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Author Topic: *******REMOVED BY AUTHOR*******  (Read 6264 times)
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Hammie
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« on: January 10, 2010, 03:22:56 pm »

*Removed by author due to gernal suckishness and low self esteem* tongue
« Last Edit: March 29, 2010, 03:11:10 pm by Ienjoyhamsandwiches » Logged
Hammie
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« Reply #1 on: January 10, 2010, 03:28:12 pm »

I do not know when I can get the next chapter up. I hope I can get pictures up. But I've got to take some. I have got a lot of schoolwork also. Please tell me if you like/didn't like my story. Thanks so much. :smile:
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Theraven
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« Reply #2 on: January 10, 2010, 03:42:54 pm »

Looks good as a beginning Smiley

Pictures - make an account on Photobucket, Tinypic or some other image host. Upload the picture, and then paste in the link with the [img] tags around it wherever you want it in the text. It's not harder than that Smiley

And you should probably part up the text a bit more (At least jumping down to the next line whenever someone talks). Two big blocks of text isn't very comfortable for the eyes... Undecided

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My site:

Little Fire Burning - Chapter 85 out

~Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain~
Hammie
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« Reply #3 on: January 10, 2010, 05:28:44 pm »

Thanks! I'll remember that. cool
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Hammie
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« Reply #4 on: January 10, 2010, 06:46:20 pm »

*Edited- No more double post*

Minor Update:
I'm not sure about adding pictures yet- because the Sim Blender has been causing conflicts with my Inteenimater so I'm in the process of removing the buggy files, scanning for any other conflicting hacks, and reading every error log and hack report I can find.  tongue I promise I'll let you lot know when you can expect pictures.
 YAY
« Last Edit: January 12, 2010, 07:45:13 pm by Ienjoyhamsandwiches » Logged
Theraven
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« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2010, 07:05:54 pm »

(And you should probably keep from double posting. If the chapter is supposed to continue with the text in that other post, then all you have to do is to use the edit button Wink)
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My site:

Little Fire Burning - Chapter 85 out

~Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain~
Hammie
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« Reply #6 on: January 10, 2010, 09:12:59 pm »

Thanks so much. I REALLY appricate all your help. I feel so blond  Cheesy
I will post correctly in the next bit of the story.
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Bookfreak
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« Reply #7 on: January 11, 2010, 04:35:01 pm »

Really good , cant wait to read more Grin
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Hammie
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« Reply #8 on: January 24, 2010, 04:39:53 pm »

-Something happened to the pix, sorry!-
« Last Edit: March 09, 2010, 04:49:29 pm by Ienjoyhamsandwiches » Logged
Zorom
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« Reply #9 on: January 25, 2010, 12:02:27 pm »

Uhm...I have really bad eyesight and those paragraphs didn't help at all.
Maybe try this - everytime someone says something, put it on a new line.
For example...
"Ellie, hey, are you alright?" Lola asked, waving her left hand in front of my glasses. I brushed back my unkept caramel hair and huffed my bangs out of my eyes. "I'm fine, Lola, what's up?" Lola's face fell as she brushed my hair out of my face. "You've been standing there for five minutes, Els. One of your eyes rolled back." I blinked, getting my eye proper again.
could be changed to...

"Ellie, hey, are you alright?" Lola asked, waving her left hand in front of my glasses. I brushed back my unkept caramel hair and huffed my bangs out of my eyes.
"I'm fine, Lola, what's up?" Lola's face fell as she brushed my hair out of my face.
"You've been standing there for five minutes, Els. One of your eyes rolled back." I blinked, getting my eye proper again.
"There. Let's go, then." 
"Wait," Lola sighed, gripping my shoulder. I turned.
"Ellie, you look paler, and those purple rings around your eyes look darker. Do you feel ill? You're fourteen and only weigh ninety pounds. I'm worried about you." I shook my head.
"I'm okay, really. It's just all the cramming for the maths test."

This makes it A LOT easier to read. Especially for me.
It's a great story otherwise. Smiley i look forward to new updates.
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caffeinated.joy
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« Reply #10 on: January 25, 2010, 01:09:09 pm »

Actually using proper paragraph structure just makes it easier for everyone to read. It gives it better flow and makes it clearer who is saying what and which action is attributed to what speech. As has been said before, every time the verbal focus switches should start a new paragraph. Please don't think we're all just tearing you apart. Our goal here is to help you. You've created some great imagery in your writing but, unfortunately, most people would just give up and move to a different story. I'd like to suggest an alternative edit to Zorom's. Smiley

"Ellie, hey, are you alright?" Lola asked, waving her left hand in front of my glasses.

I brushed back my unkept caramel hair and huffed my bangs out of my eyes. "I'm fine, Lola, what's up?"

Lola's face fell as she brushed my hair out of my face. "You've been standing there for five minutes, Els. One of your eyes rolled back."

I blinked, getting my eye proper again. "There. Let's go, then."

"Wait," Lola sighed, gripping my shoulder. I turned. "Ellie, you look paler, and those purple rings around your eyes look darker. Do you feel ill? You're fourteen and only weigh ninety pounds. I'm worried about you."

I shook my head. "I'm okay, really. It's just all the cramming for the maths test."


Whatever a person says and their associated action is its own paragraph. Smiley


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Hammie
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« Reply #11 on: January 25, 2010, 05:33:42 pm »

Thank you both. I will be sure to remember that when posting the next chapter. Thanks for the constructive critism, everyone!  Wink
*I've declumped it for all of you, hopefully it'll be easier on your peepers!*
« Last Edit: January 25, 2010, 06:04:04 pm by Ienjoyhamsandwiches » Logged
Zorom
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« Reply #12 on: January 28, 2010, 12:11:38 pm »

Thank you so much, much easier to read now!
That was a cute chapter. Smiley
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Hammie
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« Reply #13 on: January 31, 2010, 12:58:15 pm »

Not a problem! I'm glad your enjoying it! Cheesy
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Hammie
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« Reply #14 on: February 21, 2010, 10:43:14 am »

(I'm not bumping)

I am SO sorry I've been so lazy everyone. I've fixed the format of it so it should be less difficult to read.  cool
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