Chapter Three – First Doubts
Yeah, I got my own room - a big one too! What's that? I get to design it myself? Awesome! I'll have to see if I can get my room back home like this... Now
this is me!
Dear diary,
Every so often I get to recount my feelings to the cameras, but there's one thing I don't dare tell them. You see... I have a teen-style crisis on my hands here. Fourteen years old, holed up with three older boys... could there be a worse time to wonder what side of the fence I really sit on?! I don't know when or where it came from, only that I'm starting to feel very awkward around two in particular... I have to put on a front every time and hope I don't slip up. It's only been two weeks and already I'm starting to go mad through that alone... I can only be grateful for being a good actor, but how long can I keep it up for?Gah! When did you sneak in? Yeah, this is my room, how do you like it? Sure it won't be to everyone's tastes - yes I'm a goth, probably shows most in here, eh? Plenty of room for my keyboard, and even a sofa! The desk's for my songwriting moments, which I get a few of. Nice and tidy too, told you I was brought up proper! I can't stand a mess. I also can't stand living out of boxes, those got unpacked and tucked away almost as soon as I got here - I like to be able to find my stuff. Not that I own that much compared to some others, but there's always time for that later.
I watch the camera crew leave for the next room, still wearing my painted smile until the door closes. My head drops as does my façade, heaving a large sigh as I walk back to my diary. Picking it up, I sit back down and tap the closed book against my chin for a bit, allowing the dark clouds to billow over me once more as I try to get back to where I was.
It’s not even as though it’s well into the second week either, it’s only just begun. Zamir and even Kii are starting to drive me mad with their talk of girls, and the only reason it’s getting to me so much is because of this, I know it is. Alec doesn’t seem bothered either way, he immerses himself in his music. If he ever did have these kind of issues he’s well over them by now, while for me they’re just starting. I need to talk to someone before I go any more crazy than I have been already… and to make matters worse, that freedom we had early on with our mobiles was short-lived; it ended before we embarked on our scavenger hunt. Time to do some grovelling…“I’m sorry Leo, it can’t be done.”
“Look, I wouldn’t normally ask, but…” I trail off as I notice one or two of the others nearby, and beckon the man into my room before resuming my pleading. “I really need to talk to a gay relative…”
“You think you’re gay?”
“Uh-huh,” I nod desperately, “and I’m surrounded by guys I’m now starting to fancy! Pleeease!”
The man sighs, and I can see in his face he wants to do something. The big problem for him is, his hands are tied.
“The best I can offer is a stint in the diary room,” he tells me, “Sounds like you need it.”
I walk off a little in exasperation. “I can’t go in there,” I whimper in reply.
“Why not?”
“And tell the whole nation?!” I exclaim as I turn back round, “Do you guys not remember what I said about my Uncle? He nearly died because of that and he’s forty-two! What chance would I have??”
“It’s either that or carry on like this,” he explains, “I can’t break the rules, I’m sorry.”
I slump onto the bed, tears of despair stinging at my eyes. “Thanks anyway,” I mutter, trying valiantly to stem the sobs working their way up my throat. I wait until my ears pick up the sound of the door as it closes, then slump forward as I let it all go, and time is lost in the sea of tears. Never have I cried so much in my young life.
Urgh… boy did I need that. Where are Chris and Andy when you need them?
Tap tap tap.S***. I hope I don’t look too bad. Oh well, this is as good as whoever-it-is will get right now.
“Leo? It’s just me.”
My heart sinks as I hear the Aussie accent filtering through the door. Alec is one I’ve been feeling
really bad around lately, and not just because of his looks. I allow myself a sigh before I open the door, trying to look casual. Try that with glassy red eyes though…
“I thought I heard crying,” he acknowledges with dismay as he sees me, “What’s wrong?”
I shake my head, wishing I could find the courage to answer. It seems he senses this as he ushers himself inside and closes the door. Laying a hand on my shoulder is intended to soothe my raging emotions, but instead it makes things worse.
“Hey, you can tell me,” he says in a hushed tone.
“I can’t, really,” I utter, feeling my bottom lip tremble. He eyes me sadly, as though he really is concerned about me, and this becomes more apparent when he pulls me into his arms.
I resist the urge to fight and instead allow him to embrace me, my eyes closing as I enjoy his warmth and the caresses of his fingers upon my back. Somewhere in the depths of my mind, I hope for there to be a hidden meaning in his touch, but a reality check is enough to dismiss those thoughts as quickly as they arrive. I want so badly to tell him too, if for no other reason than to check his reaction, but right now I’m too scared to even do that.
