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Author Topic: CityVille Limits ~Sneak peak~  (Read 3311 times)
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Dmcclure1
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« on: August 21, 2009, 07:53:54 pm »

Ok so this is a Sneak peak to my upcoming Sim story Cheesy Enjoy!

*Plays intro music*
"Wow Junior year already" Joey says to Cody on the way to school.
"yea, it went fast. Haha" Cody replies.

As the bus pulls up to the school Joey says
 "You know, ive never really looked at our school"
"Really?" Cody asks.
"yea really, ive always just been eager to leave the moment i step off the bus."
"well you can look at it but im hungry so i'll catch up with you later." Cody replied as he walked through the doors of the high school.

As Joey stood there gazing at the rather old and ugly building he couldnt help but remember the good times he had there.

The tardy bell rings as Joey walks in the basement homeroom classroom. He sits down and their teacher, Mr. Rhodes promptly begins telling them their schedule for the day.
"Ok, good morning and welcome back everyone. Im Mr. Rhodes I teach biology." Mr. Rhodes continued "The Schedual for today is.. First Ten minuets of homeroom, and a half an hour in your other classes. Tomorrow will be a normal day."
And that was that the bell rang, we lefet the classroom, and tomorrow will be a normal day...
« Last Edit: August 21, 2009, 08:10:11 pm by Dmcclure1 » Logged

Zorom
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« Reply #1 on: August 22, 2009, 06:16:02 am »

OK. Its an interesting start, I like it. But a bit short, maybe? Remember to use full stops, and stick to the past tense (The bells rings as Joey walks into the classroom would change to "The bell rang as Joey walked into the classroom."
And remember to give your characters depth. Give them feelings, fears, wishes, loves, hates, e.t.c.
I cant wait to see what you'll come up with, good luck!!  YAY
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SenkoTwiik
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« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2009, 12:03:28 pm »

I can't wait to read more. I love your classroom scene, very realistic. The kids are all not paying attention. Hehe, reminds me of my school.
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Dmcclure1
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« Reply #3 on: August 22, 2009, 05:49:44 pm »

OK. Its an interesting start, I like it. But a bit short, maybe? Remember to use full stops, and stick to the past tense (The bells rings as Joey walks into the classroom would change to "The bell rang as Joey walked into the classroom."
And remember to give your characters depth. Give them feelings, fears, wishes, loves, hates, e.t.c.
I cant wait to see what you'll come up with, good luck!!  YAY
Well this was just a sneak peak i didnt want to give away too much about the characters, you'll learn more about them when the real story hit.
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