Murda/Urban Gangstas - 10/23/2007 - Update - The Road Splits In The Courtroom
xoJessi:
I'm lovin the story Vita!! Keep up the suspense.
starlucid:
Leave it to Daddy to corrupt his son Raheem. I liked the humor I guess because even when life is tragic there has to be something even if it's just a small tiny thing that keeps him hanging in there.
Elven_Song:
Glad I could help Vita, especially for an awesome story like this! :D I usually catch that kind of stuff in stories, because proof reading is one of my forte's, but I really didn't notice other than a passing thought.
The character photoshoot (I believe that's the word you were searching for) will be great to see, because with my wandering mind it's hard to keep up, it just moves from one character to the next and I get lost! haha. Well, that's just me, I really should be tested for ADD or something.
Keep it up! The story's kickin'!
vita4all:
Starlucid - Yeah, Raheem, like the Devil, has a sense of humor that's part of his manipulative personality. You'll see a little more of this in the future. I did an awful lot of re-writing with the first 15 chapters, so I don't know if it was there when you read it, or caught the joke, but there was that one bloody scene where Raheem takes Junior along with him where they've kidnapped a hard-as-nails, gangta-turned-snitch (Weedman, a very minor character).
Weedman laughed at Raheem (whose nickname is Satan) for having a son who was soft, saying, "you shot a blank with that one, Raheem." The last thing Raheem said to Weedman before killing him was, "tell Junior's grandfather Lucifer I said hi."
That was a subtle, cruel joke for Junior's benefit, who cried in 2nd grade when he learned of his father's demonic reputation, and was beaten and punched hard enough to send him flying through a storm glass door by Raheem for crying in public at school when teased about it. It also illustrates that he's sociopathic enough that he could care less of the last words his victim hears.
A lot of my stuff is very, very subtle, like the picture (above) of the woman in bondage with scars on her back in the murda scene, representing a cruel domination of women that's part of the gangsta lifestyle, or the poster (below) of the burning doghouse in the chapter, My Brother's Keeper. That one represents the family, and how one brother, Che (center photo), unconsciously understands this, or he wouldn't have the poster on his bedroom wall. The poster is also a Tarot card, also hints at where Che might be searching for answers, as opposed to the Bible where Junior searches for his answers. I love symbolism and exploring how people figure out the world.
I also know about flying through glass doors, having run through one myself at the age of four while playing cops and robbers (for real, lol). Fortunately, I wasn't left with scars...
Elven_Song - Thanks again, because constructive criticism helps me improve the story. I'm part of the way through the photo shoot. Below is a draft of the major male adult characters (females and teens to come later). It's tricky because there are characters yet to be expanded on, or a few I haven't introduced. Heh-heh, I'm lovin' this. Also, like you, I know about ADHD. My flight through through the glass door as a kid was only the beginning....lol.
Elven_Song:
lol! :D
Yep. I have yet to run into a glass door, but that may be because we don't have one around (thank goodness).
The photoshoot looks good so far. I'm already starting to understand the story/characters a bit more.
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