Seeking Deeply The End
flid:
I looked at the clock as I went back into the house. Damn it was gone five. I had less than two hours to tidy up and order Chinese. Yes I was cheating. I’ll admit I cant cook. I can make the basics, burgers fish fingers etc, but anything that going to be eaten by someone over the age of 10 was not my forte. The most I could ever manage was pasta, but then I even managed to ruin that sometimes.
Keller was outside watching Robin and Bexley. Well when I say watching, he was looking over the top of some inflatable ball that was attached to his mouth; Robin had got him to blow up her toys for her.
“Do you want to stay for diner?” I asked as I joined him.
He pulled his mouth away and the ball gave a hiss in protest as the air escaped. Quickly he squeezed the end between his fingers stopping it getting any flatter. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I double booked.”
“Then I’d love too.”
“It’s Chinese by the way.”
“Still can’t cook huh?”
“No.” I laughed looking away embarrassed.
Macey wasn’t surprised when she arrived and saw that dinner in fact meant take away. She gave almost the same reply as Keller about my inability to cook. Robin didn’t care, she loved it when I was in the cant be bothered cooking mood and at least her food would be edible.
Macey was rather surprised about Keller being there though, not that she minded, but I hadn’t even dated while we had been friends so for me to have a man at my diner table was totally out of character in her books.
They spent most of the time making my face go redder and redder as they swapped stories about me. Macey had thought it particularly funny when Keller told her about the time I was so drunk that I had to literally crawl back to my room at uni and when I eventually got there and got into bed I discovered that I was the wrong one. Even Robin giggled with them.
The evening past pretty much like that and I felt good about myself for a change. I had mended two bridges so far, there were a lot more to go. Like my grandfather for example, but things were looking up.
I left Macey and Keller sat in the lounge with the wine while I took Robin to bed. Of course Keller offered to do it when she complained she wanted him to read her a story, but I managed to talk her out of it.
“Is Keller your boyfriend?” asked Robin as I put her in bed.
“No baby he isn’t.”
“Do you want him to be?” Children were good like that. They never feared asking the worst things possible, but I couldn’t be mad at her for it, she just wanted to know, but I didn’t know how to answer her. “I think he’s nice.” She said smiling.
“And I think that you think too much young lady.” I said to her laughing.
“I think you should be his girlfriend. I think he likes you.”
“And I defiantly think it’s time for you to go to sleep.”
“Meany.” She said sticking her tongue out at me playfully.
“Goodnight baby.”
“Night Mummy.”
I stayed by the door before leaving. If I hadn’t slept with Keller then I would never have had her and she was the most important thing in my life. She was my silver lining to a very black cloud and for that I was grateful.
*********************************
“You still love him don’t you?” Keller asked as soon as I closed the door behind Macey. He had his coat on his hand as if my answer would mean whether he stayed or went. I couldn’t answer him, I could tell myself that I didn’t love either of them, but in truth I wasn’t so sure.
I stayed silent as he got up and put his jacket on. I didn’t want him to leave, but somewhere deep down I wasn’t sure I wanted him to stay. He stood in front of me, his eyes red and I could see that he was fighting back tears. I bit down on my bottom lip until it hurt and he raised his hand up to my face, cupping my cheek and rubbing his thumb along my skin.
He reached out with his other hand and moved a stray piece of fringe from my face before entwining his fingers in my hair. “Its ok that you love him you know? You’re allowed to love people. I just wish that it was me and not Mark.”
“But I’m here with you.”
He shook his head and smiled. “No your not. You might be here, but you were never with me. I dared to believe that one day you would be, but I was just fooling myself.”
I lifted my hands up and placed them around the back of his neck and he let me pull him down to me. I captured his lips with mine and showed him that I was with him. I felt his wet face against mine and I pulled back to look him in the eye.
“Don’t cry.” I said.
“I’ve got to go.” He tried to pull away to leave, but I couldn’t let him. I grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him back to me. I wrapped my arms around him. I felt his body shake as he sobbed on my shoulder. I had never seen Keller cry, not even when we were little.
Deep shame and anger burned in my stomach. My grandfather was right I did push everyone away, but I always had the safety net of Mark and Keller, no matter how much I pushed they came back and now I had pushed them both so far away that I feared they were lost forever. I wanted both of them in my life. I wanted to share everything with them, just as we had done as kids. Every joke, every laugh and every tear we had always shared them.
“Stay the night?” I asked. “Nothing funny. Just friends.”
“Shame.” He said and we both laughed, with tears still running down our faces.
I awoke to the pitch blackness of my room. The clock read half past four and I stared at it willing it to move forward. Keller was asleep beside me. His face calm and free of worry and pain. I stroked his face lightly with my fingers as I watched him in the darkness. I really knew how to screw everything up.
bungee_rope:
Who's chopping onions? I've got tears in my eyes.
One:
Quote from: bungee_rope;501425
Who's chopping onions? I've got tears in my eyes.
Oh, sorry, that's me. -puts knife away-
Gawd, I used to TRY to write drama stories like this, and I tried to make one main character die or something. Two seconds later, backspacebackspacebackspace "AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER ON A FARM FULL OF PUPPIES AND SUNSHINE."
flid:
Quote from: One;501434
Oh, sorry, that's me. -puts knife away-
Gawd, I used to TRY to write drama stories like this, and I tried to make one main character die or something. Two seconds later, backspacebackspacebackspace "AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER ON A FARM FULL OF PUPPIES AND SUNSHINE."
hats why I always write my endings first hehe
bungee_rope:
Quote
Oh, sorry, that's me. -puts knife away-
Gawd, I used to TRY to write drama stories like this, and I tried to make one main character die or something. Two seconds later, backspacebackspacebackspace "AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER ON A FARM FULL OF PUPPIES AND SUNSHINE."
Thanks.
and haha, I used to do that too, but then I learned that I just have to let myself be really emotional if I'm killing someone off. :(
But lets be honest- we all know Flid takes pleasure in torturing her characters readers.
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