1000 Things I've learned from watching action movies

[SenkoTwiik]

239. No one ever tries to open the door before kicking it off of its hinges.

[DaSpecial1]

231.) Duct tape, tube socks, and a coat hanger will save your life no matter what the situation.

*Adds chewing gum and a chocolate bar to that list*

233.) That rusty bottlecap you picked up is actually a high-tech tracking device. You're pretty much screwed now.

That reminds me:

240. If a stranger bumps into you or hugs you then claims it was accidental--check yourself from head to toe for a tracking device/minute microphone. Strip if you have to.

[HylianWolf]

wow, all the movies I've seen has had each of those in it at some point

(adding to 217:) or the hero's parents could have been killed in an unfortunate vacation accident, with the outcome being the same.

241: Don't worry about little details like weapons functioning properly or casings being ejected. For all the viewers know, they could be rubber toys.

242: All weapons including pistols and other small capacity guns rarely seem to hold a realistic amount of ammo, taking forever to change clips or lack thereof. Most cases are that weapons have bottomless ammunition.

243: The hero and or heroine finds him or herself in a situation where they fight some exotic animal and or narrowly escape being eaten by said exotic animal.

244: Neither hero nor villain show fatigue from fight scenes until either one is on his or her back and claiming victory.

245: EVERYONE knows at least one type of martial arts

246: Forget the keys, the hero always knows how to hotwire cars.

[SenkoTwiik]

(245 is SO TRUE)

[DaSpecial1]

Yes it is Senko which brings this to mind:

247. True villains have their own honor code & would never lower themselves to merely shooting a hero.  They must use hand to hand combat to prove how superior they are.

[SenkoTwiik]

248. It's possible to accurately shoot not one but TWO guns whilst jumping through the air.
249. If a cop is kicked off the force at some point in the movie, saving the day automatically gets him back on.
250. Being propelled by explosions doesn't cause any lasting injuries.
251. Jumping through a glass window or door doesn't hurt at all.
252. If there's a slutty woman with an accent that is suddenly taken with the hero, he should run. She's always a spy.

[DaSpecial1]

253. If the action happens in ancient ruins the hero will at some point have to escape/save his life by sliding down a waterfall.

254. This waterfall will exist even if the action occurs in a desert.

255. If the action occurs in a city this slide will most likely be changed to a jump from a dam, not matter what country you're in (I never knew there were so many dams in the world).

256. The hero will always survive the jump or slide no matter how high the waterfall or dam is.

257. He may have a female that he's trying to rescue with him. In that case she will also survive those leaps.

[HylianWolf]

258: No matter what the situation is, the hero always has some corny one-liner to say.

259: The hero can operate vehicles or weapons without prior knowledge or training. Most cases are that the controls of vehicles such as helicopters or tanks are seemingly very easy to operate.

260: Every so often, you will open a door and find people doing combat and martial arts training in a building that would suggest that rooms such as those wouldn't exist.

261: Despite evidence that bullets (even the giant .50 caliber round) fragment when shot into water, they can still kill you and travel fully intact underwater.

262: Get creative with your kills. It's not enough to shoot enemies or beat them up, go that extra mile and thrown them into something that will shock them, eat them, chop them into tiny bloody bits, vaporize them, or blow them up with a rocket.

[Theraven]

263: (cont. from 262) ...which will give the hero time to escape yet again.

264: No matter how many rounds the enemy fires at the hero, he will always escape alive (if not always unharmed). He fires one bullet at each enemy companion, and they fall like flies.

[HylianWolf]

265 (adding to 264): ...Even if said bullet is the smallest possible caliber that should at best wound someone.

[DaSpecial1]

232.) Just because you shot the bad guy in the head, blew up his hideout with him in it, and tossed a grenade in for extra measure doesn't mean he's dead.

On that same note:

266. Though the bad guy can withstand any type of injuries and even crawl with half a body and a blown up arm to get you, he has a few places you can injure him that will absolutely make him cry like a baby & give up. Here are two of them:

1. Shoot him in the shin. He will immediately grab his shin and fall down yelping like a puppy.

2.  Stab/shoot his toe--same reaction plus a bonus confession.

[Theraven]

267: Despite being an effective dirty trick, enemies rarely hit the (male) hero between the legs. That's one of the only dirty tricks the hero is allowed to use, which the enemy never seem to do. It will get an enemy down in knee-standing - not always for long, but usually long enough to get away.

268: The hero always have some physological weakness, whether it's a person (wife or husband, child, friend...), an addiction of some sort, or a trauma in their past. No matter what it is, the weakness either turns into a strength, or gets the hero up in trouble. Usually both (but not at the same time, of course).

[SenkoTwiik]

269. Everything is either done at the last minute or not at all.

[HylianWolf]

270: Compact, yet somewhat heavy weapons can be easily fired single-handed and still be able to control recoil (like rifles, machine guns, SMGs, and grenade launchers).

271: When under fire, hide behind something. Chances are that even thin materials can stop bullets and protect you (except glass).

272: Glass will completely shatter when shot.

 

[DaSpecial1]

273. Bullets deflect off of surfaces a lot more than we ever realized.

274. Deflection rate increases if:

       a. The hero needs the bullet to ricochet in order to get the bad guy(s).
       b. The hero needs to be saved by said deflection.

275. The bullet can bounce off of any number of items to get the bad guy(s).  (Doesn't matter
           what type of bullet it is)

276. The hero will always be surprised by this and laugh checking himself for injuries.

277. Formerly addicted persons will be cured by acts of heroism.

278. Alcohol can be quite handy if you want legendary martial arts skills.