1000 Things I've learned from watching action movies

[SenkoTwiik]

115. There's always an attractive woman that's had a hard past and is willing to act like a whore in order to put it behind her.

116. The villain is never poor. He always has a multi-million dollar lair.

117. The "hero" sleeps with a lot of people...and will NEVER get an std or child-support.

118. At least one person in the movie has an English accent.

[Carlwashere]

119. The hottest female agent is always resisting her sudden and uncontrollable love for the hero. Even if controlling her emotions is her entire job description.
120. Unattractive or normal looking girls can't work for the government.
121. Bullets avoid the hero like a vegetarian avoids meat.
122. Everyone who works for the government has a gun. At all times.
123. The hero can get completely wasted one night, and be at 100% ready to go the next morning.

[SenkoTwiik]

124. In the movies, government guys can drink on the job.

125. All action guys order sissy drinks.

126. All action guys think "blending in" means wearing Armani.

[Carlwashere]

127. All our tax dollars go towards tuxedos and luxury sports cars.
128. It's not an action movie if it doesn't have a gun.

[soulofthesea]

129. Everybody seems to be really into jazz or classical music, even though rock n' roll or techno is often in the background during an epic car chase.

130. Lung cancer, STD's and alcoholism don't exsist.

[Ruffnut]

131. Rapier is now a gun.
132. You apparently must kiss it for good luck before going into the battle.
133. Ripping your vest off all dramatical and standing on your knees in the sand is cool
134. Strutting down the beach in 'sexy' manner is also cool.
( too much R+J, gentlemen XD guess which character I'm on about lol)
On subject other not recent action flix of mine

135. main guy/gal is as flxible as cooked spagetti.
136. main guy/gal is never a lousy lover.
137. main guy/gal must sleep with every one other wise it no movie

[SenkoTwiik]

138. There's always someone that demonstrates their weapons ability for absolutely no reason!

139. Museums always have an artifact that's protected by a laser grid.

[DaSpecial1]

140. Old, out-of-shape, recovering alcoholic agents are ideal for solving major crimes and may at times be the only one who can save the day.

141. When said agent does complete his hero stint, he gets a free pass to have a strong drink as a sort of "triumph/I earned this" move that never counts as going off the wagon. In fact it proves he's conquered the addiction.

142. All female federal agents (especially the pretty ones) must put their hair in a bun and wear plain black glasses.

[SenkoTwiik]

143. Of all said "plain black glasses" wearing women, NONE of them need their glasses. When the time comes to get into sexy spy outfit mode, the glasses always disappear.

144. No one ever needs to eat or go to the bathroom in action movies. Sometimes they go to restaurants, but only ever drink champagne or wine.

[DaSpecial1]

@143 how true!

144. b. If they do go to the bathroom it's only to look in the mirror or wash their hands before getting ambushed there.

145. All public & hotel bathrooms have windows to escape from.

146. Randomly when someone opens one of those bathroom windows they will find it has been bricked shut. No worries though, if that happens there will be a way into a ceiling vent to escape.

147. All ceiling vents can hold your average musclebound hero and his side kicks.

148. All tall buildings (no matter the architecture) have ledges wide enough to balance on for escape.

[soulofthesea]

149. The villian always has plans for world domination and/or nuking every major city in the world off the face of the Earth.

150. Nothing ever scares the hero.

150.b. If there's one thing that the hero's completely afraid of, it's nuclear war.

151. If you see the main hero lying lifeless, don't make plans for his funeral or obituary. He's most likely faking his death so he can make surprise attack on the villian.

152. It only takes one judo chop to knock a henchman down.

[Carlwashere]

153. The hero can take more bullets than 500 henchmen combined.
154. Don't expect any news stories on the explosive and loud car chase through the city with European supercars.
155. In fact, no one will even notice it.

[Ruffnut]

155 lol

156. there is always a car chase.
157. There is always a gun fight
158. main character never misses
159. Main character always recovers from anything.
160. Sex is always unprotected and without consequences

[Theraven]

161: There is always a pretty woman somewhere in the movie, who the hero falls in love with OR has to save OR falls in love with and has to save, and they will most likely do number 160 (or try to do it, anyway) at one point in the movie.

[Carlwashere]

162. Then said women is never heard from again in any of the sequels. Or any of the movies before also.