1000 Things I've learned from watching action movies

[Ruffnut]

206. Bullets are better then swords.
207. main guy always knows how to use every single weapon.
208. main guy is an alcoholic.
209. even if he drink world supply of alcohol, he won't get poisoned and he will be stable enough to jump through the lasers.

[soulofthesea]

210. If you're a spy, here are your chances of being British: 85%.

211. Out of all of the bad guys he fights, there's always one evil mastermind the hero has fought who is crazy-obsessed with gold and his crime always has something to do with gold.

212. Also, the said hero's most recent additions to his bad guy list are hackers.

[Theraven]

213: (cont. 211) ...or world domination

[soulofthesea]

214. If you're a criminal mastermind, and the hero breaks into your lair to stop your world domination plans, do not, I repeat, DO NOT put him in a situation where he can easily escape (yes, even the laser-beam-slicing-him-from-the crotch-up-while-tied-to-a-steel-table is easily-escapable). Just shoot him in the head!

215. Any assassin working for the bad guy's organization has terrible aim. Even a five year-old has better aim!

[Ruffnut]

216. Never hire sexy assassin chick as a lover. She will always get sudeced by good guy, dumped like trash and reveal your secerets. If she won't, she will get killed.

[soulofthesea]

217. Nine times out of ten, the hero's parents worked for the government, and were tragically killed during a very dangerous mission when the hero was very young (usually newborn to 2 years old).

218. After the hero's parents died in said mission, the government usually raises the young hero to be one of their top agents.

[SenkoTwiik]

219. Every single evil-mastermind is a loudmouth. When he catches the hero, he always tells his complete life story while waiting for the hero to die, including all the details of his diabolical plan.

[Theraven]

220: ...Which leaves the hero time to (a) come up with a plan to get away, (b) come up with a plan to neutralize the enemy, and (c) come up with some good insults and punchlines.

[Carlwashere]

221. Multiple options can, and often do, occur in 220. Frequently, all three options are carried out.

[soulofthesea]

222. If you're a spy, and your superior revokes your license to kill during an important mission(00 status (ex. 007)), don't worry. Just keep going with the mission, and you'll eventually get it back.

223. There's always one bad guy that's bald, wears a Mao suit, and is always stroking a white cat on the list of supervillians.

224. If you're a spy, and you decide to get married and quit being a spy, be extra careful during the first few days of your marriage!!! Seriously, you never know when your arch-enemy is going to pull off a sneak attack and kill your spouse, forcing you to come back to your secret agency to get revenge. This applies to female spies, too.

[baddboy]

225. If you have to dive into a dumpster from a tall building, make sure that the dumpster doesn't contain any bricks, concrete, asbestos or other building materials.

[fatedicewolf]

226. Always look at the ceiling before I lay down for bed. There's a ninja waiting to get me 

227. Always expect a boulder to chase you in ancient ruins

[Zooey]

228: Always keep nail clippers in your pocket/backpack/bag. They can be a useful weapon.
229:If you hear hissing, run as far as you can. It may be a rocket.
230: Don't begin to insult the kidnapper, it won't do you any good, it will make it even worse!

[Jenna]

231.) Duct tape, tube socks, and a coat hanger will save your life no matter what the situation.
232.) Just because you shot the bad guy in the head, blew up his hideout with him in it, and tossed a grenade in for extra measure doesn't mean he's dead.
233.) That rusty bottlecap you picked up is actually a high-tech tracking device. You're pretty much screwed now.

[DaSpecial1]

234. Bad guys may be a twin (or triplet) so if you kill him and then see him again don't be surprised.

235. If you did kill him and he was a twin (or more) expect all hell to break loose--his sibling will be on the rampage now.

236. Really bad guys usually have exotic pets: pythons, piranha, crocodiles etc., they're like required to have a pet that is capable of eating them or something.

237. Of course there's always the exception to that rule where the most villainous bad guy has a really fluffy cat or adorable little Pomeranian.  If you want this guy to give up all you have to do is threaten the dog/cat.  You can totally take out the best friend, kids, wife, or any other family member and he'll still be mean as ever--it won't phase him one bit, but threaten the little fluffy one and he'll cave in a second.

238. If you're the hero be sure to always have a sidekick. You need someone to crack the really bad jokes & stall for time by getting his hind-end kicked while you save the day.