He seemed to walk over like nothing had happened.
The frog in my throat seemed to choke me as I could smell his cologne – a woody scent that seemed to stick to the back of the nose.
God I wish I could have hugged him. His muscles flexed as he walked.
‘Dane...’ I managed to say.
‘Hey babe, I thought I’d find you around here. Mia told me not to come and see you but I had to. I just wanted to come to the first scan with you’ Dane casually said.
He made it sound like nothing had happened between us. I also assumed that Mia must be the lady that was on the phone earlier... his new ‘girl’.
My mood slumped.
‘Well you’ve missed the first scan. I had that this morning.’ I replied quite rudely.
‘I’m sorry I stuffed up Al. I love you. I always have. Come back to Texas?’ he pleaded.
I walked away, got to a fire escape and stood next to it. I desperately wanted to but even if I did I knew at the bottom of my heart that he wouldn’t love me back. Would he?
I turned around – he’d followed me. Dane smiled at me. I missed that smile, but I knew he looked at Mia that way too.
Pains shot across my chest – so this is what it felt like to be stuck between a rock and a hard place.
‘Don’t look at me like that’ I told him bluntly.
‘Like what? Like I love you?’ he replied.
It made me feel sick, just thinking that he could still say that and think that it didn’t hurt me.
‘Just go’ I said, I didn’t even mean it but I raised my arm ‘Please?’
‘But...But...’ Dane said as he tried to change my mind.
‘Go!’ I yelled.
‘But I love you. Come back?’
‘I wish I could but I can’t so please just go?’ I said nearly in tears because of my heightened emotions.
‘Why?’ he asked.
‘Because... Because, I need to find someone who loves me for me. Not some cheat whose baby I just happen to be carrying. I’d abort but my morals can’t justify it. Need to find myself, ok?’
Dane’s face seemed to understand – but I knew he didn’t.
‘GO!’ I pleaded ‘Please, if you really loved me – you’d leave...’
* * *
All the way home I cried. I needed him so much - For my sake and my unborn baby's.
I decided I should avoid the stress of Dane and try move on with my life.
I sat in my kitchen on top of the counter – non alcoholic wine on the electric hob of the cooker, and a tub of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream to my right.
‘This is the best way to drown your sorrows’ I tried to convince myself.
I seriously needed to talk to Jade.
‘Go join a class or something – that might take your mind of men for a while’ Jade suggested.
I don’t know whether I should or not – I’ve always been bad at attending these clubs.
‘I guess I could...’ I said half heartedly.
‘Go online. I’m sure there’s plenty of classes listed’ Jade added as she pointed to my computer in the corner.
‘Cooking.... Cleaning.... flower arranging’ I said as I browsed the site I was on.
None of them seemed to interest me. I’d always wanted to do something with my hands but I couldn’t see anything that even suggested anything like that.
‘Pottery. Perfect!’ I said excited at the idea that I’d finally found something that interested me.
I doubt there’ll be any guys there that I will even be vaguely interested in. Most likely geeks and freaks. But there won’t be Dane so that’s good enough for me!
A week later the class I enrolled for started and I got the last pottery wheel available next to a peculiar man at the back of the room.
‘Brilliant’ I thought as I crafted the wet clay under my hands.
The guy next to me started to look familiar.
I swear I knew him from somewhere...
Surely... it couldn't be...
