with it and had now accepted it, there was nothing he could do to change it.
Her eyes were bloodshot; her face was all blotchy and swollen from crying.
"Come on, lets get back to bed before it gets light." he said as he pulled her to him just to tell her that what she had just told him didn’t change anything between them. He still loved her and still wanted her.
