Seeking Deeply The End
Veckah:
*sigh* Flid, I love this story, this entire series.
flid:
“Hello Mark. I was just…”
“Its ok I was just going.”
“But you haven’t finished your coffee.” I said pathetically
He lifted the cup up and drank what was left. “I have now.”
Robin came into the house looking for me when Mark hadn’t come back with what ever answer she had said. “Keller.” She squealed when she saw him at the door. “Me and Bexley...”
“Bexley and I.” I corrected automatically.
“Yes mummy. We are playing in the pool. Come and see.” She grabbed hold of Keller’s hand and dragged him through the house, not giving him chance to protest. He didn’t seem to mind though and he laughed with her was she pulled him outside.
I turned to Mark not sure what to say. I could see the pain on his face; he glanced through the glass at Robin and Keller and gave a regretful sigh. “Hope you get your car fixed.” He said.
“Thanks and thank you for today.”
He smiled and it didn’t quite reach his eyes. I walked him out side and he paused on the porch, he opened his mouth and closed it again as if he was going to say something but had changed his mind at the last minute.
“Are you two..?” he finally asked. “No actually don’t answer I don’t want to know.”
I scrunched up my nose at him. “I’m sorry about what happened, I really never meant...”
“Please Vanessa don’t.”
“I want to explain.”
“I’m not ready for an explanation.”
“Will you do me one thing.” I asked. “Wait there a second.
He nodded and I ran into the house. I threw open my wardrobe and reached up the top shelf and pulled down an old shoe box. Why could you never find what you wanted when you needed it? I reached into the cupboard again and pulled out yet another two boxes. Got it.
I ran back out to Mark, I was so glad he was still there; I thought he might make his escape while I was in the house. I know I would have.
“Please.” I said. “Take this, read it when you’re ready.”
“What is it?”
“A letter. I wrote it to you years ago, but I never had the courage to post it.”
He turned the white envelope over in his hands as if the answer lay in the paper. “Please.” I begged. “before I change my mind again and take it off you.”
He lifted his eyes up to me, his face softening slightly and he nodded.
I stayed on the porch for a few moments after his car disappeared down the road and round the corner. I preyed that he would read the letter. Even now I could recite it word for word. It had taken me days to write, hours of trying to get the correct words down. I was useless when it came to feelings, especially ones of the heart.
Dear Mark,
Please read this, don’t throw it in the bin until you have heard me out, I may never get another chance.
Where do I begin? This is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to write. I’m not good at saying what I feel, but then you already know that.
I know you can probably never forget what I did and how I hurt you, I know I wouldn’t, but I hope that one day you can forgive me.
Do you remember when I started reading my mothers diaries, how I used to get mad with you for no reason? But you never got mad back? I used to think you were crazy for that; instead you would wait and wait. The way you used to hold me until I feel asleep. I used to lay with my head on your lap and you would play with my hair. Sometimes I think you knew me better than I did. This is one of those times, here while I am writing this, but your not here, your arms aren’t there to catch me when I fall and I have fallen. I’ve fallen so hard that I don’t think I have landed yet, or ever will.
I know what I did hurt you so much and saying sorry just doesn’t seem to cut it, but I am so very sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I was scared. I am scared.
Please don’t blame Keller for all of this; I have to say the blame sits firmly on my shoulders staring me in the face every time I open my eyes.
When I heard that you were going to propose I got scared and I did the only thing possible, I made sure that you wouldn’t want to and I succeeded. I don’t think I will ever forget the look on your face when you found us.
Do you remember my room mate? That mad girl Sarah. It was her that told me what you had planned. She was so excited for me that she couldn’t hold it in anymore. When she told me that you were taking me to our spot. (Do you remember that place?) I was so ill, why would you want to spend the rest of your life with me? So I did the only thing I could. I went out and got drunk, drowning my sorrows even though I had nothing to be sad about.
When I went to yours and Keller’s room I didn’t intend to do what I did. I went there to tell you it was over. I was going to end it with you, but I was so out of my face and you weren’t there. I fell into Keller’s arms, literally actually. He listened to me the way he always did when I was ranting my head off. I have no idea now what I was yelling at him about, but before I knew what I was doing I leant over and kissed him.
At first he pulled away and I thought I had wreaked things between us all and I broke down. He held me while I cried and this shames me to say, but I kissed him again. It was as if kissing Keller took away what I came to do and made me forget.
And then you came in, with us both lying in bed together. Shame ripped through me when I saw your face. The look you gave me was awful, if I could take that back and never see it again I would, believe me. I never meant to hurt you.
After I walked out of your flat, I tried many times to come back and see you, but I never got further than the entrance hall of the dorm. I could never do it and so I left and went back to my grandparents.
And now I sit here alone, wishing that somehow, some way I could make it all right, but I cant and things will never been the same again. I will never see your beautiful smile, never touch your tanned skin and never have you catch me when I fall.
I just hope that if you are still reading and have not thrown this letter in the bin, that you forgive me and believe me when I say I am sorry.
Vanessa
X X
babyblueheart:
OOhhhhhhhhh!! Great update!!!! And I loved the letter... so sad! :cry:
xxJessicaxx:
Wow, I can't believe I just found this story. I was a huge fan of the other ones. And, I only just found this one! It's great! And, I had a lot to read. :sign5: Now, I have to join the begging masses. More please. :)
oddball011:
aww thats sweet
pshh I wish I could write letters like that!
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