After my mild attack of hysteria life seemed pretty bland. I went to the gallery, painted, spent time with Robin and went to bed. I did that everyday for nearly a month. I had seen both Mark and Keller, but neither of them mentioned what happened on that day.
Keller spent most of his time with Robin anyway. She seemed to have acquired a new friend and I was pleased for them both. Soon though I would need to tell him who she actually was and I was not looking forward to that. How do you say ‘oh by the way she is your daughter’? It’s not something you can just blurt out over coffee or in passing.
She seemed to liked spending time with him, I had even been put on the sidelines for bedtime stories, because as she put it ‘he can do better voices’ The only time I got to read to her was when Keller was working the night shift, which wasn’t very often.
Mark on the other hand was a totally different kettle of fish. He had come round twice and both times I have no idea why. We talked mainly when he came over, well I talked he listened, but all the time we both seemed to be avoiding what we actually wanted to say. Or at least that’s how it felt for me.
The house seemed empty without Robin in it. She had gone back to school a couple of weeks ago as the summer holidays were over, but coming back to an empty house was hard. I felt like the past summer had been a lifetime. I was in my studio, but I just couldn’t seem to lift my paint brush to the canvass. The house seemed to quiet even with my music playing in the background. Even Bexley seemed to miss her.
He had come back with me after we had dropped her off and padded into her room as if he was checking that she wasn’t really in the house, and then he had slumped solemnly down in my studio with his eyes on the door waiting. When the clock ticked over to home time and I grabbed my car keys Bexley had wagged his tail so hard and fast that he was creating a draft. I had laughed at him and ruffled his fur.
Robin was full of chatter when she got home. She opened her mouth and chatted all the way till bedtime. I don’t think she even stopped while we were eating. I had cast a strange glance at Bexley occasionally and she had playfully slapped my arm, but she knew I was messing and that I was really interested. Bexley came with me when I put her to bed; there was no Keller either which meant I got to read to her. Once she was fast asleep we headed for my studio.
I don’t know who jumped most me or Bexley as someone knocked loudly on the door. To be honest it was a welcome break from staring at my picture and getting little done, but it was also an annoying distraction. At least this way I had an excuse for not progressing.
I could make Marks silhouette out through the glass of my front door. I almost stopped and didn’t answer, to say that the last couple of visits were strained was an understatement, but I did open the door to him. Eventually.
He was just walking down the path back to his car when I finally opened the door and stepped out. The light from the over head street lamp shone down on his face when he turned around and the sight of him almost took my breath away. My heart gave a loud thump against my ribs and I had to breathe in deeply just to steady myself. I had no idea why, but he always seemed to have that affect on me.
“Mark?” I called out to him.
He hesitated for a moment, indecision etched across his face as if he was trying to decide if he should just get back into his car and leave. I stepped forward and looked at him hopefully.
He jammed his hands into his pockets, he looked like he was cold, but there wasn’t even the hint of a chill in the air. He strode over to me, the purpose of his visit finally getting him moving.
“I read your letter.” He said when he was level with me, his face only inches from mine. “I read it last night.”
I didn’t know what to say, was I happy he had read it? Yes. Was I happy he had come to talk to me about it? I didn’t know.
“I just want to know one thing; you never said it in the letter. In fact you’ve never said it to me.”
My stomach went cold as I prepared for his question and dared my self to ask. “What’s that?”
“Did you love me?” He locked gazes with me waiting for my answer. I knew that what I said in this next moment would mean more than the words them selves. If I answered incorrectly I was pretty sure that he would walk out of my life forever.
His eyes became blue glassy pools and a tick began in his jaw as he clenched his teeth firmly together. “I’ll take your silence as my answer.”
I stayed glued to my spot as he walked quickly away and back to his car. Memories of regret ran through my head and in that moment I realised that I couldn’t let him go, not again. I leapt, almost tripping on the step and ran after him. I reached him and grabbed his arm spinning him around to face me. That look was back and I felt the first tear roll down my face. “I love you. I always have.”
