He rested his head breathlessly on my shoulder and I relaxed against him.
“I’m sorry.” I said
“Vanessa shut up.” He reached up and traced his fingers lightly along my face and down my jaw. “It feels so good to hold you again.”
“You wouldn’t have had to wait so long if I hadn’t have ruined everything.” I said and a single tear rolled down my face.
“Don’t cry.” He said wiping it away. “We’re here now, and that was a long time ago. I love you Vanessa, I never stopped really.” He placed a gentle kiss on my mouth and pulled me into him, my skin on his and it felt good. It felt right.
“Mummy!” Robin shouted from the room next door and I jumped. Marks arms dropped from around me and I touched his face one last time before getting up. Grabbing his shirt that was lying in a heap on the floor I through it on and ran into my bedroom. Robin was sat up in her bed, rubbing her eyes half from sleep and half from tears.
“What is it baby?” I asked as I sat down next to her and pulled her into my arms.
“I dreamt that Bexley was saying goodbye. I dreamt he was going to heaven.”
“Oh, baby. Don’t think that.”
“He won’t will he? God will let him stay here with us.” She looked at me hopefully and I had to say that he would, even though I feared the very same thing. He was in pretty bad shape when we cut him out and I wasn’t sure that he would make it.
“I tell you what.” I said. “First thing tomorrow we will call the vets and see how he is doing, and maybe ask if we can see him. How does that sound?”
“Promise?”
“I promise. Now you get back in bed and think of the things you two can do together when he gets out of the vets. Maybe we could buy him a present for being such a brave dog?”
I lay with her stroking her head as she fell back to sleep. It didn’t take her long; in fact, she was sleep quicker than I thought.
“She ok?” Mark whispered from the door way and got off the bed as he started to walk towards me.
“I think I best stay in here for tonight.”
He knelt down by the bed. “That’s ok. I understand.” He reached over and stroked her forehead looking at her thoughtfully. “I wish she could have been mine.” He said and the sadness in his voice was almost unbearable.
“Mark.”
“I know and I can’t change that, but I always imagined we would have kids together one day. Keller is very lucky.”
“He doesn’t know.” I said before I could stop my self.
“You haven’t told him?”
“I can’t, couldn’t. I’m such a coward I know.”
“He needs to know Vanessa. This is his little girl.”
I looked at her sleeping face. She looked so much like my mother, but there was so much of Keller in her too. Sometimes I could see him looking out through her eyes and it scared me. “I will, I just have to find the right time.”
“Does she know?”
I shook my head. His eyes searched mine as if he was trying to think what to say, but I knew what he wanted me to do and what he thought. He thought I should tell them both, that they deserved to know. We had both seen Keller grow up without his father and although he never showed it, it was plain to see that it upset him.
“I’ll tell them both this week.” I said. “But I have to tell her first. I just hope she doesn’t end up hating me for it.”
“She wont. She’s strong like you.”
“Thank you.”
The corners of his mouth turned up with a sad smile and he lent over and kissed me. “Night Vanessa.” He paused his face touching mine as if he didn’t want to move. “I love you.”
I reached up to touch him, to reassure him that I was here with him now. “I love you too Mark.”
I watched as he walked out of the bedroom, he turned and gave me one final glance before going to his own room. I curled up alone in my own bed and wished that he was with me.
Robin was still asleep when I woke up and I was surprised. I thought she would have been up at the crack of dawn as usual. The sun wasn’t quite up yet, only the first rays shone through the gap in the curtains. I rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling, straining my ears for any sounds in the house. It didn’t sound like Mark was up either.
Quietly I swung my legs out of bed. I was still wearing his shirt and as I moved, I caught the faint hint of his cologne on it. Bringing it up to my face, I inhaled deeply and remembered the feel of him against my skin.
I eased his door open. His brown hair spilled onto the bed. He was lying on his stomach, his back was bare, and I did everything I could not to go over there and run my hands over his bare flesh. The sheet was resting lightly across him hiding him from the waist down. I smiled and closed my eyes remembering the feel of him the night before.
“You can stop staring.” He said his voice muffled by the pillow.
I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment. “I wasn’t.”
“Liar.” He rolled onto his back and propped himself up on his elbows. The front view was even more spectacular than the back. His smooth tanned chest seemed to shine softly with the sun light.
“You do realise that shirt is see through don’t you?” he said
My hands instinctively flew up to cover myself and he laughed. He patted the bed next to him, motioning for me to come and join him.
His arms were around me and pulling me down before I had chance to get onto the bed properly and I nearly fell off, but he caught me and pulled me to him. He leant over me forcing me to lie on my back as his mouth came down to mine. He tasted of soap and toothpaste as he kissed me.
