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Author Topic: Always tell your loved ones........  (Read 3524 times)
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FrankP
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« on: May 16, 2010, 11:11:05 pm »

I recently lost my father, age 63, to small cell lung cancer,only 47 months after I lost my mom to the same disease. His passing has been a lil easier on me,as mom's softened the blow to me and my two sisters.Needless to say, its still hard to go through at any age, my being 37, and my siblings 45 & 30, and especially hard on my grandmother on my dad's side, who now has outlived all her siblings, two husbands, and her only child. So, gang, take the time to chill with your family.
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Carlwashere
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« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2010, 06:07:35 am »

Will do.
That's sad though, outliving pretty much everyone around you.  Undecided
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« Reply #2 on: May 17, 2010, 11:02:57 pm »

I understand exactly what you mean, and I'm sorry for your losses.  Family is nothing to take for granted.  One of my cousins passed last week, and he was just buried today.  We were just less than 10 years apart in age, so it was a real shocker.  I didn't think last Thanksgiving would be the last time I'd ever see my cousin alive, and I wish I could have had that connection to him like everyone else in my generation did. 

So just to tack on to what you said, bionix:  Don't ever put off telling someone you care about them.  You never really know if you'll be able to get that chance again... living with regrets like that can feel much heavier than remembering a loved one's impact on your life. 
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« Reply #3 on: May 17, 2010, 11:47:46 pm »

It's too easy taking it for granted that people will stick around for eternity. They won't, and you can't know for how long.

My brother's death tore up a lot inside my family, and also inside me. He was my best friend back then, and I was too little to realize exactly what was happening. With all the problems that came afterward, the fact that I lost my brother laid underneath it all, and made feelings and everything else into a mess. It took a lot of time to get through it, but it's easier to deal with now than for just a few years ago. I wish I had gotten the chance to get to know him better, but I hope he knew I loved him.

I don't think I realized how much I appreciated my mother until I moved out. She has always been one of my closest, and I love her more than anyone else in my life. Lately I've started to show her how much I appreciate her. Bake buns when I'm home for a visit, write cards with beautiful poems to her, and tell her I care about her as often as I can. I hope she'll be around until she has great-great-grandchildren (at least), and she sure has the genes (her gran was 90-something when she passed away, her mom was in her mid-eighties). But you can never be too sure. So I make sure she now knows how much I appreciate her, instead of just assuming she knows...

When gran got stomach cancer, she turned very ill, and we thought she would die right there and then. But the tough old lady got better, and stuck around for three more years. I wish I was better at visiting her, but I did see her every weekend when I was home from school. She meant a lot to me, but I spent a lot of time with her both before and after she got sick. A lot of my childhood was spent in her house in that huge garden, and at the kitchen where we cooked or played games. I sat holding her hand when she died. And strangely enough, I was at peace with it. She had struggled and been in pain, and barely recognized us the final two weeks or so. I was sad and cried a lot, but it was as though everything was said and done between us. I knew that she knew how much I loved her, and I know how much she cared about me. It felt... ok... that she finally was at peace.

Not long ago, it turned out my last living grandfather might have cancer. I've never had much contact with him, but I did spend a weekend at their place while I was moving back home for the holiday. I sat down and talked with him, for several hours. And I realized I had never gotten to know him. He had so much interesting to tell about his life, that I just thought "why haven't I just talked with him before?" I knew him as a calm, quiet person who never said much. He might still be some of that person I knew him as, but now I know something of what's behind that shell, too. And I do hope I get the chance to talk more with him.

Show your appreciation while people are still alive. Do it when they're happy and healthy, and while their lives are great. They might need it more later, but the sad truth is that "later" might turn out to be "too late".
« Last Edit: May 17, 2010, 11:54:26 pm by theraven » Logged

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« Reply #4 on: June 10, 2010, 08:31:39 pm »

I know what you all are going through as I recently lost my mother to metastatic breast cancer which spread to her entire body. She was 44 when she died, which in my opinion was too young to die. This event tore my heart in two because I lost one of the special person's in my life and I never got the chance to say goodbye, and I don't know if the pain will ever go away. I am so miserable I could just cry right now but I won't because even though I'm a man I will stay strong and keep my mother's memory alive forever. even when I have my own family I might name my own daughter after my mother Candace Marie Howell. She fought for a few years until the cancer finally got to her. I am going to seek a psychiatrist to help me out with the grieving process. I recently finished a grief program at my high school but that hasn't helped any. I think that I am going to need to talk to a professional about what I am going through.  In the  month of November my uncle Rich committed suicide and will no longer walk the earth in a physical body but we will still have his spirit. My mother always believed in life after death and I think I will carry out that belief until I am dead and buried or cremated.
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« Reply #5 on: June 10, 2010, 09:03:01 pm »