We seem to spend hours just standing there, and as we break away I feel the strongest urge to kiss his lips. I fight against it though, even with him gazing back at me with that sweet smile of his.
“You gonna be okay?” he asks.
I merely smile back, nodding and hoping he hasn’t noticed the increase in my heartbeat with our bodies so close together. If he has he seems to ignore it, bringing us both back to reality with a bump.
“Oh yeah,” he remarks, “They want to know how we’re getting on with each other so far.”
“They do?” I check casually, feeling my stomach lurch.
Oh God. How am I gonna pull this off?
“Yeah,” he replies, “They also have another task for us.”
“Oh, cool,” I acknowledge, this time meaning it. A distraction, finally! All I’ll need to do is look forward to that, I can blag the rest.
So, four teenage boys sharing the same house, supervised only by the camera crew... a parent's worst nightmare? Actually, I've been pleasantly surprised; the only one who needs chasing up (and who left his mark in the bedroom on that scavenger hunt) is Zamir. Still, if there's one thing we have in common, it's sky-high energy levels - thankfully there's a gym in this place! We often work out together - we need to burn off the surplus somehow.
Alec I've grown very close to, and it's mainly down to our love of music. We often have a jam together when the instruments in the main room are free - he's a great guitarist. Maybe we can form a band together once we're outta here!
Kii's crackers... I love it! Tell a lie, he's not
quite as bad as me, but he's not far off! He's often at the pool table during his quieter moments, and I join him there sometimes.
All in all they're cool guys, we have our moments of course, but that's only to be expected, especially with a mix of cultures like this!
… Was that alright? Phew. I wasn’t lying, they
are cool… sorry, wrong word –
hot is more like it! Hehe, yeah, laugh it off, works every time – I feel better already!
Okay, what’s this other thing we have to do? Make over a nerdy guy? Hmm… As in, change his image? … Leaving
me in charge of a makeover? Bwahahaha!!
“Uh-oh,” Kii remarks, watching me as I rub my hands together gleefully, “The cogs are turning… not good!”
“What’s that supposed to mean?!” I challenge, folding my arms indignantly, “Don’t you trust me?”
“After seeing your room I can just imagine,” Alec giggles.
“You’re all so mean!” I pout, “
Goth can be sexy, I’ll prove it!”
“How
you can tell sexy in a man?” Zamir asks.
Ouch.
“I just can,” I reply evasively, “And you’re all just gonna have to trust me.”
“We want the photos!” Kii demands after a resigned shrug.
“Oh, I’ll take great delight in showing you them,” I agree with a glint in my eye, before studying the card we’ve been given, which gives a brief description of him. “Prrr… we have a challenge on our hands.”
“Oh, well, you’re in your element there, huh?” Alec teases, slapping my shoulder. My eyebrows twitch a little into a puzzled frown as I notice the pressure delivered – I swear he gives it a little squeeze before taking his hand away.
No, come on Leo, since when are you this lucky? Just concentrate on the job at hand. Oh damn, get this photo of him though!
Luckily for me he had long hair, albeit tied back in a ponytail. That was enough to set the ideas snowballing, and I indulged in a taste of what I would love to go out in. Hair, clothes, piercings, the works… by the time I left, I needed a cold shower to bring my temperature back to normal! As it is, I stand outside the building that I call home for another two weeks, making sure no one’s at the window before allowing myself to admire my handiwork once more, this time through the photos I took, which I then feel a need to fan myself with before stepping inside. They wanted a head shot, body shot and free shot, so that’s what I got, with a little caption scribbled on the back. I can’t believe what I managed to do with him, but I walk back inside with the smuggest grin I’ve worn in a long time.
“Oh, here he is,” comes Kii’s friendly greeting. “You got the photos?”
“Aye,” I grin, “I got the photos.”
“Let’s have a look then!” he coaxes, plucking them from my hand as they all gather on the couch. I just watch silently, enjoying the moment their jaws fall open almost simultaneously.
You can't see it very well, but there's an eyebrow ring in there somewhere too.
I'd love to wear something like that when I'm older! I bet Dad would too!
Still reading, but at least this time it's a book and not a comic 
“Oh – my – God!!”
I proudly polish my nails on my shirt as they all gawk at first the photos, then me.
“How??” Zamir utters.
I tap my temple before speaking again. “Imagination,” I reply, “The ladies were drooling by the time I’d finished with him.”
“I’ll bet!” Alec remarks, “Great job!”
“Thanks!” I grin, before walking off whistling. Funny how the day can start off so crap and end so well, even if it was just a task set by the show that did it.
