So the four of us headed into the sewers in search of the mutant’s camp. Dead-eye, myself, Two-Lou, and Darlyn. And the dog. What purpose he was supposed to serve was lost on me, I mean, we already had the job of humping Two-Lou’s leg covered by Dead-eye. What was the dog going to do, find buried mutant bones? We’d found more suitable clothing for Darlyn…that white dress might as well have had a bulls eye drawn on it.
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Dead-eye: The mutants have been down this way, all right.
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Darlyn: How can ya’ll tell?
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Two-Lou: What? Isn’t the smell a giveaway? I’m sorry farm girl, you’re used to the smell of animals, aren’t you?
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Zargon: And don’t talk so loud! We’ve got wireless headsets…with you screaming like that it’ll attract mutants like street people to fire.
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Zargon: All you need to do is whisper….
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Dead-eye: Smell that? That ain’t mutant I’m smellin…
Darlyn: It does smell kinda, sweet don’t it?
Zargon: Argh!! It’s the dog, he farted!
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Dead-eye: Oh….I think I might puke…
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Two-Lou: Figures…we come to a dead end where the air is nice and still and the dog lets one rip….what the hell are we supposed to do now?
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Meanwhile – Sawbones had set up a little shop to work on more of the gadgets he found in Smitty’s junkroom. Smitty presents Lothar with a wireless headset.
Smitty: Just wear it big-guy. It’s a good luck charm. And the latest fashion. The chicks’ll think you’re hot….trust me….
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Lothar: But…it chaffs my ear…very uncomfortable…I will try it though…
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Smitty: Really, it looks great…Sawbones! Don’t this thing make Lothar look really sharp?
Sawbones: Yeah yeah yeah…..sharp as a bowling ball…now you guys get outta here…can’t hear myself think!!
Smitty: Lothar, you need to get your men together. We’re going to be attacking the mutants soon. Get them ready to march….
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Dog: Oh yeah…I smell something good…something good…
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Darlyn: Hey look!! Looks like the dog might have found somthin!
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Zargon: So I got this dude in a headlock, and I’m like bam-bam-bam to his face, and then this other dude….
Deadeye: Zargon! The dog!
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Two-Lou: Zargon you better come see this….
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Dead-eye: Looks like he’s found a secret door….should we call in the troops?
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Zargon: Nooo!!! That’s exactly what they’d expect us to do!! We go in first and check things out….
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Back at Times Square Lothar addresses his men as he prepares them for battle
Lothar: Ten-hut! Be seated. Now, I want you to remember. . .that no bastard ever won a war. . .by dying for his country. He won it. . . .by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country.
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Lothar: Now. . . . .an army is a team. It lives, eats, sleeps, fights as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap. The bilious bastards who wrote that stuff about individuality . . .for the Saturday Evening Post. . .don't know anything more about real battle than they do about fornicating.
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Smitty: Lothar…..Lothar….this is God speaking….
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Lothar: You know. . . . .by God, I actually pity those poor bastards we're going up against. By God, I do. We're not just going to shoot the bastards. . . . . .we're going to cut out their living guts. .. . .and use them to grease the treads of our tanks. We're going to murder those lousy Mutant bastards by the bushel.
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Lothar: Wha?? Whoa…..I’m hearing voices in my head…..
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Smitty: Pfft…Lothar!!! (hehehe) Lothar!! I want you to stop telling people that your word is my word! And stop abusing your rank to score with chicks…and above all..I want you to stop wearing that ridiculous bear head, or whatever it is…From now on you are to wear women’s lingerie…UNDERSTAND?
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Lothar: Yes, God….I will obey….
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Zargon quietly opens the secret door…
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Our hero’s are aghast to find one of the street folk shackled in a cage.
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Zargon works to free the prisoner.
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Deadeye: Zargon! Behind you!
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Appearing behind the caged entry is a mutant, ready to attack…
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Darlyn: I knew this was a bad idea…..
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Dead-eye: Duck Zargon, I got this one!!
To be continued…..
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Special thanks to writers of the movie "Patton"....go ahead...sue me!