His eyes seemed to bore into me as he took in what I had just said. That wasn’t his question was it? He wanted to know if I had loved him, not if I did. Damn. The first time I admit to myself and him how I feel and I managed to get it all wrong.
I realised I still had hold of his arm and I let go. “I’m … sorry.” I said before turning and running back into the house. I slammed the door behind me afraid that if I didn’t I would go back out there and make it worse. I ran into my studio and picked up my brush again channelling al my anger and emotion through the brush and onto the canvass. My brush moved quickly creating sharp lines over what I had already done; I caught a sob in my throat and fought to keep it in.
The sound of the front door shutting made me spin round and suddenly Mark was there in front of me again. “Did you mean it? Did you mean it when you said you loved me?” he asked
“Yes.”
His hands came quickly around the sides of my face and he lifted my face up to meet his as his mouth crashed down onto mine. All the fear, anger and pain went into that one kiss. I fell back from the force of it, but he kept hold, kept on kissing and we crashed backwards into my bookshelf sending a couple of ornaments flying to the ground.
My breath came in pants when he let go, half in pleasure and part from release. His jaw was sat firm and square. “I’m sorry.” He said. “I didn’t mean to do that.”
“Sorry?”
“Yeah. I was only supposed to…”
I didn’t let him finish his sentence; I grabbed the front of his t-shirt and pulled him back to me. My mind started having doubts as soon as I did. Was this what he wanted? He had kissed me first, but then he had pulled away.
His mouth parted and I seemed to get my answer. His deep brown eyes searched mine when he pulled away. “You never let me reply.” He said, the corners of his mouth twitching.
“Reply?”
“I love you too. I’ve loved you all my life.”
I couldn’t help it when I heard those words, but I grinned, even biting my bottom lip couldn’t stop the corners of my mouth going up. I bit so hard that I nearly pierced the skin.
The phone rang and we both jumped and stared at it like we had no idea what the hell it was. Mark stepped back and let me go so I could answer it, but I stayed rooted to where I was, my hand still clenched around the thin material of his shirt.
“Are you going to get that?” he asked.
“Huh?”
He raised his eyebrows. “The phone.”
It felt like I was dreaming. The last few minutes didn’t feel real. I half walked half floated to the phone and picked it up, but I soon came crashing down as a familiar voice spoke.
“Hello Vanessa.”
“Hello.” I said nervously.
“It’s been a while.”
“Not long enough.”
“Oh Vanessa, you don’t sound happy to hear from me. Did you not like our last game?”
Marks face was full of concern, he had obviously picked up in my sudden drop in mood. “Are you ok?” he whispered and I nodded.
“I missed you.” Said the voice and then silence. Was I supposed to respond?
“Are you not going to say you missed me? Surly you must have thought of our time together. Go on say you missed me too.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but the words stuck in my throat and scratched fiercely trying to come out. Mark watched me suspiciously from where he now sat.
“Say it.” Demanded the voice on the other end.
I felt my eyes fill again, I couldn’t go through this not again.
“Say it Vanessa.”
My bottom lip was quivering and Mark looked like he was going to get up, but I motioned for him to stay where he was. I looked him straight in the eye as I repeated their words. “I missed you too.” I said and I had to look away as the last word left my mouth I caught that heartbreaking look on his face again. Pain clearly etched onto his face as he imagined I was talking to another guy, probably Keller.
“Good girl Vanessa.”
“What do you want?” I asked almost pleading now.
The voice laughed, it was deep and rich, but there was nothing soothing about it, it grated against me like a cold chill. “Two million Vanessa.”
“But I…”
“I am talking.” He said. “Do not interrupt me. I want two million, you know the drill. Seventy two hours. Go to Macey’s flat tomorrow. Be there at noon, not a minute before or after.”
“How do I know you won’t call again after I pay you?”
“You won’t.” And with that he hung up.