The pain never goes totally away, we just become accustomed to living with it over time. I say this as someone that lost their mother when they were only seven years old and the woman in question was forty-two. I lost my dad three years ago to cancer, as well as my brother a few months later from Michado-Joseph disease. My cat died two days before my dad, so I figured the old boy (he was nineteen) went ahead to shed on my dad's recliner in the afterlife so he'd feel at home. Doesn't mean I don't think about them or miss them or hurt about it, though, even if I'm forty-four years old. But, as long as I have my memories of them, they are with me each and every day.
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« Reply #6 on: June 10, 2010, 11:53:21 pm »

Losing both my mother and brother just last year stays with me as Paden said. Let the love you had for him comfort you Bionix.

One thing I am very grateful for is having had the opportunity to tell my mother just how much she meant to me. She had actualy called to apologize for not being a better mother!

Long story but in a nutshell a sibling had the nerve to make her feel unworthy in her hours of illness advising her to call & apologize and seek forgiveness from everyone. Her first call to me with this plea resulted in me calling the entire family far and wide (while she was talking to my spouse and children) to let them know of the tearful conversation and what caused it.

Everyone, right down to great-great grands (who were in their late teens), that heard this outrageous infomation turned each and everyone of those phone calls she made into just what she needed--love and praises and telling her how blessed they feel to have her and to have had her so long as a mother, grandmother & friend.

Some family she hadn't heard from in ages and may not have but for this outrage that made them drop everything and call (even from overseas, deployed) to be sure she knew how much she meant to all of us, reached out to her.  What one person used as one last strike at her on her deathbed turned into a reason for us all to be thankful--we all (over 70 of us) got to spend our hour or so each laughing, loving and making sure that idea was wiped from her mind. Things we might have left unsaid forever poured from us freely.

Those moments laughing, sharing and saying everything I always should have said yet never got around to--comfort me daily now.
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marcolopez
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« Reply #7 on: June 12, 2010, 01:01:42 pm »

This is my mama's obituary god I miss her
 Cry                    
Candace *last name removed*

Published: Wednesday, November 18, 2009 10:09 AM PST
Candace *last name removed*, 44, died peacefully Nov. 12, 2009, after a determined and courageous battle with breast cancer.

A third-generation Whitefish native, Candace was born July 21, 1965, the eldest daughter of John and Phyllis *last name removed*. A 1983 graduate of Whitefish High School, she went on to graduate from the University of Montana where she met her best friend and future husband Stuart *last name removed*.

In March 1991, two beautiful premature babies were born into their family: Alec and Devon. Candace and Stuart made a formidable team and their boys came home in August of that year. Sadly, Devon died just before his fourth birthday.
Once she knew the battle she faced, Candace stated, "I have cancer, but it doesn't have me. If the doctors have something to report, I'll be out riding my bike." Until recently, she lived each day to the fullest. She was determined to see Alec graduate from high school in 2010, but her body betrayed her.

Candace was preceded in death by grandparents Louise and Leroy *last name removed* and Alta *last name removed*; uncle James *last name removed*; and brother-in-law Richard *last name removed*.

She is survived by her husband Stuart; son Alec; parents Jack and Phyllis *last name removed*; sister Cindy *last name removed*; uncles Charles *last name removed* and wife Robin, of St. Helens, Ore., and Rodney *last name removed* and wife Candace, of Columbia Falls; aunt Hazel *last name removed* and husband Robert, of Joplin; father- and mother-in-law William and Patricia *last name removed*, of Gold Canyon, Ariz.; sisters-in-law Karen *last name removed* and husband Ray, of Colorado Springs, Colo., and Carol *last name removed* and husband William, of The Hague, Netherlands; brother-in-law Steven *last name removed* and wife Toni, of Washington, D.C.; special friends Jennifer *last name removed*, Zana *last name removed*, Sandy *last name removed* and Darrell *last name removed*; and numerous other family members and friends.

A celebration of life will be held at the *address removed*, on Saturday, Nov. 21, at 5 p.m.

Memorials may be made to *personal information removed*.
« Last Edit: June 12, 2010, 06:04:13 pm by caffeinated.joy » Logged
caffeinated.joy
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« Reply #8 on: June 12, 2010, 06:03:37 pm »

Once again, please do not put full names and addresses (or any other personal information) of yourself or anyone else up on a publicly viewable forum. It's just not safe practice. I have removed all last names and addresses in your post. The next time, it will be your post that's removed.
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