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Chapter Four: Cool Catchy Chapter Name Goes HereSnow. The bane of my existence. Most people like snow. I’m not one of those. Especially when my ‘home’ doesn’t have walls or a roof. I was pretty sure my
dear friend ESG didn’t control the weather (though I wouldn’t put it past him) so it seemed nature was against me too. Well, I can assure you, the feeling was mutual.
Benjamin’s invasion had some advantages. Well, three exactly.
1) it provided an excellent excuse to go shopping for some much needed retail therapy (hey, it was an enclosed building with central heating). Ah, bliss.
2) Benjamin of course, was subjected to my excellent fashion sense and a decent haircut. He didn’t turn out half bad. It seemed I had some talent. Maybe I should have pursued a career in the beauty industry? No, I loved my culinary pursuits and ample wages too much to give it up. As for Benji, there was still the rather prominent issue of his nose, which no amount of makeup could fix. Still, he at least had a killer outfit.
Thirdly, he added his sizable fortune (a cool 19,000 simoleans to be exact) to mine. That certainly sweetened the deal. I
had been planning to shell out for a whole new wardrobe, but as usual ESG ruined my perfectly sensible plans. I hadn’t realised what was going on until he’d already finished. One moment I was stamping my numb feet in the snow, wondering whether or not I should huddle with beak-nose for warmth (a moment of weakness, I admit) then: BAM. I was staring at the suspicious structure that was supposed to be my new home. The nerve of it!
Ok, I was a tiny bit grateful to have four walls and something covering my head, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to let ESG know that. He had an ulterior motive, I was sure of it. This was the devil incarnate, and he didn’t do things out of the kindness of his black, empty heart. Sure enough, his motive manifested that very night when beak-nose and I were talking. With horror, I noticed he was slowly getting down on one knee…Oh please no! “Kit Simons, you are the love of my life. Will you… Marry me?” I admit, I hesitated in my refusal. He had been chivalrous and kind, but he’d also been a slob and didn’t appreciate
my beautifully cooked food (cheek!). “Beak… I mean, er, Ben, I don’t think…” I was halfway through when ESG (of bloody course) snuck in. Then my mouth wasn’t my own. “Of course I’ll marry you Benji!” and I’m ashamed to say the smile was only half-faked.
Changing my hair gave me a welcome distraction… But not for long. I really had to find a solution to the whole ESG possession thing, because it was starting to compromise my future children (yes I had come to terms with it). If ESG’s purpose for me was to… ah,
procreate, beak-nose wasn’t exactly the best candidate for it. I figured if I gave ESG what he wanted (the future generation) I had a chance of making it out of this place. I just didn’t want to make little pixel babies with beak-nose. It wasn’t personal, it was just, he was so messy and then that
nose… Ok, it was a little personal. What can I say? It’s for the benefit of my future children.
My efforts to get him to break off the engagement proved fruitless. I tried to drive him to madness by constantly interrupting his reading, acting like the perfect idiotic sim. “Hey Ben! Look, I’m reading too!” No such luck. He simply smiled his goofy smile. Ugh.
Then I acquired a computer and sent fake love e-mails to myself from various ‘boyfriends’ and what did he say? “It’s nice you’re making such
enthusiastic friends, Kit.” If I didn’t know better, I’d say he knew I’d made it up, and thought I was trying to make him jealous to get him to pay more attention to me. But he was too much a dim-witted sim for that, right?
I even cut off my hair, because beak-nose always said he loved my long, brown hair and a new outfit - he hated purple. But no, he was even happier with my new ‘do, said purple looked good on me (well it did) and for the first time he ate one of my omelets. What was happening?!
Just when I thought beak-nose had changed into a more intelligent pixel man (influenced by the one and only) I was proved wrong. It was the middle of winter and he decided he’d take a ‘refreshing’ dip. In the sea. That almost had a layer of ice over it from the cold. Refreshing, all right.
It was sunny that day, and even I ventured out to the balcony to brush up on my creativity, as I was moving up in the culinary field. I was enjoying it so much I didn’t realize how dark it had gotten until I looked up, the sun had set long ago.
I saw something pale move from the corner of my eye, and turned my head to see Benjamin staggering out of the sea, his skin tinged a worrying grey, enough to make me a little concerned.
I started going down the stairs, onto the beach, thinking he better get inside before he caught pneumonia or something… Then he started convulsing. I ran towards him, and heard my voice calling his name hysterically, but my mind was in denial. Surely, he’d just fainted from cold.
I was too late. Ben wasn’t unconscious… He... was… Dead. It was ESG who had neglected him –not on purpose, since he’d been determined Ben would father the next generation-, he’d died from cold and starvation. Benjamin had been ugly, annoying, messy and a pain. I’d wanted him gone, but not dead.
”What a pity. Not to worry, there are plenty more uglier
fish in the sea.” ESG chuckled at his own lame pun. There wasn’t even a hint of remorse or guilt in his voice, even though it was completely
his fault. It dawned on me however, that for once he was right. There
were plenty of fish in the sea. Ben’s death had been a blessing in disguise… The legacy wasn’t doomed to ugly children yet...!
My new optimism for other fishes fizzled out pretty quickly. The male pickings were slim. They were either ugly enough to make beak-nose look like a gift to genetics, or had taken a few more happy pills than the rest of us, like this one.
And that was just looks; I hadn’t even started on the personality traits. Ruling out sloppy, lazy, and ones unappreciative of gourmet cooking certainly narrowed down my options – this one looked ok, but he was too anxious. I was anxious enough. It was all too much effort, and I slumped home disheartened.
Marylena offered me grief counseling, though I was better off than I let on. I managed to convince her the first steps towards healing my grief was to give her a makeover, and hopefully fix the creepy blue-grey tint to her skin. That brought back unpleasant memories of the previous nights events.
If I wasn’t so in love with food, I would definitely consider beauty as a career path. Surprisingly, prettifying Marylena did make me feel better, and she was pleased with it. Now we had both gained promotions, smell was no longer an issue and now she’d had her hair done properly, she was a good catch for the pixel men. Maybe we could even go sim-hunting together. Hope was not lost yet.
Ah, who am I kidding? I was going to remain alone for the rest of my existence in this accursed place. No sim would ever love me. No sim would ever marry me. No sim would ever be good enough to father my future children. I was going to die an old, barren spinster. –sob-
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